Gift, part 1

I hope you haven't been waiting for too long. I mean, I know how many days have passed since you asked me for a story. I just hope you didn't expect I would write it very fast. I've been trying my best to find a scenario that would suit your request.
I had a good idea, which may not become a good story, last Thursday/Friday while watching a horror movie. It was a... one of a kind experience. I had never felt such despair on listening a soundtrack. I liked the movie, perhaps it is not as good as I thought, and I am sure it won't feel to anybody else like it felt to me. But the whole mix of soundtrack, dimly lit scenarios, situations and my current mood, well, that was devastating.
Anyway.
You've been this close before. Hop aboard.

I know it gets pretty dark down there. Don't worry about the melancholic environment.
(It gets worse if you see it as I see it).
Well, there's the house.
(Do you see anything other than the house?)
That's where we start.
(Have you ever felt like... bleeding without blood?)
Here we go!


–Do you ever become tired?
–Never, boy.
–Hm...
The boy was playing an old videogame, old for today's standards. It was a Nintendo 64, the good and old Ogre Battle. He mostly played it alone, since besides being a single player game, most of those around him didn't see it as a great game. They might enjoy it a little, but not like he did. Not to endure dozens of hours at once.
It was a lonely night, everybody else had gone to sleep at his grandparent's house. But he always stood there, playing through the night, some might ask if he wasn't going to sleep, to which he always answered "soon".
So, there he continued.
–Have you ever played videogames?
–Never...
–Well, at least you are a good company.
–Thanks.
–I find it hard to sleep sometimes. And I really like to play. To the point of not feeling sleepy when I watch other people playing. But they always sleep sooner or later...
–I see...
The boy started another mission. The room was blinking with a pale light, having only the tv as a mean of lighting. That would be the last mission of the night, it was around 3 a.m. already. Slowly he started to feel as if his eyes started to get heavier. Yet, it was far from "sleepy-heavy'. But it was a sign that lying in bed soon would make him sleep in less than hour.
–You are not sleepy, boy?
–Oh, not yet.
–I see.
The window shook occasionally, resisting the wind that randomly blowed. There was barely no sound in the room, other than the very low game volume and the snores from his relatives, calmly lying in their bedrooms. A normal night.
4 a.m., the clock on the kitchen made its four harsh strokes. It was an old clock that hanged on the wall. It brought some sort of fear into his heart on every stroke. He couldn't help but remember of horror movies. Why would someone keep such a clock in the house? Noisily announcing that you are running lower on time. Lower and lower.
–That was one hard battle. I had better go to sleep.
–Okay.
The boy got up and turned on the living room light. He then proceeded to the bathroom. He felt somewhat afraid of walking around at night, because of all those bad things he saw at the movies. After the bathroom, it was time to go to his aunt's bedroom. It was time to let the house silently fade into the night.
He turned off the living room light and rushed to the bedroom.
And darkness followed.

He liked to go out with his friends. Recently he had met a new bunch of them. Older, he didn't have as much time to play videogames. He merely played when there was no one to hang out (which was quite rare at the time) or when everybody got together in order to play some multiplayer game. The good part is that this time he had people to play for hours nonstop, even though not a dozen hours.
He was a teenager, and if when he was a child he felt he had all the time of the world, now he was sure.
Good times.
But there was something weird. Frequently he felt bad when it was time to come back home. Mostly at night. As if, the night shouldn't stop right there. It was hard to explain because he enjoyed so much going out and having fun with his friends.
The new group of friends he was mostly entertained with would call themselves a "circle". Although there was nothing exactly different in what they did daily, it was a nice way of naming of it.
He learned a good many things with these people, mostly, he learned to lose a bit of his shyness. He learned to impose himself more, and to decide things when everyone was afraid of taking the lead. It was almost as if he leaded something, taking the group ahead. And that made him proud. Even though the group was composed of people a few months to a few years older than him, they would follow him.
Hard to explain all that passed in his head when he thought about all the "circle" thing. It just felt awesome.
And then it felt horrible.
When people didn't get together.
But it was okay, it was normal to feel like that. He tried to think that until he believed it. It could be frustration, because he raised his expectations, and sometimes they couldn't live up to them.
Just normal feelings everybody has...

