A way out of nowhere

Explosions everywhere...
—Looks amazing, huh?!
—What do you mean?
—This... confusion. It's different from what we had before, I believe we are in the right way this time!
—Looks like so...
—No, it FEELS like so! Ain't it weird to feel?
They laugh happily.


I can't deny I'm afraid. But, who cares... fear is just, the start of things. If you don't get past the start, it will never end.


He's mad.
But I still like to see that smile on your face.


Soon enough, the captain of S.S. Troublemaker will show up.


Consider... your purposes defeated.
Marks, marks, marks.
Running with blood on t heir mouths. Screaming, bleeding like the plague. Free. Free of what? We are clashing each other for the sake of seeing our fellow hurt. Stop, stop. Or let us stop you. Please, please let me shoot.
Soon they will show their dreadful faces.
I want to scream, how do I do it?
Hold, hold, hold.
Hug, hug, hug.
You said, bug? But? Butt? Bust? Burst?
No, I just wanted hug.


Can sleep now.

Roses... thorns... slumber

I should be sleeping by now, but I already feel like it's going to take too long to get to sleep. And I started to think about something, normally I get to sleep easier when I write so I decided to already get to write it. We know how it works, let's try to get some advantage over.
I sometimes have the idea of walking around random places, and whenever I see someone sad, or looking sad, I don't know, I have the image in my head of someone sitting somewhere looking down, I guess the default vision of sadness. Well, anyway, whenever I see someone sad, I'd give this person a rose, so I'd be walking around with lots of roses, perhaps in a backpack, perhaps in my hand, but most probably in a backpack, and I'd give them. I'm not selling, I don't need the money. Actually, I don't even know why would I be doing this...
It just feels, right.
The idea first came regarding girls only. I feel it's a bit awkward to give roses to guys, but who knows. Maybe it can be helpful for them also, perhaps an old man who lost his hope.
Is it just a weird trick to get company or attention or whatever-the-fuck-can-be-inserted-in-here? I don't know. It's an old idea that sometimes passes by. I don't execute because I suppose it might give more problems than good results, maybe...
Who knows what may come out right?
Maybe there's jealous weirdos out there who will come with a gun blow my brains.
I then think that if I get to CHANGE one's day, then it's already worth it. I don't know, is it?
If you get to think about the blowing brains part, it's... just more sacrifice for people... and we already sacrificed so much...
I understand their positions too, it's weird to have a weird guy giving a rose to your girlfriend. It feels a bit bad indeed.
I don't know, I wish I could execute these things. Is there someone else out there who can help solve this?


If you get to think about it, this place is looking a lot like those... boards where you find new quests in those games you play man.
I miss playing...
We all do.


Hope this helps me to sleep.

The takeover

"Que isso cara, você é dono da sua cabeça, mostra quem é que manda nessa budega"

—Looks like we have a lot of work to do, boys!
—Hella' lotta' work...
—And we are tiiiiired...
—...This ain't gonna be easy.

It's pretty much as if Hanitarian or anyone else of his kind became a god over here... Damn. We'll have to fight our way through all the barriers we've allowed them to create.
Why...?
This is going to be long. Way too fucking long.
Why can't we do it as normal people do...?
But the throne is yours, sir. It's been yours ever since you were born. We have to, and we will, take that back. It's the righteous quest we all were waiting for, ain't it?

As invisible hands pound the piano, making the same awkward note sound through the whole world, we look at each other. Looks like... I'll need more help than I thought I would.

It sends chills down my spine. It's scary to think that there's just so much to be done and perhaps we won't make it out alive. So much...

Don't you feel like crying when you get to think about all the bad things you've done? Don't the tears ask to fall when you remember that you will have to fix it all and risk yourself again? It's...
It's here...
He's smiling at us...
He's gonna kill us...

