I am quite emotional lately.
It brings me tears when I see almost every image about the death Roberto Gómez Bolaños. It moves me when I hear songs from the The Gray Chapter. I never was much envolved with Slipknot, I just liked a few of their songs. But the emotion present in some these new album's songs makes me think.
And thinking like this scares the crap out of me.
I am afraid of not following my dream and ending like a dead veil full of regret. But am also afraid of following it and losing everyone around me. It requires balance.
I never had balance.
Probably never will.
It makes me weird when I look at Mike and remember about Bob. Mike is not Bob. It's strange. But I keep on thinking that this difference is what gives me the chance of being a better owner. This dog won't be abandoned.
I wanted to talk. I wanted a hug. I think I'm having a craving for caress that I haven't had for long. And I don't know how to react to that. But I also have a game to finish. I cannot give up.
I cannot stop now. Not now.
I promised to deliver ONE game this year. It's still 2014. There's still time.
But please read this one story (based on real life events).
18:02.
They aren't coming. I know they aren't. Well, I already knew they weren't coming anyway. Not like they have shown up last week also.
It's not that I am angry at them for this, I am just a bit sad because I like to have company while running. It makes the exercise flow easier, and when you notice, it is already time to pack your stuff and go eat somewhere. Exercise and food, awesome combination.
Well, let's run anyway. We'll be finished by seven.
These clouds...
Ominous clouds huh?
Yeah. I heard about rain somewhere nearby.
I just hope rain doesn't show up.
Why not?
Well. We are running. Aaaaand... I'm pretty sure you won't stop in case it rains...
For sure I won't. And I actually hope rain comes. It feels awesome to walk in the rain, and it's been so long since I last did it.
Fine.
...
So, what are your plans for the game now?
Not sure, I am a bit out of ideas and mechanics to think about. It's weird. I don't know if I am that tired or if development is finally coming to an end.
Perhaps the latter, the number of algorithms you have to come up with tend to lessen as the game gets more and more close to completion. At least so I hope.
It's a weird feeling isn't it? Not having so much to fix or create.
Well, it's a new thing for us I guess...
...
That's one big gray cloud dude.
Yeah, it sure is.
...
There aren't many people around this time, huh?
...
Whoa man! This feels awesome!
Yep, rain confirmed.
It's not a rain as in maaaaaan look at this raaaain, it's weak and feels kind of refreshing.
Refreshing?
I don't know the exact word, but it feels good. Easier to run.
Heh, it's funny to see these people running now.
There's still people around at least.
...
Now it's pretty rare to see someone huh?
Well most are waiting for the rain to fade away just a little bit...
It got stronger.
It sure did, feels good huh?
Yeah...
Reminds me of a few years ago, the moment we walked through heavy rain and didn't feel any fear. It was... a defining moment.
Putting it like that makes this rain looks pretty cool indeed.
Rain is cool, and there's barely any wind!
...
Dude, it's getting freakin' stronger.
It sure is.
What are we going to do?
What can we do other than keep running? There's no other way to get back to the car.
I guess so...
We'll finish the track just like we said we would. Wet or not, even if there's hail. We came here for this, we are going to do this. Stopping will only make us look weak and waste time.
Aye sir.
It's going to be fuckin' awesome.
...
Damn.
What?
I'm tired.
Well, your sneakers are way heavier now, and there's no part of you that's not wet, this is some serious storm now.
Still we go.
...
If it gets hard to move, remember you have hatred.
Yeah...
Think on all the things that make you angry, think about proving people wrong. It works outta here, it works in here. It always works.
...
It helps wonders indeed.
...
It's hard to breath.
Water is entering through your nose, man.
We have to fix this.
But don't stop running.
Ok.
...
Fixed.
Way better now.
...
Did you see that woman on a bycicle?
Yeah, funny ain't it?
Yeah, not used to have people talking to me here. That was nice.
It was different, but she looked like a funny person.
Well, she's riding a bike in the storm, even though she was under a roof.
Maybe she can't wait.
...
Dude.
...
I can't continue...
Come on, just a little bit more.
I want to, I just can't... I'm tired, I can't breath well, heavy rain doesn't help you run...
Hang on.
I'm hanging, but I want to close my eyes.
...
It feels so good to close my eyes...
...
Damn, I'm getting slower, legs are hurting now. Just a few more minutes...
...
A few more minutes...
...
Why don't we walk? We've already ran a lot and most people have given up, we kinda did it, didn't we?
No.
Look around man, it's cold and the rain's too heavy.
But you told me we would run even if the world ended in rain.
Maybe I overestimated myself.
Maybe.
So what?
Keep running. Because there's one thing I know.
What do you know?
I do know that somewhere, out there, I don't know exactly where, maybe above, maybe somewhere else, there's a dog looking at you. And he's happy. "Look! That's my owner", he's thinking. "The storm rages and he doesn't give up, he doesn't even show he cares about the storm".
Wh...
"And he won't stop running, 'cause I know he won't. 'Cause that's who my owner is."
Then we'll have to double the speed.
And double it again if it is not enough.
And think on something else if these legs feel like not handling the burden anymore.
Sure.
And the rain keeps getting heavier as we run faster.
It does, that's the challenge.
It contradicts much of what I believe in a religious aspect of life. But I still keep this belief. It's stupid, but it's one those things we carry with ourselves and make it easier.
I could achieve with some other thoughts, probably. But it was easier that way.
It's funny because I'm aware it doesn't make sense. It's funny because I still want to think it.