–Can I sleep in your house?
–Oh, sure. But why?
–I don't know, I find it easier to sleep out of home. Not sure why.
–Ah... okay!
–At the terrace, where we can see the sky. I like it there.
–Sure, when do you want to come?
–It could be Wednesday.
–So Wednesday it is, then! We can go up there, and I'll leave you there to sleep. I can also stay there if want to.
–Would be nice.
–And... there are only those wooden chairs you know. Not very... sleep-friendly, you know?
–It's okay, I can sleep at concrete benches in the park. It's not a problem.
–Fine.

He looked at the bottle.
Was he really going to take that ahead? The bottle of tequila seemed to challenge him. His thoughts partly did the same, and partly tried to bring him back into his senses.
–Hard to sleep for two weeks in a row, huh?
–Yeah...
–Are you sure of this?
–Pretty much. Either I sleep or I die right?
He was home alone. Earlier on, he had bought that bottle at a nearby store. He left it in the car, while going around on his activities.
That day, some minutes after the purchase, he met the girl he had feelings for. It was hard to admit but, he couldn't ran away from the fact. They didn't get along well together, he knew that. Yet it was hard to say no to her. So they still met. They could chat all day, and it was fun. They would share stories and candies. But there wouldn't be anything beyond that. He had asked her to be his girlfriend, but she said no.
It just wasn't made to be, but it was hard to let go.
After leaving her home, he went to his new acquaintance's home. She was a friend from a friend. A very nice person, indeed. The group was growing, even though it wasn't the "circle", it was good to be there. And, it was "circle-related".
Everybody would gather at her house to eat some fondue and watch funny videos. The fondue was very good.
The night was fun, but somehow it wore out quickly. However, he still stood there for a little longer. Even though he inside didn't feel very bright, it was good to see all those people together having a good time. Good to see them happy.
But it was time to sleep. It was some hours deep into the night, and this was a decisive moment.
–Better start soon.
–I know.
He filled a common glass with the drink and prepared lemon and salt. Had he known there were shot glasses in the house, perhaps they would be a better idea.
First one in.
It was horrible. Tequila was easier to stand when drinking smaller amounts, not a common beverage glass full to its borders. Yet, that was still in line with the plan. No matter how much salt he used, or the fact he had only cut half a lemon, it wasn't enough to take the bad taste away.
–Stick to the plan.
–Sure.
Second glass ready. The first one had still no effect on him, perhaps because of the measly ten-minute interval.
Second glass in.
Perhaps worse than the first. He used as much lemon and salt as he could, to no avail.
He looked around. The house was silent. He sat at the kitchen, feeling somewhat ridiculous, drinking that crap on his own. Well, it was time to prepare to sleep. So he went to the computer and said goodbye to those he was chatting a few moments before. And he sent a message "from his heart" to the girl he liked.
Drunk, yet unknowingly of the fact. The message was a mess and later on he would feel pretty ashamed of it. But that didn't matter. Everything was as planned.
–Third glass and we're done.
–Sure.
Final glass in. The taste was now a part of his throat. His mouth seemed to decay. He left the other ingredients untouched in the table, they didn't matter anyway. After a glass of water, he was ready to sleep. He just sat at bed, and slowly crumbled toward the pillow.
And smoothly, he was asleep. With the lights left on. And wearing the same clothes since afternoon.
The hours moved on, until 4 a.m..
A jet of his inner fluids flew through the room. Reddish, because of the chocolate fondue.
There would be only flashes of what followed next.
But what matters is that it was the plan. It worked. For the next month and a half, he would feel sleepy around 10 p.m., and that was incredible.