I... I feel like watching horror movies, but I should be studying... I feel like walking around in the rain, just for the sake of it, but I can't. I can't do all these things that I think that would me happy. I have to study. It will pass, right? The sacrifice is worth it, right? I NEED TO BELIEVE IT IS. PLEASE, TELL ME IT IS. MAKE IT BE WORTH IT. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.
I can't ask for help... It would be too stupid... For many reasons... I'd probably not change so fast and thus, it would seem like it was useless. I want different help, something that my head did not foresee, something new, something that I wouldn't have told myself earlier. I...
Don't know exactly who should I run for...
I can't ask people to be there for me, I can't ask them to sacrifice themselves for me... This angers me because I sacrificed myself for 'em before...
What do we do...?

Help me take over what's mine by right...

The cast

So, as might not have been noted, some things got quite (even more) out of balance. So, just in case (get the real emphasis on just in case) there's people out there who can do something, we'll see.
We have some job opportunities in here, and anyone with any kind of experience related can apply. Neat, huh?

First. Can someone help me in dealing with money? I... get a bit obsessed with not losing money and it sometimes (many times actually) takes the fun of moments away...

Second. Can someone walk around with me? No special circuit in mind though, just, walking around through the city randomly, one block after another.

Third. Can someone help me to study? I want to do it, I can get a bit of motivation from myself alone, but sometimes it seems it would be easier if there was someone else. I don't know, it just cheers us up.

Fourth. Can someone listen to me? This one is just for the hardcore.

Fifth. Can someone play with me? I want to write a piece of a story, and then someone continues, and then I continue... you got the point. That's just the first game, though.

Sixth. Can someone give me a surprise? A good one that is.

Easier to be imagined.
But I just won't write it the way I thought. No, too childish.

And we'll change the sky to orange

Yawn.
Haha.
Well, guess what? Yeah, not sleeping again.
But it's quite fine, I ain't forcing it anymore. So... let's see what should we have wrote earlier today. Hm...
I don't know, it's funny, because I'm happy. Today I had a glance of ''what goes around, comes around'', in a good way. Nice to see some efforts rewarded, I'm positively sure we'll get to end our duty in due time!

Not to thank properly, might be what's coming back at you...

I wonder, is it due to my aversion to changes that I'm unable to see the rain green? Because, I managed to see the orange sky and the blue trees (I must say, they are pretty). I can even sometimes get an idea of what would it be like in case the ground was yellow and the green water was piece of cake. But, when it's not that stationary water... when it's the rain that strikes your car windows, I absolutely can't see it. It can't be green, that would change way too much, right? Because we wouldn't be able to see and thus no one would be driving in the rain.
I just thought now, teardrops. They would be weird in green...
Quite positive, sir!
Quite positive that we are indeed going to get insane if we don't get to sleep, that's what's in. So... I've been wondering, should we go and put an end to this? I said I wouldn't bruise her, so I can just make her go away, right?
Who knows. I'm still wondering, but they say wondering is bad, you got to act. But acting without a proper debriefing is very bad. Stepping on shallow grounds isn't what clever man do.
But we are not clever.
One thought I've developed lately! When you feel you're afraid of doing something, just do it! Fear is dangerous. It's interesting because you get to force yourself into doing it. I guess it just works for me...
See, because everyone else is alone in their heads, they don't have their tyrants to give them orders.
Wow... what a pity, huh...?
Doesn't matter how many creatures you manage to create, you're still alone. But, aren't we all alone in this world anyway? Guess so. A thing I've been thinking lately, perhaps people just don't care to research about things anymore and just rant randomly and accept any information others throw at them because, well, there may be too much info to process in the world nowadays. That means, humans have reached their limits and from now on everyone will just react randomly to things, as if their truth was as simple as ''oh, I saw that in someone's wall at Facebook". There are some other sides of the dice to be seen, but that's it for now.
Can I say coins have three sides? Because, there's the one with the number, the other with the random shit, and there's the... side that's not flat, amidst the other two.
Sure, I'd LOVE to have a nice company these days, but, would the nice company stand chaos? Haaaard to answer that.
Have I changed? Even it was just a little bit. I don't know, hope someone gets to answer this one.
You see.
Look at the window sometimes, there may be something out there looking at you.
Maybe...

