A day touring

SOLDIER!
What now...?
I brought an acquaintance of mine, just so you can know him.
What kind of acquaintance?
Come in, man.
Hello there, young lad. General has spoken a lot about you.
Yeah, I believe so...
At first I was skeptical about such a young and unexperienced one like you, to deserve such attention.
What? Attention?
Come on general, tell him what you told me.
Well, the thing is, we came to an agreement, you deserve something for your efforts, soldier.
That's not the whole truth, general.
Oh come on...
Heh, still tough I can see. What my friend here is so reluctant to say, is that you should be rewarded.
I'm sorry sir but, wasn't that exactly what he just said?
Oh, yes, but you should know who defended the idea of rewarding you. When he reported to me your efforts and said you should be rewarded, my reaction was simple, no. I said that even though you perhaps have put all your strength in your duty, the final result was merely... average. You should have seen this man's eyes as I said these very words about your outcome. It's been a long time since I saw his eyes like that, he said "excuse me sir, I dare you to do better". There has to be something different in you.
He... said that?
Maybe I did, not with these words though, who knows...
Come on general, my memory never fails me. I'll keep an eye on you, young one. I have to go now, see you later general.
Alright... sir...
He speaks too much, doesn't he?
Well, sir, I thought he... spoke just what he had to.
DO NOT RUIN THINGS FOR YOU, SOLDIER!
Al... alright sir, understood. May I ask, what's my... reward?


I can't believe we are going to the city, see all those christmas lights and all those christmas adornments and the trees and the reindeers and...
Hey, who said you are going?
But I, I helped you studying!
Pretending to be a viking? Charging for a pizza I did not order?
Well, I helped you in ways your mind is not ready to understand...
Bullcrap.
Hah! FOUL WORD! Bring me to the tour or I'll tell general that you... said bad things to me.
Why would he believe you?
'Cause I have recorded this talk, see?
"Bullcrap... Bullcrap... Buuuuull"
Holy... you monster!
But a monster that will see the christmas decorations!
One day I'll show you who's in charge here...
Maybe maybe, let's get ready for now!


I can't believe I'm taking that idiot with me...
HEY, YOU!
HOLY CRAP! Are you trying to scare me to death??
ARE YOU REAAAADY TO ROCK!?
Please, could you act normal, for once?
This is my normal. I'm alive and rocking.
Whatever, let's just go. And do not do these air guitar things in public please.
Okay, but just because you said the magic word.


Look! I didn't even know we had such christmas decorations near home!
Yeah, and that's just the beginning, we are going on a tour until we get to the real thing.
What's the real thing?
There's a big tree at the center of the city, with luminous effects all around. And they've built a "christmas city" near it.
A CHRISTMAS CITY?
Uhm, yep.
OH MY GOD, WE'LL SEE SNOW AND SNOWMANS AND... GIANT SNOWMANS?
I don't think so, they did not change the climate so it could snow...
Wah... boring...
Oh come on, there'll be lots of these decorations you love so much.
You don't like the decorations and the lights?
Well I...
YOU HATE CHRISTMAS?! YOU MONSTER!
I did not say that!
I read that on your face! YOU HATE CHRISTMAS!
Shut up, I don't, I just don't show it like those crazy people.
You're the one crazy in here, why don't you show you like christmas?


Can you believe this? WE'RE NEAR THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CHRISTMAS TREE EVER MADE!
Yeah, it's very cool.
I'LL CLIMB IT, MAYBE I CAN FIND SANTA CLAUS OVER THE TOP!
Are you nuts?? Get down here!
Hey, why did you pull me? I could have fallen with my head on the floor and then I would have died and then...
Enough.
Boring!
Come, the town is right there.
OH MY GOD! IS SANTA CLAUS THERE??
May... COME HERE, DO NOT RUN LIKE THAT YOU FREAK!


I doubt they eat popcorns on the real "christmas town".
Still, you're eating it.
Yeah but, I'm not into the real one.
Stop complaining, you were like a total weirdo inside the town. Kids younger than you weren't doing such childish things.
But... it's christmas...
Sure. Whatever.


We did not come through this way...
Yeah I know, but I want to see some other areas of the city, there's some parts we did not see.
So, we are going to see more decorations??
Yep.
NICE! COME ON, LET'S GO! RUN!
I can't believe my calm tour turned into this...


Home sweet home! We should go through these tours everyday!
General would kill me (if I didn't kill myself first...).
Time to sleep! Good night!
Yeah, good night.


What the fuck is that over my bed? Great, now not only he ruins my tour through the city but he also throws garbage over my bed. There's a note...
"I know you're not a monster, merry christmas"

Christmas' Follies

Bing bang boom.
This night had one of the prettiest rains this year. Well, at least the prettiest taking into account these last months. Really pretty.
Well, I'm a sucker for these heavy rains without wind. Looks like the perfect ambience.
I don't really have much to write, just wanted to write something, so, I hope no one bothers to read this since is just another "yahoo it's raining", or something like that.
This is the christmas with the least feeling of being christmas I've witnessed, ok I know I haven't seen lots and lots of christmas, but seriously, that doesn't change my sentence does it? But I don't know, maybe I overestimate this season. A lot. I get even... sensitive, it could be said. But I like it somehow. There's the snow and the lights and... yeah I know we don't have snow where I live, but everywhere you look there's snow (consider everywhere as books and movies).
Christmas... season of contradictions. It's true most of the battles are over, but then some new ones started. And as most battles created by humans, they make no sense. And I should be sleeping by now in order to start early tomorrow. Yeah I really should. Well, then we have a problem.
I wonder whether should we change for people or not. Well, in a relationship one must give up on some of his... ahn... things, in order to achieve something bigger for both. Or something like that, I warned you not to read so do not complain. Just random thoughts. What if you are so weird that trying to be a bit more normal makes you be just weird? I don't know. Perhaps we shouldn't change for people because... they are not worth it, I mean, how could we know? Changing in order to have them and them you lose and then you see that it was not worth it but you already made the effort and the change so you have to re-change and... well, dizzy it seems. But if you don't then there's nothing, and perhaps by both ways you end in the same place.
Well, remember one thing, people bleed the same way, so no one is invencible nor have the right to treat others as... something else. That does not apply to vengeance since after you treat someone as shit you become shit, but the one who became shit now has the right to strike back and get out of it normally since it was a different situation. So it's... attack first if you dare to handle the consequences.
But those are two different things and will take a little to be understood.
We should have more hot chocolates for these cold nights. That's a priority. And we should something very different and exciting happening. But that's not a priority due to reality's impossibilities. So I'll focus on the hot chocolate. Guess it has the same effect on a short time analysis.
About LCD televisions, well, they'll have to wait. But not much, not much. It's almost time. When a family buys a TV for the house, it can be considered as a gift? Like, a gift for the house? Well, who gives a shit anyway.
And I'll hire some Pepper Pots to pass her hands through my hair in order to make me sleep. Listening to christmas songs such as The Carol of the Bells.
Yeah, sounds like a deal.

