I believe everyone has their own worlds. Not only one. People can walk in and out of their worlds, as they wish, when they wish. And sometimes, they come out of their worlds into our big real world. Not the perfect land they wanted to have... but that's what they got. And they have to play with what they got, no matter what they might think.
But it's about the real world we have to deal with, it's about the millions of many worlds that everyone creates. It's all about their creativity and their imagination. Their desires and their needs. It's true that in some way every single ''unreal'' world will carry something that resembles the big real world. For example, if they fear something very much in reality, in some of their worlds there will be something that represents the feared thing. Like, a king that has a weird clown-esque behavior, for someone who fears clowns. And let's say, the king lives in an ice palace, in a world where it's always snowy and the people are hungry and the person sees itself as one of the few who actually see that. Well, that's a bit far-fetched I reckon. I reckon.
Also, the good things are transported to these worlds, so it's pretty much a fair deal. Most of the times that is, in fact, things can be transported, but will only be in the ''fake'' worlds as long as the person sees them. A person that sees most of the bad things will have worlds ruled by evil characteristics.
Talking about that, it's also possible that a person creates a world so fantastic and ruled by good characteristics that it gets impossible of coming back to the big real world. That's... pretty bad.
But it must be always clear to whomever own a world, that owning means taking care of it. Your rules, but also your duties.
How are your worlds doing?
domingo, 28 de fevereiro de 2010
sábado, 27 de fevereiro de 2010
So far... so good?
It's funny how you get tons and tons of ideas of texts you'd like to write. When you can't write.
And then when you come face to face with the opportunity of putting things somewhere, it all vanishes. Perhaps that's a challenge we have to overcome.
But I don't know, I don't want to talk about challenges now. I would like to understand people a little bit more, somewhat like the past, that would be nice I guess.
I would actually wish to note people more, but I know that's not something in the realm of possibility. I'm pretty numb when it comes to noting things in people. But that's life, we can live with it.
I'm tired. Isn't that weird? Somehow tired of reality again, but this will pass. The quest I imposed myself during these last moments of vacation seems to be going pretty smoothly, that's a rewarding feeling. Sure, it's not like a hundred perfect but seems quite close to it. There has been some not very good moments but that's a part of it all. I just hope I don't get totally away from people while trying to get closer to them. That really comes a possibility since we now know that the better we act toward people the worse we are with ourselves.
Perhaps I can suffice as my own protector.
But still, I'm tired.
And then when you come face to face with the opportunity of putting things somewhere, it all vanishes. Perhaps that's a challenge we have to overcome.
But I don't know, I don't want to talk about challenges now. I would like to understand people a little bit more, somewhat like the past, that would be nice I guess.
I would actually wish to note people more, but I know that's not something in the realm of possibility. I'm pretty numb when it comes to noting things in people. But that's life, we can live with it.
I'm tired. Isn't that weird? Somehow tired of reality again, but this will pass. The quest I imposed myself during these last moments of vacation seems to be going pretty smoothly, that's a rewarding feeling. Sure, it's not like a hundred perfect but seems quite close to it. There has been some not very good moments but that's a part of it all. I just hope I don't get totally away from people while trying to get closer to them. That really comes a possibility since we now know that the better we act toward people the worse we are with ourselves.
Perhaps I can suffice as my own protector.
But still, I'm tired.
D2622010
There were 2 parts on this one. But I just remember the second one, I'll treat this case as a single dream then.
It was... well, dark. Like night. Though not full night, it was more like, those very little seconds before darkness sets in. Or maybe it was just an effect of all the lights that were light around the place. Well, coming to think of it, there were some outdoors parts that were really dark, so I guess it really was the full night.
It was like... some kind of... club or those hotels where every apartment is a little house and there are many houses around. Just that this looked a little more... ''natural'', with lots of green and some tents here and there. I remember walking around normally through the place, many members from my family were there, mostly, if not all of them, from the father's side of the family.
I remember seeing some kids dressed as ghosts or skeletons or some more sophisticated things. Well, someone told me it was halloween, so it made sense. A very weird halloween since we were in October, but perhaps it was some kind of... party they had on that weird hotel.
There were some trails around and I began to walk through them, sometimes passing through groups of younger people, around their 15's I believe. Some were making a movie or just taking pictures. Everyone dressed as something. Some time ahead in my way there was a bigger house, seemed very dark when you got near it, perhaps the people in that one didn't like to have lights around them, who knows. I remember walking around it and then coming back to the initial point of my walk, that's where my family was.
At this part it all gets very bleak, perhaps there was some short dialogue and then I got back to the same trail. The thing was, something happened to my clothes. I had wolf ears over my head, my shirt had these shirt under it with long sleeves and some strange fingers in my hand. I figured it was some kind of werewolf look, though it was a bit odd. Some people stopped and talked to me, but I mostly avoided human contact. This time, the dark house seemed even more frightening, I thought about doing the exact same way I had done before but I just turned around and passed far from the house, coming back to the trail a little after.
Then I found her.
There was this girl with red and yellow hair, I'm not very good at describing colors, it seemed like the hair had once been a little darker and was now with yellow parts all over it, somewhat pretty I have to say. She wore a red riding hood costume, and she started to run at my mere sight. I felt like I had seen her before, and for some reason I sprinted after her. I managed to get to her, held her arm and we talked. She seemed comfortable with the dialogue, so she wasn't scared of me I thought. She brought me to a yellow tent, very big and with lots of children inside, she got in and talked something about the big bad wolf. It was all too strange but I managed to scare those kids.
Then I found a house with two huge holes were there should be doors and talked a little with my cousin and an aunt.
After that I went into a house that I believe was the one where we were supposed to stay, but it was just empty. This was followed with another dialogue with the family...
And that's about it.
It was... well, dark. Like night. Though not full night, it was more like, those very little seconds before darkness sets in. Or maybe it was just an effect of all the lights that were light around the place. Well, coming to think of it, there were some outdoors parts that were really dark, so I guess it really was the full night.
It was like... some kind of... club or those hotels where every apartment is a little house and there are many houses around. Just that this looked a little more... ''natural'', with lots of green and some tents here and there. I remember walking around normally through the place, many members from my family were there, mostly, if not all of them, from the father's side of the family.
I remember seeing some kids dressed as ghosts or skeletons or some more sophisticated things. Well, someone told me it was halloween, so it made sense. A very weird halloween since we were in October, but perhaps it was some kind of... party they had on that weird hotel.
There were some trails around and I began to walk through them, sometimes passing through groups of younger people, around their 15's I believe. Some were making a movie or just taking pictures. Everyone dressed as something. Some time ahead in my way there was a bigger house, seemed very dark when you got near it, perhaps the people in that one didn't like to have lights around them, who knows. I remember walking around it and then coming back to the initial point of my walk, that's where my family was.
At this part it all gets very bleak, perhaps there was some short dialogue and then I got back to the same trail. The thing was, something happened to my clothes. I had wolf ears over my head, my shirt had these shirt under it with long sleeves and some strange fingers in my hand. I figured it was some kind of werewolf look, though it was a bit odd. Some people stopped and talked to me, but I mostly avoided human contact. This time, the dark house seemed even more frightening, I thought about doing the exact same way I had done before but I just turned around and passed far from the house, coming back to the trail a little after.
Then I found her.
There was this girl with red and yellow hair, I'm not very good at describing colors, it seemed like the hair had once been a little darker and was now with yellow parts all over it, somewhat pretty I have to say. She wore a red riding hood costume, and she started to run at my mere sight. I felt like I had seen her before, and for some reason I sprinted after her. I managed to get to her, held her arm and we talked. She seemed comfortable with the dialogue, so she wasn't scared of me I thought. She brought me to a yellow tent, very big and with lots of children inside, she got in and talked something about the big bad wolf. It was all too strange but I managed to scare those kids.
Then I found a house with two huge holes were there should be doors and talked a little with my cousin and an aunt.
After that I went into a house that I believe was the one where we were supposed to stay, but it was just empty. This was followed with another dialogue with the family...
And that's about it.
segunda-feira, 22 de fevereiro de 2010
Support
Not only of certainties life is made of.
I seriously don't know what's coming next in these last days of freedom. I don't know what will be the outcome of this crazed quest I've imposed to myself. I can only say that it's going to be fun trying, who knows what may happen in the way.
And I also know I have the support of these people. I know it's boring already but I still don't know why you stand by my side. But I hope someday I'll be able to reward you all somehow. I suck at thanking people or at complimenting them, guess I have to work on that.
All these clocks ticking. I like the sound they make. It's like time is moving, things are moving. Not like running out of time but having things changing into something more.
I am the last one to sleep, again. But that's not bad I guess. When the world closes it's eye I can really be myself. I can walk around without scaring them. I can think without being bothered.
I find it funny to speak without giving names, at least most of the time. And speaking about things in a way they aren't but some, very few, can actually relate fantasy to reality. And it's inside turmoil I find calmness. Among these few brave soldiers that still fight a battle I had many times in the past declared it was lost, I see these dark eyes of a new passer-by. I don't know whether these eyes will be there as war rages through the days, or if it will soon walk away looking for it's own reason. But I'm glad they once got here. They have a different type of darkness, one of the kindest I've ever witnessed. They look so sincere, as if dreams lived at the other side of those shiny dark windows, and weren't afraid of telling their location.
And I walk again, backed up by my loyal soldiers and a curious passer-by.
And I hope one day I can be forgiven.
I seriously don't know what's coming next in these last days of freedom. I don't know what will be the outcome of this crazed quest I've imposed to myself. I can only say that it's going to be fun trying, who knows what may happen in the way.
And I also know I have the support of these people. I know it's boring already but I still don't know why you stand by my side. But I hope someday I'll be able to reward you all somehow. I suck at thanking people or at complimenting them, guess I have to work on that.
All these clocks ticking. I like the sound they make. It's like time is moving, things are moving. Not like running out of time but having things changing into something more.