Eating and thinking

—Om nom nom!
—Heh... I'm glad this day is over!
—WHY? *chew chew*
—I'm tired.
—*Chomp* Here! Eat this! It's tastelicious! *chew chew*
—Haha, not hungry here.
—Aww... but, try it!
—...
—Come ooooon! One piece of it! Just one!
—Okay, gimme.


This was a rather strange day. I didn't get to sleep much this night, didn't even bother trying much anyway, I know about the Sunday's Sleepless Curse, so I'm not going to force myself into it.
Still, I woke up very... awake. Didn't feel like sleeping during class or wishing for it to end as soon as possible, got energy to handle my duties well. That was... weird.
I've been thinking a lot lately, oh well, in some things I guess. Remember the girl from the other post who I wanted to bruise? She... kinda made a surprise appearance, though not physically, she just left a gift. I was told to explode it and record on video, and then send the video to her. Well, that looks far too childish. I'd rather leave it silent as if nothing happened. I don't know exactly, if someone comes up with a better option, I'm accepting suggestions.
I also found an argument that could bring an end to my special money trick. But that's going to be discussed a lot before being approved.
Wondering, wondering...
Psychologist told me things.
Wondering...
Well! I'm enjoying my good mood, today I managed to see the grass and the trees blue! But I still can't see the sky orange, or the ground yellow.
I miss my horror movies...


Whenever nightmares come, you gotta remember that you are still alive, and, sooner or later, they have to go away. My stance toward nightmares is unnatural, since I got used to them. It's always dark... but don't let them fool you. You're bigger than them. What helped me defeat the bad ones was the fact that if they could be what they were, then I could also be something different. That was a child's way of fighting back though. I don't believe it would work for anyone else, but, I just got to think that if the evil beings could be... whatever they were, I could be, the monster I think I am. They were not prepared for what came unto them...
Do not worry! There's always people around you, even if they are far. Count on them, call them.

Work!

1: It was... it was...
2: FOCUS MAN! WE NEED THIS INFO!
3: Calm down, we ain't getting nowhere if you continue pressuring him like that.
2: Great! So be it then.
1: ...
3: Okay, listen, I know that you are afraid, but you NEED to remember that. We are all facing the borders of the abyss, despair is not only yours. Look at H. He's almost losing control, he's as much afraid as you are, maybe even more.
1: But I can't!
3: Believing you can't is the first step to be unable to do things.
1: ...


Ready?
When you are.
Then we are already late!


Hello... you all who say that I'm a good person...
(To be continued...)

Dragões cansados

Já morreu tanta coisa por aqui, né?
Se morreu...
Deserto feio.
Talvez algum dia já foi mais feio que isso, não se sabe ao certo.
Mas tinha mais coisa viva, né?
Não é estar viva que faz a coisa ser bonita, muitas das maiores aberrações eram coisas vivas.
Mas...
O que?
Não é só feio, tem algo mais nesse vazio...
Algo como o quê?
Algo ruim.
Vai saber...

