Facing

It's raining like there's no tomorrow out there...
I lay in my bed looking at the lightnings crossing the sky. The curtains in the window are totally opened so that I can see it all. The flashes never stop.
I keep on thinking about... thinking. As strange as it may sound, it's pretty simple. I'm the kind of person that doesn't think twice before acting, it's more like I think a few dozen times. This behavior has already gave me it's fair share of troubles.
Although, as mostly anything, it has it's good moments, it's very useful to think a lot before talking when you are angry. I can not say it has only made things go worse.
Recently (recently is kinda relative, it will probably depend on your own idea of time), I had made a goal of thinking less before acting, and I gotta say, to many things, it worked wonderfully. And to some, things turned out disastrous, but, as mostly anything have a good side, they must have a bad side, so this is something to be forgiven.
After all, it ends on the same subject, balance. By taking things to extreme conditions, you've gotta expect to face serious consequences. Well, I dislike balance mostly because it's so grotesquely hard to achieve, but that's ok. Let's just not stick to this subject.
The thing is, I still haven't totally defeated the exaggerated thinking behavior. At first I wasn't willing to finish my goal, since it seemed like a hopeless fight. But this very day my mother told me something that got me thinking (not the bad thinking, as sometimes, you gotta think a little). She said I took a little longer than normal to start walking when I was a baby (or a child, I don't know at which time babies get promoted to the rank of children), because I didn't try much. I was afraid of failing and falling.
Well, that's the whole thing, if you were expecting some good story with an enthusiastic moral, time to lament. I don't know if this makes sense to most people, or any people, but, hearing that made me get up and finish what I had began.
At some topics, I'm a pool of fear. When I face the few things that actually fright me, I get really owned. That's what it was all about anyway, fear.
There are fears and fears. And some actually feel pretty good. I plan on writing about fear someday.
I can defeat the fear I have. Because I fueled it all this time. I created it from the beginning. It depends on me to survive, fear is like a pet. Once you stop giving a damn to it, almost impossible that you will come back to give it real attention.
And then, it dies.