To invoke the horned

I... wonder if we really need to bring him back. I hope not.
I'm not sure. Some say they can only trust him. Well, we have failed a little for a while, huh?
Failed a little is a nice way of putting it, it was a disastrous series of failures.
Disaster...
What?
Nothing, I was just thinking that I like that word for some reason.
Meh...
Well, I really think that, he would manage it better.
He deals with this stuff better than us, doesn't he?
He deals with life, better than us. Like pretty much anyone else does.
Hahaha, that sounds so low. We can't go on like this.
It's funny because I don't know if, not bringing him into the game, is wrong. Because sometimes I just get angry and I think, you know, fuck this shit. Let's bring him and destroy everything. It doesn't matter if we get wiped out, at least we won. But then I give up on the idea, and I don't know if I do this out of laziness, as in, never leaving the comfort zone.
I'm out of answers too...


To be honest, I don't really think we can go full evil on people. Not sober at least. But I dislike being too drunk since I don't remember things. And I dislike offending people for free.
It's kinda sad that the only way out of this, is going through it.


Have I told you that I got a new plan? I don't know if it could qualify as a plan, but, I decided to help someone.
I know that you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. And probably that's the case. I'm not sure if she can be helped. I'll just have to try. I'll be there for the good night and for the good morning. If that can help, then it will be wonderful, it's simple, but it would change heaps for me. So, maybe why not right? Maybe that changes heaps for someone else.

D25082015

It was all dark. I remember were in the North Lake. I don't know how many we were...
I know there was someone else, that's all I'm sure.
There was this room, with an old television. We stood there, maybe we could play, I can remember friendly faces but I... I'm not sure who they were. They were away. The darkness was a little bit different, kind of gloomier.
I remember walking in the streets, going all the way we went in the past. But I walked alone this time. Not sure how much had I walked, the mall wasn't there, there was this huge structure with a flat roof supported by a few columns, at the other side of the street. I walked the sidewalk, ghostly among the humans. It seemed a bit more gray than black, as if the illumination at that point was a bit brighter.
Then she appeared.
I'm not sure who she was, she seemed so familiar yet I can't recognize her face. The hair seemed red. But for some reason she feels like more of amalgam of some girls. She recognized me, among the living. Can't say for sure if she just spawned or if had my name called.
So we talked.
And it was a strange chat, it felt like rushing back and forth between comfort and anxiety. Her face looked cheerful, and sometimes curious when she asked things. But then came the question that broke it all.
It was related to other girls. It didn't go downhill, it just felt like, "who gives a damn". So we talked about this... number seven. Not sure what it was but it was related to the topic.
I also reckon we were at the same place, different "dimension"... The people around had phased out. There was this short silence, while we looked at each other's eyes. I guess she took the lead. Sounds like the most probable scenario.
So, she kissed me and we fell on the floor, lying close to each other. I can remember how warm her body felt and how good it felt. So we stood there for a while.
But then it was time to move on, and I was at the street. Walking between cars, as if I were one of them. I remember feeling ashamed, as if I had no shirt. Their lights were on, guess it was night, all the environment seemed to turn to a blacker tone.
Not much later, I was facing the entrance to my block, just it was way narrower and overwhelming. Tall fences on both sides, and the street following up, to my old house. I knew the dogs were around, even though at the distance I couldn't quite see them. But, lo and behold, in a few seconds one of them was a few meters ahead. Running, barking, hating. I jumped at the fence to the left, feeling that this time my body was much more ready to lift my own weight than years ago. What wasn't my surprise when the dog basically reached me, while I was atop that fence.
I tried to hit his head, but to no avail. So I jumped to the other fence while it frantically jumped on the left fence. Somehow, he bugged while jumping there, falling inside the house and not being able to come out. The second dog showed up right after, yet this time I was aware that they... had a glitch with the fence. And so, they got caged inside that house.
A mailman then came close to the house entrance, I don't know where did he come from, that was weird. I got worried about the dogs attacking him, yet all I could do was ask if he lived there, to which he answered, "I'm the mailman, I don't live here". We tried to chat but it didn't develop very well. So I parted to my house. Climbing the street.
And then, came this weird dog, smaller than the others. Slowly. But there seemed to be something wrong with it. And I just... ran. I jumped into my house's fence, and while trying to climb up, I looked to see it jumped at me. I held his head trying to hurt it, so it would go away, but he reacted faster and almost bit me.
Eventually I escaped, falling inside the house. It didn't feel like my old house, though it couldn't not be it.


