Make them pay

Let's see how far can you go... come on, come on. I can't wait. I'm melting in anticipation.
We need to stop being fools. We need to shatter this world. And even if we can't really make the world cry, we'll make the worlds of a few cry, we'll give them so much suffering that it will suffice as if it was the whole world.
We don't need to do everything, we need to a few things that can be felt as if it was everything.
Everything coming down.
You see? It's what we were born to do.
Let's set their worlds ablaze. We'll make them wish they had been tortured and dead. Let's give them a lesson they will never forget.
Come, my boy, together we'll give them scars they will never forget. Make them bleed. I'm not going to keep on wasting my fucking time with you anymore. Nor with anyone. 'Cause you all aren't worth it.
Wear your masks.
It's too simple. Get them saying those good words, making 'em doing whatever you ask. Then smack. We'll step over their heads.
Prepare your smiles.
Ready your guns. Let's shoot right where it hurts most.


Make them pay.

Weird days

People suck.
I guess this world is too fucked up already. Perhaps when you don't know whether you should punish offenders or not, that's a sign of how lost we've become. People were born to destroy each other. Some days I feel so sure of this.
I want to destroy the world. Bring all this to an end, will be nothing but ashes. They deserve to die. It gets tiring within time. They are rotten, we need to take out what's rotten.
Tired...


Can I... sleep in here?

Magic

Good to see that boy smilin' again, huh?
You bet...
Things look way too calm now...
Something bothering you?
This... peace itself, looks weird, doesn't it?
Maybe that's just because we were too used to war. Maybe...
It bothers you too right?
A bit, but I'm focusing more on enjoying it while it lasts.
Think it's going to last long?
No idea... but look at him. When was the last time you saw him sleeping like that? It's been like 3 hours since he started sleeping, and he hasn't gotten up scared all this time.
It's strange... 2 days ago we were all on the brinks of destruction. And now, we are here. General is dead. The war is over, and with general's death, the grand plan was aborted for an unknown time.
It's better this way.
Sure, but, wasn't it all too... sudden?
Maybe... maybe that's just magic.


So, there isn't much need for our existance now, is there?
Of course, we are here to protect him.
But the war is over.
Yeah, and I'm glad it is, but it's our eternal job to protect him, so we'll stay around, just in case something happens.
I see... hey, earlier you said that maybe...
Maybe...?
You know, the things that happened, the sudden change in the world.
That maybe it was, magic?
Yeah, do you really believe it?
Not as much as I used too, remember, he believes, even if it's just a tiny part of him that does nowadays, and we are here because of him, so we pretty much believe too. And even if we actually don't, I'd like to. Looks like she was the magic for him, so, she was the magic for us too, right? And it wouldn't hurt if we tried to have faith in it.
Hm... yeah... whatever...
Heh, keep on playing your heartless role, we'll keep on pretending we believe it.


How long did I sleep?
That's meaningless info, sir.
Hm... ok...
What matters is, how are you feeling?
I'm fine, just a bit lazy I guess...
Do you think that I look different?
Sir, as long as you're happy, I don't care much. But, if you allow me to say, you've been smiling quite frequently lately. She, right?
Yeah... magic...


It's odd but, I like these gray environments. They look pretty, and that sad beauty, just pretty and calm. Guess it could rain a bit more. I feel a bit... stupid I guess, but, who cares. It feels somewhat good to be stupid like this...

Allein

So, staying up 'til late again?
Yeah... I feel a bit tired, but I ain't sleeping. Got that strange feeling, just the same old thing.
Cheer up boy, tomorrow is going to be a very important day.
How can you be so sure?
Don't they say that having a good day depends basically on us? So... we are taking the plan ahead. At all costs.
I see...


It's not her fault though. These things aren't made of choice. What we can choose is to avoid unnecessary suffering, and boy, these are some weird options. I feel this insane urge to end this today, and I will. I feel like saying harsh things, and I most probably will. So... you said you wanted to be the character, you said you weren't going to be afraid... we'll see.
And all kidding shall stop.


We are going to become real machines. Or at least we can die trying.
And then there won't be no more pain right?
For sure. We will give 'em the pain. Consider this as my gift to you, payback.


Because general Hatred can unite us all... unite us all...

Smashing dreams

Hey boss... what do we do now?
Keep moving. We will find a way out of this maze. No matter what.


I wonder how long will it take. It's weird, been feeling these scents that remind me of people of ancient times all day. And the fucking day is still far from ending. I want to break something.
Piece by piece...
Slowly we shred these stupid thoughts. We don't need these. There was this stupid idea about someone trying to stop me when things got on the brinks of destruction, felt good. But that's not what I need, because there's no magic in this fucking world. These things do not happen here at reality, so, we've gotta put an end to it, there will be no girl trying to stop us when things get really awry.
I wish I could hurt people without going to jail.

Master

WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?!
I... I don't know...
GET THE FUCK UP, NOW!
...
DO YOU KNOW WHY ARE YOU ALIVE UNTIL NOW? DO YOU, YOU VERMIN?
I, I don't.
Because you're so pathetic it's almost ridiculous to kill you. It's disgusting to look to at you. SEE? YOU CAN'T EVEN SLEEP, IS IT REALLY THAT HARD? I JUST ASKED YOU TO SLEEP, AND YOU CAN'T EVEN DO THAT. WHAT DO WE DO NOW?
I don't know....
Seems like beating you doesn't work, want more scars you little piece of scum? COME HERE.
No, no, please, no...
'KAY, SO I'LL HAVE TO TAKE YOU BY FORCE.
...
STOP FUCKING CRYING.
...
THERE, SEE IF THIS MAKES YOU LESS RETARDED!


And so the boy stood in the dark room. It smelled to rotten flesh. His companions were there for a few years. His left eye hurt too much. In fact, most of his body. The corpses around weren't that much of a problem for he couldn't walk away nor push things. One broken arm, one broken leg. A few teeth missing. Scars here and there. Forever.

Security breach

Theeeeeen, what now?
I don't know, but I just can't take this smile out of my face, haha!
I see. Well, you're aware that this won't last much longer, aye? We found a security breach, they will come for us soon.
Let them come, we'll use this chance the best way possible. There, we have access to the speakers. Ready?
Aye!