E foi aqui que a consciência foi despedida, ele falou que não precisavam mais dela, e então ela se foi...
Mas se eu bem me lembro das histórias, ela voltou, quando o medo voltou a reinar, ela voltou pra salvar ele.
Mas em algum momento, depois disso, ela sumiu de novo, não se sabe se foi por algo que ele fez, ou se simplesmente, cansou de existir. É um fardo muito pesado estar consciente nesse mundo.
Triste... acha que ela morreu?
Não sei. Olha.
O que?
Ali, foi perto daquelas ruínas que a vingança morreu.
Ali?!
Bom, sim. Foi ali que a mensagem chegou, não se sabe exatamente onde ela morreu. Foi em algum lugar na região, ali era um prédio, ele morava ali. Ele leu a mensagem e ficou pensando, daí em algum momento a vingança morreu, não sei direito onde mas foi na região. Se você sabe das histórias deve conhecer a garota das histórias que escreveu a mensagem.
Ah...!
Fez sentido?
Até que sim.
Vamos ver... andando...
Olha, foi por aqui que começou o grande massacre liderado pela solidão.
Ele estava num carro bem ali, quando viu... né?
Exatamente!
Parece meio perto.
Bom, ele viveu bastante tempo nessa cidade, muita merda rolou aqui.
Tem partes mortas pra todo lado...
Sim, e a maioria se concentra aqui. Não sobrou muito... pode-se dizer que ele seja pouco mais do que uma sombra do passado.
O que ainda está vivo?
Existe uma pequena resistência imposta pela inveja. Eu acho que a carência está viva ainda, mas se sobrou algo foi muito pouco, muito pouco mesmo. Parece que...
E o ódio?!
Parece que o ódio viu que podia estar começando a perder força e se uniu à desilusão. Ela é uma força relativamente nova, talvez até mais forte que o ódio, mas ainda não sabemos.
As duas forças estão juntas, então...?
Vão caçar todo o resto, até que não exista mais nada e tenham de se matar.
E aí acaba.
E aí ele não será nem mais uma sombra...
E nós não podemos fazer nada?
Somos apenas vozes... aqui estamos falando de forças muito além do que podemos compreender.
Mas...
Só podemos falar, fingir, criar situações, coisas engraçadas, mas nem conseguimos mais fazer ele rir.
...
Sente e assista o final. Ele não vai pedir ajuda, você sabe disso.
Fudeu...


Soldados morrem, né?
Apenas os que não são bons.
Não somos bons, nunca fomos.
Sua síndrome de inferioridade é um tanto quanto irritante.
Algo em mim deve ser irritante, sou humano.
Não fique repetindo isso, dá azar.
Acho que bons soldados não dependem da sorte, se você se incomoda com o azar, é porque você não é bom.


Em que ponto exatamente eles cansaram de lutar?
Quando eles viram que não tinha mais razão.
E então, POR QUE ELES CONTINUAM VIVOS?
Estão condenados pelas regras que eles criaram. Engraçado né?


Preste atenção pois isto pode salvar sua vida.
Ok!
Próxima regra: se for jogar um jogo, jogue-o até o final.
Por que?
Garoto, você se LEMBRA do que nós conversamos?
Você disse que... não era pra... perguntar nada, apenas, aceitar e praticar...
Exatamente. Escute, isso aqui tudo vai ser duro, vai ser horrível pra você. Tem dias que você vai desejar não existir, mas você está impossibilitado de desistir. Temos de repetir essas regras diariamente, você vai ser uma máquina. É o único jeito de sobreviver, não vamos deixar que eles te machuquem.
Mas... e vocês?
A gente já te explicou... você está sozinho. A gente não existe, somos apenas... você.
...
Quer voltar lá e ter que lidar com eles?
Não... próxima regra...


Eu vejo sua tristeza.
Parabéns pra você.
Tão amargo...
Se não tem nada a dizer, não diga.
Pois eu tenho...
Não, você não tem. Assim como todo o resto, tudo que vocês podem me falar é essa velha filosofia de bar patética. Tudo que disser eu já terei me dito em algum momento no passado, nada novo, morra.


Ei, chefe...
Fala.
Lembra de quando falaram que seríamos assassinos no futuro?
Sim.
Parece que... *sorriso*


Vontade engraçada de destruir pessoas, né?
Hilária...
Porcos malditos.


Acho que não é pra dar certo, sabe? Você é muito estranho.
I... agree.


Fiquem longe. Seus viados. Inúteis.
SABE O QUE É PIOR?! Não posso quebrar NADA! NADA!


E eu vejo que você quer chorar mas não consegue.
Oh...
Nem gritar.
E por que eu gritaria se minha voz não consegue chegar onde eu quero?


