I was just thinking about the meaning of some words. Happy New Year.
We see people using them together a lot this time of the year, even we, use them. But, have you ever wondered what exactly do they mean? It's automatic, we say it when everybody is drowning in hugs and such, and, it's good to say good things to people. But, what if we only say it because... ''everybody does''?
I've been recently thinking a lot about these word meanings, those phrases we say... automatically.
Well, a new year is coming, and these are 12 months, hundreds of days, and, that's quite a lot of time. Ok, no one would say ''Have a bad new year!'', since this would probably ruin the party. But on their depths, they wish they could say it. Then they say the opposite because... we don't want to ruin a fuckin' party do we? And, after all, it's just automatic to wish good things to others.
Man, this was one hell of a fucked up year. Not a hundred percent bad but, it's good it's over. Anyway, like it was said before, we need to fall to learn to pick ourselves up, which was pretty true this year, and I'm glad I found the ones I could really trust in this chaos.
Moreover, I'd like to wish these 12 months of good things to all who I appreciate. I don't need to say names, these people will know in case they read this.
This year dies today.
quarta-feira, 31 de dezembro de 2008
terça-feira, 23 de dezembro de 2008
Redemption
And so, it's Christmas.
Well, not yet, but, I won't be able to post this during Christmas, so I'll post now.
It's pretty simple, so do not expect much, and I'm writing this in english because... uh... I prefer to write like this.
I would like to thank, all the people that helped me reaching the end of this year. I know I'm not over dramatizing here. And, I never really told people how cool they actually were. It's matterless what others might think, and I guess sometimes I may have forgotten this. I really hope I don't forget anyone. Please forgive me if I do.
First of all, thanks for the guys of Granado Espada. Yeah, I've given up of the battle, it's just too much for me. But, I'm actually glad I tried. You guys were freakin' awesome, I laughed to death at those crazed nights playing with you all. Raiding was also amazing, it was damn hard for us to do something, but we did. Oh hell, we did.
Special thanks for Winks, who was the craziest one among us all. Our second leader, even though he wasn't the best leader there was, he managed to make the game fun while it could last. He told me not to give up some months ago, even though he was weak, well, we all were, he had the will to keep on fighting. Losstaroth also, who fought with us at those maps... well, we didn't get anything amazing, but at least we had a lot of fun talking crap for hours. Also, for being funny in his weird way. Tuatha, for being a nice friend and also the most honest player I've ever met. And also one of the strongest among us, yeah, we might not be even close to the really strong people at the server, but, we were playing with pure raw power, not money. SilvaRamos, for being our elder, and helping us with financial situations. Working and playing, and he managed to be damn strong. DoButeco, for showing me one the best animes I've ever seen, for being one of the funniest guys in there. For playing just for the fun. Scarcelli, for trusting me his account for such a long time. Fatalstrike, for being my raid partner, we fought harsh battles with such lousy equipments, and won. The most unusual raid partners. I'd like to thank Kuza, Kura, Ibra, Hazz, Bahia, Rigoti, Kyle, and many others who took a part on the faction story. Thanks for making me feel useful, I did my best on researching and helping you all.
Now, the circle. My Secret Movie Circle. I say my for I'm the leader, but it's yours as much as it's mine. I couldn't lead a group without members. Well, I hope you guys had fun on this wicked semester. Because I had. I was once told I was putting too much effort to keep people together making all those meetings. Well, the circle was one of the things that kept me going, without it things would be much worse by now. So, this may sound selfish, but I did it mostly because I needed it. But, it's also undeniable that I wanted you all to have fun, I had some bigger plans for the group, well, I still have, but this is something for the future. At the circle I found friends that could support me on the harsh moments, even though I didn't say those were harsh moments. And also laugh a lot at the nice times. I'd like to give special thanks for Mario and Pedro, the guys who were up to almost any meeting I organized. Organized may not be the best term, since most of the time we had unexpected reunions, but, I prefer this way. So, keep on rocking guys, I'm glad I could lead this group, and I hope we have many more events next year.
I want to thank also the people that participated at those crazy group talks at the messenger. Indeed, I didn't know them and I might not talk to them again, but it was fun as hell to talk nonsense with them all.
Now, for the single person awards.
I'd like to thank Ludmila, for trying to help on the bad moments, for being a sincere friend, no matter if it hurted. I'll try to accomplish some of the objectives, I promise.
And also, Nazgul, yeah I know he won't use this nickname anymore but, I don't care. He's been my friend for years now, and it's nice to have someone like him to count with. It's really good to talk to someone who can understand your troubles, and also, has many ideas in common with yours. The bad part is that I couldn't help most of time when he was in trouble... I hope I can turn the tables someday.
Bruno also, one of the few who can help in controlling the rage. One of the best friends I have found, he's an amazing friend. Also, I had never seen someone with a such a will for overcoming difficulties. And I don't give a damn it he uses it mostly for studying. It's something I admire in him, it's not easy to find people like that. Well, I really have to thank him for all his patience. And for his help, don't worry man, you did even more than what you should.
Bruno is one of the members of the circle, but I preferred to thank him in this part. As an other member of the circle. She may probably be thinking why didn't I mention her in this text, well, I'd say it's all part of the plan. Thanks for Juliana, she has shown to be a great friend this year, one of those who helped me reaching this place without greater damages. Appearing out of thin air at times, but it was good. I can just say thank you. May crazy ideas come in bunches next year.
I guess that's it. This was one wicked year, let's just head for the next one. As I said before, forgive me if someone was left out of this message. Merry christmas to you all.
Well, not yet, but, I won't be able to post this during Christmas, so I'll post now.
It's pretty simple, so do not expect much, and I'm writing this in english because... uh... I prefer to write like this.
I would like to thank, all the people that helped me reaching the end of this year. I know I'm not over dramatizing here. And, I never really told people how cool they actually were. It's matterless what others might think, and I guess sometimes I may have forgotten this. I really hope I don't forget anyone. Please forgive me if I do.
First of all, thanks for the guys of Granado Espada. Yeah, I've given up of the battle, it's just too much for me. But, I'm actually glad I tried. You guys were freakin' awesome, I laughed to death at those crazed nights playing with you all. Raiding was also amazing, it was damn hard for us to do something, but we did. Oh hell, we did.
Special thanks for Winks, who was the craziest one among us all. Our second leader, even though he wasn't the best leader there was, he managed to make the game fun while it could last. He told me not to give up some months ago, even though he was weak, well, we all were, he had the will to keep on fighting. Losstaroth also, who fought with us at those maps... well, we didn't get anything amazing, but at least we had a lot of fun talking crap for hours. Also, for being funny in his weird way. Tuatha, for being a nice friend and also the most honest player I've ever met. And also one of the strongest among us, yeah, we might not be even close to the really strong people at the server, but, we were playing with pure raw power, not money. SilvaRamos, for being our elder, and helping us with financial situations. Working and playing, and he managed to be damn strong. DoButeco, for showing me one the best animes I've ever seen, for being one of the funniest guys in there. For playing just for the fun. Scarcelli, for trusting me his account for such a long time. Fatalstrike, for being my raid partner, we fought harsh battles with such lousy equipments, and won. The most unusual raid partners. I'd like to thank Kuza, Kura, Ibra, Hazz, Bahia, Rigoti, Kyle, and many others who took a part on the faction story. Thanks for making me feel useful, I did my best on researching and helping you all.
Now, the circle. My Secret Movie Circle. I say my for I'm the leader, but it's yours as much as it's mine. I couldn't lead a group without members. Well, I hope you guys had fun on this wicked semester. Because I had. I was once told I was putting too much effort to keep people together making all those meetings. Well, the circle was one of the things that kept me going, without it things would be much worse by now. So, this may sound selfish, but I did it mostly because I needed it. But, it's also undeniable that I wanted you all to have fun, I had some bigger plans for the group, well, I still have, but this is something for the future. At the circle I found friends that could support me on the harsh moments, even though I didn't say those were harsh moments. And also laugh a lot at the nice times. I'd like to give special thanks for Mario and Pedro, the guys who were up to almost any meeting I organized. Organized may not be the best term, since most of the time we had unexpected reunions, but, I prefer this way. So, keep on rocking guys, I'm glad I could lead this group, and I hope we have many more events next year.
I want to thank also the people that participated at those crazy group talks at the messenger. Indeed, I didn't know them and I might not talk to them again, but it was fun as hell to talk nonsense with them all.
Now, for the single person awards.
I'd like to thank Ludmila, for trying to help on the bad moments, for being a sincere friend, no matter if it hurted. I'll try to accomplish some of the objectives, I promise.
And also, Nazgul, yeah I know he won't use this nickname anymore but, I don't care. He's been my friend for years now, and it's nice to have someone like him to count with. It's really good to talk to someone who can understand your troubles, and also, has many ideas in common with yours. The bad part is that I couldn't help most of time when he was in trouble... I hope I can turn the tables someday.
Bruno also, one of the few who can help in controlling the rage. One of the best friends I have found, he's an amazing friend. Also, I had never seen someone with a such a will for overcoming difficulties. And I don't give a damn it he uses it mostly for studying. It's something I admire in him, it's not easy to find people like that. Well, I really have to thank him for all his patience. And for his help, don't worry man, you did even more than what you should.
Bruno is one of the members of the circle, but I preferred to thank him in this part. As an other member of the circle. She may probably be thinking why didn't I mention her in this text, well, I'd say it's all part of the plan. Thanks for Juliana, she has shown to be a great friend this year, one of those who helped me reaching this place without greater damages. Appearing out of thin air at times, but it was good. I can just say thank you. May crazy ideas come in bunches next year.
I guess that's it. This was one wicked year, let's just head for the next one. As I said before, forgive me if someone was left out of this message. Merry christmas to you all.
segunda-feira, 22 de dezembro de 2008
To you
Eu não sei exatamente o que aconteceu, mas tudo o que eu tinha escrito sumiu do nada.
De qualquer forma, eu não desisto de escrever de novo, porque já devia ter dito isso há muito tempo, e mesmo se desaparecer mais uma vez, eu volto aqui e escrevo do começo. Até que eu consiga, porque não importa o que aconteça, eu tenho que dizer isso.
Talvez isso seja uma coisa boa já que agora eu posso escrever mais e pensar mais nas coisas que tenho de escrever. Não que eu não tenha pensado no que estou escrevendo, mas eu quero que fique bom. Porque, você merece o melhor, e aqui vai minha segunda tentativa.
Eu realmente, falhei. Eu falhei em não ter te abraçado o tanto que devia, o tanto que eu podia. Eu falhei em não fazer você sentir quão especial você era pra mim. E falhei em não dizer aquelas três palavras o tanto quanto devia. "Eu te amo". Não são apenas três palavras juntas, tem muito mais do que isso. Representa o quanto eu gostaria de passar o resto da minha vida ao seu lado, fazendo cada dia ser único, não importa o quanto isso custasse. Também, quão feliz você me fazia, apenas com um sorriso. Porque, tem algo no seu sorriso, e eu desejaria sempre poder vê-lo, e também, poder ser quem te faz sorrir. Seu sorriso não deve nunca alcançar olhos cegos, nem suas palavras devem acabar perdidas no ar. Eles são bons demais pra isso. Gostaria de poder dormir e acordar ao seu lado, isso me fez repensar minha raiva em relação a dormir, eu apenas não acho que eu tenha deixado claro quão importante aquilo era pra mim, quão importante você era pra mim.