A day studying, part 2

Looks like now I'll be able to study in peace...
*child sneaks through the open door*
Sin 4t equals to...
HAAAAAAARE...
WHAT THE HELL?!
HAREE PIZZAAA...
What are you doing??
Pizza pizzaaaa... I'm into the pizza delivery business!
That explains why you're dressed like that... I won't even try to argue, just... go away.
B-but!
...What?
You need to pay for the pizza!
Pay for what?!
You think I bring pizza for free? The happiness of bringing customers their delicious pizzas does not pay my rent.
You don't pay any rent.
Of course, you don't pay for your pizza!
I did not ask for any crappy pizza.
I don't care whether you have amnesia or not, I bring it, you pay it.
WHY WOULD I PAY FOR SOMETHING I DID NOT ORDER?
Because that's what we pizza delivery people do! We deliver the pizza!
You deliver the pizza for those who ORDER it!
Oh... really?
Gosh...
So... wanna order?


WHAT IN HELL IS THAT??
Some pizza sir.
PIZZA? YOUR STUDIES ARE NOW ABOUT EATING PIZZA?
No sir, I'm studying, the pizza is there, on her own.
I'll confiscate this artifact then. Might disturb your studies.
You're... stealing my food?!
Is that a confession? Did I hear ''I confess I was eating it sir, I'm guilty and accept punishment"?
No, I just... I was pretending to eat it after studies.
So, right after you finish, you talk to me soldier, and I give it to you.
But it will get cold...
OF COURSE IT WILL GET COLD! DO YOU THINK WE EAT HOT PIZZAS DURING WAR SOLDIER?
No sir...
Then I guess my job's done around here.


No money... no pizza... I guess it just doesn't get worse than this...
*child sneaks through the door dressed as a warthog*

A day studying

I don't want to study anymore... please...
You don't want because you don't have the capacity to study! You can't assimilate the knowledge!
I'm not dumb...
Yes you are, and that's why you wanna give up! Those who give up will never win! Wanna be dumb and also a loser?!
But... but...
BUT WHAT!? DO YOU WANT TO LOOOOSE??
B-but...
ANSWER ME SOLDIER!
I'll study...
Fine.


Woots!
Hi there.
I came to disturb you! What are you doing?
I'm studying.
I will disturb your studies then!
Ok, whatever.
You still studying?
Yep.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Shit man, I almost fell off my chair, don't go around screaming like that!
Hee-hee!
Hey, come back here when I scold you!


Ka-Boom!
Ah, it's you again...
Yesh! I've came to raid your studies, I'm a viking ready to plunder!
Seriously, do you KNOW what's plunder?
Of course!
Hey! Give me my notebook back!
The dreadful viking returns home after a successful pillage!
That's not funny! Come back here! Stop running NOW!
Go vikings GO!
Shit...


That's ok... I can study without that notebook, I can write on... the table, yeah. Then I'll have both a stylish table and the whole subject where I can see it easily... or not... damn.
I SEE A LOITERER!
Oh my god...
YOU KNOW WHAT WE DO WITH LOITERERS?
Sir, no sir.
A war is never won by lingerers. And you, you stupid slug, is one of them.
A viking, no, I mean, someone pretending to be a viking stole my damn notebook.
Do you think I have time to hear your wonderful stories? Quit drugs and go back to your studies soldier.
Alright...


Hello it's me again!
What? Wanna steal my pen? My table? Why don't you kill me right away God damnit.
You look troubled fella.
WHAT?!
You see, if I were you, I would give a break on studies and relax a little. You can go nuts if you never do what pleases you.
I was studying, UNTIL YOU CAME HERE AND FUCKING STOLE MY NOTEBOOK!
You see, stressed people resort to slander, they get aggressive and such.
Just. Give. Me. My. Notebook.
You think I'm Santa Claus?? I'm not walking around giving people what they want.
But you took it from me!
Then I guess you were dreaming instead of studying, you need focus on studies, get serious on what you have to do.
Go away before I freakin' kill you...
ON MY WAY!

Reverse guns

It was already past midnight. In fact, way past midnight, around 4 a.m.
The boy was playing with one of those plastic toys you get in cereal boxes. Though most of them suck to no end, sometimes we are given these marvelous toys that can entertain us for hours, though their operation is beyond simple. Perhaps that explains why most people wouldn't even be entertained by any of them.
The toy consisted of two parts. An orange projectile with a rocket shape and a... base for it. The base was basically a stick you inserted in a hole inside the rocket, the spring inside the hole would then allow the rocket to fly away once you triggered the stick. It's strange how dumbly simple mechanics get complicated when explained by some people. Ain't it?
The boy was there, challenging himself, he should catch the rocket shot at his hand. Most of the times he failed as it was quite fast. One of those amazing things you get to do once you get into dawn and you shouldn't be awake but you can't sleep.
He used around 15 minutes doing it. Until he got bored and stopped playing with it. He stood there, holding the toy by the projectile part. And, due to some strange force that happens to operate during these strange times, the toy got triggered. The base for the rocket was sent flying away. Perhaps faster and farther than the projectile went in the original functioning of the toy. He stood there, trying to understand what had just happened, he didn't trigger the base, he barely touched it.


I swear man, he threw the damn rocket launcher at us!
Cut the crap!
We were ready to shoot once we saw he was putting the inside it, but then it came flying upon us without any sound of burst. Some even say they saw the rocket stopped there in the air as the weapon itself flew upon us!
Soldier, you need some rest.

That time of the year

Strange.
It seems like yesterday. Maybe I'm cursed to repeat this very same behaviour every year's end.
But indeed I'm tempted to follow the old known road and see if the path leads somewhere else. We'll try. Once again, there's too many things in my head and I guess I'll start writing them soon...
I know I know, I repeat the same patterns. Many things at head, ''will'' write later, can't sleep... and the list goes. Ad infinitum.
But we can make this road different. All we need is to act in a contrary way to what we did before. A birthday present. A frantic finale. The hunt for kindness. Back into saving. Being hatred. These are the 6 acts that are running this time. And maybe this time we have one satisfying result.
The tables are turned... once again.
I just hope by my merry snowy date I happen to know whether this time I made the difference. Hypocritical perhaps, but who gives a shit?
And... if one manages to keep his world in harmony with the real world... is his world still a private world or does it stop existing?
Stupid questions.
Everything will alright at the end.
Are you sure?