2 coisas:
Se você tem algo a dizer, talvez agora seja a hora.
Cuidado com a ausência.

Angst

Cansaço...
If I'm unable to sleep, will you be there to accompany me?
Boring boring boring...
Go to sleep.
Boring boring boring...
Now.
Amanhã vamos estar melhores.
Né?
Plum...
E se uma bola de gelo atinge uma fonte de chocolate quente?
Dormir...

Word.

Me lembro de uma frase lida em um texto de um livro da escola, época do ensino fundamental. "A verdade é que ninguém é feliz", daí segue um trecho que eu me lembro como "Não importa se preso ao passado ou ao futuro".
Fiquei pensando nisso na volta pra casa hoje, acho que pode ser verdade. O tanto de pessoas que parece estar feliz ou conseguir superar dificuldades e manter um sorriso no rosto mas na verdade, quando menos se espera, desiste e vaza dessa guerra...
Pensando. Estamos todos tristes e vazios e talvez procuramos alguém para esquecer isso e tentar ser menos tristes juntos. To trocando as palavras porque não eram essas quando eu pensei mas não importa, falei que escreveria o que estava pensando caso acontecesse a parada e aconteceu, então cá está.
Apenas isso.
Não que eu esteja afundando em tristeza de novo, eu apenas sempre fico pensando nessas coisas quando a noite acaba e é hora de voltar pra casa. Voltar e tentar dormir... tentar, só tentar.
Tem mais alguém aí que se sente assim quando acaba a noitada?
Deve ter.
No fundo eu queria dormir, tenho uma inveja monstruosa de quem deita e em 10 minutos já está dormindo. E não acorda com qualquer bolha de sabão estourando durante o sono.
Pensando, pensando...
Eu gosto de ganhar. Ganhei os 3 jogos que joguei hoje. Uma criança feliz em algum canto sorri de maneira boba e inocente.
Azar no amor é o que dizem. Bom, não é novidade. Eu sempre me disse que algumas pessoas nasceram pra ficar sozinhas e por mais que uma luzinha lá no fundo espere muito que esteja errado, eu mantenho minha palavra.
Porque nós nascemos errados, só por isso. Como se o mundo fosse um filme, ou um jogo, ou algo assim. Como se pessoas do nada decidissem dar presentes pras outras e fazer surpresas aleátorias.
Algum dia, vai valer a pena.
Eu só tenho que acreditar nisso.


If all else fails, money buys bombs.


But chaos chose chocolates.

Time to sleep

Are we condemned to be the dark cloud?

Por que tem mordidas no seu corpo?
Porque eu gosto de violência.

Por que você fica triste quando está perto de uma briga?
Eu não sei, eu não gosto...

Por que você fica indo atrás das pessoas?
Porque eu quero companhia.

Por que você gosta de ver gente morrendo nos filmes?
Porque me faz rir.

Por que você é assim?
Porque... eu não sei porque. Mas quando eu achar quem me fez assim, vou fazer ele ficar mais feio do que eu.

Fours

Weird, two days in a row with good dreams...
Well, I wouldn't complain if I were you.
I'm not complaining!
Then go back to sleep.


Knock, knock.
Who's there?
*gloomy face*
Oh fu...


You thought you could escape, huh?
I didn't! I didn't!
Get the fuck back HERE YOU STUPID PIG!
...


I remember him running with that scared face. That's all.
Any names?
Do I have to give their names?
It would be very appreciated.


I guess... it was Azariel... or perhaps Illocity... I don't know...
It's okay.
Have you seen this girl?
Bullets...


Hello, hello, ladies and gentlemen.
...
I came all the way to here to find a man, he responds to the name of...
*chaos*


You see, it would be easier if you didn't put everyone else at risk.
Who the hell are you?!
Does it really matter? What good will it do, discovering my name NOW?! Come on, choose, straight to the head or bullet hail.
WHAT?!