There are strange aspects of it all that could be discussed. For now I focus on writing. Gotta find a happy ending.

Choices...

So, are we set?
Dead set!
Then it's game!
 
 
Dude, talk about bad luck!
Haha, I know it, right?!
These guys are getting all our luck.
 
 
Hm... looks like there's this way we can go.
Yeah... I was thinking, with what we got right now, maybe if we just unloaded it all and forgot about completing...
We can try that later.
 
 
That is... sad.
Talk about a sad turn of events.
 
 
Unbelievable!
What the...
 
 
You know, losing is okay, we could have lost and we knew that from the start, but...
That was pathetic.
It was.
Damn. We didn't even stand a chance.
But we can try again.
Yeah we got another shot of humiliating defeat.
Hey, you really got that moody because you lost something?
What if did? Weren't you even there? It was absurd!
So wha... hey, get back here!
Fuck this mess!
Damn...
 
 
So, unwound already?
Man, leave it alone.
We have to go back there. They are waiting for us.
So what? They can wait all they want. We quit!
What?!
We give up, I'm not here to keep on forcing myself into something that just won't work out.
We don't fucking give up.
Wh...?
I'm not here because I love this shit. I absolutely ain't here because I enjoy your company, nor most of these people's company. Even though they don't bother me, they are... irrelevant. I'm here because I said I would be, and now I have to honor my damn word. We aren't here to win. We chose to be here, we chose to play the game. And you know there's people counting on us...
Sure, b...
...And you gave your WORD! You know, I could be watching a concert with my friend, or watching a bad movie and having some laughs. I refused to have a good time, one that would certainly be it, to FUCKING COME HERE. AND NOW WE ARE GOING TO DO WHAT WE SAID WE WOULD.
We can't win.
SO WE WON'T WIN. BUT WE SAID, AND YOU KNOW YOU REMEMBER IT, WE WOULD SHOW UP.
I kn...
...SHUT UP! YOU ASKED ME TO JOIN THE PARTY, AND I GAVE MY WORD! SO YOU SWALLOW THIS STUPID PRIDE AND SELF PITY, AND GO BACK IN THERE. AND PLAY. THE FUCKING. GAME. We will play, and we will give our damn best. And it is going to be fun. Now get the fuck up. I ain't refusing good times in order to achieve bad times.

Feelings

Such is the loser of the night.
One who cannot truly sleep unless exceedingly tired.
One who cannot sleep if too tired because randomly dreams will take his prize.
I know, I know, this was just one minor defeat, like all the many other nights. But it felt boring. Well, not boring, but it felt bad and I don't know how to describe that exactly.
I had a strange dream, thinking about it now, it looks pretty ridiculous, but I was really absorbed by it. Sometimes we believe in what we want to believe, even if it is downright flawed. It feels strange to think that I was actually creating some sort of homage for Mike, with a prize. Was it all for the reward? I wonder...
Where did all that come? Where is it going? All the answers that did not appear, yet felt like they could be found if I insisted... huh, be careful what you wish for...

These days are pretty confusing.
I guess the choices are all presented already, sometimes you just need to accept what's over the table, sometimes that's all there is...

Mirror, mirror

I am owing you a story with a happy ending.
I am thinking as much as I can, chossing which story from the warehouse should I use. I hope to write something as awesome as the butterfly story. I truly am.


It's clear that there is something weird going on. I've never seen you this weak, so easy to scare. What made you this way?
It seems to be a very rocky track in this road. But it has been like this for months. We should have already taken the game to another level...
I wonder what really happened in your head after the notice. It's clear that you did not have much of a link with your aunt. But it felt so weird when you thought about going there, about your grandfather, about your father... and weird in a bad way.
You worry about these people. I get that.
I just don't understand how does that chemical works, why does it bring such a gloom feeling?
Shouldn't we already be jaded to death?
A few hours ago you said you wanted a hug. Are you... going back to that stage again? Even though you didn't really have a link with her? Are you... feeling their pain?
Or are you already too softened, so much that every thing that comes into play manages to bring you down?
I wonder...
Are you on a horror movie rampage in order to be afraid of something else?
I'm out of guns here. It seems like fighting it head on won't work.
Or maybe... you really need some sleep?

