I don't know what you're up to, but I will deserve this christmas.
You don't know how brutal is the fight you're asking for.
I don't know because I don't give a shit about it, it's matterless.
I've had everything I needed. Always. It's time to prove that I deserved all that. I've never proved anything to those people.
Perhaps because you didn't need to prove. Perhaps they already know you deserve.
So, if someone sees you deserve to have everything, you have the rights to be an asshole forever?
Not like that.
This is serious, I really want to deserve these holidays, I need to.
So... mr. I'll-deserve-this-christmas, are you worth these holidays now?
...
I warned you. You suck.
...
The epic feeling has already vanished, hasn't it? You're so predictable. Always like that, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU DONE THE SAME THING IN THE LAST... FOUR MONTHS? You see, this is plain stupid.
This time is different.
DIFFERENT? Why is it different? Because now you've hit rock bottom? Oh come on, how many times haven't you done that?
I'm not even close to rock bottom. Never been. This is a bad situation, but it's a situation I can handle. It may take time, but I never said it would be as fast as lightning.
Oh really? And you think we have the eternity? You have less than one month now.
That's ok for me.
It's ok? YOU WANT ME TO BELIEVE THAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO IN ONE MONTH... LESS THAN ONE MONTH, WHAT YOU HAVEN'T DONE IN THREE MONTHS? YOU KEEP ON THIS BULLCRAP EVERYDAY. WHY YOU ALWAYS NEED TO BE SUCH A LOSER? WHY YOU NEED TO MAKE THINGS SO TROUBLESOME WHEN IT COMES TO THEM?
NOW YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU RETARD.
WHAT YOU S...
SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. You see, you talk too much, that's why your blood is in my hands now, filthy blood. If I weren't in a good mood I'd probably have a little of your brain in my hands also, and that would make me very upset. Don't make such a scared face, you will survive. Let's put things like this: I'm lost. I really am. But, I'm trying to pave my way out of this shit. Now, you are not helping me, so I don't need you. And. I need to destroy something, it's like... therapy. So, according to the law of least effort, I can destroy you. It's being a hard time, forgetting everything and keeping positive, so don't come here throw your shit. Because, if I need you, is for meatshield purposes. Oh, yes, get up. You're not that wounded anyway.
I...
Now you are. Oh, such a good mood.
Perhaps I need to become another person now... but then again, it's stupid not being yourself because of someone. No matter what circumstances. I'm probably not becoming anyway. Just fooling around. Burying the past can demand a lot of time. It's a good thing I have a lot of time anyway. The only problem is that you get very lost, and I don't like being lost, well... I guess nobody does. So, I'm lost. But that doesn't mean I'm dead, that doesn't mean I'm on my last breaths. I wonder how can people get to their last breaths because of situations like this, guess they're weak. Well, being them weak or not, it's not important now. The important now is to decide the next steps. You know, it would be damn easier if I just charged on any possible target, but then again, that wouldn't be me. Or perhaps I'm complicating everything for no reason. But I really feel like being a sucker by doing that, so it's not an option.
Aiming to like no one is just too utopic. I can't deny it would be terrific, but at the moment we deal with realistic options (or at least options that try to get close to being realistic). I've tried to keep myself busy 24/7 but it just ended up being too damn tiring. Although I had some serious fun, but I guess it can be better without that much activity. All in all, we end on the point of equilibrium (once again, as ever) that I just can't hit, and probably 99% of the people also can't (if you can, kudos for you). Memory can be deadly, but, we're doing one hell of a job in burying everything, we'll get there, I know we will.
Thing is, I'm not into charging into any girl that appears, it's not... me (duh, I love to repeat things). Perhaps because I would feel bad for just... using them. They are more than substitutes. Damn, this is complicated. A friend of mine has once said that women like to be treated bad (or most women, I don't remember every word exactly), then, I guess it's game over for me. Well, I've treated bad before of course, but it's not a thing I am proud of having done. People fail, that's the way they are. I just don't know whether I should try or not, pretty pathetic ain't it?
Anyway, christmas is on the way. That's the best time of the year, even though there's no snow over here. Things will get more and more harsh from now on...
I thought about ending this with some positive thoughts but I just can't find any that really could make the difference. Well, this is it then.