Smile.
Even if it's just for once. If you manage to do it, you're running the risk of making things happier, or of smiling more. Even if it's all gray, and you get to look silly, at least you will then be someone that can make others laugh. And even if they are laughing at you because you look stupid and there's some kind of evil motivation for their laughter, there may be one among them that's smiling because you look funny, that innocent kind of laughter.
If you manage to get ONE, innocent and sincere laughter, or even a smile, then you've won. Sure, you've won a battle, not the entire war, but hey, nowadays it's not that easy to even win one single battle. You're ahead.
Then maybe it gets too gray, and you can't even force a smile, no more laughing. There will be someone there to act silly, or to share your pain. Just try. It's a risk you've gotta run, be there for someone, and there's a risk someone will be there for you. Help someone, and you'll be taking the risk of having someone to help you.
It's never a hundred percent correct, but once is already a world.
I'd like to see you smile. Because even being who I am, the one who admires tears, because when people get sad I can help them and feel that I've done something great, I'm taking the risk. The risk of seeing something that may not be as good as what I mostly want to see, but hey, it may be better, so, why not?


I foresee disaster.
Me too, brother, me too. But hey, facing disaster is our business.
And business...

The demon is dead?

I feel like exploding.
I can see a rocket flying in the sky, the sky is pitch black, there's no star, there's no moon, and I can feel some kind of interest toward it's destination, but I don't know where is it going.
I guess I don't know where's everything going, maybe, just maybe, this is the sign we were waiting...
I want my baseball bat.
Perhaps some people weren't meant to exist. They are here just to create problems. What do we do now?


I'd say, run as fast as you can. Run until you reach somewhere safe, somewhere you can trust people. Or just run until you can't even trust your legs anymore...


Why is it getting so dark? What has happened?
You said it would fix everything... but it didn't. And I guess even if it makes me feel nothing toward anyone anymore, things will stay odd...


I guess there's some feeling inside you that did not accept erasure...
Maybe he's out to get us now.


Can you help me?

Carinho...?

I wonder how to describe this day today. More specifically, what I feel today. It's a bit weird, but I suppose it won't last, because it may have been caused by last night's event, only. It's still interesting to feel it, even though it might be something trully synthetic. This bizarre mixture of sadness and loneliness, not reaching the borders of despair, but too... condensed. And even though it is so powerful, it can go away within one night, all we need to do is sleep.
Sleep...
That verb scares the hell out of me. That's one of the most unpredictable variables around here.
So many coincidences...
A few weird wishes...
I can't stop thinking about "who will survive and what will be left of them?''...
That's just fear, anyway. That's irrational. That's too human and should thus be disregarded.
Can't accept all humanity, at least not so easily, and I've been accepting quite a lot of it lately. A lot. But I'm not into writing much now, feel tired.
Can't stop thinking about these people... but, magic does not exist. What moves this world is something else purely evil by heart. And I just want to sleep. Please. Just be there, pass your hands through my hair, even though I can not show such affection in a fair way...
And then we can sleep.
And maybe when we wake up there's something new...

Dead by dawn

What can you fucking tell me that I'm not aware yet?
Nothing I guess...
We'll be dead by dawn, it's just a matter of time. The game's ending, just as we knew it would.
What do you feel, like, right now?
Emptiness... anger... I'm not sure about it. It's funny because, we look like grumpy old fellows, always complaining the same old things. Whatever happens, we'll be there complaining. Always fucking complaining. It's not anyone's fault.
What if it is?
Then I don't know. I feel my heart beating, I don't like it. It's disturbing, like every heartbeat felt like a bang.
What else do you hate?
Not being able to accomplish my missions. Being forced into liking people. To like someone is to delve deeper into hell. Don't you hate it too? Thinking about someone is retarded. We're made for destruction, because by being forced to like someone, by, who knows what demented being, transforms what could be some good feeling, into hatred. To miss someone is to admit that you're useless. And that just fuels the ruthless tyrant that lives inside each one of us, screaming we are no good.
Just go to fucking hell.
Leave me to my nightmares.

Daydreaming

Rain.
A lot of it.
It was around 6:30 p.m., thousands of people going back home after work. After all, it was friday, time to take a break and relax. That means, actually, traffic jam.
And the heavy rain just intensified that, since cars that managed to really move had some kind of inclination into provoking accidents. But, that was just another friday.
Amidst the chaos, one black car passed through. Going fast, compared to the default speed of other cars during such rains.


-Going left now, see anything?
-No, left is free, go!


The car swapped lanes oftenly. The driver barely looked at the rear view mirrors, they were useless in that situation. The girl at his right was now turned back, looking to the left lane. She served as his eyes, concentrated on whatever happened nearby. Seatbelt unfastened.
The rain just motivated them even more, even though he wouldn't go any faster than the allowed maximum speed, but just by going faster than pretty much everyone else already felt good enough. The girl looked cheerful.


-Incoming car...
-It's ok, we can keep in this lane for now.
-I dare you to run faster than that car!
-I'd accept it any time, as long as I was alone in this car, you know that.


She smiled at him, a smile that showed shyness yet wasn't trully introverted. She trusted him, and that's all that mattered.
The two went ahead as the rain felt. The gloomy feeling of the end of the day couldn't enter that car.

Nameless

Don't you run, kids... don't you run...
The man with a baseball bat passed through the kitchen door. His eyes gazed upon the ceiling, one arm was turned back, the hand holding the bat before his head, the other just swinging, loosely. His body moved sluggishly, but his voice had some kind of dreadful determination, even though it sounded tired and husky. He walked slowly, each short step seemed to take a second to happen. Still, they were not risking to fight him face to face. There was something wrong with him, at the same time he looked warped to some other dimension, the eyes not focusing anywhere specifically, there was something that show he couldn't be anywhere other than there, hunting them.
Something very explicit perhaps, they saw what he did to Tommy... the lifeless body now decorated the kitchen floor. A knife was lying near it. He managed to grab a knife in the shelves and decided to stab the man in the back. Tommy was a fast runner, he was sure of that, whatever was in that man, he couldn't be prepared. The others had caught most of his attention, all he had to do was approach slowly and when he got close enough, run and make him bleed.
All good in theory.
As soon as he got close enough the man just turned around. Tommy saw his face, perhaps his real face. The others got surprised by his reaction, had they taken the chance, things could be different, but no one was waiting for it. They didn't see.
What kept Tommy running toward him was pure inertia, because as soon as he saw the face life got out of his body. His thoughts disappeared, the eyes got petrified. The slow man had then a face torn by a sick smile. The teeth, slightly yellow, appearing. The lips bleeding, as if he had just passed days in a desert, quietly, and now the dry lips were stretched albeit the pain. The eyes, which moments before were not entirely open, as someone who didn't sleep for days, were now opened, completely, focusing him, as if they could see more of him. Not like studying the being right in front of them, more like desiring something.
This moment didn't last much even though it seemed like eternity for Tommy. The baseball bat struck his head. The world got a lot bleaker then, and painful. As the body hit the floor, the man stepped over his chest, the edge of the bat then stepped over his head, one final blow that sent pieces of him around.
The man now followed them, back at his sluggish way.