I am the last one to sleep, again. But that's not bad I guess. When the world closes it's eye I can really be myself. I can walk around without scaring them. I can think without being bothered.
I find it funny to speak without giving names, at least most of the time. And speaking about things in a way they aren't but some, very few, can actually relate fantasy to reality. And it's inside turmoil I find calmness. Among these few brave soldiers that still fight a battle I had many times in the past declared it was lost, I see these dark eyes of a new passer-by. I don't know whether these eyes will be there as war rages through the days, or if it will soon walk away looking for it's own reason. But I'm glad they once got here. They have a different type of darkness, one of the kindest I've ever witnessed. They look so sincere, as if dreams lived at the other side of those shiny dark windows, and weren't afraid of telling their location.
And I walk again, backed up by my loyal soldiers and a curious passer-by.
And I hope one day I can be forgiven.
sábado, 20 de fevereiro de 2010
Music guiding
So, we are here now reunited...
In a bed.
...To create something different.
In a big bed, still a bed.
That's true, but what's the problem?
I don't know, if we are going to create something really cool, why don't we have a hideout with weapons ready to kill intruders and such?
Because this is real, well, almost real, life.
Okay...
It doesn't really matter where we are but what the place means to us, and now this bed is cool for a reunion.
Proceed.
It's dark out there. Do you think something's gonna happen?
I'm positively sure.
Do you know what?
Darkness.
The only lights we can see are some random postlights...
So, what's coming next?
I don't really know, darkness is all I can see.
You see, a good thing about this darkness is that the stars are now visible. Millions of them.
We needed all this darkness to be able to see the stars, so perhaps that does means this isn't the end right? If we get together we can stand to this.
I just wanted to know what is this...
Something we created ourselves, in the madness of our minds, while the music of the loud and insane instruments tore our thoughts.
What does that mean?
Fire... we are sieged.
These fuckin' intruders aren't getting in.
I give you order to fire!
Yes...
I see someone is happy with this situation.
Sir, we lost some men down the gardens!
How many?
Around ten, and counting.
FIRE!
Hear it Kers? Go for it.
I'm afraid of these times he smile, I always knew there was something deranged in him. His eyes never lied to me, there's something hiding in these dark empty eyes...
Whatever it is, it is fighting by our side now!
He he he...
Kers, come back!
What the hell... where did he go?
I don't know, I always told you he was no good. We shouldn't trust him.
Listen, he fought by our side, we can't leave our ones behind.
He isn't behind, he went straight to the front, he loves destruction, so let him go.
I'm not leaving him.
He is dangerous!
Now YOU LISTEN! HE FOUGHT BY OUR SIDE ALL THIS TIME, IF HE HASN'T BEEN THERE, YOU WOULDN'T BE HERE! SO TRY TO BE OF A LITTLE MORE HELP!
Holy crap man... I just don't understand why are we fighting for him...
Because if we don't no one else will.
So let him die, I'm telling you, there is something twisted in that soul...
Go back to the base, they'll need you there to bring down the attackers.
But...
Just go, and don't look back, 'cause I won't.
He he he... let's rock!
Kers!
What?
Come back, we need to get everybody together to stand!
I'm having fun enough over here!
Wow, good shot...
And I'll bring them down no matter how many come!
``I can see the deranged reality inside that man... as they come and die as easily as we all breath... and he laughs, this is insidious maniacal laughter...''
Then I'll help you here.
Didn't you say they needed as many together as they could have?
I guess they can handle it there, I was never the best shooter around here.
It's not about shooting, it's about damaging.
``He steps over those who stand spitting blood on the ground...''
Sir!
What is it?
They are with him!
Kers is there?
Yes.
Good news, good news indeed. The gods are with us tonight!
They are offering great resistence in that fort, my liege.
We are outnumbering them by a distance, they are no match for us. One by one they will fall!
I'm afraid not sir, half of our troops are engaged in combat with him.
The gods demand sacrifice!
They need more blood?
Bring more citizens, we'll give the gods what they desire and we'll get what we rightfully deserve!
``This is insane...''
Bring them!
You heard the king!
Kers, there's no one else...
Oh yeah... there is...
Man, I know you want revenge but we need to group again for a direct strike...
I don't, see? They didn't even hurt me... I'll kill them all.
``He didn't even seem to sweat, what is with this man?''
They will have to swallow every word... every second I've wasted... all the tears they collected...
``Oh no, he's smiling again...''
Come!
Why are we running now? They will see us!
Let them come!
How are we going so far?
No more casualties!
No one else hurt?
We have Garland hurt sir, he got a shot on the leg but it just past close, he'll be good any soon.
Good, soldier, you know we are the minority here right?
Positive sir!
Minorities are generally smashed down, so you know what can happen next... I just wonder how could we have so much luck...
Somehow, I guess we won't be smashed so soon... not while that monster is with us...
What?
Oh, nothing.
So, they demanded sacrifice in order to establish a good relation to the gods?
Yes...
I understand your hatred but...
Hatred can only be understood when you feel it, and your time is yet to come.
...did those civilians back there had to die that way?
They were in the way. And they support King Barras. So, this place is better without them.
``I've seen disheartened men, I've seen people as cold as ice, but I can't understand what happens with you my friend...''
Look! They are coming! If we pass through these ones we are this close to the main room!
``I can barely kill my enemies, he kills everything...''
Can you hear this music?
Which music?!It's the symphony of triumph!
But sir we are just advancing toward waves of mutilated and wounded enemies!
But we are winning!
As much as I'm horrified with these people, I'm glad we are winning sir!
They will never butcher people in the name of their gods again!
I can see it sir...
Ahead my soldiers!
``Hooray for our little monster.''
We are here, now what?
Where's him?
I don't know, you've dismembered those guys back there, they seemed to know about the king's location and such...
I don't have time for such foolishnesses... when you face death you make up the best stories you can think of.
Have you ever faced death Kers?
She's a close friend.
``Damn, just don't smile at me... this gives me the shivers...''
There has to be a hidden door.
There was...
What the hell...?!
They were hiding in the shadows! Kers?!
Don't try to call him, he won't hear you. I waited so long for this day, Kers, I knew you would come, so I prepare this special poison for you...
Of course you knew... I... promised... I'll follow you 'til the end of the world... then I'll make you pay...
Oh no no, don't think about that, that's past, now you'll be my servant!
I'm not letting that happen!
``I can kill these guys''
``I'm not afraid of having blood in my hands anyway... that's life''
Sir, don't you find it strange?
It's... different.
Different?
I didn't expect that... the stairs are also empty... I mean, there's just blood and guts everywhere... what happened here?
Kers and Mars were here.
What?!
Kers got mad again and went ahead on the battlefield, Mars said he wouldn't let one of our men go alone so the two lunatics went ahead, I feel this is all Kers' doings...
This can't be real... all the way to the main room...
Look! Down there!
Mars?!
Don't... worry... about... me...
Mars, wake up!
Hm...?
We took you back to base, man, you were thrashed.
What?
We found you at the main room, your sword was inside one of those big guards, we... managed to get the hilt and a part of the blade... that was a serious wound...
Wound... yeah... I can remember.
The general is proud of you! That was a skillful thrust!
I... I didn't do it all alone... I mean, I killed the guards at the main room but...
What?
Kers opened the way everytime, we entered the room and he got poisoned, there I fought... but then, I don't remember...
We found Kers after that... and King Barras' body... you wouldn't believe if we told you, Kers did a seriously mad job there. And he left...
He left?
Yeah, we just saw him in a glimpse, no word from him. But there was this letter near your body. I see...
In a bed.
...To create something different.
In a big bed, still a bed.
That's true, but what's the problem?
I don't know, if we are going to create something really cool, why don't we have a hideout with weapons ready to kill intruders and such?
Because this is real, well, almost real, life.
Okay...
It doesn't really matter where we are but what the place means to us, and now this bed is cool for a reunion.
Proceed.
It's dark out there. Do you think something's gonna happen?
I'm positively sure.
Do you know what?
Darkness.
The only lights we can see are some random postlights...
So, what's coming next?
I don't really know, darkness is all I can see.
You see, a good thing about this darkness is that the stars are now visible. Millions of them.
We needed all this darkness to be able to see the stars, so perhaps that does means this isn't the end right? If we get together we can stand to this.
I just wanted to know what is this...
Something we created ourselves, in the madness of our minds, while the music of the loud and insane instruments tore our thoughts.
What does that mean?
Fire... we are sieged.
These fuckin' intruders aren't getting in.
I give you order to fire!
Yes...
I see someone is happy with this situation.
Sir, we lost some men down the gardens!
How many?
Around ten, and counting.
FIRE!
Hear it Kers? Go for it.
I'm afraid of these times he smile, I always knew there was something deranged in him. His eyes never lied to me, there's something hiding in these dark empty eyes...
Whatever it is, it is fighting by our side now!
He he he...
Kers, come back!
What the hell... where did he go?
I don't know, I always told you he was no good. We shouldn't trust him.
Listen, he fought by our side, we can't leave our ones behind.
He isn't behind, he went straight to the front, he loves destruction, so let him go.
I'm not leaving him.
He is dangerous!
Now YOU LISTEN! HE FOUGHT BY OUR SIDE ALL THIS TIME, IF HE HASN'T BEEN THERE, YOU WOULDN'T BE HERE! SO TRY TO BE OF A LITTLE MORE HELP!
Holy crap man... I just don't understand why are we fighting for him...
Because if we don't no one else will.
So let him die, I'm telling you, there is something twisted in that soul...
Go back to the base, they'll need you there to bring down the attackers.
But...
Just go, and don't look back, 'cause I won't.
He he he... let's rock!
Kers!
What?
Come back, we need to get everybody together to stand!
I'm having fun enough over here!
Wow, good shot...
And I'll bring them down no matter how many come!
