We

You're at the Rock in Rio, yet you can't stop planning, huh?
Never stopping. We have another showdown marked.
Is she ready?
I bet she was ready even before the showdown was planned.
You're betting on it?
Gotta bet on somethin'.
Hehe, that's my brother.
That's so...
Us.


Hell yeah.
One week and it will be over.

What we created

So, this is the outpost...
I failed in using the energy through the whole fight. I slept, and even though my head tries to calm me by saying I stood up for longer than any other human without any kind of enhancements, I feel like I failed. But I'm having this strange adrenaline that keeps my excited to continue, at least until Tuesday when it's over.
I... have to write... there are stories that have to get out.
Just to keep the memory...
We have the story of the people who bragged about how many lives had costed their clothes.
We have the story about... "if you knew how your relationships with people would end at the moment you met them, would you still try to have them around?".
Too many things...
But I've been having good dreams lately, videogame stuff, Scott Pilgrim, and old friends coming back.
Why am I so anxious? It's just another travel, it will be fine. I'm just afraid of not enjoying this Rock in Rio thing as much as everyone else.
It doesn't matter how many layers we try to add, in the end we are just the freaks we are...


About the dream.
Which may not be a dream.
But I've always wanted to be the one people could always count with. If they needed something, I'd be there for them, whatever, whenever. And then people would speak good things about me, regarding that.
I really wanted that. It's a bit... egocentric I guess. But it looks just fine.
It brings me down, but the hope of someday doing something noteworthy gives me hope to continue. Although I mostly say I have no hopes...
That's a lie anyway, I'm not giving up.
It's like a game, right?


Since a part of me is anxious about travelling today, I'm revealing a bit of nothing to the girl who told me a story.
I am glad you stood there so far, but I'm afraid it has to end soon. Soon enough, I'll show you the part of me that has created so much trouble, and I hope you can handle it and then tell me WHO or WHAT am I.
No longer than two weeks from now.

Wonder Winter Bell

—Here, take this.
—What's this?
—That's a balloon, children love balloons. Ain't I right?
—Well, I like them.
—So take it, it's all yours.
—Thank you a lot, sir!


We watch this world through a glass wall. It's very dry out there, yet, we continue. Looks like a fine day...


—I know you hate sundays, so, I brought you something to make you feel better.
—Hm?
—A sundae recipe!
—What am I going to do with paper...?
—...We are going to use this recipe to make the best sundae we've ever eaten.
—So you came all this way to make me work...?
—...You can't be this lazy...
—Just kidding...
—Good for you.
—Thank you...


But that wasn't real, nice try though. I was told you got the ability to destroy memories, although you can't create new ones with your imagination alone. Good job on nailing those.


—Now, they're speaking about religion and that stuff. It doesn't really matter, they say when people got nothing else to keep their hopes, they dive into religious madness. You ain't needing that, I promised to protect you, to the very end.
—Okay...
—Also, there are a lot of other agents who can and will help you at all costs out there, at the present moment, we haven't contacted many, there are still other agents we have to get to know, but even having such a few will prove very handy.
—Okay...
—But in case it all comes crashing down, remember, you don't need anyone. It's us and us alone. Through these weird days you've created mind companions, you gave us a reason to exist and a lot more of attention than what we deserved, so, that's the least we can do. As you've proven to be a guardian angel to others, we can now serve you as such.
—So you are like, imaginary friends...?
—Quite like that, though a bit different. We aren't existing between levels, you can never see us, but we do chat a lot. We are... parts of you. A glance at your real potential.
—Okay...


Many of the things you try to show them, get out way too different than the original that started it all. I feel you are quite calm today, what is it?


Remember, I like to play with words in my head, and to create names or expressions that sound... comfortable to me. Or radical, it depends. I've been walking around with something stuck in my head these latter days. I don't know what meaning should I give it.


These three words...


They look good together, don't they?

Hurt me plenty, part 1

Through dark corners I've sent myself. Hoping that I would never return. I would never again see my red eyes, and be afraid of that part of me. Once again, I missed. Back with a vengeance.


