The quiet Moonstar

I feel pretty lonely lately.
Will have to perform some fine tunings in the whole configuration in order to get out of this. But it is possible. I guess that's about it. Lights out, sleeping will be good today.


You look at the face of the light. The shine that had been so bright to the point of losing its human silhouette, now seem to match accordingly. It's a strange view because it is not like anything we've seen. For the first time, the quiet place we can warp to seems odd.
It's a weird feeling. When you go from extreme peace to ravaging curiosity and a little sense of dread.
What is this anyway? Why is it here?
Would you dare speak to it? Would you dare get closer?
We never know where does danger really dwell. And that drives fear inside.
You can wonder all you want, but that won't really solve this kind of doubt.
For better, for worse, I decided to go by the rules that guided me for a long while.
It was a simple "Hey, are you okay?"

The silent Moonstar

Did you know that hell means bright in german?
I find it very curious.
What does the word hell carry behind it? Have you ever thought about it? I'm not sure what I want to say with this but, I find it a very interesting word. It seems to imbue things with power. Maybe it's because of all the taboo we put around it, you know, theorically we shouldn't be speaking bad words. But, how can words carry anything if we don't give 'em this ability? Why is hell hell?
And if we speak it thinking of good things? And the reverse way? There are many supposedly good words that are used to harass people. I believe it is what you make it be, not the word by itself.
Long story short, I like the word hell. Maybe it's because of Doom. It has got so much impact.
I was wondering about it a while ago, in the car. It's weird that I use the car as a philosophical place? Well, it may be dangerous, but we are taking care.
You can create many names with the word hell too. One of the best that got around so far are Hellmaine and Helz.
But, that wasn't the exact topic of this night, the topic is something that came with some other name. I call it Moonstar.


We all have that little place of wonder. Somewhere inside us, where we lose track of being alive, where thoughts overthrow the sensations we have with what reality has to offer. It may vary according to who feels, may be a sport, it may be just standing still watching over the environment, maybe sleeping.
I'm not sure what was mine, perhaps a mix of thinking and matching the right place and time. I could just, escape. And everytime I came back, it felt odd. It felt kinda awful actually because I remembered that I existed. Not that I hate existing, but the fact that this existance will sooner or later end, well, it made me feel bad.
But sometimes, we have these mind travels, as if we warped somewhere else.
Well, this was my best somewhere else.
Imagine being in a place that's made of tranquility, as if you're walking on a moon that looks like the earth, but it is mostly ground and ground all around. This ground changes colors, though it's mostly shining in a way that doesn't hurt the eyes. Then there's the stars. I like it. You know, it's walking this big starry sky that makes us remember that, whatever comes next, the sky is there for us. I liked it. Perhaps because its quiet emptiness was what I wanted at the moment. Sometimes you just need to stay away for a while. Gotta understand what goes around.
I could tell you to imagine that there's a song playing also, while you walk through this placid vast, that feels so tiny once you look up.
But then, there's that.
That is something different. Among all the rocks that accompany us through these ways, we have pillar of light. And it looks fascinating, because it stands tall among the view, yet it seems to humbly acknowledge that the entire place is essential for its existence.
And in a way, it feels enticing. Perhaps because it is something new, perhaps because it is not what all the rest is, no matter how beautiful the rest may look like.
And closer and closer you get.
Its height may not be what you thought it was, it is somewhat closer to your own height.
Its base may not be exactly a base, but rather a cape that, at this distance you see that joyfully plays with the ground, even though wind is scarce.
Its shoulders stand look tense.
Moreover, the hands are held in something close to a prayer position.
And the face, now that you are here, turns around slightly to face you.
Welcome, Moonstar.

Warping...

Do you remember the definition of madness?
In some of us, the definition is carved in the flesh. It runs through our veins. Blood infected by the never changing acts. We are destined to die repeating the same mistakes. Again. And again. And again.
We can even fool ourselves, pretending this time there is something different. This time it will work.
Boy, it won't.


I got sad this weekend.
I don't know if I have the right to say I am sad.
I feel stupid. But that is not in the news. Maybe it was years and years ago. In my head wars are waged hour after hour.
I live wondering when will someone make a mistake that will allow me to explode. It's tense. We live at the very brinks of it. But it rarely happens.
It doesn't because of what has happened at the other side of the show.
I need to protect people, unless otherwise specified.
I feel responsible for them.
I can't explode on them because they are the very same as me, a mere concatenation of physical elements and bizarre emotions. Different, but still the same.
That sums it up, terribly.


I can't say things will change now. I guess changing these situations also require time, no matter what direction you decide.
I've been looking at things in the past, and trying to keep calm at home. I can't work that much anymore. I feel no spirit. We are having a severe lack of will, that is.
So, we'll follow at this downgraded speed.
One thing that I stumbled upon was some few posts from a place where a grumpy toast once lied. The place has changed its name and appearance, but it's there. I always thought it was funny to read things I found there, it felt like things characters in my head could speak. It is a neat feeling, relating to something outside your head when you feel like you can't be part of the world. But anyway, I see how the queen of that place evolved. It's admirable.


Now, to the next topic.
I can warp back and forth, but I promise we'll be getting there, eventually.
I've noticed these days, that I... mimic things I like. I don't know if things are as exaggerated as it felt in my mind, because I'm a little bit out of balance (more than the usual at least) and things seem to get bizarre proportions when you are feeling this. But it feels like I basically mimic whatever I think it is nice, I say whatever because it is mainly humans (or humanoids, for that matter...) but many of them are basically characters in whatever show I may have seen.
It is not a true mimic behavior because I have my own me, but it feels like it has a minor voting power. It also scares me to think that I get angry when people ask me "what do you want to do?" or "what do you feel...?", I don't work very well with this stuff. I need people to point me out very clearly what has to be done.
But if I am currently in a mimicking spree, let's try to look at who would get out of this.


There are a few friends and acquaintances that look like they could solve the problem. Therefore, I'll be them, when possible. They look like good examples. In this exemplar cast I put the queen of the toast, the man over the dragon and a few others. Basically the entire circle is also inside, even if not for mimicking purposes.


I wish someday to be as strong as you have made me felt you were.


Also, if possible, what is the difference of buying things for people to hoard attention, and doing it for the simple sake of seeing them happy?

Hefty prices

Hello, welcome to the land of money. Here, we aren't ashamed to say that everything has a price. Anything can be bought, just like out there, but, here this is common knowledge!
Ain't it awesome? All you can buy, all day. Is it food? Cars? Sex? Whatever you wish! You can bet, you can threat, everything that comes to your mind. This is the land of free fucking will.
I can guide you through the surroundings, for a hefty price that is. My time ain't for free, and I ain't good at charity. Honestly, who the fuck is, right?
I know you want some fun, I can see it in the eyes of everyone that comes around for the first time. And, believe me, you will have some fun. Just forget limits, anything can control your desire. Here your desire is the master, as long as you can pay for it. It is only a crime if you get caught also. And crimes can be forgiven, you just need to show what they want. Every. One. Has. A. Price.
So, what is it gonna be?

Can I buy one thing?

Anything. Didn't believe when I said? You can even buy people's lives! Wanna see how they fare with acid in their mouths? Just. Say it.

Then can I use this money to make you like yourself?