``I can see the deranged reality inside that man... as they come and die as easily as we all breath... and he laughs, this is insidious maniacal laughter...''
Then I'll help you here.
Didn't you say they needed as many together as they could have?
I guess they can handle it there, I was never the best shooter around here.
It's not about shooting, it's about damaging.
``He steps over those who stand spitting blood on the ground...''
Sir!
What is it?
They are with him!
Kers is there?
Yes.
Good news, good news indeed. The gods are with us tonight!
They are offering great resistence in that fort, my liege.
We are outnumbering them by a distance, they are no match for us. One by one they will fall!
I'm afraid not sir, half of our troops are engaged in combat with him.
The gods demand sacrifice!
They need more blood?
Bring more citizens, we'll give the gods what they desire and we'll get what we rightfully deserve!
``This is insane...''
Bring them!
You heard the king!
Kers, there's no one else...
Oh yeah... there is...
Man, I know you want revenge but we need to group again for a direct strike...
I don't, see? They didn't even hurt me... I'll kill them all.
``He didn't even seem to sweat, what is with this man?''
They will have to swallow every word... every second I've wasted... all the tears they collected...
``Oh no, he's smiling again...''
Come!
Why are we running now? They will see us!
Let them come!
How are we going so far?
No more casualties!
No one else hurt?
We have Garland hurt sir, he got a shot on the leg but it just past close, he'll be good any soon.
Good, soldier, you know we are the minority here right?
Positive sir!
Minorities are generally smashed down, so you know what can happen next... I just wonder how could we have so much luck...
Somehow, I guess we won't be smashed so soon... not while that monster is with us...
What?
Oh, nothing.
So, they demanded sacrifice in order to establish a good relation to the gods?
Yes...
I understand your hatred but...
Hatred can only be understood when you feel it, and your time is yet to come.
...did those civilians back there had to die that way?
They were in the way. And they support King Barras. So, this place is better without them.
``I've seen disheartened men, I've seen people as cold as ice, but I can't understand what happens with you my friend...''
Look! They are coming! If we pass through these ones we are this close to the main room!
``I can barely kill my enemies, he kills everything...''
Can you hear this music?
Which music?!It's the symphony of triumph!
But sir we are just advancing toward waves of mutilated and wounded enemies!
But we are winning!
As much as I'm horrified with these people, I'm glad we are winning sir!
They will never butcher people in the name of their gods again!
I can see it sir...
Ahead my soldiers!
``Hooray for our little monster.''
We are here, now what?
Where's him?
I don't know, you've dismembered those guys back there, they seemed to know about the king's location and such...
I don't have time for such foolishnesses... when you face death you make up the best stories you can think of.
Have you ever faced death Kers?
She's a close friend.
``Damn, just don't smile at me... this gives me the shivers...''
There has to be a hidden door.
There was...
What the hell...?!
They were hiding in the shadows! Kers?!
Don't try to call him, he won't hear you. I waited so long for this day, Kers, I knew you would come, so I prepare this special poison for you...
Of course you knew... I... promised... I'll follow you 'til the end of the world... then I'll make you pay...
Oh no no, don't think about that, that's past, now you'll be my servant!
I'm not letting that happen!
``I can kill these guys''
``I'm not afraid of having blood in my hands anyway... that's life''
Sir, don't you find it strange?
It's... different.
Different?
I didn't expect that... the stairs are also empty... I mean, there's just blood and guts everywhere... what happened here?
Kers and Mars were here.
What?!
Kers got mad again and went ahead on the battlefield, Mars said he wouldn't let one of our men go alone so the two lunatics went ahead, I feel this is all Kers' doings...
This can't be real... all the way to the main room...
Look! Down there!
Mars?!
Don't... worry... about... me...
Mars, wake up!
Hm...?
We took you back to base, man, you were thrashed.
What?
We found you at the main room, your sword was inside one of those big guards, we... managed to get the hilt and a part of the blade... that was a serious wound...
Wound... yeah... I can remember.
The general is proud of you! That was a skillful thrust!
I... I didn't do it all alone... I mean, I killed the guards at the main room but...
What?
Kers opened the way everytime, we entered the room and he got poisoned, there I fought... but then, I don't remember...
We found Kers after that... and King Barras' body... you wouldn't believe if we told you, Kers did a seriously mad job there. And he left...
He left?
Yeah, we just saw him in a glimpse, no word from him. But there was this letter near your body. I see...
A story, my dear?
What happened to you?
Oh come here, don't be sad. Listen, I'll tell you a story, ok?
Good, it's about a boy that was afraid of life.
Oh, it was because he was afraid of himself. Yeah, it's a pretty interesting case. It all began years and years ago. The boy had been born in a very unique moment. The very same moment he was born, a very angry spirit had awaken from his slumber. Once in a while, and this while is really a looong while, this spirit awakens and choses a baby to possess. I could give you some names of the infamous people born on these rare and sinister moments, but that's not important for our story my dear.
Oh, you don't know them, it's past, when you get older you will probably get used to some of these names, but now let's preserve the magic of the story. You might ask me, what was he afraid of if he was doomed to be an evil being? Well, it also happened to be an even more important moment. Nature has it's cycle of choice. All the energies of this world, be it the clouds, the humans, the trees, were aligned. This alignment usually happens when trouble comes, it's like... a way to balance the forces. An adult is chosen by this alignment made of the good energy, that little hope every single one of us has in their hearts, and becomes a being made mostly of the good things existance has to offer. But, there was no greater evil assaulting the world at that time, for some reason, nature had chosen a child, a just born baby. Can you see the mess? Both good and evil had chosen that boy. What happened next? Well, he grew up, like any normal child in a normal family. Sometimes he would have these... sudden thoughts, that later evolved into actions. They were mostly aggressive, leading him to releasing his anger over those around him. Every child sometimes fight with other children or has some kind of silly discussion, that's normal, hours later they will be all playing together, as it has to be. But not this one, he would keep his bad feelings to himself, waiting for a good time to strike those he aimed.
Yes, he really was being a bad child, but only when he did those things, every other time he was a very good child, he would listen to others, and tried to help those he could. He even tried to defend others, knowing that at the end he would end up hurt also. The thing is, as he grew up, people did not tolerate anymore the aggressive behavior, because the good things were less noticeable than those bad. The boy, which was now a teenager, didn't want to end alone and sad, so, what he did?
No no, he couldn't just hide his evil side all of a sudden, but indeed that's what he tried at first. He held all those bad thoughts and feelings he had, hiding them inside. People started to like him more, because now they only had the good side to notice. But, things weren't going well.
Well, when you keep too many of these things inside you, they tend to damage you. The bad things always look for a way to hurting people, if you keep them inside like he did, they will start to give you a lot of pain. So, the pain inside him just grew and grew. They grew so much that they outnumbered the good things he did to people. At some time, he didn't feel like doing good things to people anymore, because he didn't feel good, he couldn't hear them, he couldn't help them with their troubles. People then started to get away from him, because he became a robot.
No no, not like having a metal body and lasers. He became a being that only did what he had to do, not considerating emotions involved. But the friends who were closer to him didn't accept that. They didn't want to see him like that, they felt like now it was their turn to do good things for him, by taking out of him all the sorrow and agony he carried inside. It took much effort, in order to free him from this bad weight he carried, but together they managed to succeed.
No, my dear, this wasn't a happy ending, remember that he had to find a different way now, because had he decided to take the same path, he would end the same way. And perhaps his friends would get tired of having to free him from him from his weight like that again and again. So, what do you think he did?
Well, he also didn't know. So, he thought about it, and he thought. My dear, he thought a lot, but everytime he would think about it, the thoughts got more and more confusing. He even thought about it doing the reverse way, keeping the good things inside so he would always feel good, but then, the bad things would really drive everyone away.
Oh, he could. There was another way to solve problems, if thinking about it doesn't help, stop thinking and try to live as good as you can, try helping people, try to please yourself allowing you do to things you like regularly, guard these words, stop thinking when thinking stops helping you. So, he was destined to live with that, extreme good and evil would always battle inside him, and for a while he lived with that. He made a lot of mistakes, and many times he thought about giving up, but the good side, although not as noticeable as the bad one, kept that little hope inside him. And even though he did not see it, he kept on trying after every mistake. One day, he started to do a thing he liked very much, which was, writing. It was his hobby, and he wrote mostly about epic stories, the kind of things he liked. But he always felt that there was something missing in his tales. This feeling drove him away from writing, for a long time. Until another very special day, when he was very angry at someone and wrote a letter to that person. He wrote many bad things, but as he wrote, he felt there was something he could do. While the bad side was busy moving his hand and creating evil, he was free inside his mind. And he used this advantage to control the bad side, since the mind could control his hand, evil was then trapt in a place it could only get out when the boy got out of control. He ordered his hand to write lots of things, mostly good, but he could see that the evil part got angrier and angrier as he playied with it. What he could do was to keep evil trapped in his hand, being able to write those bad things, though in a more controlled way. He felt like riding a very wild horse, sometimes having to be very harsh with it, and then letting it free. After some time, the evil part got tired, and he saw that the latter half of what he had wrote was actually interesting.
Remember the epic stories he wrote in the past?
So, now he felt like the things missing in them was present, all he had to do was unleash the bad part of him in his hand and control it, this would give him what he wanted and also keep evil tired. His satisfaction with this discovery made the good one inside him happy, and that made him comfortable. But being too inclined for the good side after that made him afraid. He feared that in the future things would get out of control and he would lose it again, and also the fact that for a while he felt so good, that people would then want that very good person back, and dislike him if he didn't act like he did right after his discovery. So, he was the one locked now. He couldn't go ahead that way because he felt he couldn't be that good, this fear made him lock the evil one inside once again. Now it would remain locked until it was time to write again, but he didn't write that much, so the small parts of the tired evil that used to appear during the very good time were locked, he thought that when he was very good with the small evil people liked him, so, being just good without the evil people would still like him. See, he was trapping himself again.