Eu não quero que isso termine como um pedido de desculpas, mesmo que eu sinta como se estivesse fazendo isso, em parte. Eu queria dizer o que você sempre mereceu ouvir, e algo mais, mesmo que seja tarde. Eu fui estúpido em segurar isso, e não te tratar como você deveria ser tratada. Eu sempre disse que eu só dava valor pras coisas depois de perdê-las, e parece que, mesmo tentando mudar isso, acabei repetindo o mesmo erro. Sinto que "coisa" não é o termo certo, você é muito mais do que isso, eu só não achei uma outra palavra melhor pra essa frase.
Continuando, gostaria também de te agradecer. Agradecer pelo seu amor, pelo seu apoio. Por acreditar em mim, isso me fazia querer melhorar, só pra sentir que eu merecia tudo isso. Obrigado pelas coisas que você me ensinou, mesmo que você na verdade nem saiba que tenha ensinado, porque isso me ajudou a crescer. Mesmo que eu não tenha melhorado o tanto quanto devia, mas foi importante. Mesmo nos momentos difíceis, você me mostrou jeitos de melhorar. A verdade é, que eu não consigo achar palavras pra te falar o quanto eu gostaria de agradecer, só espero que tenha conseguido deixar isso claro.
Como eu já disse, eu não guardo mágoa de você. Eu quero que você seja feliz, mantenha aquela alegria que eu podia ver em seus olhos, por favor. Escrevi isso aqui porque não acho que você gostaria de ouvir isso pessoalmente. Eu respeito isso. Mas também senti a necessidade de falar essas coisas, então decidi colocar aqui.
Você me disse que não queria que eu guardasse raiva de você porque você se importava com a minha opinião. Bom, eu digo o mesmo. Eu sei, nós dois cometemos erros, mas eu estava cego demais para ver que errava. Cego porque eu dava atenção pro que não era realmente importante. E demorou muito para que eu pudesse ver. Mais do que isso, eu tive de perder uma das coisas de mais valor que eu tinha, que era ter você ao meu lado. Eu admito, eu falhei.
Já estou chegando no fim dessa mensagem, e ainda me faltam palavras pra dizer quão importante você era. Você foi a mulher mais atenciosa, amável, bonita, e inteligente que eu já tive o prazer de conhecer. Eu precisava dizer, mas ainda assim você é mais que isso, e eu quero que você se lembre disso ok?
Não posso ignorar que queria que você lesse isso. Mesmo se eu te mostrar, por favor não fique triste nem algo assim, eu só queria passar essa mensagem, que por tanto tempo eu segurei sem razão nenhuma. Escolha o jeito que você viva melhor, você merece. Eu gostaria de poder continuar ao seu lado nesta sua escolha, mas isso é algo que não depende só de mim. Eu ainda te amo, mesmo que eu não tenha mostrado isso o tanto que devia. Apenas, se cuide.
I don't know exactly what just happened, but my whole post just got blown up from nowhere.
Anyway, I'm not giving up on writing it again, for I should have said it a long time ago, and even if it disappears once again, I'll just come and write it from the beginning. Until I get it done, because no matter what happens, I have to say it.
Perhaps this is a good thing as I can now write more and think more on the things I need to write. Not that I haven't thought about what I'm writing, but I just need to make it good. Because, you deserve the best, and here goes my second try.
I have indeed, failed. I failed on not hugging you as much as I should, as much I could. I failed on not making you feel just how special you were to me. And failed on not saying those three words as loud and as much as I had to. "I love you". Those aren't just three words bond together, there's much more than that. It represents how much I would like to spend the rest of my life by your side, making every single day unique, no matter what it cost. Also, how happy you made me, with just a smile. Because, there's something to your smile, and I wish I could always see it, and also, be the one that made you smile. It must never reach blind eyes, nor your words reach deaf ears. They are just too good for that. Also, how I wish I could sleep by your side, and wake up by your side, that made me rethink my anger toward sleeping, I just don't think I made it clear how important that was to me, how important you were to me.
I don't want this to end as an apologize, even though I feel like doing this in part. I wanted to say all what you deserved to hear, and something else, as late as it may be. I was stupid for holding this, and for not treating you as you deserved. I've always said that I gave value to things when they were gone, and it seems like, even though I tried to change it, I made the same mistake. I gotta say that ''thing'' is not the correct term in this case, since you are much more than that, it's just that I couldn't find another word to that phrase.
Moreover, I would like to thank you. Thank you for all your love, all your support. For believing in me, that made me want to get better, just to really feel I deserved it. Thank you for the things you teached me, even though you might actually not tried to teach it, you've teached me a lot of things, that helped me in growing up, and getting better. Even though I might not have improved as much as I should, but this was important. Even at the harsh moments, you've shown me ways to improve. The truth is, I can't find words to tell you how much I would like to thank you, I can just hope that my message was given.
I've said before, and I repeat, I'm not holding grief against you. I want you to be happy, I want you to keep that joy in your eyes, please. I'm writing this in here because I don't think you would like to hear this directly. I respect that. But also I felt the need to say all this, so, I'll keep it here.
You've told me that you didn't want me to hold anger against you because you cared about my opinion. Well, I tell you the same. I know, we both made mistakes, but I was too blind for seeing my mistakes. Blind because I gave attention to what wasn't really worth. And it took me much time to see it. More than that, I had to lose one of things that were most worthy, that was having you by my side. I admit it, I have really failed.
As I come to finish my message, I still lack of words to say how important you were. You were the most attentious, lovable, beautiful, intelligent woman I ever had the pleasure to meet. I needed to say it, but still you are more than that, and I want you to always keep that in mind, ok?
I can't ignore I would like you to read this. But still, even if I show you this, please don't feel sad or something like that, I just wanted to give my words, the words I've been stupidly holding for so long. Just choose the way you live happier, you deserve it. I wish I could walk that way by your side, but this is really up to you. I still love you, even though I didn't show it as much as I should. Just, take care.
De qualquer forma, eu não desisto de escrever de novo, porque já devia ter dito isso há muito tempo, e mesmo se desaparecer mais uma vez, eu volto aqui e escrevo do começo. Até que eu consiga, porque não importa o que aconteça, eu tenho que dizer isso.
Talvez isso seja uma coisa boa já que agora eu posso escrever mais e pensar mais nas coisas que tenho de escrever. Não que eu não tenha pensado no que estou escrevendo, mas eu quero que fique bom. Porque, você merece o melhor, e aqui vai minha segunda tentativa.
Eu realmente, falhei. Eu falhei em não ter te abraçado o tanto que devia, o tanto que eu podia. Eu falhei em não fazer você sentir quão especial você era pra mim. E falhei em não dizer aquelas três palavras o tanto quanto devia. "Eu te amo". Não são apenas três palavras juntas, tem muito mais do que isso. Representa o quanto eu gostaria de passar o resto da minha vida ao seu lado, fazendo cada dia ser único, não importa o quanto isso custasse. Também, quão feliz você me fazia, apenas com um sorriso. Porque, tem algo no seu sorriso, e eu desejaria sempre poder vê-lo, e também, poder ser quem te faz sorrir. Seu sorriso não deve nunca alcançar olhos cegos, nem suas palavras devem acabar perdidas no ar. Eles são bons demais pra isso. Gostaria de poder dormir e acordar ao seu lado, isso me fez repensar minha raiva em relação a dormir, eu apenas não acho que eu tenha deixado claro quão importante aquilo era pra mim, quão importante você era pra mim.
Eu não quero que isso termine como um pedido de desculpas, mesmo que eu sinta como se estivesse fazendo isso, em parte. Eu queria dizer o que você sempre mereceu ouvir, e algo mais, mesmo que seja tarde. Eu fui estúpido em segurar isso, e não te tratar como você deveria ser tratada. Eu sempre disse que eu só dava valor pras coisas depois de perdê-las, e parece que, mesmo tentando mudar isso, acabei repetindo o mesmo erro. Sinto que "coisa" não é o termo certo, você é muito mais do que isso, eu só não achei uma outra palavra melhor pra essa frase.
Continuando, gostaria também de te agradecer. Agradecer pelo seu amor, pelo seu apoio. Por acreditar em mim, isso me fazia querer melhorar, só pra sentir que eu merecia tudo isso. Obrigado pelas coisas que você me ensinou, mesmo que você na verdade nem saiba que tenha ensinado, porque isso me ajudou a crescer. Mesmo que eu não tenha melhorado o tanto quanto devia, mas foi importante. Mesmo nos momentos difíceis, você me mostrou jeitos de melhorar. A verdade é, que eu não consigo achar palavras pra te falar o quanto eu gostaria de agradecer, só espero que tenha conseguido deixar isso claro.
Como eu já disse, eu não guardo mágoa de você. Eu quero que você seja feliz, mantenha aquela alegria que eu podia ver em seus olhos, por favor. Escrevi isso aqui porque não acho que você gostaria de ouvir isso pessoalmente. Eu respeito isso. Mas também senti a necessidade de falar essas coisas, então decidi colocar aqui.
Você me disse que não queria que eu guardasse raiva de você porque você se importava com a minha opinião. Bom, eu digo o mesmo. Eu sei, nós dois cometemos erros, mas eu estava cego demais para ver que errava. Cego porque eu dava atenção pro que não era realmente importante. E demorou muito para que eu pudesse ver. Mais do que isso, eu tive de perder uma das coisas de mais valor que eu tinha, que era ter você ao meu lado. Eu admito, eu falhei.
Já estou chegando no fim dessa mensagem, e ainda me faltam palavras pra dizer quão importante você era. Você foi a mulher mais atenciosa, amável, bonita, e inteligente que eu já tive o prazer de conhecer. Eu precisava dizer, mas ainda assim você é mais que isso, e eu quero que você se lembre disso ok?
Não posso ignorar que queria que você lesse isso. Mesmo se eu te mostrar, por favor não fique triste nem algo assim, eu só queria passar essa mensagem, que por tanto tempo eu segurei sem razão nenhuma. Escolha o jeito que você viva melhor, você merece. Eu gostaria de poder continuar ao seu lado nesta sua escolha, mas isso é algo que não depende só de mim. Eu ainda te amo, mesmo que eu não tenha mostrado isso o tanto que devia. Apenas, se cuide.
I don't know exactly what just happened, but my whole post just got blown up from nowhere.
Anyway, I'm not giving up on writing it again, for I should have said it a long time ago, and even if it disappears once again, I'll just come and write it from the beginning. Until I get it done, because no matter what happens, I have to say it.
Perhaps this is a good thing as I can now write more and think more on the things I need to write. Not that I haven't thought about what I'm writing, but I just need to make it good. Because, you deserve the best, and here goes my second try.
