Hunting Innocence

You believe there's still innocence left in this world?
Sure, why not? After all there are so many things hidden, untouched by human's poison.
Poison?
Yeah, the greed, the hatred... humanity destroys everything that's nearby.
But... there's a flaw here.
What?
You said, that we were hunting people that could serve as proof that innocence exists. But then, you say that humans are the destroyers of innocence. How can you explain that? And the idea of hunting, it feels more like you're willing to corrupt innocent... or kill 'em.
Why would I want to corrupt them?
Well, believe it or not, but you're human as well. I've been fighting by your side without any question all this time, but now I begin to question myself about your own motives.
I have no interest in raising the number of corrupted ones. And I guess I've been exaggerating about the whole corruption thing. It's not true that every single person will be corrupted when in touch with society. Some people can stand to that situation, these are the ones we look for. Why I use the term "hunting"? Well, let's just say that I like it, and we are in a hurry.
So... we're in a hurry?
Yes.
So... we hunt innocence so that you can have a reverse corruption?
What??
These people that can stand to corruption. You want to find them so that you can cleanse yourself, because you believe they perhaps have this power. And you feel guilty for some things you done in your past, so you made this hunt your priority.
...
C'mon, let's find 'em.

At the docks

You look sad...
It's nothing.
You sure?
Well... I don't know... I could talk to you now or just let it sleep within time.
Up to you.
Either way goes to the same place I guess.
Hm... it's said that, sometimes what matters isn't the place you're going, but the way you use. Of course, you can just stay there lamenting, 'til you get tired and sleep and forget it all. Or until you find a bigger problem and give it more attention. Or you can just talk and relax.
Have you ever...
Have I ever killed? Positive.
No, don't play the funny one. Have you ever felt sad for no reason?
No reason?
Yeah.
Are you sure? No reason at all? Perhaps you are forgetting something.
I don't think so. It's like... you're living a different world. Like, you have your own reality and when you have to come back the "real" reality you can't make it. You can't stand living outside of your own reality because it just seems so much... better.
I thought you were doing well in the real world this time. At least you seemed to be getting through the hardships.
I found some ways to achieve happiness in this world, but they are too short-lasting...
Well, if you look through another point of view, that's good, because by not having them too much, you learn to value 'em more.
I know, it's just that... I'm being greedy, or childish, I don't know... there's no problem after all...
Hey, calm down, there is a problem. If this bothers you, then it is a problem, what you have to do is find a way to fix it.
Do you think that deep down every single human is an obssessive killer?
Ah... that's a tough one. I don't really know what to answer. Why this question all of a sudden?
Nothing... you know what? Let's go do something.
As you wish.

Problems

I'm here again.
This time just thinking about these strange parts of being yourself. The ones in which you get stuck between two realities.
It's not that I'm sad, I understand that it seems like I simply force myself to stay on a permanent misery state. I just, stay this way sometimes, but it will be over soon. It's just, a side effect for thinking too much about things.
I always liked to hear people's troubles. I don't know why exactly, but I like to help. I know in most cases there's not much I can do but, perhaps just having someone to hear you can make a difference. Makes me feel useful...
Sometimes I feel like I hunt sadness in those around me, like... waiting for something bad happens so I can be useful. I know this isn't true, just a harmless thought.
It's pretty good when people thank you, and you actually feel you deserve it, there are no words to describe it at the moment. But there's the other situation, the one in which you can't help at all. You can just sit there and listen to their troubles, you can't even talk a thing because... you simply don't know. Even though you might have past through a similar situation, even though you previously found the answer for that particular question, there isn't something you can do. You can ressurrect the past situation, you can feel all the pain again, but it's just helpless.
What hurts most is that, I can't help them.


You can't save them. For they must save themselves, just as you're the only one who can save yourself. You already do much by hearing them. Wanting to take all the suffering in their place is just not right, no matter if you could really take it or not. People have to take on the suffering, it makes them grow up, it's, perhaps, the best teacher life can give you. You can decide to take more classes or simply learn the lesson, it's up to you. It's important to have friends to help you when the real troubles happen, but it's also important to keep in mind that they are after all, humans like you and they have problems also. They will do what they can do in order to help you, but the problems are only really over when you face them. Also, I would seriously advise you not to run away and pretend it's over. Life has prepared several mechanisms to keep the action going. They can track your mind, no matter where you go, they will be there with you.


Fuckin' words...

The dark stairs

I stay here, looking at these stairs.
It's way into the night, and many have already turned off their lights.
So here we stand, in the middle of a stairway, in the darkness. The weak lighting of this place comes only from a small glass window that's half opened. Feels like a nice place anyway. I could even sleep here. Perhaps sleeping in odd places makes me feel better than sleeping where I should...
I see a lot of stupid things when I close my eyes. Well, not stupid. Let's stop saying stupid to all related to us. I see distorted things, colorful and wicked. Mostly having some relation to violence. It's no big new anyway, it has always happened, all I need to do is to not concentrate on anything specifically.
These are perhaps sad days. That's just it. But it will be over within time, just as always. Stupid things come to mind, this time they are indeed stupid. But I guess, who never had stupid things passing through their minds?
In these times it's dangerous to talk to yourself. Or at least, think. It's just the bizarre feeling of loneliness. I guess you can't fight your human side forever. Or you can, if you sleep well.
Perhaps I need to sleep at the stairway...