Because the small evil would accumulate slowly, and the cycle would start again.
No, it wasn't people's fault. It was something he had to learn. He had to learn that people could live with a small part of evil in him. Their real friends would deal with it, after all he dealt with their evil parts, and if they didn't, then they weren't his friends. Remember, friendship does not exist when one has to make more effort to maintain it than the other. So, I leave it to you, you decide the end of this story. Did he fought his fear of losing some people and really being himself, not holding the bad things inside? Or did he try to keep everyone possible around him, being who he wasn't and letting evil starts the cycle again and again?
Oh come here, don't be sad. Listen, I'll tell you a story, ok?
Good, it's about a boy that was afraid of life.
Oh, it was because he was afraid of himself. Yeah, it's a pretty interesting case. It all began years and years ago. The boy had been born in a very unique moment. The very same moment he was born, a very angry spirit had awaken from his slumber. Once in a while, and this while is really a looong while, this spirit awakens and choses a baby to possess. I could give you some names of the infamous people born on these rare and sinister moments, but that's not important for our story my dear.
Oh, you don't know them, it's past, when you get older you will probably get used to some of these names, but now let's preserve the magic of the story. You might ask me, what was he afraid of if he was doomed to be an evil being? Well, it also happened to be an even more important moment. Nature has it's cycle of choice. All the energies of this world, be it the clouds, the humans, the trees, were aligned. This alignment usually happens when trouble comes, it's like... a way to balance the forces. An adult is chosen by this alignment made of the good energy, that little hope every single one of us has in their hearts, and becomes a being made mostly of the good things existance has to offer. But, there was no greater evil assaulting the world at that time, for some reason, nature had chosen a child, a just born baby. Can you see the mess? Both good and evil had chosen that boy. What happened next? Well, he grew up, like any normal child in a normal family. Sometimes he would have these... sudden thoughts, that later evolved into actions. They were mostly aggressive, leading him to releasing his anger over those around him. Every child sometimes fight with other children or has some kind of silly discussion, that's normal, hours later they will be all playing together, as it has to be. But not this one, he would keep his bad feelings to himself, waiting for a good time to strike those he aimed.
Yes, he really was being a bad child, but only when he did those things, every other time he was a very good child, he would listen to others, and tried to help those he could. He even tried to defend others, knowing that at the end he would end up hurt also. The thing is, as he grew up, people did not tolerate anymore the aggressive behavior, because the good things were less noticeable than those bad. The boy, which was now a teenager, didn't want to end alone and sad, so, what he did?
No no, he couldn't just hide his evil side all of a sudden, but indeed that's what he tried at first. He held all those bad thoughts and feelings he had, hiding them inside. People started to like him more, because now they only had the good side to notice. But, things weren't going well.
Well, when you keep too many of these things inside you, they tend to damage you. The bad things always look for a way to hurting people, if you keep them inside like he did, they will start to give you a lot of pain. So, the pain inside him just grew and grew. They grew so much that they outnumbered the good things he did to people. At some time, he didn't feel like doing good things to people anymore, because he didn't feel good, he couldn't hear them, he couldn't help them with their troubles. People then started to get away from him, because he became a robot.
No no, not like having a metal body and lasers. He became a being that only did what he had to do, not considerating emotions involved. But the friends who were closer to him didn't accept that. They didn't want to see him like that, they felt like now it was their turn to do good things for him, by taking out of him all the sorrow and agony he carried inside. It took much effort, in order to free him from this bad weight he carried, but together they managed to succeed.
No, my dear, this wasn't a happy ending, remember that he had to find a different way now, because had he decided to take the same path, he would end the same way. And perhaps his friends would get tired of having to free him from him from his weight like that again and again. So, what do you think he did?
Well, he also didn't know. So, he thought about it, and he thought. My dear, he thought a lot, but everytime he would think about it, the thoughts got more and more confusing. He even thought about it doing the reverse way, keeping the good things inside so he would always feel good, but then, the bad things would really drive everyone away.
Oh, he could. There was another way to solve problems, if thinking about it doesn't help, stop thinking and try to live as good as you can, try helping people, try to please yourself allowing you do to things you like regularly, guard these words, stop thinking when thinking stops helping you. So, he was destined to live with that, extreme good and evil would always battle inside him, and for a while he lived with that. He made a lot of mistakes, and many times he thought about giving up, but the good side, although not as noticeable as the bad one, kept that little hope inside him. And even though he did not see it, he kept on trying after every mistake. One day, he started to do a thing he liked very much, which was, writing. It was his hobby, and he wrote mostly about epic stories, the kind of things he liked. But he always felt that there was something missing in his tales. This feeling drove him away from writing, for a long time. Until another very special day, when he was very angry at someone and wrote a letter to that person. He wrote many bad things, but as he wrote, he felt there was something he could do. While the bad side was busy moving his hand and creating evil, he was free inside his mind. And he used this advantage to control the bad side, since the mind could control his hand, evil was then trapt in a place it could only get out when the boy got out of control. He ordered his hand to write lots of things, mostly good, but he could see that the evil part got angrier and angrier as he playied with it. What he could do was to keep evil trapped in his hand, being able to write those bad things, though in a more controlled way. He felt like riding a very wild horse, sometimes having to be very harsh with it, and then letting it free. After some time, the evil part got tired, and he saw that the latter half of what he had wrote was actually interesting.
Remember the epic stories he wrote in the past?
So, now he felt like the things missing in them was present, all he had to do was unleash the bad part of him in his hand and control it, this would give him what he wanted and also keep evil tired. His satisfaction with this discovery made the good one inside him happy, and that made him comfortable. But being too inclined for the good side after that made him afraid. He feared that in the future things would get out of control and he would lose it again, and also the fact that for a while he felt so good, that people would then want that very good person back, and dislike him if he didn't act like he did right after his discovery. So, he was the one locked now. He couldn't go ahead that way because he felt he couldn't be that good, this fear made him lock the evil one inside once again. Now it would remain locked until it was time to write again, but he didn't write that much, so the small parts of the tired evil that used to appear during the very good time were locked, he thought that when he was very good with the small evil people liked him, so, being just good without the evil people would still like him. See, he was trapping himself again.
Because the small evil would accumulate slowly, and the cycle would start again.
No, it wasn't people's fault. It was something he had to learn. He had to learn that people could live with a small part of evil in him. Their real friends would deal with it, after all he dealt with their evil parts, and if they didn't, then they weren't his friends. Remember, friendship does not exist when one has to make more effort to maintain it than the other. So, I leave it to you, you decide the end of this story. Did he fought his fear of losing some people and really being himself, not holding the bad things inside? Or did he try to keep everyone possible around him, being who he wasn't and letting evil starts the cycle again and again?
sexta-feira, 19 de fevereiro de 2010
Question and answer
First night with the big bed. Looks good so far, it's nice to have a huge bed just for yourself. Not that sharing it with someone was bad, no complain about it, but it's always nice to have a big bed to enjoy all by yourself. You can plan things and all.
It's good to exercise your selfishness sometimes. Sometimes.
But I have to admit that as much as it's good to use the big bed alone for the first night it's also bad to know that you're exercising selfishness, I can't explain exactly why but it doesn't feel right to be selfish, even sometimes. But let's move on.
I'm not even saying about the million raving thoughts because it's getting boring. But the last night I got myself thinking about a question. Or an answer, well, in fact I was thinking about both these things. I had been asked about my opinion about the things that have been happening around the world these times. A question I always got confused when I asked myself, and having someone asking me that was quite... well, paralyzing.
I've always had this problem of understanding things, sometimes I would take things too literal and sometimes not as literal as it had to be. That was one of the paralyzing reasons, I'm quite numb when it comes to these things, I wondered what could be my opinion...
Another problem was the endless censorship I establish inside. I don't know, they say to give the world reasons to smile, since it has already gotten enough to cry for. I don't remember know who said that, but I like that quote, although I believe that when things are bad you've gotta admit it, so unfortunately you can't only try to make the word smile.
My opinion is pessimistic and I believe the way things are going disaster is a few steps ahead, and boy we run fast toward it. I believe only a disaster of gigantic proportions makes people unite, only through intense suffering people will start to care about those around them. Not all people, of course, there's the good ones amidst of this chaos, and there's also those that not even with a disaster will care about the others but only about their own survival. I believe humanity is generally evil, though it has been proved that when they want they can do awesome things. But I don't really know what is the formula to achieve such good deeds, and I don't know if everyone is able to reach it. Most times I think that to save this world you need to make humanity extinct, the solution is through destruction, BUT, there's people who still insists in proving me the contrary and I want to believe in what they say, there may be hope in a few good seeds.
We'll have to see what comes next.
It's good to exercise your selfishness sometimes. Sometimes.
But I have to admit that as much as it's good to use the big bed alone for the first night it's also bad to know that you're exercising selfishness, I can't explain exactly why but it doesn't feel right to be selfish, even sometimes. But let's move on.
I'm not even saying about the million raving thoughts because it's getting boring. But the last night I got myself thinking about a question. Or an answer, well, in fact I was thinking about both these things. I had been asked about my opinion about the things that have been happening around the world these times. A question I always got confused when I asked myself, and having someone asking me that was quite... well, paralyzing.
I've always had this problem of understanding things, sometimes I would take things too literal and sometimes not as literal as it had to be. That was one of the paralyzing reasons, I'm quite numb when it comes to these things, I wondered what could be my opinion...
Another problem was the endless censorship I establish inside. I don't know, they say to give the world reasons to smile, since it has already gotten enough to cry for. I don't remember know who said that, but I like that quote, although I believe that when things are bad you've gotta admit it, so unfortunately you can't only try to make the word smile.