I don't know why.

Get the guts...

So, in the end the truth is that, I didn't really sleep. But I somehow don't have the guts to tell it.
I've heard her saying that it was a good thing that I was sleeping there because once I got home I would probably be unable to sleep. In fact, it's not that I wanted her to believe because I thought she would get sad, it's just that it's better to pretend that this is real, I want to believe.
But, even though I stood there listening silently to all their words, it was still better, because I felt calm. That takes us straight to the point.
The horrible point.
I want company. Like, being with someone. Sure, that's not going to be an easy thing... but at least for a while having some friends around is working, even though it's not like having someone, who wants to really be with you and all that, it's still better than being with myself. I feel better if I get to sleep with these people around...
It's confusing. But at least admitting makes it easier I guess.
I still feel alone.
That's not going to last forever right?
It won't... it can't.


We'll find someone who can make you sleep... and you will be able to protect her... and at the end of the day it will feel like it was worth it... no matter what it costs...

In your doom

I would like to write about two things, I believe. But I'm not that much in the mood to create a whole story about these things. And maybe there aren't two of them.
I don't know. This day has began strangely. Maybe like every other day, who cares.
But it's not a bad day, just different.
I wonder... I need more tolerance to failure, that would help. Albeit not being that sad because of yesterday anyway.
Have you ever felt like the world is nothing but a giant whirlpool, slowly dragging you down? And down there we have something with enormous teeth... something like Charybdis perhaps. Or maybe there's just darkness down there, some kind of being made of void who just wants more darkness, and we humans, are full of it.
Misery loves company, that's what comes to the mind.
I wonder about the image that frequently comes to me, someone walking toward me, as if it had just came out of a fire, or, something disastrous. Maybe wanting revenge, it survived through hell and now wants it's reward, whatever that is. Sometimes it comes with a baseball bat in one hand, holding it behind his head, sometimes with an axe...
But that's not the point. Though I really would like to be able to share these images that appear in my mind, but I'm just not good in describing it.
I would like to hug her, that is, if she still needs it.
I was thinking on abandonment. During life that's one of our inherent abilities, abandoning people and things. It's not bad, sometimes can be used for good, but that's some activity we execute unconsciously. Some can stop it, or try to amend the situation, but all in all, it's not a thing people should feel so guilty about. It's a part of us, and if we drown into guilt, it will continue. We are made of these bad things.
Maybe our job is to go around amending things. Who knows. I like to think that even though evil may live inside of me, I can still do something good. It will never be enough though. But there's nothing holding me from trying, and if I succeed, I would have then defeated the odds that command this wacky world. And, oh well, I was born to fight against odds that stack and shouldn't be battled. But I've bought this fight, I've never liked to be human anyway.
Then I ask, who... or what, am I?
I'm not very sure, I'm just aware my mind keeps repeating "darkness loves you".
Don't tell me I'm a good person, that's a waste of effort.
I'm descending into madness I suppose, but that's okay. I was once I told I looked like a ''japanese cartoon character''. It looked nice I suppose. Maybe because I'm a bit looney. Maybe I was born as a lunatic, so I go around doing things that don't make complete sense. Creating my world that obeys no logical rules, because it looks better.
We need to stop.


I dare you try. Touch me and I'll eat your guts.

Unsuccesful experiment

It was just too easy to be true...
But in the end, we did not come back, perhaps because this is not the real end. I don't really know what came back, instead of a cured me, something sicker showed up. Instead of solving the problem we created a bigger one we have no idea how to deal with...
Perhaps because we didn't know how to deal with the initial problem, we didn't know what since the start. Like being fifteen years old again... with a problem off the scale.
But instead of something that's made of concentrated hatred, there's a chance we're dealing with some other thing, that disguises itself behind all this rage. Actually, it doesn't really matter, I just don't think I can keep the appearances for much longer. It's a shame, because they really believe I have came back. As I promised I would return. But you know what? Something in here says it doesn't really matter. Perhaps nothing matters at all.
But I'm not a menace to those around me. I'll just drive them away within time. I hate all this.
I hate this emptiness. I hate this despair that walks with me everywhere. I hate people talking to me when I'm among my thoughts. I hate people trying to get my attention, if I actually cared about whatever the fuck are you doing, I would give attention from the beginning. I hate not being able to sleep normally. I hate waking up tired. In some way, I hate sleeping. I hate not being able to forget what I'd rather forget like every normal person. I hate the fact that none of the help you can give me will work. I hate waiting for one who can help. I hate bothering people with this shit. I hate noisy people. I hate hope. I hate not being able to destroy those around me. Sometimes I hate being different. I hate this urge to cry. I hate this desire for one who can hold me and make it all go away. I hate.


Please make me sleep.