I have indeed, failed. I failed on not hugging you as much as I should, as much I could. I failed on not making you feel just how special you were to me. And failed on not saying those three words as loud and as much as I had to. "I love you". Those aren't just three words bond together, there's much more than that. It represents how much I would like to spend the rest of my life by your side, making every single day unique, no matter what it cost. Also, how happy you made me, with just a smile. Because, there's something to your smile, and I wish I could always see it, and also, be the one that made you smile. It must never reach blind eyes, nor your words reach deaf ears. They are just too good for that. Also, how I wish I could sleep by your side, and wake up by your side, that made me rethink my anger toward sleeping, I just don't think I made it clear how important that was to me, how important you were to me.
I don't want this to end as an apologize, even though I feel like doing this in part. I wanted to say all what you deserved to hear, and something else, as late as it may be. I was stupid for holding this, and for not treating you as you deserved. I've always said that I gave value to things when they were gone, and it seems like, even though I tried to change it, I made the same mistake. I gotta say that ''thing'' is not the correct term in this case, since you are much more than that, it's just that I couldn't find another word to that phrase.
Moreover, I would like to thank you. Thank you for all your love, all your support. For believing in me, that made me want to get better, just to really feel I deserved it. Thank you for the things you teached me, even though you might actually not tried to teach it, you've teached me a lot of things, that helped me in growing up, and getting better. Even though I might not have improved as much as I should, but this was important. Even at the harsh moments, you've shown me ways to improve. The truth is, I can't find words to tell you how much I would like to thank you, I can just hope that my message was given.
I've said before, and I repeat, I'm not holding grief against you. I want you to be happy, I want you to keep that joy in your eyes, please. I'm writing this in here because I don't think you would like to hear this directly. I respect that. But also I felt the need to say all this, so, I'll keep it here.
You've told me that you didn't want me to hold anger against you because you cared about my opinion. Well, I tell you the same. I know, we both made mistakes, but I was too blind for seeing my mistakes. Blind because I gave attention to what wasn't really worth. And it took me much time to see it. More than that, I had to lose one of things that were most worthy, that was having you by my side. I admit it, I have really failed.
As I come to finish my message, I still lack of words to say how important you were. You were the most attentious, lovable, beautiful, intelligent woman I ever had the pleasure to meet. I needed to say it, but still you are more than that, and I want you to always keep that in mind, ok?
I can't ignore I would like you to read this. But still, even if I show you this, please don't feel sad or something like that, I just wanted to give my words, the words I've been stupidly holding for so long. Just choose the way you live happier, you deserve it. I wish I could walk that way by your side, but this is really up to you. I still love you, even though I didn't show it as much as I should. Just, take care.
sexta-feira, 19 de dezembro de 2008
Sangre Mar
When... every... single... droplet... can... explode... the ocean...
This is not my anger. This is not what I control... but I refuse to be controlled.
God damn it, this is crazy. So many things in your head and you can't even fucking think about them, and your hands don't seem to work for you, this is funny because they should, but they aren't, AND WHY AREN'T THEY?
HAHAHAHAHAHA
You feel like laughing don't you? Stupid. This is insane.
I can't explain it because you can't see what I see, I don't know. It's always been here and it's fucking stupid. I want to break things I want to smash things I just can't be here.
HAHAHAHAHA BURN MOTHERFUCKER
I don't know, do something, stop being so coward STOP BEING SO FREAKING COWARD YOU RETARD
WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM??
This is madness man
HIHIHI AND NOW I KILL YOU, I'LL KILL YOU ALL
You feel like spanking them to death don't you?
I would like to break things to do this stuff
But they are here, I can't make them worried
Perhaps if I go somewhere I can do it
SCREM IDIOT SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM WHY THE FUCK YOU DON'T SCREAM
I like this desert city
SHUT THE FUCK UP
SEE? THIS IS YOUR BLOOD, YOU DIE! LIKE THEM ALL
Haha blue
Feels like smashing this table with your hand right, while they keep on killing themselves, they always do it
And there's this crazy weirdo drooling with his red eyes
So weeeeeeeeeird.
I've never really set myself free right?
Yeah there was always control.
Subtle, but there was. Although you did some impressive job, lately.
NOT ENOUGH.
Well, what's enough for you? You ask yourself to do things that are way beyond do-able you know.
WEAK SHIT
I'm not killing anyone
UNTIL CHRISTMAS, LOOK, LOOK AT ME
LOOOOOOOK AT ME, WE SAME YOU KNOW
YOU'RE GETTING WORSE AS TIME GOES ON, YOU'LL BE JUST LIKE ME
I can't break this fucking table
HYAHYAHYAHYAHYA
Slams head on table
SLAM SLAM SLAM
TILL YOU HAVE NO MORE HEAD
But hey, you're leaving your mark in this world... though it can be cleaned...
DO NOT make this face, like you were deeply thinking
You're right, they can get worried right
AND WE DON'T WANT THEY TALKING
BECAUSE THEY TALK
OH THEY TALK... TOO MUCH... WHY DON'T THEY STOP TALKING KID?
drooooooolls
Ew, what a mess
Free yourself!
FUCK THEM ALL
THEY SUCK LIKE THEIR ANCESTORS
IT'S YOU WHAT MATTERS MY FRIEND, YOU
YOU'RE DIFFERENT, KILL THEM, SLAY THEM, HUMILIATE THEM
I don't know I just wanted to slam my hand somewhere
SCREEEEEEEAM
Till your lungs burst
I like bursts...
THEY ARE WRONG, NOT YOU
YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN WRONG AND THEY MESSED UP WITH YOU
LOOK AT YOU NOW LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK AT YOU NOW
Yeah, I'll just keep slapping you in the face till you look, and you know, you gave me the whole freakin eternity...
FREE FREE FREE
We look nuts don't we? You made us this way
This is pathetic.
I don't know man this is for you, fuck them, it's you the king now.
Atitude man, atituuuuuude.
You don't want it? You just don't do it.
Seems like this christmas won't be that good
LOOOOK AT YOU YOU LOOK LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT AND WE STILL HAVE SOME DAYS AHEAD
HAHAHAHAHA IMAGINE HOW YOU WILL BE FOR NEW YEAR'S DAY
I wish I were stronger.
Yeah we know, we can work on that
FUCK THEM ALL
WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY STILL MAKING NOISE
SHUUUUUUUUUT THE FUCK UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP RETARDS
So much hidden inside hehe.
You can't pass it here but you can show it by your acts CMON SHOW IT SHOW IT
DO SOMETHING
KILL HER
U R AN IDIOT SIR
She's your sister don't kill her
MAKE SHE QUIET THEN, SILENCE
DON'T THESE MOTHERFUCKERS KNOW SILENCE???
Deranged hihihi
From this point on, we just go more and more down hill...
Stop smiling.
We can burst our hands hitting this table then, when no one is home so you don't worry them
REEEETARD
SMASH SMASH SMASH
YOU CAAAAAAANT DO WHAT YOU SAY
ARE YOU AFRAID OF JAIL? DUN WORRY, THESE FUCKERS WON'T EVEN NOTICE
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHUAHUAHAUAHUAHAUHAUAHAUAHU
This is not my anger. This is not what I control... but I refuse to be controlled.
God damn it, this is crazy. So many things in your head and you can't even fucking think about them, and your hands don't seem to work for you, this is funny because they should, but they aren't, AND WHY AREN'T THEY?
HAHAHAHAHAHA
You feel like laughing don't you? Stupid. This is insane.
I can't explain it because you can't see what I see, I don't know. It's always been here and it's fucking stupid. I want to break things I want to smash things I just can't be here.
HAHAHAHAHA BURN MOTHERFUCKER
I don't know, do something, stop being so coward STOP BEING SO FREAKING COWARD YOU RETARD
WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM??
This is madness man
HIHIHI AND NOW I KILL YOU, I'LL KILL YOU ALL
You feel like spanking them to death don't you?
I would like to break things to do this stuff
But they are here, I can't make them worried
Perhaps if I go somewhere I can do it
SCREM IDIOT SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM WHY THE FUCK YOU DON'T SCREAM
I like this desert city
SHUT THE FUCK UP
SEE? THIS IS YOUR BLOOD, YOU DIE! LIKE THEM ALL
Haha blue
Feels like smashing this table with your hand right, while they keep on killing themselves, they always do it
And there's this crazy weirdo drooling with his red eyes
So weeeeeeeeeird.
I've never really set myself free right?
Yeah there was always control.
Subtle, but there was. Although you did some impressive job, lately.
NOT ENOUGH.
Well, what's enough for you? You ask yourself to do things that are way beyond do-able you know.
WEAK SHIT
I'm not killing anyone
UNTIL CHRISTMAS, LOOK, LOOK AT ME
LOOOOOOOK AT ME, WE SAME YOU KNOW
YOU'RE GETTING WORSE AS TIME GOES ON, YOU'LL BE JUST LIKE ME
I can't break this fucking table
HYAHYAHYAHYAHYA
Slams head on table
SLAM SLAM SLAM
TILL YOU HAVE NO MORE HEAD
But hey, you're leaving your mark in this world... though it can be cleaned...
DO NOT make this face, like you were deeply thinking
You're right, they can get worried right
AND WE DON'T WANT THEY TALKING
BECAUSE THEY TALK
OH THEY TALK... TOO MUCH... WHY DON'T THEY STOP TALKING KID?
drooooooolls
Ew, what a mess
Free yourself!
FUCK THEM ALL
THEY SUCK LIKE THEIR ANCESTORS
IT'S YOU WHAT MATTERS MY FRIEND, YOU
YOU'RE DIFFERENT, KILL THEM, SLAY THEM, HUMILIATE THEM
I don't know I just wanted to slam my hand somewhere
SCREEEEEEEAM
Till your lungs burst
I like bursts...
THEY ARE WRONG, NOT YOU
YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN WRONG AND THEY MESSED UP WITH YOU
LOOK AT YOU NOW LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK AT YOU NOW
Yeah, I'll just keep slapping you in the face till you look, and you know, you gave me the whole freakin eternity...
FREE FREE FREE
We look nuts don't we? You made us this way
This is pathetic.
I don't know man this is for you, fuck them, it's you the king now.
Atitude man, atituuuuuude.
You don't want it? You just don't do it.
Seems like this christmas won't be that good
LOOOOK AT YOU YOU LOOK LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT AND WE STILL HAVE SOME DAYS AHEAD
HAHAHAHAHA IMAGINE HOW YOU WILL BE FOR NEW YEAR'S DAY
I wish I were stronger.
Yeah we know, we can work on that
FUCK THEM ALL
WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY STILL MAKING NOISE
SHUUUUUUUUUT THE FUCK UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP RETARDS
So much hidden inside hehe.
You can't pass it here but you can show it by your acts CMON SHOW IT SHOW IT
DO SOMETHING
KILL HER
U R AN IDIOT SIR
She's your sister don't kill her
MAKE SHE QUIET THEN, SILENCE
DON'T THESE MOTHERFUCKERS KNOW SILENCE???
Deranged hihihi
From this point on, we just go more and more down hill...
Stop smiling.
We can burst our hands hitting this table then, when no one is home so you don't worry them
REEEETARD
SMASH SMASH SMASH
YOU CAAAAAAANT DO WHAT YOU SAY
ARE YOU AFRAID OF JAIL? DUN WORRY, THESE FUCKERS WON'T EVEN NOTICE
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHUAHUAHAUAHUAHAUHAUAHAUAHU
quarta-feira, 10 de dezembro de 2008
Something weird this way comes
Long time right?