Adornments

That's why we hang them on the walls. To wake up everyday and watch out trophies moaning and groaning, bleeding their last tears of life as we collect more and more of them.
Nail them right on their hands. Just two nails, one on each hand, the distance between each nail must be around the width of their arms wide open. This way we make it like those little paper cuts with man appearance, a long line of them, arms opened, blood flowing.
When they die, use them as adornments. Put them on the road, over the signs, hanged at the lamp posts, make scarecrows for the fields...
The ones who scream too much and disturb your sleep? Off with their tongues. You can leave it in their shoulders, or over their heads, or just dispose of it.
Grosser plays with them, I tell you not to play with your furniture. But, oh well, it's up to you. The thing is, it rots faster. Then you have more work finding more and preparing more. But it's really up to you. I prefer the old way, the old flesh screaming way. But Grosser prefers to tease them with death. To each his own.
You can use your creativity while furnishing your room. You can get some scalps to keep a count, sure, but you can also use their hair on your dolls. Sometimes they align their heads in a nice way after being scalped.
Oh, about that statue... it's Grosser's. He likes to use a jackhammer on some of them. He says the sound it makes when the drill passes the skull makes him relax. It's a really interesting sound, because it mixes a lot of things, the scream, the skull cracking, blood spurts. Grosser covered the woman he first used it with cement, and put her in that pose. Looks like some broken antique or maybe some piece of phylosophical art, he was really inspired that time. He is creative, that's not a doubt.
But don't think you won't be shining. Sooner you will get ideas and get them out of your mind, we believe you will. It's always just a matter of time. Just a matter of time.
One final question? Sure.
Hm... in case they run. Well, don't worry about it. We are not alone, most of our decorative material is hunted by others, few of these you can see up there crying were brought by ourselves. If they get to us, they are already not in their running capabilities. But, if, and I've yet to see it, they escape, then the real hunt begins. And they won't be getting human bodies to decorate their homes.

Random and sleepless

I remember when my friend convinced me into starting this blog. I did it mostly to silence her.
Although I do like writing and all, I don't it that much and I don't, I don't know... it's like, I didn't want to do it because I couldn't see the point of writing in a public place like this for nobody to see it. But still, I would prefer to keep it private. So yeah, that's pretty dumb.
Then it started to be a deposit of weird stories, or at least the ones I managed to write.
And then a deposit of rants. But it just doesn't seem to fix things, raging against... a wall. Or maybe it fix, and I'm just made to remain on angry mode.
I don't even know why the hell am I writing this. But that's okay. I'm just, raging for nothing. It's like, asking for help without ask for help because you don't need help. That makes sense right? At least to me it seems to make. But lately I'm looking at my... logics, through a more pessimistic approach. Perhaps all my mental structures and ways of reasoning were made of sand and now the walls are coming down.
Or I'm just bored. Now THAT makes sense.
Have you ever watched Creepshow? It's nice. The whole feeling of it looks so amazing. Takes me back to those earlier years, where fear was something that could come from the television. No, Creepshow isn't scary. It's just that I feel so good with the ambience... I almost go to the point of wishing it was real. In fact, I went to this point straight away.
Well here I am, talking to the wall.
I guess it's better, since the people that would have been awake by now are probably like me, or even worse. But that's a thing I say without thinking very much since it's absurd.
Maybe not. But who knows?
And as always there's a lot of topics running through my mind, many of them I thought that would be nice to write something about here so I could try to make an opinion about it. But now it just look as relevant as talking about the weather.
I believe with every generation humanity reaches a new all-time low. Yeah, we're relentless diggers, and the well is bottomless.
Tragic thoughts, ain't it?
But also contraditory since I'm not all against humanity, I care for some people and I believe there are good people still roaming around. And I actually wish I was one of them. And maybe I am, maybe not. Another thing for the list of things I don't know.
The list goes on and on.
But I believe I can solve this situation this time without bothering people around. I know they won't like to read this last sentence, and in case they do, don't worry I'm handling things here and I'm not going to repeat the same implosive performance.
Maybe some day I get the car and go around through the night. I like to drive during these late hours, don't you?
This remember me of my thought about Maniac. I guess there just can't be an ultimate crazy weird killer guy movie. It's all about visions on the matter. But I like the one depicted at that movie. No, not like I like Creepshow, it just feels that it's as twisted as one's mind can be. Okay, not that much. But hey, it tries at least.
Perhaps I'm just hiding the dust under the carpet. But talking to my virtual wall takes some of the thoughts away. Until it awakes again.
And again.

And again...

Lightning

Sometimes nights change don't they?
Perhaps it's when we perceive the weight of the world. Whatever that might mean. If you perceived the weight, it should be clear to you what does it mean? Because I'm not sure. And I may have not really seen it.
It's weird to have such a weird change of mood. All of a sudden like that. So here I am now, listening to the X Files theme song, writing, and trying to think about something. I don't know maybe something that could happen, something new. But even if I thought about the coolest thing it would just belong to my mind.
Perhaps she was right and now I'm totally drown in this. Bad things happen when you take things far more serious than what they really are, like, people. They end, sometime. It's better not to try to make it seem like it's something epic like in the movies. You can end sensitive.
I feel like talking to the wrong person. But talking to any person about this anyway wouldn't get to any point. It hasn't gotten until now.
This song is strange, because it's... I don't know, mysterious, somewhat creepy. But still it has it's beauty to me, because it resemble to discovering a new thing and all. I like that.
I feel like being stranded. He says I'm worried about something and that I'm hiding it, but what am I hiding? I mean, there are lots of things we hide from our parents, most are innocent things that we just don't feel like we should tell them. Or that, it's something that they wouldn't like, but it's the reality and there's not much anyone can do about it, so we hide in order to preserve coexistence. So what should I tell him? I don't know what does he want as an answer, I don't what could be the answer.
I guess I get used to most things too fast. I get tired of them. I don't care about them.
I should start caring. But artificial care can suffice it? I guess I miss emotion. When you're walking through your home, and it's raining a lot out there, you ask yourself inside your head if you fear the lightning, as the noises seem to explode your home, and light sometimes turns off, and your answer is ''no, but I wish I did'', and it actually makes sense to you, there's something wrong?
I guess no, I'm just handling it the wrong way.
You see, some people like to bang their head on the wall to solve problems, and some bang to create problems.

