A day briefing

There!
*door opening*
Hey! You there? Come, the door's opened!
...
I can't believe I have to go inside to get you out... stupid grown people, always giving us extra work. Maybe they like extra work, that's why they study like crazy.
...
Why this room is so dark? HEY! You there! Have you seen a man this tall? He has the face of a dead fish, and he speaks stupid things... he owes me a pizza you know? Hm... you should eat something man, you're looking like a... skeleton... AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
What's going on here?
AHHHHHHHHHH!!
Stop screaming, it's just me!
YOU. THE SKELETON. YOU. I!
What...?!
*child faints*
...Great.


So, can you explain me now what was that at the punishment room?
Punishment room?
Yeah, you went hysterical and then fainted.
I, fainted?
Yes.
Like, in making a weird face and shutting down?
Eh, I guess so.
I fainted?
Yes...
And I hit the ground?
Yes...
Hm... you mean, like in the movies?
Yep, something like that.
Was it, like, very dramatic and epic?
No, you just fainted.
Like, shutting down?
...
That was... EXTREEEEEME!
What?!
Why did I faint? I was super tired of fighting evil? Was I saving the world and stuff like that? Like saving you as a hero saves a princess and all that?
No.
Thank God, you're damn ugly...
Listen, are you going to tell me or not?!
Tell what?
What the hell happened? How did you got in there?
Well, through the door.
The general told you to free me?
Er... no, you were grounded?
No, not grounded.
HAHAHA, YOU WERE GROUNDED! That's so childish, you look so ridiculous, crying in the corner because you are groooounded!
...I wasn't grounded.
So, why did he lock you in there?
He found your stupid moose.
Really? Where's he? Is he happy? I miss that face he made when I gave him soda! He was like, so happy his face hurted!
Oh my... you're a psycho...
This means I can make objects fly?


SOLDIER! I see you've gotten away from the room. Good job, you got out quite early, I was expecting you would stay there a few more days, thirsty and hungry.
Oh.
So, I have a mission for you, it'll be dangerous, we'll leave you in the wild, alone, you'll have to survive using what nature can provide you.
I guess it's safer than here sir.
Trying to be funny, man?
Absolutely not sir.
We won't give you any weapons. You'll have to find a lost book at the middle of the forest. One of our explorers has lost it there, it contains very useful information that should not be known by anyone else. You need to retrieve it fast.
So I'm going alone, to the wildness, looking for a, book? It can take weeks! That's being optimistic!
You're a soldier, you have to deserve your name!
Okay...
So, prepare what you can carry, you'll be leaving tomorrow morning. Before light hits the ground. Are you afraid?
Absolutely not sir.
...
Sir, you still haven't forgotten the moose right?
Absolutely not, soldier!


When we're leaving?
I don't know. I'll be leaving tomorrow, about you, I have no idea.
I'm going with you! Maybe we can find Moo-zey, and we can fight evil!
It's a forest, and this is the real world kid.
But!
And take out this warthog costume!
But this costume is useful, I can pretend I'm one of then, see? Get information!
...
WE CAN LEAD THE SAVAGE PIGS TO GLORY!