Warping...

Do you remember the definition of madness?
In some of us, the definition is carved in the flesh. It runs through our veins. Blood infected by the never changing acts. We are destined to die repeating the same mistakes. Again. And again. And again.
We can even fool ourselves, pretending this time there is something different. This time it will work.
Boy, it won't.


I got sad this weekend.
I don't know if I have the right to say I am sad.
I feel stupid. But that is not in the news. Maybe it was years and years ago. In my head wars are waged hour after hour.
I live wondering when will someone make a mistake that will allow me to explode. It's tense. We live at the very brinks of it. But it rarely happens.
It doesn't because of what has happened at the other side of the show.
I need to protect people, unless otherwise specified.
I feel responsible for them.
I can't explode on them because they are the very same as me, a mere concatenation of physical elements and bizarre emotions. Different, but still the same.
That sums it up, terribly.


I can't say things will change now. I guess changing these situations also require time, no matter what direction you decide.
I've been looking at things in the past, and trying to keep calm at home. I can't work that much anymore. I feel no spirit. We are having a severe lack of will, that is.
So, we'll follow at this downgraded speed.
One thing that I stumbled upon was some few posts from a place where a grumpy toast once lied. The place has changed its name and appearance, but it's there. I always thought it was funny to read things I found there, it felt like things characters in my head could speak. It is a neat feeling, relating to something outside your head when you feel like you can't be part of the world. But anyway, I see how the queen of that place evolved. It's admirable.


Now, to the next topic.
I can warp back and forth, but I promise we'll be getting there, eventually.
I've noticed these days, that I... mimic things I like. I don't know if things are as exaggerated as it felt in my mind, because I'm a little bit out of balance (more than the usual at least) and things seem to get bizarre proportions when you are feeling this. But it feels like I basically mimic whatever I think it is nice, I say whatever because it is mainly humans (or humanoids, for that matter...) but many of them are basically characters in whatever show I may have seen.
It is not a true mimic behavior because I have my own me, but it feels like it has a minor voting power. It also scares me to think that I get angry when people ask me "what do you want to do?" or "what do you feel...?", I don't work very well with this stuff. I need people to point me out very clearly what has to be done.
But if I am currently in a mimicking spree, let's try to look at who would get out of this.


There are a few friends and acquaintances that look like they could solve the problem. Therefore, I'll be them, when possible. They look like good examples. In this exemplar cast I put the queen of the toast, the man over the dragon and a few others. Basically the entire circle is also inside, even if not for mimicking purposes.


I wish someday to be as strong as you have made me felt you were.


Also, if possible, what is the difference of buying things for people to hoard attention, and doing it for the simple sake of seeing them happy?