End of night

So, here we are now, at another night's ending. Most people around are already sleeping and soon I should be joining them.
This could have been about a million other things, all that is struggling in my mind. But for once, let's keep it simple. For once, let's forget about all these thoughts. For once, let's be like these people, they seem happier.
Let's talk about something common. Like, what happened today. This was quite a nice day, after all, it rained and now it's colder, so it will be way easier to sleep. We ate... chicken nuggets, and chocolate cake, and cereals, I mean, not all at once, but during the whole day. Chatted with some people. And, in a basic thoughtless way, that's about it. Looks good.
I feel it's useless to think for now, and we also don't need help, for we have self-made problems.
I see a child smiling, somehow. Sometimes.
Oh, we also got chocolates. You see, birthday gifts. Gotta love 'em.

Ore no yuutsu

Still awake, huh?
Yeah, having a hard time trying to sleep.
Hard time?
I just can't sleep, I don't know if it's the fucking heat these days, or the fact that I've slept before.
You know you shouldn't be sleeping before the real time to sleep, it only make things worse, way worse.
I know, I know, but the bed just felt so good...
Anyway, how long did you sleep?
It was... somewhat around one hour. I sometimes wonder if sleeping one hour makes me good enough to start a new day, I guess this is pretty much impossible but would be good not needing to sleeping 8 damned hours.
Well, I know you find it weird not being to sleep again after only sleeping for one hour, after all you still owe your body seven hours, but I guess it's normal.
Yeah.
So, what are you doing this night?
Just... thinking I guess. That same bad thoughts about the circle, you probably know...
Yeah, I really do, and I've told you that it's not under your control, it never was and will never be. Free will remember? Do not care about it, people come and people go. That's life. You must only trust at yourself, might be harsh but that's the way it is. Or at least the way we force it to be.
I've been told those things a few times by now. But I don't know, I just have a bad feeling, and I don't know about what.
Natural disasters?
No. Although I must say I was pretty astonished by the red dust storm in Australia. Never seen anything like that.
Well, even though it is dangerous and all, it looks... exciting.
Yeah.



I see you're staring at nowhere. You do this most of the time, I know it. I know you live most of the time inside your own world, locked in your head. A dollar for your thoughts?
Just... the same old misery seeking thoughts.
Why so desperate?
Because you see, people are going ahead. I don't think I'm going ahead and I know it and I'm still here.
What if you are supposed to be in here?
Why would I be?
I don't know. I don't write the rules, and I don't think anyone does. Chaos has it's own unknown rules.
So you believe in...
Chaos, for sure. It's all a big mess of existances trying to prove themselves. Each with it's own abilities. And mortal desires.
Mortal?
Well, that just sounded cool. Let's say that each of us have our own desires and wishes.
Which are mine?
Are you kidding me?
No... I just... get lost sometimes.
Well, lost or not, people can't tell you these things. It's, something beyond a secret.



You see what I see right?
Well, literally, yes. But, in the other meaning of this sentence, no.
What do you think about it?
Fuck it. Just continue ahead and let's see what comes further. Moaning and complaining aren't changing things. And they probably won't.
And what about this weird feeling?
I have no idea about it, kid.
I was told by a friend one day that I kept putting myself into misery. Like, no matter what I do, it's not enough to pay for the things I done. He was right.
And what are those things you done?
Nothing but stupid babblings about minor things. Just drama about things that doesn't really matter.
Oh, the memory problem again. You know, people are prone to forgetting past things, or mask it. But you keep on remembering, good memory is trully heinous at some points. You keep the bad things with you and the sum of all minor troubles get worse than one whole bad trouble. Your tendency to transform things doesn't help anyway...
What tendency?
That little wish of yours to live in a place where epic things happen... you try so hard to see things epic, and the bad things also get epic. And problems at an epic scale are no joke.
True...



My turn now. Your thoughts?
Nothing special, kid.
Ah... boring. Do you feel any sadness?
Related to what?
Anything.
Actually I do. One that's pretty much know to you. I miss being able to help people. Though I don't go to such an extreme point of sometimes catch myself thinking about how good it would be if someone had a problem, like you. And, please, let's not talk about the "missing" thing.
That's a deal then, past bites. But we only helped people around us right?
Yeah, because you like to do things closely. If we really really wanted to help people, for the sake of helping alone, we would go to charities, help people that are really suffering, be it by a disease or by economical situation, and maybe both. But we do not. Even though it sometimes looks like great to think about these things.
Does that make us a fraud?
Not really. But it's not like we like to help people. We like to help those who are close to us. That's about it.
Changing the topic a little. What about the writing projects?
FINALLY! Thought you weren't going to talk about it, kid. You should continue it, no matter what. It's a chance to, be creative, I suppose. And to maybe understand more about your own world, all the violence that lies within the sweetness you never really understood. Do not give up, I know you get demotivated because you think that there's no point in writing anyway. Well, as it turns out, there probably isn't. But, it can be fun, you don't need people telling you that it's good as long as you feel that it's good for you. Remember, the main point is to keep this world somewhere it cannot be forgotten.
I'm feeling rather sleepy now...
Good.
One last question though.
Go ahead, kid.
Why does it feel good trying to protect her?
Who knows... maybe something deeply buried in what we discussed today. Or maybe pure lunacy. Insanity owns a big a part of us, you know.
Yeah...
And do not forget to write.

D2392009, part 1

The pool was quite empty, the water in it could reach not much more than a meter.
They were standing near it, just talking. She seemed pretty happy, even though the whole place looked awful. Dark and not very clean. He felt something strange inside, but he didn't care, he never cared anyway. The third one was close to them, and he knew he would eventually let her go, she was supposed to be with the third person in the place, no matter if that was too painful to bear.
He stared at the guy walking close to them, he hated the idea to let her go with him. But, somehow, he could accept it. She didn't even bother to the fact that he wasn't looking at her while they talked, she was... happy.
They were at the border of the pool, if you could call that a pool, perhaps a child's pool. There were some places in which the floor was deeper. And a strange hole could be seen at the right wall. A big hole.
But no matter how bad he felt he stood there, waiting for the time to say farewell to her, she was supposed to be with someone else now, someone who had just entered the conversation. Happily. He could feel his inside being slowly torn apart, as she drove her attention more and more to the third one. Bad thoughts walk along with bad things.
He couldn't see it, he didn't understand it. They were down the pool now, in a part where water barely covered the floor. He was lying on the floor, hugging her, he could feel her pain just by touching her. Her voice was weak. She would start crying any soon. He didn't want to let go of her, but he did it. They got up, the third one was still there, standing close to them, worried. They talked a little until things got calm, still there at the pool. He felt he hated this third guy, yet they acted like real gentlemen.
There was something wrong, he felt it. There was something else near them, it wasn't just this stupid guy acting all kind to her. Bad thoughts walk along...
He got out of the pool, climbing the wall. Third person followed him. Both stood there watching as she climbed the wall. He felt like helping her but he just didn't do it. A strange noise echoed through the room, coming from somewhere they weren't aware of. But he was. The damn hole at the right wall, there at the pool.
His mind then got information about a female something living in that place. Could it be... "her"? The information was pretty blurred and all seemed like a grim urban legend. A part of him urged to help her, the other stood there, watching. There was just too much going on, maybe the hatred toward her and the other guy, the fear, the part willing to see what would happen next.
It got her right at the left of her chest. Like a dog biting the weak part on a weak prey. But it was a shark. Water filled the pool, as the big shark swallowed her, bite after bite.
The third guy was shocked, but he didn't seem to know what to do. Both stood watching. His mind barely holding on to the belief that she was gone, that was just too fast. As the shark went away they walked through the room, silent. She was gone.
Forever.