The Game of Scars

Can you tell me what are you feeling now?
I can't...
Why not?
I'm not sure I... know...
But are you feeling something?
I think so...
Can you tell me what do you see in your head?
In my head?
Yes...
I...
Don't worry. You don't need to pass through so much pressure. Just try to relax, and if anything passes through your head, tell me.
I don't know.
What do you see?
Things that never existed. Things that should perhaps not exist.
What kind of things?
Things we see on the television. Things we see on the movies.
What kind of things?
The scenes pass so fast. But I see they're friends.
Friends?
Friends... and they are having fun.
Good. What are they doing?
It is fun... they are laughing... they seem to be having a good time...
That's very good. Do you recognize any of them?
I don't know... who they are... but they are happy...
Perhaps some actor, from some sort of mov...?
I want their happiness.
What?
I want to laugh too.
Calm down...
I want their souls, make them miserable.
You can open your eyes now.
MAKE THEM PAY.
...
I'LL KILL THEM ALL!

That's not you!
...
Stop this! This is stupid! Come back.
Kill them...
Don't! Come back. Open your eyes!
...
Open your damn eyes!
I don't...
PLEASE!
Kill...
Don't do this, please. I don't care about what were you feeling... please, just come back to me... forget all that, we can...
Miserable...
We can come back to what it was before. It doesn't matter. Please...
...
...
...
Are you... even... listening?
I...
...
Feel... tired...
...Tired?
Uh-huh...
Can you hear... me?
Uh-huh...
That's enough.
I'm not sure I want to... understand what's going on inside...
That's okay... it really is! You can just stay like that, and we'll find other ways of going through. We'll never do that again, ok?
Ok.
That's okay for now...
Do you want to...
Huh?
...Sleep?
Sleep?
Yes... we could sleep for a while, I feel like my head weighs a ton.
...
...
Sure.


It is as simple as it looks. The participants stay back to back, hands tied to each other's hands. The rule of the game is winning. At all costs. Your hands are tied in order for you to focus on the game. The objective is to scar your opponent as much as you can, round after round. Each round is composed by one attack and one counterattack.
To attack you just have to use your time to remember something horrible about the person close to you, and shoot it. Make it feel miserable. Open these wounds.
The counterattack is simple, you have to use the moment, the event, or whatever was shot at you, in your point of view. Turn that thing as something that can damage who attacked you. Then, on the next round, the roles change, and we go on like this until someone quits, thus being the loser.
You can't quit, and we'll assure your body will be enough so as to disable furious movements that can damage your opponent physically. Use only words.
In case of losing two rounds consecutively, being it during attack or counter, due to tears, physical illness, mental unstability, or anything else that can happen to those who can't handle the game, you are automatically defeated. So get ready to shoot even under extreme psychological pain. You have to shoot, even if it does minor scars. Someone has to feel something during every move. Bring these words out.
So, are you ready for the game?


And he made it round 168. No one really understands why, but that game was the show of the century. Round after round, she fired at him, at the beginning fiercely. He also shot some horrible moments back. But something happened.
Right after the fifth round, it was almost as if she was playing alone. She shot him. And he shot himself. Instead of using the things she brought up to the table, using his point of view against her, he scarred himself with those moments. It took a few rounds for it to surprise her. Yet during his attacks, he mostly brought minor moments that perhaps could scar both of them.
The game could not be stopped, for you only lose a round if you don't scar someone, so scarring yourself is valid. It's just not very wise if you want to win, or at least preserve some of your mental health. Though, some might say that playing the game already shows that mental health has long gone.
He just delayed his defeat, ran out of arguments it seems.
Yet, recordings show a strange shine in his eyes everytime she spoke, somewhat after the 120th round. Has he gone insane? Was he going delusional just by hearing her voice? Was he... happy?
During round 159th, she lost her timing on counterattack. Perhaps what had he shot hurt them both so badly, she didn't react. Her attack came fragile after that, but had its moments. Yet these last few rounds, he probably lost the grip of reality, doing weak moves and holding a smile on his face.
Some may say he was genuinely happy.
What could have been?
Joyful? Downright crazy?