My opinion is pessimistic and I believe the way things are going disaster is a few steps ahead, and boy we run fast toward it. I believe only a disaster of gigantic proportions makes people unite, only through intense suffering people will start to care about those around them. Not all people, of course, there's the good ones amidst of this chaos, and there's also those that not even with a disaster will care about the others but only about their own survival. I believe humanity is generally evil, though it has been proved that when they want they can do awesome things. But I don't really know what is the formula to achieve such good deeds, and I don't know if everyone is able to reach it. Most times I think that to save this world you need to make humanity extinct, the solution is through destruction, BUT, there's people who still insists in proving me the contrary and I want to believe in what they say, there may be hope in a few good seeds.
We'll have to see what comes next.
Allowing
Night falls and I want my city back. And now a million random thoughts roam inside my mind claiming for attention. But I can't save them all...
I like December Flower, also this rain. They say it's better to concentrate in things you like at least a bit, than on things you totally hate. Well, I don't really know if someone actually said that, but considering the insane amount of people that have already walked these strange grounds, I guess it's pretty possible someone has already said that. I like the speed with which the characters appear on this screen as I write. It's nice to see the development of something you created. With some extra help, indeed, but you created, and no one can deny it.
I guess it is still raining out there, I hope so, perhaps we can have an easier time trying to sleep. In fact I doubt so. But, who cares.
We have pudding. That's awesome. I feel somewhat dizzy also, but that's not because of the pudding, nor the champagne. It's funny to mix some things sometimes. And to pretend you're numb. Feels more human right?
I wonder about emulating the human behavior. Sometimes it seems so natural then it looks so freakin' hard. Then again, what's the point?
Aren't we being humans when we try to be different from those we consider humans? Trying to achieve individualism while being a part of the whole, the very same whole we despise. But enough with this talk, I don't even know if this has any meaning at all.
I would like to say I'm glad she's back. She's one of the pillars that help to keep the whole structure active, and we already experienced how it was missing this important pillar. I know, I know, someday the pillars will change, that's life, but no one forbids me to appreciate it now. But I'm not going to say much over here, I intend to say that when she can actually hear it, guess it's better that way, everyone likes to hear compliments during a common talk with people in the real world. Guess it will be very corny, hope she understands it. For now, we'll keep it simple, thank you my friend.
Deep down we are all children. Deep down we are all killers. Deep down, there's those who can help us.
I like December Flower, also this rain. They say it's better to concentrate in things you like at least a bit, than on things you totally hate. Well, I don't really know if someone actually said that, but considering the insane amount of people that have already walked these strange grounds, I guess it's pretty possible someone has already said that. I like the speed with which the characters appear on this screen as I write. It's nice to see the development of something you created. With some extra help, indeed, but you created, and no one can deny it.
I guess it is still raining out there, I hope so, perhaps we can have an easier time trying to sleep. In fact I doubt so. But, who cares.
We have pudding. That's awesome. I feel somewhat dizzy also, but that's not because of the pudding, nor the champagne. It's funny to mix some things sometimes. And to pretend you're numb. Feels more human right?
I wonder about emulating the human behavior. Sometimes it seems so natural then it looks so freakin' hard. Then again, what's the point?
Aren't we being humans when we try to be different from those we consider humans? Trying to achieve individualism while being a part of the whole, the very same whole we despise. But enough with this talk, I don't even know if this has any meaning at all.
I would like to say I'm glad she's back. She's one of the pillars that help to keep the whole structure active, and we already experienced how it was missing this important pillar. I know, I know, someday the pillars will change, that's life, but no one forbids me to appreciate it now. But I'm not going to say much over here, I intend to say that when she can actually hear it, guess it's better that way, everyone likes to hear compliments during a common talk with people in the real world. Guess it will be very corny, hope she understands it. For now, we'll keep it simple, thank you my friend.
Deep down we are all children. Deep down we are all killers. Deep down, there's those who can help us.
quarta-feira, 17 de fevereiro de 2010
Testing the Black Knight
There’s a legend about an evil man that haunted these towns. No one knows the name or the origin, all they know is that he came to bring hell on them. The first assaults happened almost a century ago. Nasty times, those were. He didn’t seem to age, decade after decade, the same vitality, the same dark and brutal energy as he slaughtered citizens of every town in the area.
Some people even talk about exceptional cases in which people were tortured or kidnapped, facing death in it’s most horrific and cruel form. Some say he was not a human. Maybe a beast, a demon, maybe the devil itself roaming through these places. People went away, giving up to fear, wishing for a happier life far away. Some of them maybe got what they wanted. Others are just missing, or missing pieces.
But today we sing. We sing now because it’s been more than a decade since we have last seen the horned helmet of the evil man. And it’s dreaded black horse. They say the horse has never changed, as if it was some kind of materialization of a nightmare. It’s said that had the eyes red as fresh blood. It could go as fast as it wanted to, silently as it had to.
I believe everyone in every town of the area celebrates these days, remembering that we have not seen the black knight for more than a decade. In some towns, they even made a whole week festival to comemorate. Everyone enjoys and as we laugh the fear disappears. Everyone but her.
She lived with an old woman that had taken care of her since she was a baby. One day the old woman simply came up with this baby, she claimed it was a very poor couple that abandoned the child at her door during the night. She could not leave the baby over there, so she decided to treat it as her own daughter, since she had never had one, until someone came to take the girl away. But in all these years, no one never came.
Since these things happened somewhat frequently at those times, no one raised the eyebrows as the old woman told this story, countless times. It actually happened to make people feel a little more comfortable about her. Some said she was a witch, or some kind of sorceress. Perhaps they were just envious of her wealth, not that she was actually one of the richest people around, but she had quite a good life with her possessions.
The townsfolk liked the girl, she was a common girl, despite being somewhat irritated when it came to celebrating the disappearance of the black knight. And, she was one of the most talented in combat among those at her young age. Sometimes she would go unstable and very angry when people started to mock the black knight, and that was quite hard to explain. But since that was one of the things that still had some shocking value at people, they could deal with her reaction.
Due to the wealth her ”mother” had, she would oftenly go out of town for something, sometimes special classes for rich people, sometimes fancy vacations, and no one would complain.
If only they knew...
The man watched the fight. A young girl, brandished her sword against a huge bearded man. Some could say it was a giant, the man had more than half a meter over the girl’s height, yet he seemed to be losing. She was swift, much more cunning than her old and clumsy foe. A few times it seemed like the giant had an advantage over her, almost taking half her arm out with a simple swing of his sharp blade. The loyal spectator frowned during these small times, like a teacher that look at a student making the same mistake test after test.
But the result was just as expected, on a quick move, the girl opened a big cut in the giant’s leg, big enough so it could take her attacker down with the pain and the loss of blood. After that his blood poured over the grass, coming right out of his head. She had jumped on his back as he bent down, holding his leg. The sword went straight to his skull.
She took the sword out and smiled to the spectator, running at his direction. He was sitting under a tree, table cloth covering the grass right at his side. Some food and beverages over the cloth.
- How was I, father?
She asks when she gets close enough, the man smiles at her, a sincere smile. He holds her, as he speaks seriously yet tenderly, proud of his daughter.
The black horned helmet at the other side of the table cloth, a dark horse running nearby...
Some people even talk about exceptional cases in which people were tortured or kidnapped, facing death in it’s most horrific and cruel form. Some say he was not a human. Maybe a beast, a demon, maybe the devil itself roaming through these places. People went away, giving up to fear, wishing for a happier life far away. Some of them maybe got what they wanted. Others are just missing, or missing pieces.
But today we sing. We sing now because it’s been more than a decade since we have last seen the horned helmet of the evil man. And it’s dreaded black horse. They say the horse has never changed, as if it was some kind of materialization of a nightmare. It’s said that had the eyes red as fresh blood. It could go as fast as it wanted to, silently as it had to.
I believe everyone in every town of the area celebrates these days, remembering that we have not seen the black knight for more than a decade. In some towns, they even made a whole week festival to comemorate. Everyone enjoys and as we laugh the fear disappears. Everyone but her.
She lived with an old woman that had taken care of her since she was a baby. One day the old woman simply came up with this baby, she claimed it was a very poor couple that abandoned the child at her door during the night. She could not leave the baby over there, so she decided to treat it as her own daughter, since she had never had one, until someone came to take the girl away. But in all these years, no one never came.
Since these things happened somewhat frequently at those times, no one raised the eyebrows as the old woman told this story, countless times. It actually happened to make people feel a little more comfortable about her. Some said she was a witch, or some kind of sorceress. Perhaps they were just envious of her wealth, not that she was actually one of the richest people around, but she had quite a good life with her possessions.
The townsfolk liked the girl, she was a common girl, despite being somewhat irritated when it came to celebrating the disappearance of the black knight. And, she was one of the most talented in combat among those at her young age. Sometimes she would go unstable and very angry when people started to mock the black knight, and that was quite hard to explain. But since that was one of the things that still had some shocking value at people, they could deal with her reaction.
Due to the wealth her ”mother” had, she would oftenly go out of town for something, sometimes special classes for rich people, sometimes fancy vacations, and no one would complain.
If only they knew...
The man watched the fight. A young girl, brandished her sword against a huge bearded man. Some could say it was a giant, the man had more than half a meter over the girl’s height, yet he seemed to be losing. She was swift, much more cunning than her old and clumsy foe. A few times it seemed like the giant had an advantage over her, almost taking half her arm out with a simple swing of his sharp blade. The loyal spectator frowned during these small times, like a teacher that look at a student making the same mistake test after test.
But the result was just as expected, on a quick move, the girl opened a big cut in the giant’s leg, big enough so it could take her attacker down with the pain and the loss of blood. After that his blood poured over the grass, coming right out of his head. She had jumped on his back as he bent down, holding his leg. The sword went straight to his skull.
She took the sword out and smiled to the spectator, running at his direction. He was sitting under a tree, table cloth covering the grass right at his side. Some food and beverages over the cloth.
- How was I, father?