Front

Eins, Zwei, Drei.
So talk whatever you want in here.
Like what?
Like whatever is in your mind. As we all know it won't be thrown outside. What's born inside, stays inside right?
Some laws weren't destroyed yet...
Yes. At least not totally.
Just wanted to feel more confident about going ahead, that's all. I gotta get some duty to fulfill, because it felt so good. I need more energy in order to develop more, need more...
More...?
I don't know. The first thing that came in mind was support but, hell, I have all the support that could be possibly given. It's somewhat ridiculous.
So perhaps you need to have this support taken away?
Maybe. I want to... do the things I have to do... and the ones I want to do also...
So do it.
Yeah, but then I start to think about it and it all stops.
Like the most of your own race.
But it shouldn't be like this.
So empower yourself. You're the only one who can do that, this is your world. You're absolute in here, why don't you try to take the fight? You're always thinking about doing what should be done, no matter how painful it is. Come on, enter the fray, there's no way to lose. You can keep this way and be something. Something common. Want to be you? Take control.

Missing

So, I guess that, for the first time of my life (or at least the first time in a long time), I felt like missing family and friends...
I know, this doesn't sound very sensitive, and if you are actually in any of those two fields, let me explain. Not that it will actually make it better, but ok, let's get going.
It's not bad really, I mean, even though it's something that resembles pain, it feels good because you think that in a matter of time you will be close to those people again. And you feel you care for some people after all, or you just miss having people to talk, well, let's stick to the first option.
But I can't describe very well how it feels anyway, so I just expect it to be the fact that I miss those people. I didn't feel this way toward them on previous travels, maybe because I always took something related to them with me, and as long as I have one single token related to them, I don't really miss anything, which is something weird in fact, but, that's not a problem.
And I'm actually happy to know that I'll meet them soon, and then I'll miss Germany. I like this place, guess it's normal not to have many contacts on a place where they don't speak the same language you speak, so it was something expected.
The sweet scent of Germany...

In Germany

Feeling strange, aren't ya?
Kinda... and I don't think that this was caused by sleeping on the wrong time.
That's pretty obvious...
You think I should quit watching these things?
Well, why exactly?
Because mostly when it ends I stay like this...
And do you know why?
Maybe because... it makes me think, and it shouldn't... because, thinking is dangerous as far as we know.
It's only dangerous when you use it against yourself.
Am I using it like that right now?
Maybe.
It could also be that recurrent topic right?
There's a high probability, or the other recurrent topic, well, which is which?
Let's say I'm talking about number 1, the one related to the magic, and you're talking about number 2, related to nostalgy.
Okay then, but, isn't the one related to nostalgy also related to magic?
Well yes, but...
Let's just say number 1 is related to social. I guess that sets them apart.
So, higher chances of number 1 or 2?
2.
How higher than number 1?
That's something that we can't express in numbers. You know that, like fear and... most human things. Oh, and I know you thought "most insignificant things" right now.
Well, who cares anyway...
And you still don't know whether it's 1 or 2 right?
Yes, but we might be facing another masquerade situation here.
So, you're hiding the fact that you know, even from yourself?
That's a possibility.


So, no progress so far right?
Hell yeah...
Fuck that shit... let's just have fun tomorrow.

Tear

1 year...
Sorry.

Walking

Sometimes it seems helpless...
No matter which view I try to use, I end on a dark alley in my mind. Surrounded, and I can only react with rage. The old same hatred that lies carved within me. Waking me at night, angry with my sleep. Angry with no exact answers to it's questions.
It just cannot understand humans, and sometimes I think that neither do I.
It yells at the thoughts of losing again, and of giving up before I face defeat, as giving up is most a implicit form of losing. But it's just blind to even wondering about a victory scenario. I did not want it to attack like this.
People are free to do whatever they want, aren't they?
But I'm cold and locked to it. Reason won't help finding a way out of this place. And sooner or later I will turn against the ones who help me. Just as expected.
As I get closer to the boiling point, destroying what comes into nearness, I see this blurred figure. Walking nearby, as if it had the very same disastrous disease. But it hasn't, it can be seen through it's eyes. Yet it keeps on standing close. Fearless.


Don't worry, we'll fix you, no matter what.

Dark Blue Sky

The moon was looking pretty today.
Well, not exactly the moon, but the sky arounnd it. Because the moon was just a white ball floating there, small and tasteless. But it is full moon time, and the sky gets a very nice blue tone. And the clouds around the moon get that nice gray look. It looks pretty good. Specially when you have a look at the whole picture. The dark tall building with a few spots of light against the dark blue sky, while the ground level is full of lighs, from cars, light poles and such. Looks... movie-esque. And I like that.
I don't feel very good today, but it's nothing really important. Still, I like to go out of home, mostly random routes, just to go around and see things. It would be better if there was something really nice to do but at the moment there's a hiatus on that sort of thing.
It's better to believe I feel like this because of sleeping late last night. Well, to each his own. With time you settle some things with yourself, get some pieces together. Sometimes it's bad because you uncover the worse parts of it. But I'm just straying from topic.
In fact there's no topic.
You know, when you keep on imagining recurrent things, there's something wrong.
Having the answers is not always a good thing...
And there's something in The Midnight Carnival.