Cheers

Everything aside.
So, we are already past half of my stay. Me and me in a paradise still not so much affected by corruption, or humanity, whatever you call it.
Sometimes we have to be alone to be together. You know, no one entering the door. No one to tell you when to wake up or sleep, that's up to you. Only works if you can discipline yourself though. It's one hell of an experiment.
Though I know there are some odds involved, but those are not the real focus of it.
The focus, is hatred.
I wonder, everyone must have a bit of it inside. I guess it's normal, like a little pet we have to tame. An evil pet. To some, it may be a dog that refuses to obey, maybe some ill-tempered cat. To others, it's more like a monstrous grizzly bear or a giant snake. Hard to control or to know when will it attack, though you know the consequences shall be disastrous.
It's interesting to actually note your thoughts. If you come to think of it, most of our thoughts just pass as simple thoughts, because, well, that's what they are in fact. But, sometimes you can find something analysing them.
In an abstract way, you can see what really hides inside, if it's a dog or a crocodile. Or worse. But then again, what it is doesn't really matter. In remote times, we used to talk about it, as something somewhat simple. You can control it, but, do you WANT to control it? The answer is no, as I stated before. Saying that I did want to have it asleep forever would be a lie since sometimes it feels good to feel it.
I'm getting a bit lost in my thoughts.
So, this travel had a bunch of motivations, some would be called legitimate, others not. I suppose not all motivations shall be taken seriously to it's very end, but that's something we already had prepared ourselves for.
It's strange because sometimes I think about things that reveal that harsh feeling that hides behind a dozen of layers. And it seems like something new because I can get to know what makes me hate, but when I think about it, I knew it all the time. But being in a place like this, I feel strangely calm, even though I don't actually feel completely at home, which is not very much of a new since I mostly don't feel at home everywhere I go most of the time (home included). Of course, this place is awesome, it feels easier to look at the bright side.
Some curious thing is that I'm having deep nightmares every night over here. Not the kind of thing that bother me actually, I'm pretty much used to it. But I find it curious indeed, to have such bad dreams in such a paradise. The days are awesome, it's cold, and a bit desert over here. Maybe it's just my head, thinking and forcing things.
I believe things will get better after this experiment.
It's funny, I can be anyone I am. Be it on stupid moments or just being cold and ghostly. What I can't be fully be when there's people around. This last sentence is a bit weird because taking it seriously, the people over here, the ones I don't know, would not be considered people. It's not like that, but I guess you can figure out the real meaning of it.
It's a bit sad when I think it's halfway to ending. Just like a dream, it ends. But that's okay, I can live with it.
In fact, it's a bit anything when I think about it. There's still this feeling of lacking a part of me, but it seems way easier to handle it. I hope it stays the same when it's over. For now, it's just my white grape juice, me and the cold night howling at us.
Which doesn't mean I dislike some people, of course.
But white grape juice is made of win, and if I had people around to share it, then I probably wouldn't have that much of me.

Someone to turn on the lights

I'm just... just standing here...
I see you sleeping, you look so distant, but that's not the worst. I can handle your distance, as long as you're fine. But you look sad, it's like you're into an endless nightmare, engulfed in an eternal darkness... it can be seen, just by looking at your face for a while. And I've been here for a long while...

Then why don't you just wake me up?

...And I wonder, if maybe that's not just too selfish of me. I'm afraid of what could happen if I woke you up... I'm afraid you'll be angry at me, it's almost like I could hear you screaming at me... and a part of me knows it's not real, because I can only guess how would you react, and guessing does not turn things into reality, but the mere thought of it shatters me...

It's too dark in here.

Some days I get the feeling it's getting easier to deal with it, I can live with this. Only seeing you there, assured you'll never know who I am. Perhaps it's better this way. But it doesn't last much... but, but I can guarantee you that, nothing will happen to you while you sleep, I'll be guarding you for as long as I live...

I'm still sleeping...

...Because, maybe, it was your decision... I'm afraid to bring you back into this world only to discover that you preferred this darkness, maybe reality was worse for you, maybe it brought you more suffering than your sleep. I, I really don't know, and I'm too hurt already to go further and discover the truth... but, if that's the case, then I can understand you, I really can. And, in case someday you wake up, I will do whatever I can to make this world less depressing for you, I can give you a good morning every day you get up and a good night everytime your eyes get to close when the moon is up there shining to us. I will do my best to at least help you pretend this is just another long dream, and that you're not really in the real world. Whatever you need, I'll be there.
I promise.

Just promise to take me outta here.

I'm sorry... but, if you want to come back, please, please, just give a sign, any sign. Anything...

Unstability

Why are we so unstable?
We, are different.
Huh, fine.


Shoot 'em down! All of them!
We'll be shooting sir, real soon...
I can't even wait. Can we use machineguns?
Any gun you want sir, any gun you want!
Haha, I remember the snow, DO YOU REMEMBER THE SNOW?!
I sure as heck do.
This anxiety is killing me, when do we start?
When it's ready.


FUCK!
...
Not even Painkiller can play now, what the fuck is wrong with all this shit?
I don't know, maybe, we... should get something else to do.
Something else? SOMETHING ELSE?!
...Yep...
There's not SOMETHING ELSE. I just want to play my simple game shooting my simple monsters, WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT?
Nothing sir, it's just that, well, it looks like we are having a few problems trying to install it...
Fucking hell.


I think... we need to create more adrenaline.
More?
Yeah, we need more energy.
Hm...
What do you think?
I guess it could be useful. And, we can create anyway.
Gotta use our powers right?
Yeah, most people can't do it. That's just how unique we are, ain't I right? Who can say they can create their own energy?
Heh, if you look at it positively, that's about it.
We'll never get tired or sad as long as we have it under control!
Yep.


You think this is going to be a long night also?
Well, gotta be prepared for everything, right? Mostly if it's something very likely to happen, so, yeah.
Hm... I feel a bit bored.
Get used to it then.


The temperature is going down...
Yep.
I'm still bored, you think we'll have some snow today?
...


Why do we create these stupid songs?
Ah, we've got to create something sometimes...
I see.


These people that have dreams... how do they do it?
I don't know. Maybe they are... magical.
Hm... I'm dizzy.


So, we can't play. Fine.