She asks when she gets close enough, the man smiles at her, a sincere smile. He holds her, as he speaks seriously yet tenderly, proud of his daughter.
The black horned helmet at the other side of the table cloth, a dark horse running nearby...
Face the angel
So, you’ve came again...
I’ve told you, I’m not giving up on you.
What if I told I have given up on myself a long time ago?
Then you would be lying, and that simply doesn’t surprise me anymore. Get it?
What I fail to get is why you refuse to accept who I am.
I accept you as you are, and that’s why I’m not giving up. I’ve already witnessed most of your disaster scenarios, I know your worst, I’ve seen the blood, the pieces, the flesh, the fire, the screams, I don’t care.
You don’t care? How can you say that? Weren’t you supposed to look after these people? Isn’t that what you all do over there at your mighty hideout?
Look at people, doing whatever they might be doing, and try to protect them?
In part, yes, that’s about it. But I’ve decided to look after you...
Are you demented? I’ve already tried to kill you, and you know I just don’t try to repeat it because I can’t.
You can’t? Or you don’t want to?
I CAN’T! SEE?
Just because you’re thrusting this cleaver at me and it’s passing through me just as if I was an illusion that doesn’t mean it does not hurt me.
What you mean, my dear demented angel?
I know you’re blind to these things, but it was quite a shock to me the first time you tried. I know, it’s pretty dumb that I actually felt sad because you tried to chop me, and...
I don’t get your point, I can’t kill you, why does that bother you?
Because you wanted to...
So...? Even then you still come after me, I made it pretty clear that we have nothing to talk.
Do we? What are we doing right now?
Discussing your stupid actions. You’re an angel, protect people, damn!
I am.
Oh really? Who did you protect? I’ve never chopped someone and saw an angel breathing life back into the cold body. No angel came and took those people away, you left them to die. You left them for me.
Perhaps because things don’t work that way.
So? How do they work? Your boss leaves you to your own will, talking with the monsters after they slaughter innocents?
You’re not the monster you think you are... we watch from above, and I know what you feel when night comes and there’s nothing more to do but talk to yourself as the moon shines upon the sky.
It’s weird. At the most chaotic times, they keep appearing. It’s almost like the key for making they come is driving things down the well, rock bottom here we go. And don’t you tell me to keep on singing, I won’t. I don’t care how many more of them will come, because I know once they will give up. I don’t want to do it again. Just leave it alone.
They keep on appearing, and I thought this time there would be no salvation. But there really isn’t, and sooner or later they will face the grim side. I’ll shatter hopes, I’ll slay innocence. And I like it.
I’ve told you, I’m not giving up on you.
What if I told I have given up on myself a long time ago?
Then you would be lying, and that simply doesn’t surprise me anymore. Get it?
What I fail to get is why you refuse to accept who I am.
I accept you as you are, and that’s why I’m not giving up. I’ve already witnessed most of your disaster scenarios, I know your worst, I’ve seen the blood, the pieces, the flesh, the fire, the screams, I don’t care.
You don’t care? How can you say that? Weren’t you supposed to look after these people? Isn’t that what you all do over there at your mighty hideout?
Look at people, doing whatever they might be doing, and try to protect them?
In part, yes, that’s about it. But I’ve decided to look after you...
Are you demented? I’ve already tried to kill you, and you know I just don’t try to repeat it because I can’t.
You can’t? Or you don’t want to?
I CAN’T! SEE?
Just because you’re thrusting this cleaver at me and it’s passing through me just as if I was an illusion that doesn’t mean it does not hurt me.
What you mean, my dear demented angel?
I know you’re blind to these things, but it was quite a shock to me the first time you tried. I know, it’s pretty dumb that I actually felt sad because you tried to chop me, and...
I don’t get your point, I can’t kill you, why does that bother you?
Because you wanted to...
So...? Even then you still come after me, I made it pretty clear that we have nothing to talk.
Do we? What are we doing right now?
Discussing your stupid actions. You’re an angel, protect people, damn!
I am.
Oh really? Who did you protect? I’ve never chopped someone and saw an angel breathing life back into the cold body. No angel came and took those people away, you left them to die. You left them for me.
Perhaps because things don’t work that way.
So? How do they work? Your boss leaves you to your own will, talking with the monsters after they slaughter innocents?
You’re not the monster you think you are... we watch from above, and I know what you feel when night comes and there’s nothing more to do but talk to yourself as the moon shines upon the sky.
It’s weird. At the most chaotic times, they keep appearing. It’s almost like the key for making they come is driving things down the well, rock bottom here we go. And don’t you tell me to keep on singing, I won’t. I don’t care how many more of them will come, because I know once they will give up. I don’t want to do it again. Just leave it alone.
They keep on appearing, and I thought this time there would be no salvation. But there really isn’t, and sooner or later they will face the grim side. I’ll shatter hopes, I’ll slay innocence. And I like it.
sexta-feira, 12 de fevereiro de 2010
Nails
And after making our way through an old, rusty iron door I've met him. My comrades hesitate to walk further in the room. It was covered wall to wall, by strange images of angels and torture. It seemed like two very distinct persons had decorated those dirty walls. Looking at me from the other side of this place was a man.
The vision of a man with nails superficially craved into every part of his arms shocked me. At his shoulders there were some small needles, and also at some parts of his face. Some of the wounds still had blood marks around them, though it seemed most have been done a long time ago.
Even so, he had a calm look at his face. The black eyes staring at me, as some kind of weird seer that awaited my arrival. Anxiously, and patiently at the same time.
- Welcome.
- Who... are you?!
I was still alone in the room with him, the others were outside, alert to anything stranger that could happen.
- I'm just a man like you, or those friends of your out there.
- Sir, we're taking everyone out of this building, we have an order to assure you are out there and safe.
- I know, and I'll probably be.
- So, you must come with us...
- No problem.
The strange man didn't fight back nor refuse anything. Although being the strangest one we found at the building, he was one of the easiest to evacuate.
After the operation I've met him again outside, away from the crowds, who probably were afraid of even looking at him.
- So, are you done with your work?
- Yes, there are still two scout units looking for people we may have missed.
- Good.
- Just out of curiosity, why did you do that?
- What do you mean?
- These... things in your skin.
- Oh, have you ever felt the relief after a stressing situation?
- Yes...
- Or that good feeling after something painful ends? I found a way of creating this sensation whenever I wanted.
I notice a smile on his face, also, there seems to be a few nails ''missing'' on the left arm.
- See that nurse over there?
- Sure, what's with her?
- She went mad when she saw me, then started to take some of the nails out. I begged her to stop claiming it hurted too much. She'll probably come back soon and take some more.
- You don't want to take them now? Want to go to a hospital or...?
- No, no. I want her to come and take some more, you have no idea of how terrific it feels. It's incredible the feeling you have when these things get out, at first it might hurt but it's like freeing your arms from horrible weights.
- So you did this... on purpose?!
- Of course, by creating pain, someone will come and save me from it. Relieve me. You appreciate these kind actions better when you are in peril.
I stood there, looking at him. Somehow, part of it actually made some sense, but the most was just outrageous.
- Don't you agree with me?
The vision of a man with nails superficially craved into every part of his arms shocked me. At his shoulders there were some small needles, and also at some parts of his face. Some of the wounds still had blood marks around them, though it seemed most have been done a long time ago.
Even so, he had a calm look at his face. The black eyes staring at me, as some kind of weird seer that awaited my arrival. Anxiously, and patiently at the same time.
- Welcome.
- Who... are you?!
I was still alone in the room with him, the others were outside, alert to anything stranger that could happen.
- I'm just a man like you, or those friends of your out there.
- Sir, we're taking everyone out of this building, we have an order to assure you are out there and safe.
- I know, and I'll probably be.
- So, you must come with us...
- No problem.
The strange man didn't fight back nor refuse anything. Although being the strangest one we found at the building, he was one of the easiest to evacuate.
After the operation I've met him again outside, away from the crowds, who probably were afraid of even looking at him.
- So, are you done with your work?
- Yes, there are still two scout units looking for people we may have missed.
- Good.
- Just out of curiosity, why did you do that?
- What do you mean?
- These... things in your skin.
- Oh, have you ever felt the relief after a stressing situation?
- Yes...
- Or that good feeling after something painful ends? I found a way of creating this sensation whenever I wanted.
I notice a smile on his face, also, there seems to be a few nails ''missing'' on the left arm.
- See that nurse over there?
- Sure, what's with her?
- She went mad when she saw me, then started to take some of the nails out. I begged her to stop claiming it hurted too much. She'll probably come back soon and take some more.
- You don't want to take them now? Want to go to a hospital or...?
- No, no. I want her to come and take some more, you have no idea of how terrific it feels. It's incredible the feeling you have when these things get out, at first it might hurt but it's like freeing your arms from horrible weights.
- So you did this... on purpose?!
- Of course, by creating pain, someone will come and save me from it. Relieve me. You appreciate these kind actions better when you are in peril.
I stood there, looking at him. Somehow, part of it actually made some sense, but the most was just outrageous.
- Don't you agree with me?
domingo, 7 de fevereiro de 2010
Refugee on Demonsland
- You're here again, kid.
- Yes, you see, that's the only place I feel like I can be alone.
- But you're not alone in here. There's always a lot of things happening, and you know, we aren't like you.
- Yet you don't seem to be of any harm to me. So, as long as you ignore me and I ignore you, I'm alone in here.
- As you wish, I just can't assure you we will always be so kind to you. After all, you were already warned of this place, you can't say you didn't know where you are now. Nobody will save your ass from the boiling pits. Clear?
- Clear as hell, ma'am.
- Okay then.