Silence

Today...
Well today was a good day. I should be sleeping by now (as always) but I... don't know, I wanted to think about something. There's something bothering me, something not very easy to explain.
It's like, feeling away from the world, like seeing yourself, like life was a game in third person. This ain't new really, but, today was just so full of it. I sense something is wrong with people (not all people, just some friends nearby), though I don't know if in fact there's really something with them, or if the problem is with me. Maybe it's just their way of living and I just... don't know.
You know, when you go somewhere with your friends by car, you talk all the way about all sorts of things. It's something to be studied in case there's that awkward silence. I don't know, there's a ocean of possibilities...
You stand there, wondering why the silence is there, but you just spectate because, you're too worried about the silence to talk about something else, but it just doesn't feel like you'll get somewhere if you talk about the silence itself. Like "Hey man? Are you alright?", that would mostly end nowhere.
I'm probably one of the worst people out there to sense things about people, but that's just my opinion so it's kinda biased. Yet I feel there's something wrong, those moments of silence before the collapse, but... maybe this is just my mind playing a trick, hoping for disaster so I could be of any use. Or maybe not, maybe... who cares.
Maybe the problem is with me, that wouldn't be new anyway. Guess I should just stick to my business and only worry in case people came to me.
Whatever.

Fear of Angels

Dormanny.
A peninsula. In fact, a beach, one of those sandy ones you mostly see on television. It's a region close to the sea level, except for it's beginning, where there's few to no sand, and some rocks. It's a big ramp going down the farther you get from the continent.
To most, this is a blessed place. The water is of a transparent blue that has to be seen to be believed. Families come over to enjoy their stay for decades now. Take photos, swim, or just relax... just like heaven.
Until that very day. When it was actually proved that place had a relation to angels.
Around 3 p.m., a little boy pointed to the sky. His parents didn't give much attention until they looked and saw a shining spot at the blue sky. It's almost never cloudy in Dormanny.
The shining spot seemed to shine more and more. Some other people noted it, they stood there marvelled, albeit strange, it was a very beautiful apparition. A couple of minutes later it could be seen that there were actually beings coming from that spot. The children got scared, but their parents tried to get them calm and stay on the beach. Whatever it was that was coming out of the shine, it had wings.
And it wasn't only one. Still, it seemed like they were coming really slowly. The people started to argue about what was that, they did not resemble birds even though having wings. One of them was closer, and it had a human silhouette.
As time passed, the closer one seemed to gain more and more speed. One mother, desperate, yelled the people to get their children out of the water. But it was too late.
The thing came like a bullet right into a girl in the water. Her bones broke like glass. The water began to get red. The body kept afloat, with several bruises going purple by bone fracture. The children screamed and ran back to their parents, who tried to get their children together to go away.
The thing then proceeded to step into one child's head, forcing it to go underwater. The body flailed violently as he drowned. Mother's cried, powerless. Then more landed on the beach.
They had humanoid shapes. In fact, they were humans, with wings, big white wings that reflected the sun's shine. They wore white robes, emitting an aura so light and peaceful that even the best person alive would look perverse near them. But no one would feel this way there. Their heads were protected by helms made of silk, that covered most of their faces. Although some could be seen, and they looked nothing but angelical.
Some had big curvy swords and shields, others carried spears. The one stepping at the child's head though was unnarmed. Some parents came to them yelling and cursing, but they could do nothing else than get slashed or pierced. Soon, the sand was painted red. A woman running through the ramp with three kids got stabbed by a big golden spear by the back, she looked down to see the golden edge coming out of her chest, she yelled for the children to run and hide at the best place they could find. Though it wouldn't be possible. Right after that one of those things flied right in their direction, pushing them down the ramp. Right into the rocks.
The beach was turned into a deposit of severed body parts and bruised bodies. Some floating at the sea. Everybody was killed. Killed by those humans who did not give one single word, no justification for their acts, no nothing.
Everybody... everybody but me.
At the middle of the mess, I ran to the side of the ramp, taking care with the rocks. The water wasn't very deep so I stood there, near the children thrown to the rocks. I stood as motionless as I could, trying to mimic the dead kids surrounding me. Trying not to scream as my parents got slashed down. Trying to pretend it wasn't real.
And we still don't know why...

Sides

Dude! I've gotten to the next phase!
Cool, I said you could win the tournament, but you didn't believe me, now you see it!
Well yeah but, I haven't won yet, and I don't believe I will.
Come on, stop being so pessimistic about it.
It's better to be pessimistic and then see that you were right all the time, than being optimistic and seeing you missed, and also getting sad for not reaching what you wanted. And also, when you're pessimitic, in case you're proven wrong, you get double happier. So, I prefer to assume a pessimistic approach to the situation.
Be my guest then.


Looks like right, this way of thinking. I don't know, maybe the bad point of being pessimistic about things is that it attracts negative things, or not, then it really is the way to follow. But I will stand the other side. So in case they succeed I can celebrate with them, and there's no need to throw the fact I was right at their faces. In case they fail I won't feel much for they have failed but they feel not so bad as they were waiting for it, and I can also be there. So I assume the risks for them. Costs nothing, anyway.

Fireplace

And so there they were.
Surrounded by the beasts that emerged from the fireplace. He knew it would happen after all, they shouldn't have stayed there, because they would eventually fall asleep, and that was all they were waiting for.
The plan was to keep one awake for each 2 hours. But it doesn't matter now, it was just too obvious that they would sleep sooner or later, why did they even try to follow such a stupid idea?
They couldn't even point out the guilty one since the three were probably too tired to know who was the one up to the guarding duty.
The room smelt brimstone. The creatures resembled gorillas with brass skin, their eyes were crinsom red. They resembled statues, static around them, with those fixed eyes. L looked at him, he just moved his head in an acknowledgment. L prepared his sword.
The three had their weapons in hand, yet no moviment from their foes. He tried to figure what was going on, it wouldn't be wise to attack first. Though wise or not, L went into one of the beasts.
He knew it wouldn't be possible to stop L now, he just got back to back with A, waiting for some kind of response from the gorillas. A was trembling, probably she was too afraid of all those stories of monsters coming from fireplaces.
All of a sudden, the gorilla aimed by L opened his mouth and yelled. It was a bizarre mixture of a war cry and a lament. L went to the floor like his legs got paralyzed. All other gorillas started to yell, the three tried to protect their ears but it wasn't any effective. The whole place got on fire, A and L seemed to disappear... voices in his mind, of things and situations he knew, strange carvings appearing on each gorilla's belly... he felt an urge to puke as the whole world seemed to twist in fire.
He closed his eyes.
And then it all began.