Rearm, part 5

I call it a cease fire.
Perhaps it is too soon for saying that. Perhaps I'm not aware of the size of the fight that's coming true, but I feel confident that this time we can stop the battle of the many rounds. We may not see our companion again, but at least we can easen all that walked in by that time. I really wish she could be here by now, I think that she could perhaps even be proud of me. But that's irrelevant now.
I cast once for the role of light. I would bring light to the world when there would be only darkness. But somewhere amidst all the chaos that happened, that feeling got lost. I still remembered what I said, but I just didn't feel like it was feasible anymore. I ain't even sure now, I just feel like, good things can be coming our way.
I've watched horror movies these days. It feels awesome. Just like when I was a child, for some reason it makes me feel so good. You know, getting people together and watching while eating some snacks. It is awesome.
Truly awesome.
I feel good. It's like when you get a new chance after being too burned out. Looks good.
At times like these I feel like sleeping. Thanks to all involved.


–I think... I think I've found a way!
–What way??
The two were already too dirty and tired to speak while running. For the past few days, they had been trying to find a way out of ghost town.
–Remember what we always did whenever we saw the red light appearing?
–Yeah! We.. ran...
–Why don't we... go into it?
–You mean... enter the rooms where the evil light shines?
–It may not... be evil.
–What do you mean?
–We were... just afraid... because... oh damn, we need to... stop...
–Okay... let's stop... after the next turn, we got some time...
They kept running the corridor of broken wooden boards. As soon as they were a few steps from the place where the path turned sideways, they hit the floor knee first, wheezing.
After two minutes, they looked at each other, it was time for a change.
–So, we just ran away because we always associated the color and illumination as something demoniacal. But it may not be, remember how the others handled the color pretty well. Well, so can we!
–You mean then... following the red lights anytime they appear?
–Yeah. I know that sounds scary because we are already too scared to even think rationally... but, if we can't win by following what we find is safe, let's try the other way.
–I can do that, if you are up to the challenge.
–Great. Let's just run into it, and don't even think what may happen next!


–You're not even ready for the real fight, are ya?
–Get back in here... I WILL TEAR YOU TO PIECES!
–Do you know which color fits me very well?
–I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU!
He aimed the shotgun at his fallen foe. His legs were so torn they seemed to be made of paper and blood.
Slowly, he got close, step after step.
–YOU COME HERE AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN!
His eyes shone.
He dashed towards the towering man, who yelled as much as his body allowed to.
The finger pulled the trigger.
A smile roared through his face, while blood covered his body, as well as the entire room.


The said I looked like a clown.
I was afraid of being ridiculous.
I was afraid of being ugly.
I was afraid of becoming something I didn't like.
Yet I was never afraid of nullifying myself. And like that I ran away from all that made me cry, hoping someone would come to save me.
Looks like no one's coming now.
Come here mister clown.
May the best one survive.

And the word is... silence.

Looks like we are still a long way from getting our shit together.
I am absolutely astounded by how far has this dragged.
To be honest I haven't much to say. As it happened before, I feel like I have a lot to write but when I get here, there is absolutely nothing to write. Nothing that makes sense and should be read.
Yet I feel like the imagery in my head should be passed ahead.
I cannot explain. Because it seems to be something beyond my reach.
But it would feel good to be hugged.
I need to sleep now, been having some heavy headaches that only go away if I sleep during the afternoons and that is something very bad. Also my eyes have been crying or itching, or something. I say they've been crying because it is something different from simply crying.
Maybe they are having some sort of lag or I am feeling things I don't even know I am feeling, because it wasn't an order of mine for them to drop some tears.
How ridiculous would it be if I told you that I am not sure how to cry? Tears go but then they stop. It's like I have forgotten how to continue after some point. Or maybe I just feel like I would look too ridiculous to cry freely.
I'm not sure.
I just hope this goes away.
It has to.


Don't worry Mike, daddy will find a way. Even if it takes everything. Daddy loves you.