Sabe, eu odeio quando alguém próximo a mim que não sejam meus amigos pedem coisas. Parece que o tempo já é escasso demais pra eu ficar fazendo coisas pros outros. Porque os outros NÃO VÃO se sacrificar em troca.
Mas não importa, the day is rolling and there's no time.
Me sinto bem, apesar de não dormir direito nos últimos... muitos dias. Escolhas feitas, hora de errar e explodir tudo de novo. Sendo eu. Porque às vezes vencer é simplesmente perder de uma forma tão absurda que ninguém vai perceber que foi uma derrota.
Try again. Fail again. Fail better.


Me disseram que Brasília é o inferno. Na boa, eu to achando o clima desse ano muito tranquilo, pra mim a seca ano passado foi pior. Parem de ficar exagerando, bando de chorões.

Thy angel comes

Now I lay me down to sleep.
And hope that a dream I can achieve.
If an impossible task that proves to be,
I pray an angel my hand to hold.
And a whole day she'll spend with me,
Until gray gets what once was gold.

Amen...

Pretty moon

—Haha, he's here.
—Kill him, kill him!
—I'm not killing anymore, brother.
—Cool, I'll kill then!
The boy ran to the body that lied on the floor. Agonizing. It couldn't be said he battled to live, he had already accepted his fate. Although...
He didn't think it would happen that way.
—Hahaha! Eat this!
The boy stabbed him with a long knife. At the forearm, just to bleed a bit more. His whole body felt like a giant hurt. At first, it seemed like it didn't matter what would the boy do, it wouldn't be felt since pain already taken over. But there was a that brief moment where it seemed to get a thousand times worse, then got back to the constant, drowning pain.
—Heh... you didn't even scream...
The knife passed through his arm, creating a wake of blood that went until his shoulder. He couldn't speak anymore.
—You bleed funny!!
What followed next was a weird scene in which a child slaughtered a man. He stabbed randomly, hand, belly, chest, legs, face...
—Great. Hey, come here, the boy already killed him. We're moving!
—He didn't last muuuuuch...
—I know, we'll look for the next target. She'll find it for us.
The woman approached them.
—You know I don't approve what we're doing.
—But we'll keep doing it anyway, so, you'd better help us out.
—Oh, please, please!
The boy looked at her with those big shiny eyes, if it weren't for his clothes soaked in blood, she would have already fallen for those innocent and kind looks.
—Let's go...


So... what were we doing anyway?
Heh... sometimes I feel I'm the only one with these sudden moments of despair. I feel ridiculous when I think about it, but well, it has already happened. The circle ends and starts, again and again. I even asked for hugs and other things... damn...
Well, as I slept a bit better this night, the day passed smoothly. Always like that... I don't know if I can say "things are getting better".
I remember a few dreams.
And I feel a bit torn between just sitting at the floor and crying, and getting a knife and running around, making them pay...
Them...
Who is "them"?
I would like some ice cream.
And yellow lillys are pretty. They're different, just like the psychologist said.
I want... to sleep... differently...

Invitation to darkness

Tenho medo de deitar nessa cama de novo e constatar que não consigo mesmo dormir.
Tenho medo de não conseguir dormir e acordar amanhã com esse mal humor profundo e não ter capacidade de conversar com aqueles que estão ao meu redor.
Tenho medo de nunca achar as respostas.
Tenho medo de acabar virando algo puramente amargo e não ajudar mais ninguém.
Tenho medo de continuar ajudando e sentir que estou fodido no fim das contas, confirmar que eu sou o único que vê beleza nessas coisas.
Tenho medo da minha doença da dependência.
Tenho medo de dormir e sonhar com coisas que a maioria das pessoas considera como boas, mas me fazem ficar lá embaixo.
Tenho medo de ver que amanhã é apenas mais um hoje.


E eu sei que o medo nunca foi suficiente pra me parar nesses casos. Não vou ser covarde como eles. Mas às vezes é bom contar pra alguém. Seja lá quem for, talvez seja alguém que possa falar do assunto de forma a não me deixar mais sozinho.