Clouds

I like these cloudy days, when there's no sun and all. It's a little bit darker and it's nice. Though not the darkness that indicates rain is on the way, something more controlled. Reminds me of playing... well, nothing new here.
Things are still going on a gruesome roller coaster, but it's getting under control. Anyway, I guess that it's important to go high and low frequently. I still don't know whether should I deal with things using the glacial side or not. Yeah, I'm not that good on balancing things, but living on extremes has it's pros (though many cons...).
It's strange to notice that you are changing into something you don't really understand after all. Although, the main core remains intact. Core of gore. Nevermind, internal ideas.
Things die, people die.
But we never die.
We are humans right? I mean, just to confirm.
It's a little bit of disappointing to see that you really can't get much information on people by knowing them and being with them. Perhaps that's a thing I should work out, what do you think?
I don't know, it's kinda bad to need feedback. Again, the problem of dependancy.
There's time to hate, and time to love. Why did I get locked in the first part?
Yeah I know doctor...


And so he stood there, lying on his sofa. Talking to the one holding a notebook on his left hand, and a pen on his right hand. Perhaps in remote times he actually was this kind of doctor. You know, lively times. But the man kept on talking with the skeleton.

Shift

Lacking action.
Is it just me or everybody has these days in which they feel a bizarre need for action, something to do?
Perhaps I should have stayied at home yesterday and gone out today. But then, how could I fucking foresee it?
Perhaps it's just these stupid songs...
Perhaps we create problems for ourselves when we have none, because we would like to feel more human...
I don't know why exactly I came up with this idea, but at the moment it looked like it made sense. And life is not only made of action. That's it. I need to teach this to myself. At all costs.
Strange clouds, strange day. Strange cold. Damn. Looking at this sky reminds me of something good. Sometimes it seems memory is our most loyal torturer. Reminds me of times that never existed. And also a few ones that have indeed taken place in the real world. The beginning of the day, a cold day. I like mornings, the really early ones. The sun has some kind of magic in its light. As the day moves on, it loses the magic and becomes something vulgar, common. There could be some music that made me remember these times at the early mornings.
I don't know, sometimes I feel like I should look for people like me. But I really don't know, maybe we would not get together very well or, well, who knows. But there are people like me somewhere. Some weird people I guess.
Darkness is also fine. How many things we can process in our head just by looking at the window... amazing.
There's nothing new going through my mind I believe. Just the same old bunch of bad fellas.
Having some ideas for stories though.

Stasis

Just wondering about those few moments.
I guess hunting memorability is dangerous. But why we do that? Perhaps watching too many movies?
You want to do things epic epic epic, that's the problem.
But, that was already stated, just in other words.
Crap, I can't say.

Sit

Sometimes we just have to admit failure, sit back and get ready to go again...
Until we grow tired of these words.
I hate asking for help, I hate failing, I hate people taking care of me.
First end of message.


The crowds say hate.
What I offer you is the chance to aim your hatred at yourself.
Make your choice.
Second end of message.

Enough

Trying to cry kid?
Maybe... I dunno.
Well, I guess yes, since there's the feeling of it, yet there's no fucking tear. But your eyes are dry.
I was once told that one of my problems were that I seeked acceptance so hard, trying to please others and denying myself.
Looks true.
Well, I did whatever I could this time. I know I might not be doing the most righteous thing but I did what was right. What seemed to be top priority.
I see. But aside from this... there's something else in your mind...
When is it enough? When will you stop requiring me to burn?
Perhaps when you have the guts to fight back.
I don't know... I'm lost. I plan on coming back but it's dangerous... I say to myself that I will not let it suck me again, but I know it's not true, it happened before.
You also feel they won't approve it. Perhaps asking for their help. It doesn't matter they don't have time or it's useless. Just fucking try. If they can't simply accept you then to hell with them all.
Fucking headache.

Drowning

Felling a bit tired. I guess that's good because it helps to sleep.
And it's not that bad when you sleep real fast, when you're tired and such. Like... 4 a.m. or something like that. I don't know if I should actually be feeling tired today, I guess yes because it was fun. And I won't enter this topic, it's pretty much arbitrary.
I don't know it feels like there are so many things bruising my mind. But it's... insignificant. Fucking charges. It's a little bit stupid when all you do isn't enough for yourself, because you felt like putting all efforts in doing it. Yet you feel like you could have done better. Who gives a shit anyway. At least the feedback was good.
Funny how these songs look like they were accelerated. Maybe that's because I'm a bit slow.
Perhaps I have watched more than my fair share of movies... no, that doesn't mean by any way that watching movies has a limit, movies are good. The problem is when you begin to get some troubles with them... when you can't keep your head on the real world.
Perhaps I'm just damn sleepy and refuse to yield to natural forces.
Maybe I'm just trying to be something I ain't, but then who is the real me? Is it possible to know that from other people?

Good times

It's been said that, if you miss something, you shouldn't get sad, but happy, because you've had something good.
There are many ways of looking at the act of missing something, you get either happy or sad, it's entirely up to you. I try to look in a manner that I get proud of at least once having it. Although ninety percent of the tries are bound to failure...
Is this what they call addiction? I don' know, it looks like something else. Something better. Addiction sounds so negative. But perhaps that's what the addicted think, because they can't see what it truly is, since they are glorifying and thus seeking it. You know, it feels like you can't have anything else like that one thing. Nothing else feels so good, so... rewarding.
Yet when you go for it, it's all but rewarding. It's frustrating. It's like throwing efforts through the window, until you can't even wake up anymore, but then minor rules change and you think that this time you may find satisfaction. Then you enter in a vicious circle that will drag you to hell. It takes a lot of time and strength to quit it. But then... you miss it.
Are we designed for failure?
This one question I don't think I'm able to answer and it may not even be the main point in here. The point is that there's fun at the initial moments. Of course, if there isn't even a nibble of fun, why would you seek it? As time pass, that fun looks more and more intense. Too fucking intense to be real.
But once, it was real, and that's what hurts most. Why did it stop?
Of course, because things change. Things have to change. So new things come and you uncover new horizons. But the scar stays there. Maybe not a scar, it's your job to shape your memory.
In most cases, the bad things shine through, leaving the good things at the shadows of forgetfulness. But in this case, not. The good things almost obliterate the bad ones. We have only a bleak memory of them, but we must mantain the bad moments in order to not enter the circle again. It's a though job because we keep on bruising ourselves so we can be fine, it's gross when you think about it, but it's life. Hurt to save.
It has happened before, and it will probably happen again. Life may be a vicious circle itself. Sometimes it seems more like a test of sanity.
I won't lose.
You can always talk to those who were there when there was fun, revive those moments together. It may not appear to be enough, I hope others feel like this. Sometimes I wonder if burying it down and denying it until it's demise will make it stop coming back now and then. It probably will, yet that's a part of me now. A part that I don't want to forget. Perhaps you can excel by throwing all this inner feeling somewhere. Perhaps you will drown in your own nostalgic nightmare.
Being too nostalgic is deadly.