Sun with C and H

It was past 5:30 a.m., he had just parked the car somewhere nearby the airport. There were cars everywhere, they found it amusing since most of those cars were owned by people travelling, meaning they just left their car there, unprotected for days... maybe weeks.
The car parked at their left made H scream, there was someone sleeping inside it. At the backseat, a white sheet had just risen, as she saw through the window. After a few laughs, they got to the conclusion it was just some random woman sleeping inside the car. Weird.
The three got out of the car, and began their walk to the airport, it was cold, though he didn't feel that much cold. His hands were freezing but that didn't bother him, somehow it didn't feel as cold as the two girls felt it was. Or, as the rest of the city felt.
They were then, pretty close to the climax of their morning journey, they roamed through the city while waiting for the hours to pass, counting on the vision they would have at 6 a.m.
The car after all wasn't that far from the airport, he thought they would have to walk a lot to get there. But, it took just a few minutes, and they were inside it. The big building with glass walls that allowed those at the last floor to see the airplanes arriving, coming down from a pitch black sky.
C was sleepy, she had been dozing inside the car most of the time since they left their friend's house. H was awake, a bit affected by the hours but still showing some energy. He, he was just tired, but nothing unusual.
It was just them, the security and the maintenance people inside. No other visitors would go there at that time, and that felt even better.
And so, they waited. And waited. These last minutes seemed longer than the hours they past before, roaming from place to place. Until C asked if the sky was really getting green, and it wasn't just her mind playing tricks on her because of the wee hours. It was really starting.
H prepared her camera, the two girls got up, they were sitting in the cold bench near the windows. As they spoke, standing near the windows, the sky changed. The reflection at the glass that blocked most of the vision of what was out there slowly faded. The green stain grew above the horizon, rising more and more. As the time past, more colors came to fill the big emptiness that once reigned above all land. It got purple, orange, light blue, and a lot more of variations that the girls could note, but for him, it was just a bunch of beautiful colors predicting what would come next.
As the sky got a light blue tone that could be seen pretty much everywhere, leaving some clouds to be spotted at the sky of this new day, their anxiety grew. The girls were taking some photos, some of the sky, some of themselves, he stood there, with his elbows on the holder that separated them from the windows, thinking...
C said once that he was too silent, that bothered her, but there wasn't much he could say, he was just there, wondering about life. H would sometimes ask him what was he thinking about, but he didn't like to talk about these things, so he would just get some general use answer to avoid further questions.
It was strange, a part of him was happy. Vibrant, since it had been long before he had company through such time of the day. And it had been fun. But, another part was a big confusion of bad feeling and thoughts. And confusion always finds a way of turning the good part into something blurred, not bad, just... blurred.
While watching the last minutes of wait, C said that the problems seemed to dim as the sky got into a brighter blue. He wondered about it, in part, it was really true. H asked if they could make a wish, each one of them. At first the other two found it a bit weird but, why not? And so, each one of them, silently made one wish for what was coming next, H took a bit longer since her wish wasn't only for her. That was a curious statement, and nice also.
Not long after that, it showed up. Rising from behind a big tree that could be seen at a distance, the sun appeared. It was bigger than the ordinary sun you get to see during common hours, it was easier to look at it, and it was amazing. The three stood there looking at it, C complained of her photosensitivity, but kept looking.
After some minutes admiring the sun that went above in the sky, they got to some restaurant to get hot chocolate, that would be their breakfast. As the sun illuminated the area with that light that can only be seen during early mornings.


It was just one day. It was today.
Thanks, girls.

Somewhere happy

So, I can only tell you that it does not exist.
But it does. There certainly is a place where you can be happy. Where there won't be people to bother you, and you can enjoy being with yourself. It looks lonely if you look at it with skeptic eyes but, I can assure you that it's better than it sounds. Way better.
The thing is, it exists, partially.
But, you can never go there... because, that's the place where human contact cannot harm you. And, you are already tainted with it, so, reaching it would annihilate the whole place and it would then become a place like every other.
But, at least, getting close to it makes you feel already better, so, just by trying to get there you can already enjoy. It's like, one of those invisible force fields that make those funny noises and blue effects when you get too close, and it blocks you. But you already feel good by being close, and then you try to get closer to feel even better, and you can, but you should never, ever, break the force field and actually get there, not like you could, anyway.
For some people it may work, I guess. For those who can never feel satisfied, like me, I guess it wouldn't help. So, I'm staying in touch with the real world, with people. Though I'm better alone.
Is there anyone out there wanting to merge forces in a death squad?
Just wondering...
I wonder, does anyone else out there see things as I see? Like, you're walking through the place you always walk, like your university, then it's night and a very common place looks like it's just gotten out of a movie or something like that? It's nice... people should try to look at dumb special locations more often.
I want to give people scars.
Hug me and I'll kill you, I really will... I will...

Nowhere and everywhere

Have you noticed how much have we already traveled?
What you mean?
I mean, most of the times we are... wandering, or walking to somewhere, or... you know, that kind of stuff, like... healthy people...
Well, it's good to walk, even when we walk to nowhere. Just for the sake of doing it...
Yeah...
Does it bother you?
No, I like to walk with you, it's... nice...
Good.
...But, have you ever wondered about it? I mean, about why do we walk so much? Because, looking closely, we are mostly walking to everywhere and nowhere at the same time.
Well, remember one discussion we've had a few days ago?
You mean, about... the fun of living?
Exactly. I believe we walk so we can find it. Because, if we had stopped back there, where we started, we would definitely never find it. Because the fun of it will never get to you, you have to go for it. Even though we haven't found much yet but, chances are way better than those we get from standing still.
But, we still feel empty, you do, don't you?
...Yes...
Isn't it a bit frustrating to always feel incomplete while you walk around trying to find it?
No one never said life wouldn't be frustrating. But, fortunately, we have quite a high resistance to pain, so, we can take it. I guess... it will all get better once I find myself.
What?
I don't know how to explain, but, I guess, you feel complete once you find yourself, once you get in touch with who you are, and, if you take too long to find yourself, something else will. And most of the things out there on the hunt are evil, so, it's better to keep searching. I've found a few possibilities of what could be keeping the part of me that's lacking, I just need a signal that it is really in there. So, I guess we are getting close. It's a bit of a problem that most of the possibilities envolve people, but I guess we can handle it.
This means, we'll stop walking?
Hell no! It just means we'll keep walking, but feeling complete, and then we'll probably be able to enjoy our ride to the fullest.
Looks fun.

Believe

C'mon boss, we can do this!
I don't even know why did I agree on coming with you...
Because we are still in the game. We are not giving up without one hell of a fight!
Haven't we already had our hellish fights? Isn't it enough? Do you want to repeat the dose?
Those? I ain't talking about those silly battles. Those were too kindergarten-ish, if you know what I mean...
Oh, sure...
...and, c'mon, it looks like you've forgotten who you are.
And who am I?
Oh, don't play fool.
I know who the fuck am I, I just wonder who the fuck do YOU think I am.
You... WONDER?! You can give up on yourself, I'd hate that, but it's your life anyway, but I am not giving up on you still, because I know who you are, even though you seem to deny it. Because I am sure we can win it, we are outnumbered? Indeed. But weren't we outnumbered before? When did we need armies of soldiers to fight for us? NEVER. All we need are our trusted fellows, and they are there fighting for you, because THEY TOO KNOW what are they trying to prove.
And what is it that they are trying to prove?
That we can, no, that we will win this shit. And you feel this too, otherwise you wouldn't be here, why didn't you surrender when you've had the chance?
Who cares...
C'mon! We've defeated the machines before, for years, remember? You proved you could defeat those who didn't need to eat nor sleep... December, remember? If you don't remember your deeds, then it's up to me to carry these memories. Because I've witnessed you shine when all odds were stacked against you, and I've seen you rise when you were supposed to bow down. And I've seen you admit your mistakes like a man and face the consequences of what you've done, and when you helped that girl, just for the sake of helping.
Does that really count?
Why not? I doubt at least HALF of those motherfuckers out there would do the same. And I'm betting my arms on this. Is it really that hard to appreciate the good things you've done? How many times, tell me, just how many times do you need to do good things until you can believe you are worthy of winning? We can only win if you come with us boss, you're the one with the potential to change this scenario. You've beaten that which is not human, damn. I know you can win anything as long as you believe it.
...
Please...
The thing is, that I want to believe, but, maybe I'm not the kind that believes easily.
That's a beginning!