Me dá um taco de baseball?

Por mais que doa a dor infinita...

Amanhã vai ser um inferno, né?
Totally hell on earth, my dear.
I... just wish that there was a way not to face it. A way to help people without having to face this. I didn't do anything anyone else out there would have done, right?
Yet... why do I feel like... it's just another of those moments of sacrifice that won't result in anything but frustration...?
I don't know... I don't... know...


Whatever comes ahead, we're together. Even if there's only one in the battlefield, we're two. I promised myself to become an adult, and I teached myself day and night... even if I didn't know the lessons exactly.
But it's, me and myself, as always. I can handle this, I always could. Heroes can handle infinite damage, right?
If you want to take me down, well, I can only say...
Hurt me plenty.


Help. Please.

Prelude to darkness

I... really wanted someone who would come and say pretty things without a reason for doing it. Not because I asked, or someone else told to do it. Just out of the blue...
I guess... saying pretty things is always good right? And we all need to hear such things sometimes...
Sometimes...


"You don't have to do this, you don't need to prove anything to anyone..."

What comes with the night

It's said that, sometimes, if you wish wholeheartedly, things can happen. Perhaps the same unnatural force that brings evil beings out of the mirror upon a few special words. There are just way too many legends out there, some are just mutations of one original legend.
But, I'm wasting too much time with this talk. So, what is it that you desire, my child?


—I want company!
—Company? What for?
—To accompany me thro...
—You don't need this. Just focus on doing what you have to do.
—But...
—Case closed.
The castle walls were cold that night. Everyone had already left to their beds. Well, everyone but one boy. He still had a few tasks to perform, and thought it was a tad early to sleep.
But as he walked around the big and heavily decorated rooms, he felt less and less motivated to fulfill his duties. And slowly, the thoughts concerning that started to vanish, giving room to a very special one. A thought that seldomly kept him awake at night, counting stars in the dark sky. One night he got to the count of a thousand and three hundred stars, after which he fell asleep. Of course, he didn't count then in a systematic manner as to get each and every star out there. He just kept looking up and counting, pointing at them as if he really could distinct one from another.
So, he turned back and headed for the clock tower. Which was, as you can probably guess, the highest tower. Although that didn't configure a problem, he was used to going up there almost every night, it was some sort of silly ritual he created.
After some minutes at the stairways, he got there. And the ritual once again started. Before counting all those shiny dots that accompanied the moon...
—Hi, it's me again. I... I would just like to say that I'm still holding to my promise. I know that if I wish upon a star I can get my wish granted, well, I hope I can...
He kept looking at the stars.
—I just wanted company. I know you all must be tired of seeing me here every night, but I thought that, if I showed commitment perhaps, you would believe me. You probably remember the first night I came here, I promised to come every day just to see how were you doing, even if you don't really need that at all...
The wind blowed gently, yet coldly.
—After all, you already have yourselves, there's just plenty over there at the skies and most days there's also the moon. I... just wanted one. They say you've got to ask with your soul if you want something, I'd like to know how do I do that, because all I know is to ask humbly.
He sighed.
—Would you please bring someone to me?
As every night, he felt his face blushing as he finished the question. And as every night, saying these few words made him feel courageous and brave, as if it renewed his hopes. And also, as every night, silence followed.
—Well, thanks for hearing...
He looked down, holding a small tear that insisted in forming at his left eye. After containing it, he gazed at the stars.
—One... two...
And time dragged as he counted.
—Three... four...
Minutes passed.
—Fifty-one... fifty-two...
Hours.
—Seven hundred ninety-three... seven hundred ninety-four...
And then he slept.

As the birds sang, welcoming the morning, he opened his eyes scared. He didn't do his tasks last night. He was late, and would be punished accordingly. Once again, he had lost time to a stupid wish. Once again he slept at the clock tower. And once again there was this girl sitting next to him passing her hands through his hair.
...Wait a bit.
—Who are you?!