Long time...
I... could write about... a lot of things, but I'm too slow for doing it. Many things in mind, thats mostly a problem, and I guess it's being a problem now (old news, exciting huh?). But I... don't know.
I then write about the thing that did most part of the job of leaving me like this. It's so strange the way people behave... ain't it?
How could they see the eye of the hurricane...? At the eye things are calm, around it, it's hell.
Hurricane... we are like that.
Anyway, this is ridiculous, there's no reason to get so crazed about it. It was just a word, damn it.
Perhaps that's a good thing, I just need to calm down. This is just the beginning of something wicked...
Perhaps I'll break the Law of Greater Hostility.
Long time...
I... could write about... a lot of things, but I'm too slow for doing it. Many things in mind, thats mostly a problem, and I guess it's being a problem now (old news, exciting huh?). But I... don't know.
I then write about the thing that did most part of the job of leaving me like this. It's so strange the way people behave... ain't it?
How could they see the eye of the hurricane...? At the eye things are calm, around it, it's hell.
Hurricane... we are like that.
Anyway, this is ridiculous, there's no reason to get so crazed about it. It was just a word, damn it.
Perhaps that's a good thing, I just need to calm down. This is just the beginning of something wicked...
Perhaps I'll break the Law of Greater Hostility.
segunda-feira, 10 de novembro de 2008
Battle for Christmas
I don't know what you're up to, but I will deserve this christmas.
You don't know how brutal is the fight you're asking for.
I don't know because I don't give a shit about it, it's matterless.
I've had everything I needed. Always. It's time to prove that I deserved all that. I've never proved anything to those people.
Perhaps because you didn't need to prove. Perhaps they already know you deserve.
So, if someone sees you deserve to have everything, you have the rights to be an asshole forever?
Not like that.
This is serious, I really want to deserve these holidays, I need to.
So... mr. I'll-deserve-this-christmas, are you worth these holidays now?
...
I warned you. You suck.
...
The epic feeling has already vanished, hasn't it? You're so predictable. Always like that, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU DONE THE SAME THING IN THE LAST... FOUR MONTHS? You see, this is plain stupid.
This time is different.
DIFFERENT? Why is it different? Because now you've hit rock bottom? Oh come on, how many times haven't you done that?
I'm not even close to rock bottom. Never been. This is a bad situation, but it's a situation I can handle. It may take time, but I never said it would be as fast as lightning.
Oh really? And you think we have the eternity? You have less than one month now.
That's ok for me.
It's ok? YOU WANT ME TO BELIEVE THAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO IN ONE MONTH... LESS THAN ONE MONTH, WHAT YOU HAVEN'T DONE IN THREE MONTHS? YOU KEEP ON THIS BULLCRAP EVERYDAY. WHY YOU ALWAYS NEED TO BE SUCH A LOSER? WHY YOU NEED TO MAKE THINGS SO TROUBLESOME WHEN IT COMES TO THEM?
NOW YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU RETARD.
WHAT YOU S...
SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. You see, you talk too much, that's why your blood is in my hands now, filthy blood. If I weren't in a good mood I'd probably have a little of your brain in my hands also, and that would make me very upset. Don't make such a scared face, you will survive. Let's put things like this: I'm lost. I really am. But, I'm trying to pave my way out of this shit. Now, you are not helping me, so I don't need you. And. I need to destroy something, it's like... therapy. So, according to the law of least effort, I can destroy you. It's being a hard time, forgetting everything and keeping positive, so don't come here throw your shit. Because, if I need you, is for meatshield purposes. Oh, yes, get up. You're not that wounded anyway.
I...
Now you are. Oh, such a good mood.
Perhaps I need to become another person now... but then again, it's stupid not being yourself because of someone. No matter what circumstances. I'm probably not becoming anyway. Just fooling around. Burying the past can demand a lot of time. It's a good thing I have a lot of time anyway. The only problem is that you get very lost, and I don't like being lost, well... I guess nobody does. So, I'm lost. But that doesn't mean I'm dead, that doesn't mean I'm on my last breaths. I wonder how can people get to their last breaths because of situations like this, guess they're weak. Well, being them weak or not, it's not important now. The important now is to decide the next steps. You know, it would be damn easier if I just charged on any possible target, but then again, that wouldn't be me. Or perhaps I'm complicating everything for no reason. But I really feel like being a sucker by doing that, so it's not an option.
Aiming to like no one is just too utopic. I can't deny it would be terrific, but at the moment we deal with realistic options (or at least options that try to get close to being realistic). I've tried to keep myself busy 24/7 but it just ended up being too damn tiring. Although I had some serious fun, but I guess it can be better without that much activity. All in all, we end on the point of equilibrium (once again, as ever) that I just can't hit, and probably 99% of the people also can't (if you can, kudos for you). Memory can be deadly, but, we're doing one hell of a job in burying everything, we'll get there, I know we will.
Thing is, I'm not into charging into any girl that appears, it's not... me (duh, I love to repeat things). Perhaps because I would feel bad for just... using them. They are more than substitutes. Damn, this is complicated. A friend of mine has once said that women like to be treated bad (or most women, I don't remember every word exactly), then, I guess it's game over for me. Well, I've treated bad before of course, but it's not a thing I am proud of having done. People fail, that's the way they are. I just don't know whether I should try or not, pretty pathetic ain't it?
Anyway, christmas is on the way. That's the best time of the year, even though there's no snow over here. Things will get more and more harsh from now on...
I thought about ending this with some positive thoughts but I just can't find any that really could make the difference. Well, this is it then.
You don't know how brutal is the fight you're asking for.
I don't know because I don't give a shit about it, it's matterless.
I've had everything I needed. Always. It's time to prove that I deserved all that. I've never proved anything to those people.
Perhaps because you didn't need to prove. Perhaps they already know you deserve.
So, if someone sees you deserve to have everything, you have the rights to be an asshole forever?
Not like that.
This is serious, I really want to deserve these holidays, I need to.
So... mr. I'll-deserve-this-christmas, are you worth these holidays now?
...
I warned you. You suck.
...
The epic feeling has already vanished, hasn't it? You're so predictable. Always like that, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU DONE THE SAME THING IN THE LAST... FOUR MONTHS? You see, this is plain stupid.
This time is different.
DIFFERENT? Why is it different? Because now you've hit rock bottom? Oh come on, how many times haven't you done that?
I'm not even close to rock bottom. Never been. This is a bad situation, but it's a situation I can handle. It may take time, but I never said it would be as fast as lightning.
Oh really? And you think we have the eternity? You have less than one month now.
That's ok for me.
It's ok? YOU WANT ME TO BELIEVE THAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO IN ONE MONTH... LESS THAN ONE MONTH, WHAT YOU HAVEN'T DONE IN THREE MONTHS? YOU KEEP ON THIS BULLCRAP EVERYDAY. WHY YOU ALWAYS NEED TO BE SUCH A LOSER? WHY YOU NEED TO MAKE THINGS SO TROUBLESOME WHEN IT COMES TO THEM?
NOW YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU RETARD.
WHAT YOU S...
SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. You see, you talk too much, that's why your blood is in my hands now, filthy blood. If I weren't in a good mood I'd probably have a little of your brain in my hands also, and that would make me very upset. Don't make such a scared face, you will survive. Let's put things like this: I'm lost. I really am. But, I'm trying to pave my way out of this shit. Now, you are not helping me, so I don't need you. And. I need to destroy something, it's like... therapy. So, according to the law of least effort, I can destroy you. It's being a hard time, forgetting everything and keeping positive, so don't come here throw your shit. Because, if I need you, is for meatshield purposes. Oh, yes, get up. You're not that wounded anyway.
I...
Now you are. Oh, such a good mood.
Perhaps I need to become another person now... but then again, it's stupid not being yourself because of someone. No matter what circumstances. I'm probably not becoming anyway. Just fooling around. Burying the past can demand a lot of time. It's a good thing I have a lot of time anyway. The only problem is that you get very lost, and I don't like being lost, well... I guess nobody does. So, I'm lost. But that doesn't mean I'm dead, that doesn't mean I'm on my last breaths. I wonder how can people get to their last breaths because of situations like this, guess they're weak. Well, being them weak or not, it's not important now. The important now is to decide the next steps. You know, it would be damn easier if I just charged on any possible target, but then again, that wouldn't be me. Or perhaps I'm complicating everything for no reason. But I really feel like being a sucker by doing that, so it's not an option.
Aiming to like no one is just too utopic. I can't deny it would be terrific, but at the moment we deal with realistic options (or at least options that try to get close to being realistic). I've tried to keep myself busy 24/7 but it just ended up being too damn tiring. Although I had some serious fun, but I guess it can be better without that much activity. All in all, we end on the point of equilibrium (once again, as ever) that I just can't hit, and probably 99% of the people also can't (if you can, kudos for you). Memory can be deadly, but, we're doing one hell of a job in burying everything, we'll get there, I know we will.
Thing is, I'm not into charging into any girl that appears, it's not... me (duh, I love to repeat things). Perhaps because I would feel bad for just... using them. They are more than substitutes. Damn, this is complicated. A friend of mine has once said that women like to be treated bad (or most women, I don't remember every word exactly), then, I guess it's game over for me. Well, I've treated bad before of course, but it's not a thing I am proud of having done. People fail, that's the way they are. I just don't know whether I should try or not, pretty pathetic ain't it?
Anyway, christmas is on the way. That's the best time of the year, even though there's no snow over here. Things will get more and more harsh from now on...
I thought about ending this with some positive thoughts but I just can't find any that really could make the difference. Well, this is it then.
segunda-feira, 20 de outubro de 2008
Survive or Die
So... this is it.
There have been a lot of strange happenings lately, but it all vanishes in his head while heading closer and closer to his destiny. Some time after today's trial he might remember what's been going on, and try to understand it.
They kept on walking. To a place that should not exist.
Dragonforce - Through the fire and flames
There have been a lot of strange happenings lately, but it all vanishes in his head while heading closer and closer to his destiny. Some time after today's trial he might remember what's been going on, and try to understand it.
They kept on walking. To a place that should not exist.
Dragonforce - Through the fire and flames
quinta-feira, 2 de outubro de 2008
Dawn
- I know it went wrong, but you weren't defeated...
- I don't know. I indeed feel good for I have at least done what I could but... still... I lost...
- YOU DID NOT LOSE!
She slaps him.
- Please don't give up, please. You knew it wouldn't be easy, do not give up on the first trouble.
Tears from her eyes... he doesn't know what to say.
- I'm not giving up, not like this, ok?
Perhaps, he knows. He takes her tears away.
The driller is close.
Final Fantasy - The Prelude
- I don't know. I indeed feel good for I have at least done what I could but... still... I lost...
- YOU DID NOT LOSE!
She slaps him.
- Please don't give up, please. You knew it wouldn't be easy, do not give up on the first trouble.
Tears from her eyes... he doesn't know what to say.
- I'm not giving up, not like this, ok?
Perhaps, he knows. He takes her tears away.