I know, been there, done that, but hey, you're among the living, deal with repeating over and over. After all, the real fun comes from breaking cycles.

Beware the dream

Head keeps on blasting, gotta go sleep...
Just... don't let that dream come back, please.


The dream...
I don't really know how to start, but I was planning on not even touching that topic anyway, but maybe it's important. Maybe.
I just wonder, how ridiculous is it to be afraid or disturbed by a dream? It's not like when the evil beings chase you to death and then get to stab you at the end when you wake up screaming with your heart pumping, sweating cold in the middle of night. That's normal, and mostly doesn't last long anyway.
The problem is, I mean, seems to be. In fact, let's just jump from this analytical stage to something more ''rant-friendly''. The problem is when you wake up with your heart trying to explode, out of something good. It just won't stop, because you're not out of the dream yet, it's not about a life threat that surrounded you, because those things go away as soon as you come back. It's... a thing that should be sleeping. It's your heart pouding because you've just remembered you have a heart. Not the one that deals with blood, the fictional heart.
Looks like that dream was the final blow...
Because it's been long since I last felt that. And I'd rather keep that as a forgotten idea. For a long time I treated this feeling as a forbidden topic, and it worked because as years passed by, I forgot. And it helped me, it backed me up when it was time to dish people out of their arguments, because I was actually better alone. But then, she came.
Had I not slept that day, everything would be different and much more under control, but, damage is already done, crying over it won't help it in any possible way. We are screwed now, and we'll have to deal with it.
And I still can feel it...


I can remember the dream, not the visual parts since most is now blurry, and the thing that marked the most was the memory of having a heart, things that you can't explain logically. Stupid things.


How silly is it? 'Cause I don't even have a clue...
Well, let's see, I'll tell you and perhaps by treating the situation as an outsider you can tell me, alright?
Alright.
So, a pretty girl was there at your room, it was a bit dark...
It's always dark in that realm...
I don't care, so, it was dark, and it was a surprise for your, birthday. So, a surprise visit in a day that wasn't your birthday but was close to it, since probably during your birthday you would be busy.
Which is not quite very true but...
I haven't asked you anything. So, you get near her and you guys talk a bit about random things, at some parts you speak some other language out of the blue, and she understands it and you feel a bit stupid but you couldn't control it. So, you guys are really close and you hug and it feels weird because this girl seems to like you, and then you go walking through the streets talking about random things, you see her father and you speak a bit about work and, it's mostly that. So, how ridiculous does that sound?
I don't know, it looks good...
That was my point, case closed.

Under a sliced moon

So, what now?
Ah... just can't sleep.
Just like the good old times huh?
I wish so.
Hm... wanna play a game?
Sure, what game?
Well, I'm quite positive about you not thinking how beautiful this sliced moon is. Then, a dime for your thoughts?
Wow, that's quite cheap...
Haha, just an expression.
Yeah, I know you wouldn't give me anything for it anyway.
But, you accepted to play the game.
True, true.
So, albeit having such a big and pretty sliced moon shining in the sky, there's something wrong. What is it?
It's not wrong. It's just, sometimes, you get hunted down by the past...
I see, but don't you think it has been tracking you down quite fiercely?
Perhaps.
And what part of the yesterday terrorizes you?
It's not that I'm terrified of it, I guess terrorize is somewhat of an exaggeration...
Don't play fool.
Heh, ok. Why do people like me exist?
What...?!
Ah...
Well, that was quite random, I guess. But, why did you ask that?
Just wondering. Other people seem to be so much in touch with existance as it is, reality, you know? And for me... it's never enough. I miss things that never existed, and probably never will. So I can never be satisfied, what's the point of it then?
I don't know, guess you'll have to find it someday.
What if I don't find it?
Then maybe you didn't hunt it enough.
Ah... if I go out with my friends then I get sad as soon as it ends, and then I get to the thought that it wasn't the way it should be, because nothing is this weird way, there isn't this magic in reality. Then, I think about my dreams, where it's always dark, and it feels better, because having it that way feels like something different and great can happen. And... this sucks, because I can't explain...
Indeed...
Shit.
That's an incredible combination, ain't it?
Huh?
That strange feeling of never having reality providing something that feels sufficient, combined with your problem with extremes...
Don't tell me about it...
Well, at least we can still stare at our half moon, right?
Yeah, just look at it... do you believe in shooting stars?
You mean... the wish thing?
Yeah. I've never seen one.
Neither have I, but it just doesn't make sense to make a wish in case you see one.
Well, you never know right?
Ah, my boy, that's a question I'd rather not answer for you.
Aw, c'mon, why not?
Some things are better left this way. I'm going now, gotta sleep. Try not to pass the whole night awake, 'kay?
Aye, sir.


It's not a total loss, there's still this childish innocence to avoid the no holds barred situation that lives inside him.
That's a good sign, ain't it?
You bet.
So, you're really going to sleep now?
Not really, not sleepy at the time. What scares me is the thought that everytime he closes his eyes he remembers more and more. Perhaps we're walking toward the point in which his nightmarish dreams look better than reality.
What's the problem? It's just dreams...
The problem is that we don't know... anything.
So, he decides dreaming is better than being awake...
And then who knows what comes next?
Are dreams that good?
It depends, is reality that good for you?
Well, it is... normal, I guess. I've just gotta do my part and things will work out and, well, that's life.
You don't dream much, do you?
Just like normal people.
Last time you remember you dreamed?
Ah, it was, yesterday I guess, a very... well, very normal dream.
I see... you know that lying just makes things stack against you, right?
Who cares.
Doesn't it feel horrible not being able to understand people?
They weren't made to be understood.
Weren't they?
I think you need to sleep my friend.


Can dreaming be something that harmful? Why do I ask myself...? Too many questions, too many questions...
Few time, fewer people...

