Derail

Heh...
I would write the story of those two, in the case I felt better.
I feel like that's just pure procrastination. Maybe, who knows. I hate the fact that everything's so... based on feeling it or not. That sucks. I feel things in a weird fashion. Or perhaps I'm just dumb, and everyone also feels things this way but they can understand and process such strange data.
Meh...
I don't want to rant.
What I want is to know how to ask for help. What am I trying to achieve here? How should I ask it? What should I say? Things can't stay this way but...
How do we fix it?
You know, when you don't want to sleep but... there's nothing else to do.
I thought having discipline at the gym would help me. Well, it did, in a small part of the whole thing. But...
But...
Damn.
Aw I hate this shit.
I was wondering whether this would be the right time to just send the real world to fuckin' hell and accept a life entirely inside my mind. That would mean some sacrifices.
But at the way things go...
At such stupid rate...
Would it be a sacrifice?
If we don't feel like going after these people... should we just disappear? Let them follow their lives, cut relations...?
Somehow, I feel bored about them. I don't like it. But it's happening. Shit.
Where the fuck do we run to?
Aw... fuck.


I have to find a new meaning. Things only matter when we give them some kind of value...
That's the point...
How do we get to value it?

I had a funny dream tonight.

Evicted

I don't know. I could describe to you how chaotic things are right now and how destruction took center stage. Bit by bit...
But it wouldn't matter, you can't see it, I can't see what you see.

And for now all I want is a hug...

Resolve

The so talked about post...
In fact, planned. But won't be done so easily.
Guess we'll need another day for such a heavy briefing.

Let's start slow...
We'll have, a few many bullets.

On to setting the new year's resolutions, the goals for this year.

Buy a Punisher T-shirt. (1 point)
Graduate. (50 points)
Stop being so judgemental toward others and myself. (80 points)
Learn a way of showing I care, one that is acceptable. (30 points)
Make more money! (30 points)
Stop a few stupid jokes. (20 points)
Keep on playing games in a balanced rhythm. (20 points)
Do the rose plan. (30 points)

Girlfriend branches
Stop thinking about getting a girlfriend. (50 points)
Get a girlfriend. (50 points)

To be continued when I wake up...
...
Continuing!

Travel again. (20 points)
Read 12 books through the year. (20 points)

Writing branches
Write new random stories. (1 point)
Focus on writing these stories(AKA taking it seriously). (10 points)
Develop SMC/Tale. (20 points)
Write 100 pages of SMC/Tale. (40 points)
Write more stories for the A day strips. (20 points)

Buy and use a Calendar. (10 points)
Find the Totoro's plan 4th soldier. (1 point)
Learn to talk about sex openly. (20 points)

Monster branches
Go to the gym regularly. (30 points)
Do exercises daily. (10 points)
Eat more healthy food. (20 points)

Stop forcing myself to maintain appearances. (100 points)

So, we have a total of 100+60+31+91+40+100+261=282+140+261=683 points to reach this year. Let the massacre start.

Another part of the briefing. The decisions.
It was proposed that I stopped forcing myself to never sleep, or eat insanely, and a few other things...
It seems like a good idea, so it was included in the resolutions, as the last topic. That will be good since it can also help me into becoming something else. So, accepted.

The other proposition was to burn down all the past memories and grudges regarding girls. As in, starting anew. That does not mean I'd be engaging a good friends relationship, it just means, pretending nothing happened until it quite became true. Or something like that.
But that one was, rejected.

I guess those were the only propositions.
I really want to remain alone now...
Guess sometimes you have to do that, right?

Another important point of discussion. The what-are-you-looking-for part, that was proposed by Gudim a few... well... some months ago.
Let's see if I can put this straight.

She has to have a friendly stance toward videogames. AT LEAST.
That means:
Do not bother if I play with my friends.
Respect if I want to just play a bit sometimes.
On the worst case scenario, be neutral toward people talking about videogames.
Play videogames with me. (Optional, though it would be insanely nice)

She has got to look pretty to my eyes.
I guess that's as straightforward as it gets. It doesn't matter if she's blonde or brunette or if she dyes her hair. Eye color, I don't care. Since I don't know what's exactly my standards regarding beauty, I have not much to say.
Long hair is nice. (Optional)
Different hair colors are nice. (Very optional)
Few to no tattoos.
Enjoy wearing common clothes such as tank tops or shirts with bands or cartoons or shows she like, sneakers, stuff like that. I suck at describing these things. (Optional, but highly appreciated)

She has gotta like my friends.
I ain't abandoning 'em. 'Nuff said.

She has to enjoy doing random things like... going out running in the rain out of the blue.
That can be put in a progressive scale:
Don't bother when I talk or do such things.
Enjoy accompanying me on my stupidness. (Optional, though very appreciated)
Accompany me and give ideas for more random stuff. (Optional, but that kind of optional that sometimes blinds us pretending to be obligatory, though it isn't)

She has to enjoy playing with my hair. (Optional)

She has to like watching movies. (Optional)

She has to like reading books. (Lots of reading is optional)

She has to like travelling.

She has to be decided, though not much since I ain't that much also.

She can't be lazy.

She has to... I guess that's enough. It ain't complete though it feels like I can't think of anything else right now. And there's quite a lot of duty in there already.

Let's see...
Guess that's it.
Thaaaaaaat's it.
Curtains. Close.