The driller is close.
Final Fantasy - The Prelude
terça-feira, 30 de setembro de 2008
Mission Accomplished
- You did it!
- I did...?
She hugs him.
It's been a long time since he last won a battle this big. The sensation is almost like... an anesthesia. It's good. This gives him hope.
The hug...
Final Fantasy - Ending Theme
- I did...?
She hugs him.
It's been a long time since he last won a battle this big. The sensation is almost like... an anesthesia. It's good. This gives him hope.
The hug...
Final Fantasy - Ending Theme
Comfort
- Eaten everything? Good. Today you have a big battle ahead, so you need to be strong.
After saying that, she smiled. He didn't say anything, not that he didn't want, just that he felt somewhat childish when she talked like that. And the smile...
He didn't like to feel childish, but since the last day things weren't the way they should, so he liked, because she took care of him. This time he had the power to change things. Things are getting worse as they advance. But every small victory he has serves as fuel for what's coming. They're on the way to the core of the problem, the way to the Third Hell...
Mega Man II - Dr Wily's Castle Stage 1
After saying that, she smiled. He didn't say anything, not that he didn't want, just that he felt somewhat childish when she talked like that. And the smile...
He didn't like to feel childish, but since the last day things weren't the way they should, so he liked, because she took care of him. This time he had the power to change things. Things are getting worse as they advance. But every small victory he has serves as fuel for what's coming. They're on the way to the core of the problem, the way to the Third Hell...
Mega Man II - Dr Wily's Castle Stage 1
segunda-feira, 29 de setembro de 2008
First day
So this is how the first day ends...
I still feel some energy, this time is for real.
- Excellent job today.
- I don't think it was that good.
- You kept your word until the end of the day, that's already good enough.
- Heh... thanks, I guess.
- Come, sleep time.
Rena...
Final Fantasy - The Prelude
I still feel some energy, this time is for real.
- Excellent job today.
- I don't think it was that good.
- You kept your word until the end of the day, that's already good enough.
- Heh... thanks, I guess.
- Come, sleep time.
Rena...
Final Fantasy - The Prelude
Wallbreaker
I need to settle things.
I said I would do it, but I didn't. You always begin things at full energy but the next day you forget what you promised, and then you don't even remember at all, and the circle starts again.
I have this strange feeling that I should apologize to my friends. Sorry then, for I haven't been a good friend... for some time. I can't say lately because it's been some months already, let's say, lately in the last beginning of this vicious circle. It begins nicely, but always ends in disaster, and I don't know how many times have it started already.
I need to get a distance from the world now, until things get back to their normality. I'm pretty sure that this battle I can handle. Thank you for all your support, but it's time to do something myself now.
Keep cold.
Chrono Cross - Scars of Time
I said I would do it, but I didn't. You always begin things at full energy but the next day you forget what you promised, and then you don't even remember at all, and the circle starts again.
I have this strange feeling that I should apologize to my friends. Sorry then, for I haven't been a good friend... for some time. I can't say lately because it's been some months already, let's say, lately in the last beginning of this vicious circle. It begins nicely, but always ends in disaster, and I don't know how many times have it started already.
I need to get a distance from the world now, until things get back to their normality. I'm pretty sure that this battle I can handle. Thank you for all your support, but it's time to do something myself now.
Keep cold.
Chrono Cross - Scars of Time
sábado, 6 de setembro de 2008
Damsel
Seems like we haven't felt like this for a long time huh?
Yeah... maybe it was just a very good movie.
Indeed, but there's something else.
Maybe.
She. I know you liked her.
Guess I did.
What she represents in fact, purity or something alike. Strange, but feels good.
It somehow feels good to have chosen the child.
I thought you had chosen the train?
Well... I... No matter what happens, I'll stand to my initial choices you know? Why give up now? Doesn't make much sense to me. After all, we knew bad times would come.
Deeply, you still have that hope don't you?
Maybe. I can't explain exactly, it's just that she was really terrific.
Yeah, the perfect damsel in distress.
I can't help it, I enjoyed and that's it.
I see, you don't look much talkative now, and don't worry, I'm not going to bother. Keep cold.
Yeah... maybe it was just a very good movie.
Indeed, but there's something else.
Maybe.
She. I know you liked her.
Guess I did.
What she represents in fact, purity or something alike. Strange, but feels good.
It somehow feels good to have chosen the child.
I thought you had chosen the train?
Well... I... No matter what happens, I'll stand to my initial choices you know? Why give up now? Doesn't make much sense to me. After all, we knew bad times would come.
Deeply, you still have that hope don't you?
Maybe. I can't explain exactly, it's just that she was really terrific.
Yeah, the perfect damsel in distress.
I can't help it, I enjoyed and that's it.
I see, you don't look much talkative now, and don't worry, I'm not going to bother. Keep cold.
sábado, 23 de agosto de 2008
Sickening
You know what? Religion is bullshit.
That's it. Humans are not made to have religion. They CANNOT comprehend it. They don't have enough intelligence to stand it. They don't have enough respect for embracing it.
There's no way this is real. It gets more and more obvious each day, that religion is just a reason they've invented to not feel remorses for war. You kill them, but they were from the DEVIL, they were evil, because they believed in a thing you don't believe. Isn't that good, demon slayer? Exterminating families, hope, happiness never felt better. You can throw your frustrations over other people, rape, murder, and many other nice actions of war, and still return home like a righteous paladin.
People can not understand what they supposedly believe. That's ok, humans are morons and we are all destined to oblivion after all aren't we?
We watch it silently, day after day one religion versus the other. Quietly they attack, because they must disguise it under this stupid wall of love and kindness from their gods or anything that might represent something similar.
Praying everyday won't make you a better person, face it. How can people ask for a better world and protection and all that crap after what they do everyday? Oh come on, don't come with the stupid "people aren't perfect". Can't you get better? Can't your fucking gods or icons or whatever make you see how much of an ASSHOLE you are every SINGLE day of your life?
I can't believe you still keep on saying that god or whatever is the greatest and he can pardon your mistakes as long as you regret making them.
But you may be right after all, so... heaven is doomed, hopefully I'm not going there.
That's it. Humans are not made to have religion. They CANNOT comprehend it. They don't have enough intelligence to stand it. They don't have enough respect for embracing it.
There's no way this is real. It gets more and more obvious each day, that religion is just a reason they've invented to not feel remorses for war. You kill them, but they were from the DEVIL, they were evil, because they believed in a thing you don't believe. Isn't that good, demon slayer? Exterminating families, hope, happiness never felt better. You can throw your frustrations over other people, rape, murder, and many other nice actions of war, and still return home like a righteous paladin.
People can not understand what they supposedly believe. That's ok, humans are morons and we are all destined to oblivion after all aren't we?
We watch it silently, day after day one religion versus the other. Quietly they attack, because they must disguise it under this stupid wall of love and kindness from their gods or anything that might represent something similar.
Praying everyday won't make you a better person, face it. How can people ask for a better world and protection and all that crap after what they do everyday? Oh come on, don't come with the stupid "people aren't perfect". Can't you get better? Can't your fucking gods or icons or whatever make you see how much of an ASSHOLE you are every SINGLE day of your life?
I can't believe you still keep on saying that god or whatever is the greatest and he can pardon your mistakes as long as you regret making them.
But you may be right after all, so... heaven is doomed, hopefully I'm not going there.
terça-feira, 19 de agosto de 2008
Walking around town
And this is a sunny day.
Been walking for a while, people just walk around sometimes, without any destiny. Feels fantastic.
There's this child walking around singing "How hell's supposed to be". And it feels just fine.
I look at Billy here, and I can't get afraid. But I wish I could. Why does it feel so fine to be afraid? You know, this sensation, you want to scream until things get so awry they become true. Lately gore has been dominating everything, but as gore increases, the fear diminishes. I almost forgot how fear was. But it is so damn important, how could people forget it?
I don't know, I see Billy here, and there's this... dread sensation of it moving. Toys moving, just like the old times. Good old times.
It won't move, as this is reality, and there isn't such things here. I guess it's good but... I wanted the other way. Urban legends and clowns, why can't we have dark forces? Ok, it wouldn't be good. But still I can't deny the feeling of it being interesting.
This dreadful smile at Billy's face proves it.
Doesn't it?
Been walking for a while, people just walk around sometimes, without any destiny. Feels fantastic.
There's this child walking around singing "How hell's supposed to be". And it feels just fine.
I look at Billy here, and I can't get afraid. But I wish I could. Why does it feel so fine to be afraid? You know, this sensation, you want to scream until things get so awry they become true. Lately gore has been dominating everything, but as gore increases, the fear diminishes. I almost forgot how fear was. But it is so damn important, how could people forget it?
I don't know, I see Billy here, and there's this... dread sensation of it moving. Toys moving, just like the old times. Good old times.
It won't move, as this is reality, and there isn't such things here. I guess it's good but... I wanted the other way. Urban legends and clowns, why can't we have dark forces? Ok, it wouldn't be good. But still I can't deny the feeling of it being interesting.
This dreadful smile at Billy's face proves it.
Doesn't it?
segunda-feira, 18 de agosto de 2008
The train
What a funny night huh?
Just because I'm not very well doesn't mean you are right.
C'mon, just give it a try, things will get insanely better. You aren't very strong now, I could easily force you to it, but I'm just asking. Of course, in case of a no then I will use other means.
I don't know, it just doesn't seem like doing that things will be better.
Just look at what the fuck you became.
Maybe it's not so bad.
Look at yourself damn it.
It's just some bad times, things will get better soon, all we need to do is endure.
Endure? Are you fucking retarded? You see this child crying at the stairs and this train out of control annihilating everything in his way. Why do you choose the child? I'M TIRED OF THIS SHIT. WHY CAN'T WE BE BETTER?
Because I know that the train is not the best option.
YOU NEVER CHOSE IT. You never experienced not feeling anything. We can smash them all. We can be at the control of chaos.
We can't. There was a time when I felt tempted to choosing the other side. But anyway, no matter how much hatred we carry inside, we weren't made for choosing the train. It simply isn't us.
We can learn to be the other way, it's just a matter of getting used to. You always said that people get used to anything. It's a better option. Ok, you don't want to choose because of her. We quit it when, and if, things get resolved. It's simple. It's so much better to be at the side that wins.
Do they win?
THEY HAVE EVER WON. STOP FREAKING BELIEVING THIS HAPPY BULLSHIT.
I just don't want to do something I will regret later.
So take the risks. This night we become what the world wanted us to be. We will grow stronger, and we can be evil. You want it. You know you do.
...
We have control over it. You'll see how better we will get. We'll win.
I just wish that you could take that sick smile out of your face.
Finally stop this crap of doing good things. Remember, we give people what they truly want.
Just because I'm not very well doesn't mean you are right.
C'mon, just give it a try, things will get insanely better. You aren't very strong now, I could easily force you to it, but I'm just asking. Of course, in case of a no then I will use other means.
I don't know, it just doesn't seem like doing that things will be better.
Just look at what the fuck you became.
Maybe it's not so bad.
Look at yourself damn it.
It's just some bad times, things will get better soon, all we need to do is endure.