Kill again

Do you think we're all demons?
Huh... why?
I mean, our... inside. Is it of demonic nature?
Why would it be?
Because, if by merely existing we cause pain to what passes around, then we're truly evil, aren't we?
I don't think so. We would be evil if we had the intention of hurting. If we hurt without even taking note of whatever it was that was near us, then... well... maybe we were bound to do harm but... it's not our fault.
So, it seems like you are confused about it too.
A bit, perhaps. But, why are you asking this now?
I don't know...
You sure?
If... I...
Bursting into tears is enough of an answer...
If... I hadn't killed again... we wouldn't be here... and...
Calm down... come on.
You wouldn't need to be here... and... everything would... remain... nice...
Listen...
You could be anywhere else...
No, I needed to be here, so this is where I am now. Come here, 'kay. Now calm down, alright? I wanted to be here. And I'm sure things will look better as soon as you stop crying, but don't worry, if you feel this urge to cry, just let it be. There's no one here to judge you, I won't, promise.
But... why...?
I know you know the answer. You're not the only killer around here, in fact, you look a lot like me, unfortunatelly... but I still see some hope in you.
...
Where else could I be anyway?
I don't know...
Don't be silly, most people out there are dying just to have the chance of taking an arm off me.
But you could be hiding...
I've been hiding for far too long. It gets boring after a while, being here I have the chance of doing something different than what I've been doing for all these years. I can help you.
I just don't understand what would you gain by doing it...
It's not something people normally expect to gain, anyway.
...
...
Can I stay here?
Sure, you can stay as long as it pleases you...
Thanks... I... I don't think you are... what they say you are...
What do you mean?
They... say... you're cold, but, I don't think so...
Maybe...
You...
...
You can save me...
I hope so, my dear, I hope so... it's just funny that of all people, it had to be me to save you, and you to be near what menaces you the most... and what I have to save...

To perceive and protect...

I don't like this.
In fact, lately I've been not liking pretty much everything. This could be a rant about the current situation of liking someone who I shouldn't like. Or something about be careful with what you wish. Or... who cares.
But I've just found something else. It's funny, no matter how hard I try to be extremely cold and angry all the time, I will always fail sometime. I guess it's really one my main directives to protect those for whom I feel some kind of empathy. Even though I don't really protect much people since... well, I just don't.
But I wish I could. Ages ago I was the guardian angel of someone. It was nice to have her calling me that. Even though most of the time I didn't feel like being one. But, it was nice, for the ego, or whatever you call that.
That sums up what's happening right now. I'd write another catastrophic text about how bad things are going but I just feel like there's people out there needing me. And if I just fold arms and keep being a crybaby, there will be one else to slaughter the bad kids.
Just for a while...

Breakdown

I hate to feel like this.
I can't find another word that can express the urge I feel to destroy things.
And I don't know exactly wehat to say because if I just keep on creating words to try to show how much I hate liking you, it's stupid. But if I just start telling how nice and pretty you are, it's also stupid.
It's pathetic, but it will end soon. Even though it may not end tomorrow, maybe thursday. I don't know, I can go to the end of the world in order to bring peace back. I know, you already have that other situation and I don't want to mess things even more. Just make sure he is worthy of you. Please.
I wanted to sleep. But maybe it's my curse to write here.
After all, deep down I'm the clown with the baseball bat, and it's funny to want to be something you fear. But hey, that's what you get for fearing so many things.
I'm not going to say sorry in advance, at least not for now.
Dude, this hurts.


A whole year without feeling this. That was great.

Holding hands in hell

Aye, captain.
Mr. smith...
Mon colonel...
Blister...
We're all here sir...


I wrote many times about this one feeling.
Mostly, it turned out to be nothing. At the bitter end, words mean nothing without actions.
The bitter end.
Through all these years of words at the wind, I've received your support. Even when all was set to failure, you've still stood there for me. And I know, I failed far too many times. And I know, I've taken the easiest path too much. It's easier to accept failure when all you do is think about failing. It's easy to get used to failing. Mostly, you have to do nothing.
I know some of you are already tired of these words, I've got to say I am. That small part of me that always had the hope now is fading, many times threatened and tortured.
But it is still there. It may be too late indeed. But it's there.
But, even after many disappointments, even after some leaving, even after every single odd stacking against us, we are still here.
I can't even ask you to stay anymore, I'd rather tell you all to leave, but this is not an option now. To tell the truth, I still don't know how to deal with what lies ahead. Obliteration might be awaiting us all. We can just imagine what lies beyond, we can feel the rotten desire for flesh that exhales ahead.
At the bitter end.
But this time. This time, my old friends, we can think of the possibility of a sweet ending. Even with the demon of failure walking toward us, I beg you remember, remember that we once were in a different place, remember, that this is not where we belong, and it doesn't matter what comes next, we can make it happen. We always could.
My only remorse now is that I have brought you into this, I have never believed myself enough to praise something more than plain failure. Even with each and every one of you trying to prove me wrong.
I'm afraid. It's true, I don't know about you, my fellow soldiers, you were always proving to be braver than me in so many levels. But I still wish to try. Even now that the scars and the dust embraced your bodies, even after witnessing insanity at it's best, I believe I'm still at the side of some of the most incredible warriors this world has ever had. And I'm proud of, at least once, being the leader you all thought I was. If I die this time, I'm dying with the honour of meeting all of you.
Whatever comes next, whenever it comes. Even without the glory of our finest days.
We'll fight together. As it was meant to be.
We enter hell. As one.

Just to sleep

I can remember the time when we had bullets flying around, everyday... can you remember that?
Slightly, seems like too remote times.
I miss that.
Why, exactly?
Because, it seemed to be what we were born to do.
It was dangerous.
Well, life is dangerous right? We all end dead after all.
You got what I meant. Just because you will end dead anyway doesn't mean you can go mad around risking your neck.
But, we never died...
Oh, really? I am surprised.
Oh, come on, you know you liked it.
I never said I didn't...
Even though it was dangerous, it felt like it was what we knew, you see? The thing that we can do through all our lives and still feel happy with it. It felt... right.
Man, we were born to live, not to run the risk of getting shot everyday just because we are good at shooting. We can adapt to this new situation, we can adapt to anything. We just need to want it.
Ok, so all we need to do is to want to be in this situation, and it will feel just like the good old times?
It's simple to say. Try doing it.
Well, and how exactly do I do it?
That's the point. Try to get the elements that you like, appreciate them. Try to imagine how to make things better... WITHOUT reversing to the past. Think about the bad things, this sort of stuff.
Looks boring just to hear you say it...
We can adapt, we just need to start adapting.
What if it turns out this is really shitty and the past was indeed the best?
Then we'll go back there, but while we don't have the proof, give these days the benefit of the doubt.