I know this is a different place. And I also know I wasn't supposed to be here. But don't feel comfortable like this anywhere else. I look at the window. There's a lot of weird people walking around, the city albeit pretty, is very crude. It gets pretty obvious that this is not a normal place, you're not dealing with humans when you're here. But they won't attack me anyway, at least if I don't mess with them that is. They are not supposed to be kind, there's no law that says it. No matter who you are, nothing protects you here. There's a small marketplace down there. My hotel is almost at the center of this city, sometimes you can hear screams and people bashing it other. But it's not like a common market, they don't summon fire over those places. They have deaths everyday here, dismemberments, mutilations, immolations. It's their daily routine, and they can live with it. That's the reality, some are more intelligent, some are just piles of muscles.
The concierge of this hotel is one of the most human-looking I've ever seen. Yet it has that weird thing in his eye. It becomes clear as water that they are not like us when you look right into their eyes. It's a strange energy that comes out of them. Scary I'd say, but somehow I feel better over here than in my world, the places that I was supposed to be. Why, I don't really know, after all I'm human, and humans should remain with humans, and demons with demons.
But I'm better being a passer-by in my places, and an eternal refugee in Demonsland.
They are not that much different when you compare us to them. I guess that shows how low has our society gone, yet we say it's going better as our feet goes deeper and deeper in the mud. The richest or most intelligent demons live in these kind of hotels, or castles. There are lots of castles at the borders of this city. The smaller and not so treacherous live in slums. Who kills most lives better, who fools most gets most trust. Living out of the slums here means you are somewhat dangerous to others. I've never met the ones on the top of the hierarchy. At least not that I've known, I suppose they can be easily distinguished from the street trash.
I don't speak with anyone over here unless I'm obliged to do so. The concierge over the entrance and the lady that lives in the same corridor that I stay are the only ones I talk sometimes. I normally don't get out of my room because I like being alone in here, they can get me food when I'm in need of it, it isn't wise to risk myself out there in the streets. They can smell human flesh from a distance. And even though the taste is far worse than most of the meats I've eaten, they like it.
I guess I need to explain myself in those last sentences. Human meat is very common around here. It's like we were their cattle, there's those big slaughterhouses where they butcher humans in order to get food. So, if you're not eating human meat over here, get ready to face hunger. Fruits are abnormally rare and different animals are only for the ones who can afford it. Even though I heard they eat those just to have a feeling of being different, to impose they are better because they can eat different things, still they like human flesh just as everyone else.
Over here it's important to be superior, to step on the miserable ones and shove their face on the mud. It may sound strange at start but once you get used to it, it feels like living among humans that actually show what they think. And the similarities don't stop there, at night this is like those huge cities where there are lights everywhere. The difference is that the lights over here are most non-related to electricity. But the flames are also as beautiful. Night is even more noisy than the day since most of them seem to feel better at night, I suppose they don't really feel our urge for sleeping. Though I know they also sleep. Sometimes.
There's a building to the left of the market, just at night that is. It's invisible during the day, but as soon as night falls some red lights start to surge, it's like a tower appearing out of thin air, though I don't know what exactly happens over there. I'd need a good disguise to go out of here in night time.
Perhaps if I got some kind of escort, I could walk around, but that would be expensive. The lady of the corridor perhaps could get some help in this, but I don't think I really want to get out of my hideout. And I don't really know how much blood would that cost.
- Yes, you see, that's the only place I feel like I can be alone.
- But you're not alone in here. There's always a lot of things happening, and you know, we aren't like you.
- Yet you don't seem to be of any harm to me. So, as long as you ignore me and I ignore you, I'm alone in here.
- As you wish, I just can't assure you we will always be so kind to you. After all, you were already warned of this place, you can't say you didn't know where you are now. Nobody will save your ass from the boiling pits. Clear?
- Clear as hell, ma'am.
- Okay then.
I know this is a different place. And I also know I wasn't supposed to be here. But don't feel comfortable like this anywhere else. I look at the window. There's a lot of weird people walking around, the city albeit pretty, is very crude. It gets pretty obvious that this is not a normal place, you're not dealing with humans when you're here. But they won't attack me anyway, at least if I don't mess with them that is. They are not supposed to be kind, there's no law that says it. No matter who you are, nothing protects you here. There's a small marketplace down there. My hotel is almost at the center of this city, sometimes you can hear screams and people bashing it other. But it's not like a common market, they don't summon fire over those places. They have deaths everyday here, dismemberments, mutilations, immolations. It's their daily routine, and they can live with it. That's the reality, some are more intelligent, some are just piles of muscles.
The concierge of this hotel is one of the most human-looking I've ever seen. Yet it has that weird thing in his eye. It becomes clear as water that they are not like us when you look right into their eyes. It's a strange energy that comes out of them. Scary I'd say, but somehow I feel better over here than in my world, the places that I was supposed to be. Why, I don't really know, after all I'm human, and humans should remain with humans, and demons with demons.
But I'm better being a passer-by in my places, and an eternal refugee in Demonsland.
They are not that much different when you compare us to them. I guess that shows how low has our society gone, yet we say it's going better as our feet goes deeper and deeper in the mud. The richest or most intelligent demons live in these kind of hotels, or castles. There are lots of castles at the borders of this city. The smaller and not so treacherous live in slums. Who kills most lives better, who fools most gets most trust. Living out of the slums here means you are somewhat dangerous to others. I've never met the ones on the top of the hierarchy. At least not that I've known, I suppose they can be easily distinguished from the street trash.
I don't speak with anyone over here unless I'm obliged to do so. The concierge over the entrance and the lady that lives in the same corridor that I stay are the only ones I talk sometimes. I normally don't get out of my room because I like being alone in here, they can get me food when I'm in need of it, it isn't wise to risk myself out there in the streets. They can smell human flesh from a distance. And even though the taste is far worse than most of the meats I've eaten, they like it.
I guess I need to explain myself in those last sentences. Human meat is very common around here. It's like we were their cattle, there's those big slaughterhouses where they butcher humans in order to get food. So, if you're not eating human meat over here, get ready to face hunger. Fruits are abnormally rare and different animals are only for the ones who can afford it. Even though I heard they eat those just to have a feeling of being different, to impose they are better because they can eat different things, still they like human flesh just as everyone else.
Over here it's important to be superior, to step on the miserable ones and shove their face on the mud. It may sound strange at start but once you get used to it, it feels like living among humans that actually show what they think. And the similarities don't stop there, at night this is like those huge cities where there are lights everywhere. The difference is that the lights over here are most non-related to electricity. But the flames are also as beautiful. Night is even more noisy than the day since most of them seem to feel better at night, I suppose they don't really feel our urge for sleeping. Though I know they also sleep. Sometimes.
There's a building to the left of the market, just at night that is. It's invisible during the day, but as soon as night falls some red lights start to surge, it's like a tower appearing out of thin air, though I don't know what exactly happens over there. I'd need a good disguise to go out of here in night time.
Perhaps if I got some kind of escort, I could walk around, but that would be expensive. The lady of the corridor perhaps could get some help in this, but I don't think I really want to get out of my hideout. And I don't really know how much blood would that cost.
Weird dusk
I can't make much noise. I can't break anything, nor can I hit anything. They will get worried. And then they are going to speak and I don't want them speaking so I can't do these things ok?
Why...?
They'll bore me. It's bad.
As bad as holding yourself...?
Maybe worse.
- You see I'm the one drinking and watching. I see your blood all splattered. AWHAHAHAHA.
- Quit soda, freak.
- I'm not quitting.
The man lying in the floor with only his upper body raises his hand toward the one sitting in the chair near the laptop. Blood flows from the torso of the lying man, he'll be dead soon. The bedroom is filled with blood. A pair of sneakers is standing at the small blood pool.
- Don't you like these guys?
- You... sick... fuck...
The man sitting on the chair kicks the bleeding man in the face, he moans and falls. He can't hold it anymore. The arm that was pointing to the chair goes to the floor with a splash of blood. The man in the chair headbangs to the sound of Paranoid. His laughter is shrill and demented.
- 4 a.m... gotta sleep man!
He cranks the volume and gets out of the chair. He steps on the dead man's head, the movement makes some noise like bubbles bursting. He then lies on his bed and sleeps. The same song repeating through the dark night.
Why...?
They'll bore me. It's bad.
As bad as holding yourself...?
Maybe worse.
- You see I'm the one drinking and watching. I see your blood all splattered. AWHAHAHAHA.
- Quit soda, freak.
- I'm not quitting.
The man lying in the floor with only his upper body raises his hand toward the one sitting in the chair near the laptop. Blood flows from the torso of the lying man, he'll be dead soon. The bedroom is filled with blood. A pair of sneakers is standing at the small blood pool.
- Don't you like these guys?
- You... sick... fuck...
The man sitting on the chair kicks the bleeding man in the face, he moans and falls. He can't hold it anymore. The arm that was pointing to the chair goes to the floor with a splash of blood. The man in the chair headbangs to the sound of Paranoid. His laughter is shrill and demented.
- 4 a.m... gotta sleep man!
He cranks the volume and gets out of the chair. He steps on the dead man's head, the movement makes some noise like bubbles bursting. He then lies on his bed and sleeps. The same song repeating through the dark night.
I stand alone
Why does it seem we are going crazy so much nowadays?
I mean, we are always a little bit of lunatic, but just a bit, it was like this before the change, and it was like this after the change. But not anymore.
They say things change, always, for good or for bad. I guess that's true, because I thought that I was okay, and I wanted things to be okay, aka not changing.
BUT, there's always something weird happening. Be it the fact that your sleep is totally deranged, if you sleep early you woke up late, and then you lost your morning. If you sleep late, you wake up late, so at least you don't lose the initial hours of your morning. BUT in both cases, you sleep like shit. That's it, sleeping seemed stupid because you thought you were wasting time before. Now it's senseless, because you're not only wasting time, but you're also waking up so freakin' tired it's almost as you haven't slept at all. And man, that sucks.