Endure? Are you fucking retarded? You see this child crying at the stairs and this train out of control annihilating everything in his way. Why do you choose the child? I'M TIRED OF THIS SHIT. WHY CAN'T WE BE BETTER?
Because I know that the train is not the best option.
YOU NEVER CHOSE IT. You never experienced not feeling anything. We can smash them all. We can be at the control of chaos.
We can't. There was a time when I felt tempted to choosing the other side. But anyway, no matter how much hatred we carry inside, we weren't made for choosing the train. It simply isn't us.
We can learn to be the other way, it's just a matter of getting used to. You always said that people get used to anything. It's a better option. Ok, you don't want to choose because of her. We quit it when, and if, things get resolved. It's simple. It's so much better to be at the side that wins.
Do they win?
THEY HAVE EVER WON. STOP FREAKING BELIEVING THIS HAPPY BULLSHIT.
I just don't want to do something I will regret later.
So take the risks. This night we become what the world wanted us to be. We will grow stronger, and we can be evil. You want it. You know you do.
...
We have control over it. You'll see how better we will get. We'll win.
I just wish that you could take that sick smile out of your face.
Finally stop this crap of doing good things. Remember, we give people what they truly want.
quarta-feira, 6 de agosto de 2008
Farewell
August 5, 2008.
I want to write something so beautiful it could make justice to you. I can't. I will fail just as I failed many times. You won't be here anymore. I won't see your smile by the mornings. Nor any other time of the day. I'll never see you sleeping anymore. Nor eating those shrimps you liked. I'll miss you swimming. And the way you kept the body inside the shell when afraid of something. It took some time so I could really touch you. But I'm happy you left the shell and trusted me. Even though turtles do not speak, I don't care. Pets can be better friends than humans. They surely can. And you were. I know I wasn't the example of a friend. I'm sorry. Hope you can accept apologies. I don't know. I just wanted to write something. Because I won't see the look on your face anymore. And this brings tears. I don't care what others may say. This is for you, not for them.
All I can do know is be a better person. That is not fair. But I can take it. I tried not to believe the truth. It seemed better, I could even not think about it. And keep my day going. But it's not fair to you. I don't know what would you have prefered, but I felt like the water would be better. Forgive me if I chose wrong. I know I won't have any answer for as this is definitive but, I feel like talking to you now.
I can't bring you back and I know it. I just hope you are somewhere good. I don't believe in heaven. But there could be one for you, you deserve. There has to be somewhere better for you. Wish I could give you that.
I'll never see you jumping into water anymore. That hurts like hell.
I don't know how big this will get but it's matterless. The reason is your memory. You made this man very happy with your life. And I won't get down now. Your life wasn't in vain, and I promise somehow I'll prove it. Guess I'm not so tough after all. Sorry if I couldn't show emotions very well. I'm sad that you found the worst friend of all. But you really meant a lot for him.
I wish I could listen to some happy song now. But I can't, but that's not your fault. I want you to be well. They say the sad songs are oftenly the most beautiful ones. Perhaps that justify a little.
It's rare to see a tear like this. But I'll stand. And your memory goes with me.
I chose to say farewell as I wish I can still see you again, no matter which life. This sounds childish and dumb but I just don't know what to do. I miss you. And tomorrow morning I'll face an empty space where you used to lie. Please accept these words from this fool. I don't know if I should say that I'm sorry, I don't know to ask for forgiveness, but I can say some words with no doubt. I love you. And we'll miss you. But we take life on with your memory. The memory of your happy face. And the way you swam. And how you got agitated when seeing strangers.
This is in your memory. I'm proud of having you as a friend. All the best for you.
I want to write something so beautiful it could make justice to you. I can't. I will fail just as I failed many times. You won't be here anymore. I won't see your smile by the mornings. Nor any other time of the day. I'll never see you sleeping anymore. Nor eating those shrimps you liked. I'll miss you swimming. And the way you kept the body inside the shell when afraid of something. It took some time so I could really touch you. But I'm happy you left the shell and trusted me. Even though turtles do not speak, I don't care. Pets can be better friends than humans. They surely can. And you were. I know I wasn't the example of a friend. I'm sorry. Hope you can accept apologies. I don't know. I just wanted to write something. Because I won't see the look on your face anymore. And this brings tears. I don't care what others may say. This is for you, not for them.
All I can do know is be a better person. That is not fair. But I can take it. I tried not to believe the truth. It seemed better, I could even not think about it. And keep my day going. But it's not fair to you. I don't know what would you have prefered, but I felt like the water would be better. Forgive me if I chose wrong. I know I won't have any answer for as this is definitive but, I feel like talking to you now.
I can't bring you back and I know it. I just hope you are somewhere good. I don't believe in heaven. But there could be one for you, you deserve. There has to be somewhere better for you. Wish I could give you that.
I'll never see you jumping into water anymore. That hurts like hell.
I don't know how big this will get but it's matterless. The reason is your memory. You made this man very happy with your life. And I won't get down now. Your life wasn't in vain, and I promise somehow I'll prove it. Guess I'm not so tough after all. Sorry if I couldn't show emotions very well. I'm sad that you found the worst friend of all. But you really meant a lot for him.
I wish I could listen to some happy song now. But I can't, but that's not your fault. I want you to be well. They say the sad songs are oftenly the most beautiful ones. Perhaps that justify a little.
It's rare to see a tear like this. But I'll stand. And your memory goes with me.
I chose to say farewell as I wish I can still see you again, no matter which life. This sounds childish and dumb but I just don't know what to do. I miss you. And tomorrow morning I'll face an empty space where you used to lie. Please accept these words from this fool. I don't know if I should say that I'm sorry, I don't know to ask for forgiveness, but I can say some words with no doubt. I love you. And we'll miss you. But we take life on with your memory. The memory of your happy face. And the way you swam. And how you got agitated when seeing strangers.
This is in your memory. I'm proud of having you as a friend. All the best for you.
quarta-feira, 23 de julho de 2008
Sometimes truth is one step down
23:55.
What you might read may not make any fucking sense, do not waste your time trying to understand it.
You were warned.
The moon is almost full this night. Not so pretty, or maybe it's just my situation now. If it's my situation, then, no matter which moon, but that's obvious right?
Now, the situation part. I've crafted this... situation. Have I?
There's no problem at reality, the problem is just something at your head. The problem is something you created so you can feel there's a thing to do. But if you created it, why you feel so weak when face it?
And you want people to read it because you are posting it. But why do you want it if people might talk about it, and you don't like to cause problems to them.
I feel the urge to write something indeed. I feel the rage. But, whatever i might write, won't modify reality. It won't create the fire, it won't allow you to free your anger, no blood, no gore, no destruction. I'm not like them, I do not kill people. I'm not that sick. At least out of mind borders. But inside, everyone may be. Maybe all sadistic like you. And you're growing to stay just like them.
And I know what you are thinking just now. The battle in your mind between these two ideas. The problem of it which you see in almost everything you like and the idea of pure people. Pure. But when shall they be corrupted? By what you see in your movies, but you deny.
And the keyword is corruption. Isn't. But you won't say which is because of hipocrisy. And, you are corrupted. But they say you aren't. And you can't judge because this isn't corruption. It's human nature. It would happen sooner or later. Maybe becoming a sicko also. Your nature.
Hate to be human if you like, deny it if you wish. You want to scream now, I know it. But you might be just like them, at least until someone says you aren't. Because now you don't know if it's all about the simple instinct, or if there's something else. There has to be.
And you won't talk to her because you know what you want, sucker.
When you sleep you hear voices, bad voices, screaming "Human! Human!". And now I wish I could laugh.
01:40.
No solution huh?
Until it's proven.
5y343 8w h9 o9f3, 8w 85 qoo qg975 w3s?
What you might read may not make any fucking sense, do not waste your time trying to understand it.
You were warned.
The moon is almost full this night. Not so pretty, or maybe it's just my situation now. If it's my situation, then, no matter which moon, but that's obvious right?
Now, the situation part. I've crafted this... situation. Have I?
There's no problem at reality, the problem is just something at your head. The problem is something you created so you can feel there's a thing to do. But if you created it, why you feel so weak when face it?
And you want people to read it because you are posting it. But why do you want it if people might talk about it, and you don't like to cause problems to them.
I feel the urge to write something indeed. I feel the rage. But, whatever i might write, won't modify reality. It won't create the fire, it won't allow you to free your anger, no blood, no gore, no destruction. I'm not like them, I do not kill people. I'm not that sick. At least out of mind borders. But inside, everyone may be. Maybe all sadistic like you. And you're growing to stay just like them.
And I know what you are thinking just now. The battle in your mind between these two ideas. The problem of it which you see in almost everything you like and the idea of pure people. Pure. But when shall they be corrupted? By what you see in your movies, but you deny.
And the keyword is corruption. Isn't. But you won't say which is because of hipocrisy. And, you are corrupted. But they say you aren't. And you can't judge because this isn't corruption. It's human nature. It would happen sooner or later. Maybe becoming a sicko also. Your nature.
Hate to be human if you like, deny it if you wish. You want to scream now, I know it. But you might be just like them, at least until someone says you aren't. Because now you don't know if it's all about the simple instinct, or if there's something else. There has to be.
And you won't talk to her because you know what you want, sucker.
When you sleep you hear voices, bad voices, screaming "Human! Human!". And now I wish I could laugh.
01:40.
No solution huh?
Until it's proven.
5y343 8w h9 o9f3, 8w 85 qoo qg975 w3s?
terça-feira, 10 de junho de 2008
Red eyes
It's really surprising how fucking retarded can people be. Amusing.
By lies and spying, this fucker tries to destroy our game. The mistake we made at the beginning means nothing now. It's a game, people kill people, usual thing. You, mr. botter, won't be the first nor the last to kill someone, and you simply can't surprise me. From the beginning, you never were a good player. A good player, PLAYS the game, by it's rules. A good player, doesn't need to break the games rules to get strong. A good player does not religious harass other players, nor does he need to "humiliate" them. "Humiliate", because he can't do that with all his yelling and barking, clearly, somebody need to teach him how to use logic arguments. Being a good player isn't simply killing people that are away at the moment. Wow, you kill people that aren't able to fight back, that seems sooooo pro. And also, noob isn't the one who dies. Noob is the sucker who annoys other people and tries to prove his power by harassing others.
But, oh well, you never were a player from the beginning, botter.
And to think that I really got angry as hell with your noob acting, totally not worth it.
By lies and spying, this fucker tries to destroy our game. The mistake we made at the beginning means nothing now. It's a game, people kill people, usual thing. You, mr. botter, won't be the first nor the last to kill someone, and you simply can't surprise me. From the beginning, you never were a good player. A good player, PLAYS the game, by it's rules. A good player, doesn't need to break the games rules to get strong. A good player does not religious harass other players, nor does he need to "humiliate" them. "Humiliate", because he can't do that with all his yelling and barking, clearly, somebody need to teach him how to use logic arguments. Being a good player isn't simply killing people that are away at the moment. Wow, you kill people that aren't able to fight back, that seems sooooo pro. And also, noob isn't the one who dies. Noob is the sucker who annoys other people and tries to prove his power by harassing others.
But, oh well, you never were a player from the beginning, botter.