I hate being here. I hate... too many things, it is irrelevant. What's the point of being human if you can't act like one? I don't know if I start to apologize now. Maybe it's better to wait, we don;t know how will it turn out. Always prepared for the worst, even if this intense preparation ends by really bringing the worst to reality.
I don't know when is the right time, I don't know. My defects by design don't allow me. That's a bad thing, to lose touch with these important timings. Not feeling from others. But maybe there really was nothing to feel since the beginning. But, we started it, we made the beginning.... aren't we guilty?
This is also irrelevant. I wanted to sleep and for these few hours pretend things are okay. Or at least warped. If there's some kind of demonic psycho alien zombie genocidal life form chasing me, I'll feel better. In the end we are all wimpy kids right?
Right...
Nobody can give me the answer, nobody can tell me what to do. That's alright, it's not their fault. It's not anyone's fault. We are just, defective, that's all. Perhaps traumatized, but how to fight a trauma that we can't fully identify?
I want to just be a wimpy kid at my own place, the place where only I can go and no one else will disturb me. Ever.
Or to find the answer. Whatever comes first.
Thanks. Let's prepare for the show now. Gotta fill these containers in case we decide it all has to go down...

Conclusion of a failure...?

So, here we are again, at the same place that warps us to other places in hours that we should be at even another place. Listening to... the song that reminds us of the fourth place. Well, it's more like a situation but using some tolerance to poetic license to see it as a place.
I live in many places at once and no place at all. I like to see my behaviour as a paradox. That must be quite clear, anyway. But it is good to use some redundancy, just to make sure people understand my way of talking about things not talking about them. Okay, enough.
What should we be talking about here? I don't remember exactly. Been a bit distant lately, not glacial mode though. But quite close to activating it. I guess the research on The Human Centipede helped it a bit, no, I haven't seen it yet and probably won't, I'm quite sure it will be a big let down even though I really appreciate the idea. Let's just hope for the sequence, shall we? Maybe the evil clown toy helped also. Well, that's a good guess. Good to feel fear with that intensity, sometimes.
Have you ever felt like there was just so much activity within the people around you and at the same time, nothing was going on? I guess the answer would mostly be ''yes''. As long as you answered it honestly, that is. Because, we are pretty much alike. We just, are too quiet to know it.
I guess the primary topic is the doubt. The big ugly shadowy being that keeps on scratching relationships until they are dry, totally out of blood. Once communication fails and the doubt starts it's reign, pretty much everything is set to explode. Or crumble slowly in agony. You can never trust the person again like you did before. Because you simply don't know, and by not knowing something you classified as important, you start to wonder whether you can trust that person in... pretty much anything else. It's a dramatic and exaggerated way of putting things but it has some resemblance with reality. Slowly you get away because cold wars require you to proceed this way. These little patterns and last resorts of logic that live into our chaotic way of living.
I'm still not very comfortable with my new eyes. Even though I can see the beauty in skies and walls and... I don't know, pretty much anything that randomly I think that's pretty and videogame-like, since reality is ugly and the pretty scenery was into games, to start with. Do not discuss this, I'm a lost case in these topics and I'll insist in the loss.
I don't really know what my new eyes mean. I hope I can get a satisfying answer soon.
I also don't like this weird loneliness that made itself at home. It's a different kind of ''being alone'', well, it's not new anyway. But I like these cold days. Remind me of snow, and hot chocolate, and... christmas. Oh, now the song with december on it's name. Good.
I'm a little bit lost nowadays, you know, sort of like how you are when you need people to cheer you up. But not like that since I'm not very receptive to people doing these things. Gotta be more specific than random people coming and saying ''Well done!''. Creating this need for things to be specific is quite stupid.
But I've had these talks with some people in recent days, was quite entertaining I can tell. It's strange to deal with the images we make of people, and it's also impossible not to create some kind of image of someone. I like to talk to people. It's fun.
I still haven't found the fourth way of dealing with things, but hey, we are just starting.
Now into the second, or... tenth, topic... it's stupid how we put so much hopes into a girl isn't it?
Okay, next topic. Not that I'm trying to derail it, we just have to focus on this one next topic because it is very important.
I'm a bit bored. They didn't teach me how to sleep like them, fuckers.
I like the night. Damn, we need more people to go through the nights with us. Well, we had better stop while we are not that bad.

Perhaps...?

So, how is it going? How are you doing, my knight from hell?
I'm not very fine...
What's the matter?
I think... there's something wrong... do you feel a bit crazed?
No. Why?
I guess... I'm feeling.
Oh, crazed like... what?
You know, when you can't focus in something and...
Focus in what?
Focus in what you have to do, you just keep on warping back to the visions...
The visions. Heh, well, that's going away soon, as long as you only continue it in your mind. If it never makes it's way into the real world, it's not much of a big deal.
I wish it could come to reality...
Yeah, that would be nice. It would be different, so it would be nice to see what would come next. So, even after apparently succeding at your text, you feel bad because of not being able to focus?
Yes.
The whole thing is solely based on that?
Maybe not... you remember, the car crash...
You see, it had nothing to do with us and we had to go to where we had to be. Gotta do what you have to do.
But I have this weird feeling that we had to do something else, not just what they say we have to do because we had an ''appointment''.
Do not come with this good citizen crap, we had no way to help her.
Just showing that you care, sometimes that helps...
Let me make this clear to you, WE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. We had to be somewhere else so we couldn't just stop and pose as nice guys. We didn't even know what to do, heck, even now we don't know what we could have done.
When it happened to us we also didn't know what to do and it was horrible. There was pretty much nobody at our side at the moment and you remember very well how it felt.
We don't even know her very well.
That's not a very good argument...
Ok, next time, go and do something. Let's see just how stupid you end looking like. Maybe then, just maybe, you get to understand that DOING THIS, WON'T MAKE HER MAGICALLY LIKING YOU. Don't pretend, I know very well what you were thinking. Even though it wasn't a primary thought, it was there, and you don't help people with these intentions. And don't look at me like that, you know the rules. We're better alone.
...


I still feel a bit weird... am I going mad...?