What else sucks, to lose your concentration. I don't even know what people told me like, hours ago. I know this is an altered version of the truth, I know what some people told me recently. But not all. I never was someone who could give super attention to things, you know I'm kinda numb on that matter. BUT now I can't even get to remember important things people said. That is, if they really said because I don't remember. But since they are complaining about it, I guess they said. Well it's okay, that just shows the real me that was hidden. Perhaps that's me, giving no shit about these people. And I don't really care, I can't care. Everything looks so... empty. And then you start seeing the bad things people have. And boy they have. Problem is, once you start seeing, it's all you see. Let them live their lives, I guess I'm done with it. They don't care to make these things better, so I'm not caring either. Should I talk to them? WHY?
You start to think that maybe you haven't really fulfilled your objectives. You are no different, you are still more with the people than with yourself. Come, get the fuck up. You are the one who really matters in this pile of shit. The people? To hell with them. They will be gone sooner or later.
You see, there's something strange going on. But strange to the common patterns they have set for you to follow. But it was always there, lurking. Perhaps the lack of real sleep makes people go nuts. And being nuts you can't control your freak side anymore. AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
It makes sense. It MAKES SENSE after some time. Now that's weird. But I guess I'm done with these people. I don't know. Maybe it's just now, I just need to sleep, but I was already told there is a lot of people in this world. I'll never find someone who has no bad side, but maybe I can find people that fits me better. Who knows?
I don't know. And I don't feel like knowing a shit so soon. But, I guess I'm alone this time. Maybe we need to be alone. So we can find. And after we find we think a lot. Right?
Shall we think a lot when we find? I guess maybe.
I don't really feel like talking because I guess I won't like the aftermath anyway. Those bad things that happen. But hey, they say friendship is a thing that can endure horrors. I don't know, perhaps this horror here can't endure friendship anymore. I'm strange. Way stranger than I thought I was. And now I see how contradicting I am. Because I don't know, maybe it's just fear doing it's job. But it seems like this is not a good idea, but then it makes sense, and if I talk to anyone about it they won't see any sense at all. Because this is against the fucking pattern. The pattern. Why can't I just fucking follow it? Are we... evil?
No that's not evil. I guess not. You see, I think my arguments are bad so it's no use to talk about it. They are busy anyway, busy busy busy. As you should be. Shouldn't you?
Yes we should. So... you'll be busy working for me, that means you work for us, so you work for yourself. And this time you won't feel unhappy anymore. See. No more.
I wish there was a more pyrotechnical way of throwing that away. But then I probably would have some serious trouble with the law. Maybe I'll have trouble with the law lately. Who knows?
Maybe the law is evil.
Maybe not. You see, I liked things the way they were, but they are not anymore. And I want my older me back. WHY NOT? I can have it, we all can. And then we can control it, so we can manage to find what we need to find. You see, I don't really think it's useful to fight for these people anymore. And I know you're afraid of the lone stand. We all are, but that's like the preparation for a monstrous roller coaster ride. And maybe we can't find any, BUT we will have tried. And then maybe it's better to be alone. Because it seems we are different. Why didn't they teach us to feel the things the way people are supposed to feel? See, they are the evil ones behind this scheme.
And we'll get them. Oh boy, we'll get them all.
And I stand alone. And a part of me didn't really want to make you worry. But I guess that's what it takes to go after something you like. Right? Anyway, who gives a shit. Weird times be coming.
And oh boy, they come.
I mean, we are always a little bit of lunatic, but just a bit, it was like this before the change, and it was like this after the change. But not anymore.
They say things change, always, for good or for bad. I guess that's true, because I thought that I was okay, and I wanted things to be okay, aka not changing.
BUT, there's always something weird happening. Be it the fact that your sleep is totally deranged, if you sleep early you woke up late, and then you lost your morning. If you sleep late, you wake up late, so at least you don't lose the initial hours of your morning. BUT in both cases, you sleep like shit. That's it, sleeping seemed stupid because you thought you were wasting time before. Now it's senseless, because you're not only wasting time, but you're also waking up so freakin' tired it's almost as you haven't slept at all. And man, that sucks.
What else sucks, to lose your concentration. I don't even know what people told me like, hours ago. I know this is an altered version of the truth, I know what some people told me recently. But not all. I never was someone who could give super attention to things, you know I'm kinda numb on that matter. BUT now I can't even get to remember important things people said. That is, if they really said because I don't remember. But since they are complaining about it, I guess they said. Well it's okay, that just shows the real me that was hidden. Perhaps that's me, giving no shit about these people. And I don't really care, I can't care. Everything looks so... empty. And then you start seeing the bad things people have. And boy they have. Problem is, once you start seeing, it's all you see. Let them live their lives, I guess I'm done with it. They don't care to make these things better, so I'm not caring either. Should I talk to them? WHY?
You start to think that maybe you haven't really fulfilled your objectives. You are no different, you are still more with the people than with yourself. Come, get the fuck up. You are the one who really matters in this pile of shit. The people? To hell with them. They will be gone sooner or later.
You see, there's something strange going on. But strange to the common patterns they have set for you to follow. But it was always there, lurking. Perhaps the lack of real sleep makes people go nuts. And being nuts you can't control your freak side anymore. AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
It makes sense. It MAKES SENSE after some time. Now that's weird. But I guess I'm done with these people. I don't know. Maybe it's just now, I just need to sleep, but I was already told there is a lot of people in this world. I'll never find someone who has no bad side, but maybe I can find people that fits me better. Who knows?
I don't know. And I don't feel like knowing a shit so soon. But, I guess I'm alone this time. Maybe we need to be alone. So we can find. And after we find we think a lot. Right?
Shall we think a lot when we find? I guess maybe.
I don't really feel like talking because I guess I won't like the aftermath anyway. Those bad things that happen. But hey, they say friendship is a thing that can endure horrors. I don't know, perhaps this horror here can't endure friendship anymore. I'm strange. Way stranger than I thought I was. And now I see how contradicting I am. Because I don't know, maybe it's just fear doing it's job. But it seems like this is not a good idea, but then it makes sense, and if I talk to anyone about it they won't see any sense at all. Because this is against the fucking pattern. The pattern. Why can't I just fucking follow it? Are we... evil?
No that's not evil. I guess not. You see, I think my arguments are bad so it's no use to talk about it. They are busy anyway, busy busy busy. As you should be. Shouldn't you?
Yes we should. So... you'll be busy working for me, that means you work for us, so you work for yourself. And this time you won't feel unhappy anymore. See. No more.
I wish there was a more pyrotechnical way of throwing that away. But then I probably would have some serious trouble with the law. Maybe I'll have trouble with the law lately. Who knows?
Maybe the law is evil.
Maybe not. You see, I liked things the way they were, but they are not anymore. And I want my older me back. WHY NOT? I can have it, we all can. And then we can control it, so we can manage to find what we need to find. You see, I don't really think it's useful to fight for these people anymore. And I know you're afraid of the lone stand. We all are, but that's like the preparation for a monstrous roller coaster ride. And maybe we can't find any, BUT we will have tried. And then maybe it's better to be alone. Because it seems we are different. Why didn't they teach us to feel the things the way people are supposed to feel? See, they are the evil ones behind this scheme.
And we'll get them. Oh boy, we'll get them all.
And I stand alone. And a part of me didn't really want to make you worry. But I guess that's what it takes to go after something you like. Right? Anyway, who gives a shit. Weird times be coming.
And oh boy, they come.
quinta-feira, 4 de fevereiro de 2010
Abnormal
Not everything that we do is fair. I guess most of our deeds are unfair, in fact. But that doesn't mean we are evil, right? I mean, we are unfair in a way we want the good things to happen to those around us, well, those around us that we like. Sometimes we miss, and sometimes we miss many times but that's not because we wanted to do evil to people, it was just... shit happens. No one said it's an impossibility to miss twice or thrice in a row if you're trying to do the right thing. I don't even know why the fuck am I writing this when I thought I should be writing about something else though I didn't really know how to do that.
Have you ever done something good but then thought that it wasn't very good because you weren't fully wishing to do a good deed? Like donating blood, guess it sounds weird but have you ever donated for... I don't know, going there and seeing how would it be like. Like, you didn't really feel, ''I'm doing this to help others'', so, should you feel good for donating like that? Does that make you a hollow being? Perhaps what makes you empty is the fear of being empty.
It's a weird contradiction, doing good things and wishing bad things. I guess every single human is a bit of a walking contradiction, but some look like anomalies in this subject. Like two extremes encaged in one body. Perhaps they are not so strange if you consider that there is only good as long as there is evil, but that's philosophycal stuff, and I don't understand much of that.
I really wish I could be something more suited to this situation. Hope you don't get scared. But sometimes I like to be strange, that makes me strange? If so, then I'm just being myself. Although I'm not entirely sure of what have I became. But I feel more powerful on the outside, and dimming inside. Maybe that's just what I feel, my perception of the world was never much accurate.
What the hell... let's just see what kind of weird shit happens then. Good luck and sorry, if anything.
Have you ever done something good but then thought that it wasn't very good because you weren't fully wishing to do a good deed? Like donating blood, guess it sounds weird but have you ever donated for... I don't know, going there and seeing how would it be like. Like, you didn't really feel, ''I'm doing this to help others'', so, should you feel good for donating like that? Does that make you a hollow being? Perhaps what makes you empty is the fear of being empty.
It's a weird contradiction, doing good things and wishing bad things. I guess every single human is a bit of a walking contradiction, but some look like anomalies in this subject. Like two extremes encaged in one body. Perhaps they are not so strange if you consider that there is only good as long as there is evil, but that's philosophycal stuff, and I don't understand much of that.
I really wish I could be something more suited to this situation. Hope you don't get scared. But sometimes I like to be strange, that makes me strange? If so, then I'm just being myself. Although I'm not entirely sure of what have I became. But I feel more powerful on the outside, and dimming inside. Maybe that's just what I feel, my perception of the world was never much accurate.
What the hell... let's just see what kind of weird shit happens then. Good luck and sorry, if anything.
Assinar:
Postagens (Atom)