Dependancy

Hm... I feel sleepy.
Yet I would like to write about a lot of things. Normally I would just keep sit here and write something but as lately I've been playing other rules, I'll go sleep.
Soon.
Been thinking a lot about dependancy. On people.
It's strange because there's a lot of things you can do to help yourself going ahead, but, there are some moments when you just can't help yourself. It's weird because you say all that's there to be said but you can't... comprehend what you just said. You need people to say the exact same shit so that you can understand.
No matter how you throw it, it doesn't seem to hit at all...
Well, I guess no one likes to be dependant on someone else. Or perhaps that's me, but who cares. So, why are we dependant? I'm not saying emotionally dependant, let's keep it clear. I'm talking about needing to hear certain things from people, cause you may know it already, but you just doesn't give it any value by yourself.
It's pretty dumb because there isn't any self mind control then, as it simply doesn't matter how much you know the answer, how calmly you can handle the problems, how "independant" you are. Because you will just deny your own solutions, even though they are the exact answers for your questions. So you end being a greater idiot. As you're worse than those who never had the fucking answers in the first place.
But on the other hand it can be thought of this... ''incompetence'' as a way to create social connections or making friendships stronger. Hence, a necessary thing.
Although, it sucks.

Sink

YOU JUST SIT THERE, OKAY?!
I don't fuckin' need your help, I just want you to hear.
And don't you dare saying that I'm being contradictory here, I didn't tell you to say a fuckin' word.
IF YOU GET UP AGAIN I'LL KILL YOU.
I can do this without your help, without anyone's help. Just keep quiet.
Have you ever felt like screaming? You know, this feeling of being suffocated. It makes me wanna scream the hell out of me, but I never scream. It's no use.
Ah, don't you say a word.
But it seems I'm always in this misery state, doesn't it? Don't answer.
You know you feel like you need to be taken care of, but you can't be taken care of, because you already had too much of that. BUT WHY DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU NEED THAT EVEN THEN?
Is it my mind? Am I fucked up beyond any repair? IS THAT IT?
It keeps on coming back, why doesn't it stop? What am I supposed to do?
I'M FUCKING SINKING GOD DAMN IT!
You know, I know what to do, but I always stop before finishing it. I need to kill the agony, but at the same time I feel out of resources for it. There's no will anymore. Yet I managed to find will to get a hostage. It's contradiction at it's finest isn't it?
It's just...
I just feel like I have to be alone, but it's hard to do it.
Damn why don't someone just come here and destroy me?!
...
What...?

It's ok, it's ok...

Don't you dare hug me you stupid bitch.
I'll fucking kill you.

No, you won't. And I'm not destroying you. That's not what I want.

...

First blood

I take the knife out of her neck.
I... I... can't believe it. She's stopped, thrown in the floor as someone who faints while dancing. But her paint on the floor shows she's not recovering consciousness any soon.
It's tragical, yet comical. My hands keep on shaking, it's just so... amazing.
She's so cold and lifeless... I don't know if I laugh or if I die. I hold her hand... feels like holding a plastic doll.
She's here, she's here, lying down. Yet doesn't feel like she's here, and there's a bit of her on this knife.
I... killed?
This is so exciting!
I can't control the thoughts in my head. It's a rush of emotions and ideas, it can't be described, I got her!
The fear, the anger, the joy, the energy...
What to do now? What can I do now?
I can get rid of the body, but how? I can do anything!
I can chop it to pieces and feed it to dogs, I can burn her and use as organic fertilizer, I can bury...
They can't find me, haha, I feel so alive, I can't control myself!
You're mine, babe, you're mine now.
But... what if she comes back to life? No, no, I can't allow that. You won't come back, I ensure you. I will cut you 'til you can't come back, you will see!
There will be cuts in every inch of your neck, and arms, and head... you won't come if there's no blood to come right?
She didn't answer my question... maybe she really is dead, or maybe she is ignoring me... don't you dare ignore me, I'm not letting you come back. Don't you think I'm gonna leave you here so someone finds you and you tell them about me. No no, that won't happen.
I cut her head out, done.
Oh man, this is so exciting. A million emotions in less than a second.
I can't be stopped.

Ways

We meet again boy...
Yup.
I presume you know why am I here.
Not a guess.
We've seen some uncommon activity lately, and everything leads to you.
Me? Does it look like I represent any harm to you?
To me? Well... to me you represent nothing more than mediocrity. But, it seems like there's something I'm not noticing. The whole world believes you are the cause of such... imbalance.
Your world beliefs mean nothing to me.
I already expected such sharp reception.
So?
Well, I believe we have to talk.
About what?
Whatever you feel like talking.
I feel like telling you to go to hell.
Exactly why?
Listen. I don't feel like talking to an idiot just because it came from another world after me. If there's imbalance in your world, then you're better dead because there's nothing you can do and perhaps you all deserve to rot.
Keep it going, boy.
So you can stay playing the psychiatrist because there's nothing you can do. So am I the source of your problems? Kill me then.
You know more than anyone that killing you won't solve our problems.
So? Accept your fate and go fuckin' die. It's already crappy enough, why do you come to bother me? You act like you knew all about me, then why don't you just get what you want from my mind and get out? I don't give a shit to your world and I probably never will. It's mere existance provokes me distaste.
Actually, boy, I've came to talk about something... more specific.
Be quick.
I came to offer you a chance to live in our world.


What lacks in fact, is will.
So, give him will. Breathe life into this deceased body.
That's not possible, at least as long as he wants to stay like this. No external force or being took his energy, he was his own killer. It seems it was a gradual process, he ended up dead by his own choices.
But... so he's going to stay like this forever??
No. In some time, he'll die, for real. Then he won't be no different than all those graveyard dwellers.
That's not right.
But that's how he wanted it to be.
But... you HAVE to help him, please make him want to live!
I'm not the right person for this task.
Who is??
Look, if I knew, I would bring this person here right away, ok?
It's not fair, he's dependant on someone who probably doesn't know he's here, nor that he's like this. How can we find someone who wants to help him regain his will to live?
Searching...
It's going to take ages.
So we'd better hurry.
Sure...


There's two paths. One will keep you walking in circles. The other goes through hatred and destruction. It might take some friends away. It might have no way back. You'll probably take a long time to recognize yourself after it. You may bring sorrow to the life of those whom you care. It can end on pure disaster. It's sometimes called the selfish way.
And, most important, you will never regret it.