Om nom nom

Shit...
So much to walk...
Looks like we haven't gotten out of zero, huh?

Om nom nom...

Fuck...


While he looks around, seeing his companion eating as if that was all the world had for him, and the long road ahead, the world gets compressed and expanded. Exploding, living, creating...
Where are they supposed to go anyway?

Not today

Nah, not today.
This is distraught. Let's just go.
Ok... but I could use a little conversation...
Just come.

A weird way of seeing it

Sunday's inmost thought:
I just wanted to talk to someone...

Monday's not-as-inmost thought:
I wish they could play with for as long as I can play with them...

Tuesday's outcome:
It's... showtime...
I'll be honest. In case you decide it's better to hate me, go ahead. I don't know shit about the rules that dictate how relationships have to be. I'm just, trying to do what I wish they had done to me. Just telling the truth. And all this mess could have been prevented. We'll all go ahead. Don't worry if it hurts, it will go away as soon as it has to go.


—I would like to start the new round of thanksgiving, if you don't bother, my fine gentlemen.
—Sure, take the first shot.
—I would like to thank all the people who were there yesterday playing with us. You probably don't know how much it was important. It's been quite a long time since we last got the chance to play with friends like that. It may look stupid, and it probably is, but if there's one thing I learned with all these years, is that nothing has any value at all, unless we want it to have. Here's for many other moments like this one to come.
—Nice shot, sir. As our second guest, a thanksgiver coming from the lands of the north, a survivor of the War of Hatred.
—Heh... don't need all that. C'mon. So, as much as you know I ain't the first guy to say thanks, and... I ain't that wise when it comes to using words. I would like to give my most sincere thanks to the girl of the stories. Or Amy, whatever you prefer. I know, I know, saying names ain't the most polite habit in these reunions, but I just thought it would be nicer to really point out who should receive these honors. I don't really know what might have gone through her head while she helped us, but I'm just glad she was there. Thanks for the mere act of giving a shit and going there.
—Well spoken, very well spoken. My fine gentlemen, our third guest is a man from the old times, a returner who had been taken dead for months.
—I... fear my health may still be too fragile for such emotions but... I would like to thank those who formed the Magic Square with us. It's been such a long time... I remember how I felt that I wasn't much of a part of it. All these strange first impressions we have... in a way, we are always imature. I wish I could be on those conversations for more than a couple of hours. Thank you, my dear Magic Square companions.
—Our fourth and last speaker, Mr. Gruemeyr!
—Thank you all who held the bullets in these dark days... I'm sure it won't be long before we can breath again. Reunion... dismissed!


Applauses.


What?

War is all we know...

Holy crap.
I'm getting too fucking emotional sometimes.

Meeeemories...
Make me want to go back there...
All the meeeeemories...
Make me want to go back there...

Shit. I gotta, make it worth it.
I'm going to study, that's what's going to happen, and then, I'll have a lot of time to play and get fucking insane.
And it WILL BE WORTH IT!
It doesn't matter whether everytime we tried to make an effort before ended in deception. I just need ONE victory. Only one.
I have a lot of things to write about... damn.
Been talking to a lot of people. This is good. Everytime I spend too much time alone I get back to the sinking stage. But I don't have the guts to keep on asking people to walk around with me...
Thanks to all of you.

This is for you.

Meet Nine of Spades

It's funny...
I don't know what, but I just find everything so funny. It's funny, isn't it?

I see you there sitting at your chair, waiting for the judgement. The light illuminates only you. You don't run. If people mistake, they have to pay, right?
There has to always be some kind of payment.

I have my cards.
I know you think they'll fail, but I still trust them.

There's just a few cards in your hand.

But I've gotten King of Clubs, Nine of Spades, Six of Hearts, and a few more to reveal.

It comes with a boom, it goes with a bang. I like that phrase. It's something like that actually...

So... you've got some info to give us...

I... I felt a bit ridiculous. In fact I was feeling it was a mistake. But after we started to talk, it didn't feel that bad, it was just, a bit awkward because... I felt childish. It was like, you know, like...
I always feel stupid when I speak about these things, because I feel people either don't care or feel it's not that much of a problem. Though I know I tend to increase problems dramatically, but still...
I feel stupid to know that I already know what has to be done. But I think too much, way too much. I feel stupid when I think about of all the times I think about vengeance. I feel ridiculous, and childish.
Wish I could play my games and forget it a bit.
I just have to be aware of my situation, right? When I get too alone and start to think about bad things, I gotta look for company. There will be someone out there to talk to me.
That's me, or... what I made me become. That's how unreasonable it got. That's... sad.