And to think that I really got angry as hell with your noob acting, totally not worth it.
segunda-feira, 28 de abril de 2008
Grow up
It's been a long time...
Damn, I can't even type correctly, this surely will take a lot of time.
Well... the first plan was to write about 21 (the movie with the genious kids taking cassinos down), and all the thoughts it gave me... but, it's not time. When will it be the time I don't know. Problem is, I'm not knowing a lot of things. I'm miles away of doing well at the university now. And that's bad. I can't say it's stressing cause I don't know how does it feel when stress hits hard. And I'm pretty sure many out there who say they are stressed are just bitching around. And I can't be mainly because I'm not doing ANYTHING. It's not like the feeling that movie gave me, I'm not doing even what i was supposed to do in a normal behaviour.
It feels like going into sudden rage as soon as someone say a word to you. And, I somehow want very much someone say something. You know it will be bad but you still look for that, because it feels good when you explode. Somehow it feels. But I know I won't do it. Dogs that bark too much don't bite.
I'm not knowing how to fix my relation with my girlfriend. And that's the big point. It's simple, it has to be, but I just can't figure out. I guess she is right. I'm not the same, but still I don't feel I'm any different. I just don't know what the fuck have I became. I have to make her happy, that's the least I should do. But we barely have time to ourselves lately. And even like this I'm getting away from my friends and getting bad grades.
I think too much, that's probably the core of the problem. And this sloth. You feel like all you needed was someone to tell you what to do, because you are too damn stupid to figure it out yourself. I can't keep taking people's time with bullshit, that's fact. I hear them, that's how it works, or at least how it worked back then.
When there is no more problem, we just get out stomping our heads at a wall until we find a problem, that's how it goes.
"I don't need a psychologist.''
"And how do you know that? If you don't even know what you are?"
"I just know."
"You just need someone to talk, or better, someone to hear, because you are too coward to do things on your own, that's the truth, but you know that even like this you won't find an answer, at least not one that suits your case."
"If that was true than I could just go and throw this crap talk into someone."
"And that's what you are already doing."
"I really wish I could be what I was some months ago."
"And why can't you be? You don't even feel that you changed, you're the same shit still. You didn't even talk to your parents the day they were going to travel, even feeling that if something bad happened you woudn't see them again and you wouldn't forgive yourself for not telling them how much you loved them, things are not always the contrary of movies."
"..."
"But still, even knowing you might lose, you keep quiet, you can't show love not even writing a damn letter. People won't hear you after they've gone to heaven, or hell, or I don't know which fucked place do we go if we really go somewhere. You watch'em become shadows. And seems you like it."
Damn, I can't even type correctly, this surely will take a lot of time.
Well... the first plan was to write about 21 (the movie with the genious kids taking cassinos down), and all the thoughts it gave me... but, it's not time. When will it be the time I don't know. Problem is, I'm not knowing a lot of things. I'm miles away of doing well at the university now. And that's bad. I can't say it's stressing cause I don't know how does it feel when stress hits hard. And I'm pretty sure many out there who say they are stressed are just bitching around. And I can't be mainly because I'm not doing ANYTHING. It's not like the feeling that movie gave me, I'm not doing even what i was supposed to do in a normal behaviour.
It feels like going into sudden rage as soon as someone say a word to you. And, I somehow want very much someone say something. You know it will be bad but you still look for that, because it feels good when you explode. Somehow it feels. But I know I won't do it. Dogs that bark too much don't bite.
I'm not knowing how to fix my relation with my girlfriend. And that's the big point. It's simple, it has to be, but I just can't figure out. I guess she is right. I'm not the same, but still I don't feel I'm any different. I just don't know what the fuck have I became. I have to make her happy, that's the least I should do. But we barely have time to ourselves lately. And even like this I'm getting away from my friends and getting bad grades.
I think too much, that's probably the core of the problem. And this sloth. You feel like all you needed was someone to tell you what to do, because you are too damn stupid to figure it out yourself. I can't keep taking people's time with bullshit, that's fact. I hear them, that's how it works, or at least how it worked back then.
When there is no more problem, we just get out stomping our heads at a wall until we find a problem, that's how it goes.
"I don't need a psychologist.''
"And how do you know that? If you don't even know what you are?"
"I just know."
"You just need someone to talk, or better, someone to hear, because you are too coward to do things on your own, that's the truth, but you know that even like this you won't find an answer, at least not one that suits your case."
"If that was true than I could just go and throw this crap talk into someone."
"And that's what you are already doing."
"I really wish I could be what I was some months ago."
"And why can't you be? You don't even feel that you changed, you're the same shit still. You didn't even talk to your parents the day they were going to travel, even feeling that if something bad happened you woudn't see them again and you wouldn't forgive yourself for not telling them how much you loved them, things are not always the contrary of movies."
"..."
"But still, even knowing you might lose, you keep quiet, you can't show love not even writing a damn letter. People won't hear you after they've gone to heaven, or hell, or I don't know which fucked place do we go if we really go somewhere. You watch'em become shadows. And seems you like it."
quinta-feira, 6 de março de 2008
Havoc
"Then time is invencible.''
"Yeah, it's the final boss.''
"It can't be the final boss, we defeat bosses, always.''
''True. But then what would it be?''
"The game over, like... when you defeat the final boss in Fable, but if you choose the good side, you keep on playing (and you always choose to end a game with the good side, at least at first try, that's weird) until you... end playing."
"Time is the... end of play?''
''Yes, undefeatable.''
Lame talk. While watching The Bucket List. Yeah, I just don't recommend because... there's no accounting for a taste. A movie to think, perhaps. Well, this is goin' to take a long time, I have no hurry, this has been delayed for a long time. I find Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson fantastic actors, and worked pretty well together. But, this isn't the topic, it's the ''random talk because I can't really organize what I pretend to write''. Well, the movie actually has a lot in common to the real topic, and watching it gave me the courage to begin writing, not that what I lacked was courage, at least I guess. It was more about laziness. I'm one of those people who only appreciate things when they are gone, most of the times, at some rare times I appreciate them while I can have it.
But, even though I thought about it, I won't list'em here, it's out of the topic and it's not the time.
Friendship. That's what this whole crap is about. I like to think about these things, these not material things. Well, it may sound intelligent or spiritualistic, but, that's totally not, in fact, it may be dumb and time wasting. But, I like to think about it. Holy crap... this is being harder than what I expected, I should improve my writing skills. Or maybe my Think-About-Something-Useful skill.
The definition of friendship is, well... undefined. Maybe it is all about trust and happiness, but not exactly happiness, since sad moments do have their shine. It's strange, but think about it, great part of the most beautiful love stories are the sad ones. But it would be quite strange to say friendship is about sadness, as we have this idea that sadness is bad. Well, it's bad, but, in the friendship context, in sadness we can always count with a friend, and that's a good thing, so this goes to the nothing is 100% bad/good (okay, I'm delaying again, but it's a nice topic this one). And, sad moments in movies, when it's raining (I mean that good rain, not a storm devastating the place) or with some gray tonned images, are usually beautiful.
So there I was. There were four people in the room. And there was that weak light, well, it just contributed to the movie-esque feeling of the scene. I don't even know if they felt like that, like that was some cool moment or something like that, since we got out soon, well, maybe not so soon, but because of my resistance to sleepness, I thought I could stay there for longer. My friend was going to travel in a few hours, but it wasn't a real goodbye since he'll come to the city occasionally. But, in my mind it seemed so... movie-esque. I had to write about it. Sounds empty and meaningless probably, but I don't give a shit. It's hard to explain those masterpieceful moments that are in fact, masterpieceful for us only. But in fact, it's good to see that your friend has his friends and all, that his girlfriend is a nice person. Funny the fact that she talked to me much like his parents, so I guess that even though we didn't have much time to talk the last months we are still good friends. Well, I don't believe there are bad friends, since, if they are bad, they are not your friends.
Well, that was pretty much the idea of the thing, the scene of those last moments, the three of us waiting and talking random things while he put the last things in the bag.
I guess it will be hard to play again, but, some things never shall disappear from my mind. Not the best Super Smash Bros battle ever, not those sleepless nights playing, not Tales of Symphonia, not those weird talks at top of the building with those cockroaches.
Yet this seems weak, but, I was never good with words. The importance is what it trully means to you. This seems like a testimonial for a single person, but I would like all my friends to not see it as such (I don't mean I have a lot of them, even though this might have sounded like it), this can be considered as my Memorial Treasure for 'em (do not care about the true meaning of memorial or treasure or both, I just liked the way it sounded, so it will be this way). I might not do such a text for all but this doesn't mean they are less worth it. It's more of laziness, or lack of good words, or fear of not writing something good enough (though that's way relative), or some big wicked mix of all these things.
Consider this as my eye opening moment, for as I never really said things that were really good to these people. Heck, I even find it hard to say beautiful things to my girlfriend.
Sensitive, I guess, but who gives a shit? I wrote it down!
"Yeah, it's the final boss.''
"It can't be the final boss, we defeat bosses, always.''
''True. But then what would it be?''
"The game over, like... when you defeat the final boss in Fable, but if you choose the good side, you keep on playing (and you always choose to end a game with the good side, at least at first try, that's weird) until you... end playing."
"Time is the... end of play?''
''Yes, undefeatable.''
Lame talk. While watching The Bucket List. Yeah, I just don't recommend because... there's no accounting for a taste. A movie to think, perhaps. Well, this is goin' to take a long time, I have no hurry, this has been delayed for a long time. I find Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson fantastic actors, and worked pretty well together. But, this isn't the topic, it's the ''random talk because I can't really organize what I pretend to write''. Well, the movie actually has a lot in common to the real topic, and watching it gave me the courage to begin writing, not that what I lacked was courage, at least I guess. It was more about laziness. I'm one of those people who only appreciate things when they are gone, most of the times, at some rare times I appreciate them while I can have it.
But, even though I thought about it, I won't list'em here, it's out of the topic and it's not the time.
Friendship. That's what this whole crap is about. I like to think about these things, these not material things. Well, it may sound intelligent or spiritualistic, but, that's totally not, in fact, it may be dumb and time wasting. But, I like to think about it. Holy crap... this is being harder than what I expected, I should improve my writing skills. Or maybe my Think-About-Something-Useful skill.
The definition of friendship is, well... undefined. Maybe it is all about trust and happiness, but not exactly happiness, since sad moments do have their shine. It's strange, but think about it, great part of the most beautiful love stories are the sad ones. But it would be quite strange to say friendship is about sadness, as we have this idea that sadness is bad. Well, it's bad, but, in the friendship context, in sadness we can always count with a friend, and that's a good thing, so this goes to the nothing is 100% bad/good (okay, I'm delaying again, but it's a nice topic this one). And, sad moments in movies, when it's raining (I mean that good rain, not a storm devastating the place) or with some gray tonned images, are usually beautiful.