The body was found with nothing less than 40 bullet holes.
Incredible things happening these days, huh?
Yeah, we have lasagna!
Hehe, lemme turn off the tv so we can have our dinner.


Why didn't you try to stay awake?
I was... afraid my head would spend the rest of the day hunting me...
I see...
He was angry...


I had ideas...
And then, what?
And then it disappeared. How are we going to write now?
I don't know, just shoot whatever appears in your head right now.



Am I lying? I shouldn't lie to the psychologist. And I didn't. But the truth is just so unreal and gross. Omitting isn't lying... right? Sometimes it would be better to leave I guess. Is it a coward act to choose the gray world and living alone in my room? Maybe I just gotta... look at something that hasn't received the deserved attention these days, something people left behind that could be taken as something new... looks better. Why am I so afraid to show people some anger and resentment?
Perhaps we need a new project.
Perhaps...

Rain starts

Patience...
Patience...
All you need is a bit of patience...


The day had started normally awkward, as Sundays ought to be. Why am I feeling this now?
Dreadful cold night.
It's strange how I get so far away from this world in times like these...
My thoughts normally speak way louder than the sounds this world can give me. But then it suddenly drags me down to a place the world doesn't seem to be able to reach. It's... weird...
This utter need of action, something, something...
The voices...


I know I had promised to find something to stop it.
...
You need to trust me.
Get... out...


Why are they here? I don't want anyone here. Get the fuck outta here.
You don't want to stay alone, I know that.
Get. The fuck. Out.
I am not leaving.


It's blood that rains these days. Not that you should worry, child. It can not hurt you, imagine that it's... juice. Ahn, some kind of juice that is red. It's like those parties when we are young where there's paint everywhere, imagine that everytime it rains you can go out and play tomato war with you friends, and that which stains everyone is merely squashed tomatoes, gotta destroy reality a bit.
And if I can't imagine that much?
Just close your eyes.

Endearing chaos

So, it is Sunday!
I know, I hate it.
Ah... well... at least we have some hours of peace, huh?
What do you mean?
Well, last week you didn't quite get free time, always running from here to there, and then back to here. The old stuff.
I see.
And when you get free time you come up with insane ideas...
Haha, I see that you didn't quite like the surprise.
I like surprises as much as you do, I just... don't know, it doesn't feel like we should be giving such things to people.
Some may deserve it.
I don't know...
Just because you lost much of your trust in people doesn't mean we should be getting rid of the obsession for making surprises. It makes us happy, so, why not? All we gotta is choose a target that could be worth the effort.
You know you are made of contradictions, don't you?
I sure as hell do.


These last days felt a bit strange. Am I cured?
I dunno. But you didn't quite forgive her, did you?
Well... I didn't but I'm not spending so much time now modifying memories and hating... so, that's a good sign right?
Guess so.


The weird feeling at 316 S... why...


"...you are a hurricane I want to face"
Hurricane, huh? I never thought of me as such.
Angel: I liked that one because it was rewarding as part of me. I made to effort to cheer her up daily for 2 years, it felt fair to get this title. She didn't kill herself and now she seems to be happy.
Abyssal: didn't last for long but this was also good. Reminds me of what lies beneath... I remember the day we fought against each other, so bad to hurt your best friends yet you deny the possibility of losing.
Psychopath: that's... the second long lasting title. It's funny to boast this one. My habit of speaking to people pointing things at them...
Niz: this is perhaps the most popular one. All thanks to Nizbel and my legendary nickname... I don't like this one as much as the others, but I don't dislike it anyway, it's just as calling me by my name.
KB: the best one for the memories it carries within. Title given by a small group of people.

We'll remember this to our fucking grave.


I would like to sleep somewhere calm. Can you help me?


Where's the fucking blue fairy?
There's no blue fairy. You know what happened when you last gave a girl that title. I'm not allowing someone else to shoot you down.
Your protection is somewhat exaggerated.
You are somewhat exaggerated.


Gotta write more.
Bullets.