Sometimes it feels hard to breath.

Mangonel

I, I had a good dream today!
Really? What was it?
I saw my friends playing Tales of Symphonia. Like, the good old days. And, I could see them! Even though the game looked different, it was just more awesome!


Looks like... even though we may not play anymore...
Even though there may be no one else feeling this...
We are still born to play.
It doesn't matter if we can't beat records or win championships.
What really matters, is that we carry it in our hearts. We miss playing. We dream with it. We feel it. We can see moments in games where tears just throw themselves frantically. Silently, we still hold the flag. For all those moments that made us who we are. It's hard not to cry when you hear the songs of all these times. It doesn't matter whether we did or not finish these games.
Guess that's love, right? Even if it's not aimed at a person. Even if it makes us ridiculous. And nerdy.
Fuck man, it's hard to sleep this way.

Something more

Acho engraçado como algumas pessoas quando entram no msn chamam tanto a minha atenção. Interessante como nos apegamos mais a algumas pessoas.

The point was, actually...
To her, the little one...
I feel like I have to apologize. I did all I could to try to see you happy, I wanted you to succeed, I wanted you to defeat your fears. It was so much like what I was, and I know it can be defeated. It pissed me off sometimes, seeing you just crawl back to your shell, so scared of fighting back. You're beautiful and you're kind. And you're a very nice person too. AND, you like to play games, I see that this is not such a rare feature in girls nowadays, BUT, it is still uncommon. You're getting better now, I'm glad you're advancing. Please don't give up.
The apologizing part was because of a dream I had today. I hurt you. I know it's just a dream, but it came also as a scary face of the monster I've created. I can't make you pay for the mistakes of other girls. It probably wouldn't happen here in the real world, but it made me feel bad. I gotta get back to trusting women again.

To her, the friendly thought...
I will someday find you. And if I don't, I'll have already gotten strong enough not to go back to Despair Heights. At the moment, I doubt I would be able to treat you the way you should be treated. You trust me, so I want to trust you. Some other day I'll get here and write a few things you deserve to read. In fact, you deserve to listen these, from the mouth of someone who would fight hell if it was made necessary. I carry thy smile within me. It may not make me smile everytime while I face this world. But it sure as hell makes it lot more attractive. I may not think about you all the time, hatred still demands a lot in my head. And it probably will be like this 'til I die. I don't like to promise the world and say that I think about you all the time and all that stuff. I feel like it's a lie. And I don't like to lie to you. I feel like you understand what does it mean when I say that your hug alone makes my failed sleeping nights all worth it. It means the world, in fact, it means something not that tainted, well, you get it.
One day, I'll find you and we'll make it worth all this mess.

I've already apologized to the other ones.
The ones that made apologizing a reality. It's pretty much over right now.
Let the takeover begin.

Uma canção de ninar

Muitas correntes pra quebrar, muitas correntes...
Gosto da sensação de estar indo pra um lugar.
Todos gostamos né?
É bom, dá um pouco de medo pensar que talvez não tenha lugar nenhum.
E se não tiver?
A gente cria.
E se eles não gostarem da gente?
Faremos uma careta e daremos as costas à eles.
E se nos machucarem?
Oras, você sabe que você aguenta muito mais do que o que eles podem fazer.
Você não fica com medo?
Só quando eu penso que vamos parar de andar.


A gente machucou muita gente?
Duvido, você não consegue.
É...
Vai ficar tudo bem, vamos sair daqui.
Admitir os erros.
Considerar os acertos.
Vestir a melhor armadura.
Preparar pra errar de novo...
E vamos... errar mil vezes?
No mínimo.
E se errarmos mais?
Levantaremos mais do que errarmos, é só isso.


Me sinto meio ridículo.
Todos somos, todos estamos com medo.
Medo...
Agarramos os pescoços dos outros numa tentativa desesperada de não afogar, e aí afundamos eles também. Mas você pode fazer diferente.
Eu não gosto disso...
Não gosta da cobrança de ser melhor e ver que você é pior.
Vamos ter companhia?
Mais do que tudo aquilo que você criou.
E, eles vão ser legais?
Mais do que tudo aquilo que você desejou.
A gente pode fazer coisas legais?
Mais do que tudo aquilo que você sonhou.
Posso dormir com companhia?
Apenas se pedir.


Poder sonhar...
Poder matar...
E mais um dia querer acordar.