So there I was. There were four people in the room. And there was that weak light, well, it just contributed to the movie-esque feeling of the scene. I don't even know if they felt like that, like that was some cool moment or something like that, since we got out soon, well, maybe not so soon, but because of my resistance to sleepness, I thought I could stay there for longer. My friend was going to travel in a few hours, but it wasn't a real goodbye since he'll come to the city occasionally. But, in my mind it seemed so... movie-esque. I had to write about it. Sounds empty and meaningless probably, but I don't give a shit. It's hard to explain those masterpieceful moments that are in fact, masterpieceful for us only. But in fact, it's good to see that your friend has his friends and all, that his girlfriend is a nice person. Funny the fact that she talked to me much like his parents, so I guess that even though we didn't have much time to talk the last months we are still good friends. Well, I don't believe there are bad friends, since, if they are bad, they are not your friends.
Well, that was pretty much the idea of the thing, the scene of those last moments, the three of us waiting and talking random things while he put the last things in the bag.
I guess it will be hard to play again, but, some things never shall disappear from my mind. Not the best Super Smash Bros battle ever, not those sleepless nights playing, not Tales of Symphonia, not those weird talks at top of the building with those cockroaches.
Yet this seems weak, but, I was never good with words. The importance is what it trully means to you. This seems like a testimonial for a single person, but I would like all my friends to not see it as such (I don't mean I have a lot of them, even though this might have sounded like it), this can be considered as my Memorial Treasure for 'em (do not care about the true meaning of memorial or treasure or both, I just liked the way it sounded, so it will be this way). I might not do such a text for all but this doesn't mean they are less worth it. It's more of laziness, or lack of good words, or fear of not writing something good enough (though that's way relative), or some big wicked mix of all these things.
Consider this as my eye opening moment, for as I never really said things that were really good to these people. Heck, I even find it hard to say beautiful things to my girlfriend.
Sensitive, I guess, but who gives a shit? I wrote it down!
sábado, 9 de fevereiro de 2008
Stun
Cloverfield.
I have been trying to keep low expectations for almost every movie I go to see at the movie theaters, doing so I prevent the feeling of wasted money and sometimes get a really really cool surprise. But then, there's this movie. I felt somewhat excited for it, even though the first trailers didn't show much. Maybe because of the cool name or, the destruction it appeared to show.
The latest trailers have shown more... excitement. I like what it shows, that wicked series of happenings, shots, screams, loud noises and desperate people running to somewhere they don't even know. Indeed that's a interesting point, why most of the people simply run anywhere when they panic? That just fucks it up. But on with the movie... well, I actually don't know what to say, I got very disappointed by the mysterious attack, why did all that happen? No explanation is given. That's some cool thing if you stop to think about it, many people complained the movie sucks because you end the way you began, absolutely clueless. But while watching the credits hoping for some, explanation, I began to think about this, the human curiosity many times just ruins it all. Damn, the movie rocks, but you really can't do nothing about the feeling of incompletion. But then again, let us rethink some situations, many times you die without even knowing what the hell happened, like bullets or weird accidents. That's reality, a harsh reality, but it is. The people on the movie were just in the same shitty situation. I will keep the positive look for the movie, even though I feel that I should know what was the monster and why it all happened.
A confusing point... confusing for me, I don't give a crap to what others might think of it being confusing or not, the reality. I thought the movie got quite feeling of reality, in fact, super real. The deaths, the whole carnage with characters that struggle to survive right in front of you. I dislike deaths in real life, my carnage is in fiction, for as in real life things are much worse. As a guy said in some gory movie review site, ''In real life there's no way back, no buttons to take those actions back''. I don't know if it sounds weird, but I love that carnage in movies, I like the deaths, the screams, the... well, it rocks. But I found myself somewhat affected by those character's death. They are not gory, way far from being it, but they got me, not like a truck rushing into you, but as a insect that keeps doing irritating noises. I didn't feel like laughing out loud watching them die, neither felt like crying. That ''keep around those you love'' thing... damn, I think about my girlfriend with all this, just hope I could protect and walk with her at a similar situation (if it was possible, never mind). But not just that, the other thing that got me was the... situation. I admit, believe it or not, that I would like to be in some situation like that one. I've always had this need for a super uncommon happening, that's one of the reasons I love playing games. The run for life, the devastated city, the helpless feeling... I can do nothing, I simply like it.
Never forget. Never forgive.
I have been trying to keep low expectations for almost every movie I go to see at the movie theaters, doing so I prevent the feeling of wasted money and sometimes get a really really cool surprise. But then, there's this movie. I felt somewhat excited for it, even though the first trailers didn't show much. Maybe because of the cool name or, the destruction it appeared to show.
The latest trailers have shown more... excitement. I like what it shows, that wicked series of happenings, shots, screams, loud noises and desperate people running to somewhere they don't even know. Indeed that's a interesting point, why most of the people simply run anywhere when they panic? That just fucks it up. But on with the movie... well, I actually don't know what to say, I got very disappointed by the mysterious attack, why did all that happen? No explanation is given. That's some cool thing if you stop to think about it, many people complained the movie sucks because you end the way you began, absolutely clueless. But while watching the credits hoping for some, explanation, I began to think about this, the human curiosity many times just ruins it all. Damn, the movie rocks, but you really can't do nothing about the feeling of incompletion. But then again, let us rethink some situations, many times you die without even knowing what the hell happened, like bullets or weird accidents. That's reality, a harsh reality, but it is. The people on the movie were just in the same shitty situation. I will keep the positive look for the movie, even though I feel that I should know what was the monster and why it all happened.
A confusing point... confusing for me, I don't give a crap to what others might think of it being confusing or not, the reality. I thought the movie got quite feeling of reality, in fact, super real. The deaths, the whole carnage with characters that struggle to survive right in front of you. I dislike deaths in real life, my carnage is in fiction, for as in real life things are much worse. As a guy said in some gory movie review site, ''In real life there's no way back, no buttons to take those actions back''. I don't know if it sounds weird, but I love that carnage in movies, I like the deaths, the screams, the... well, it rocks. But I found myself somewhat affected by those character's death. They are not gory, way far from being it, but they got me, not like a truck rushing into you, but as a insect that keeps doing irritating noises. I didn't feel like laughing out loud watching them die, neither felt like crying. That ''keep around those you love'' thing... damn, I think about my girlfriend with all this, just hope I could protect and walk with her at a similar situation (if it was possible, never mind). But not just that, the other thing that got me was the... situation. I admit, believe it or not, that I would like to be in some situation like that one. I've always had this need for a super uncommon happening, that's one of the reasons I love playing games. The run for life, the devastated city, the helpless feeling... I can do nothing, I simply like it.
Never forget. Never forgive.
terça-feira, 22 de janeiro de 2008
Back to Basics
And here we go. Seems like some "urband legends" might return to our game. It seems that the return of the Yakisoba faction upsets the great majority, but not me, don't know why exactly. Maybe because I think of them as the great power of our server. Even though there were so many accusations of botting and else. Well, I would be really excited with their return.
And soon there'll be Sweeney Todd at the movie theaters. Yeah, I like to write almost at the same time I think, and doing so, I like the way I change topics in a frenzied randomness.
Why so serious?
And soon there'll be Sweeney Todd at the movie theaters. Yeah, I like to write almost at the same time I think, and doing so, I like the way I change topics in a frenzied randomness.
Why so serious?
domingo, 20 de janeiro de 2008
Abyss
So... here we are again. There's a lot of things to talk about, as it is vacation time.
But there's only one thing in my head in fact. And I wish there wasn't. Or maybe not. There has always been this struggle to decide if this bloodthirsty feeling is good or not, well I guess that it can't be good but, sometimes I just feel I love it. And then there was this movie, I really liked it, and I think it's kinda... grosser than what I expected. But far from grossing me, the problem is that I told my girlfriend that it would be alright. Damn man... when I saw the Cloverfield trailer beginning, I somehow felt that something wrong was about to happen. By the way, I liked very much the way the "Why so serious?" at the Dark Knight. Yeah, I didn't see the ending of the movie, just as yesterday (but yesterday there wasn't even the beginning, some problems, doesn't matter now).
Which brings me to the point, probably I strayed absurdly from the sensitivity line, I saw nothing exactly scary in the movie, although they used a lot of the sound burst effect to do the scares. But after all, each one of them was somewhat predictable. I dislike forcing people to watch movies that they can't handle, that's why I normally watch'em alone. No, I don't mean anything closer to something like "I'm courageous, why can't others be?", as I don't believe that watching this or that movie actually proves any courage. It may prove masochism or sleepiness, but that's another topic. I don't know, I just hated that. Not the fact of not watching the movie again, but... ah... who cares. Thought that it would be more (insert some good adjective here) to take her out of the room, yeah, that same voice I told at an earlier post, the righteous voice. It's better this way, guess I would feel even worse forcing her to endure until the last second. But still, I'm not feeling well now.
And then there's the second problem, which has always been the primary one. That inner beast each one of us keep inside. Well, I guess that mine isn't in fact so horrible as it may seem, there are those past stories but maybe as time went on, some parts may not be so accurate anymore. People say I'm a really calm person, and I guess it's true, but there's always that vengeance inside, wanting to wreak havoc, waiting for the time it can't be held anymore. Indeed, I felt it today, what bring me to think that when the day comes, I'd better be alone. But this might not be true, as I'm not so strong or, well, maybe I'm just talking too much.
I need to see Cloverfield.
But there's only one thing in my head in fact. And I wish there wasn't. Or maybe not. There has always been this struggle to decide if this bloodthirsty feeling is good or not, well I guess that it can't be good but, sometimes I just feel I love it. And then there was this movie, I really liked it, and I think it's kinda... grosser than what I expected. But far from grossing me, the problem is that I told my girlfriend that it would be alright. Damn man... when I saw the Cloverfield trailer beginning, I somehow felt that something wrong was about to happen. By the way, I liked very much the way the "Why so serious?" at the Dark Knight. Yeah, I didn't see the ending of the movie, just as yesterday (but yesterday there wasn't even the beginning, some problems, doesn't matter now).
Which brings me to the point, probably I strayed absurdly from the sensitivity line, I saw nothing exactly scary in the movie, although they used a lot of the sound burst effect to do the scares. But after all, each one of them was somewhat predictable. I dislike forcing people to watch movies that they can't handle, that's why I normally watch'em alone. No, I don't mean anything closer to something like "I'm courageous, why can't others be?", as I don't believe that watching this or that movie actually proves any courage. It may prove masochism or sleepiness, but that's another topic. I don't know, I just hated that. Not the fact of not watching the movie again, but... ah... who cares. Thought that it would be more (insert some good adjective here) to take her out of the room, yeah, that same voice I told at an earlier post, the righteous voice. It's better this way, guess I would feel even worse forcing her to endure until the last second. But still, I'm not feeling well now.
And then there's the second problem, which has always been the primary one. That inner beast each one of us keep inside. Well, I guess that mine isn't in fact so horrible as it may seem, there are those past stories but maybe as time went on, some parts may not be so accurate anymore. People say I'm a really calm person, and I guess it's true, but there's always that vengeance inside, wanting to wreak havoc, waiting for the time it can't be held anymore. Indeed, I felt it today, what bring me to think that when the day comes, I'd better be alone. But this might not be true, as I'm not so strong or, well, maybe I'm just talking too much.
I need to see Cloverfield.
I love you too much to let you see the fury, I walk away from it all before
letting it go any further.
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