Sunny day

Sunny day...
It's strange how some days like this look so sad. But don't get me wrong, it's actually good. These last days were pretty odd but that's ok.
They say you should talk about what you have in mind at the moment, but I don't feel like I have anything in my mind right now... but somehow I want to write here. Well, perhaps some thought can show up while I do it. Who knows...
The problem of having just too many things going on in your head is that, when it's over and you can actually relax, the feeling of not having anything in mind bothers you. Which exemplifies our complaining behaviour, we complain about everything. But still, they say it's good to do that, otherwise we would just stay in the same place, the same way, forever.
That reminds of changes. I never really liked changes, because, I always liked the way things were, or at least I was used to it. People can get used to almost anything. But lately things have changed, and I wasn't completely against it, mostly because I was an agent in these changes. But even like this, a part of me still prefer the things the way they were. Well, you can't please everyone. The problem is that I can't tell if things are better now, or worse. Guess I'll have to wait some more 'til I can define it.
One of the changes is leading. I never liked it, or at least that's what I used to think. It's scary at first, but after you take control, it's pretty exciting. Teaches you to try things, kinda cool. And I'm talking this out of nowhere since I don't lead that much. Just foolin' around. And getting confused.
I'll perhaps need some people to remember me who I am... weird days.
Well, to each his own.

Anguish

Why must we always fight?
Because... yes.
One will never destroy the other. Never, you know that.
In fact, I don't. Remember, if we don't try, how can we know what happen?
By observing other people's examples.
So, have you observed anything close to us?
Not yet.
See? We are unique, my friend. There's nothing as bizarre.
There is...
But those can't live normally in ''reality''. We are on the border. Just another step into chaos and we'll be just like the over-weird things. But that wouldn't be cool right? Wouldn't be... unique.
That's not what I mean. I just don't want to be super bizarre. I want peace, damn.
Peace, damn? Haha. The child and the train will never ever be in peace. It seems they cannot coexist.
Why not? Light needs darkness doesn't it? Good and evil?
Good and evil? Things are not that simple. You know very well that good and evil are abstract concepts. There is no 100% evil nor 100% good.
Great then. But what about answering my main question?
Which was...?
Why... not?
It's a very nice question indeed... well, last year...
Be careful when you mention it...
As I was saying, last year... there was already a discussion about the child and the train. You even got thinking they could help each other. But they simply can't, why don't you face it?
That doesn't answer shit.
Oh oh calm down there boy. Why don't we play it my way?
Your way?
Yeah, last... well, you know what, we playied your way, and... things got awry after a while. So instead of playing the same style this year, why can't you try something new?
Well, we had already decided to do things on a crazed manner...
Indeed there's some change. But, the core of the playing is the same, admit it. I propose to do the opposite of what you do. What do you have to lose?
I don't know.
Me neither. So, what if there's peace after all, wanna try playing it the opposite way?
The problem is that I still fear...
Fear nothing. We won't know what lies ahead if we never step in it's direction right? And at the moment we are stepping at the direction of the wall.
Do you realize how contradictory you are? You said there couldn't be peace and now you use it as an argument to persuade me.
Well, people can change their opinions right?
In the blink of an eye?
You chose the way of light. I was left to keep on chaos. What would you expect? I'm trying to make a win here, I don't care what the fuck I have to do to reach it. And if you stay there bitchin' about my arguments, we won't get anywhere. C'mon. The core is the same, we have to change it, you are missing something.
What if I ain't?
Don't try to lie to me. We both know you miss something. Actually, we even know which something.
Yeah.
That's all? Yeah? What the fuck is that? Victory for me?
Not exactly. Even though I miss it, even though I feel going wicked day after day, I feel hope also. There's just something.
Tell me which something. I'll kill it, I'll tear it to pieces. Tell me.
This is the funny part, I don't know which something.
Don't try to be funny with me.
I'm not trying. It's like, I feel the madness, but with it, comes the hope of salvation that might come the next day, we never know right? It's pretty good.
You're not making much sense.
So you're the one bitchin' now?
Trying to be funny?
Guess it's no for both questions anyway...
So, keep fighting?
At least for now.

Random kill

Such a beautiful day, ain't it?
You said so.
Look at all those people down there, they are just like you and...
Just like me.
I know fucker! But that's the beauty of days like these! I'm NOT LIKE YOU!
I suppose now you gonna kill me right?
Perhaps... but then I would just be another weirdo.
Well... you smile like one of them.
But you know, I'm not like them also!
So you are...?
Unique my dear faithless man!
Show your uniqueness by untying me and we'll pretend this never happened.
Haha! You are one funny man, yes you are. But I shall only listen to insanity now! And you know what it says?
Ah... what?
It says you got something to tell me!
*cuts hand with knife*
FUCK! If I got something to say, don't kill me, retard.
Oh hahaha! You can talk with a cut in your hand. And with two, three, four, five...
*cuts and cuts*
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Hahaha, insanity says you'll be losing blood soon.
WHAT THE FUCK?? Look at my hand!
Yeah it's also unique now. You can thank me later.
I'LL KILL YOU, BASTARD!
No no no, don't be a weirdo like those I mentioned.
You find it funny? I'll show you something to make fun off!
Hahahaha, you can't little angry man. And you're also losing blood, but I guess you won't die like this. And don't make this mad dog face. It's rainy outside, isn't it pretty?
Retard.
Oh c'mon, don't talk like that. HEY WAIT!
What??
*cuts arm from shoulder to elbow*
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
YOU'RE SICK!
Now you may die bleeding! Why don't you say what you have to say?
I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY!
Say it.
WHAT?
SAY IT NOW!
What you want? My credit card password? My money? WHAT YOU WANT?
Do not play the smart boy.
WHAT??
Hm... insanity said you might be talking the truth...
SEE??
I don't need you anymore then.
WHAT THE FUCK?? LET ME GO!
Let's play!
STOP SMILING YOU DEMENTED PIECE OF SHIT!
You see this acid? I've never tested it on open wounds. Let's pretend we're scientists making tests on animals!
NO! DON'T DO THAT!
Why not? I thought you liked to play this game. My dog thought the same when you gave it poison.
*screams*