Reverse guns

It was already past midnight. In fact, way past midnight, around 4 a.m.
The boy was playing with one of those plastic toys you get in cereal boxes. Though most of them suck to no end, sometimes we are given these marvelous toys that can entertain us for hours, though their operation is beyond simple. Perhaps that explains why most people wouldn't even be entertained by any of them.
The toy consisted of two parts. An orange projectile with a rocket shape and a... base for it. The base was basically a stick you inserted in a hole inside the rocket, the spring inside the hole would then allow the rocket to fly away once you triggered the stick. It's strange how dumbly simple mechanics get complicated when explained by some people. Ain't it?
The boy was there, challenging himself, he should catch the rocket shot at his hand. Most of the times he failed as it was quite fast. One of those amazing things you get to do once you get into dawn and you shouldn't be awake but you can't sleep.
He used around 15 minutes doing it. Until he got bored and stopped playing with it. He stood there, holding the toy by the projectile part. And, due to some strange force that happens to operate during these strange times, the toy got triggered. The base for the rocket was sent flying away. Perhaps faster and farther than the projectile went in the original functioning of the toy. He stood there, trying to understand what had just happened, he didn't trigger the base, he barely touched it.


I swear man, he threw the damn rocket launcher at us!
Cut the crap!
We were ready to shoot once we saw he was putting the inside it, but then it came flying upon us without any sound of burst. Some even say they saw the rocket stopped there in the air as the weapon itself flew upon us!
Soldier, you need some rest.

That time of the year

Strange.
It seems like yesterday. Maybe I'm cursed to repeat this very same behaviour every year's end.
But indeed I'm tempted to follow the old known road and see if the path leads somewhere else. We'll try. Once again, there's too many things in my head and I guess I'll start writing them soon...
I know I know, I repeat the same patterns. Many things at head, ''will'' write later, can't sleep... and the list goes. Ad infinitum.
But we can make this road different. All we need is to act in a contrary way to what we did before. A birthday present. A frantic finale. The hunt for kindness. Back into saving. Being hatred. These are the 6 acts that are running this time. And maybe this time we have one satisfying result.
The tables are turned... once again.
I just hope by my merry snowy date I happen to know whether this time I made the difference. Hypocritical perhaps, but who gives a shit?
And... if one manages to keep his world in harmony with the real world... is his world still a private world or does it stop existing?
Stupid questions.
Everything will alright at the end.
Are you sure?

Adornments

That's why we hang them on the walls. To wake up everyday and watch out trophies moaning and groaning, bleeding their last tears of life as we collect more and more of them.
Nail them right on their hands. Just two nails, one on each hand, the distance between each nail must be around the width of their arms wide open. This way we make it like those little paper cuts with man appearance, a long line of them, arms opened, blood flowing.
When they die, use them as adornments. Put them on the road, over the signs, hanged at the lamp posts, make scarecrows for the fields...
The ones who scream too much and disturb your sleep? Off with their tongues. You can leave it in their shoulders, or over their heads, or just dispose of it.
Grosser plays with them, I tell you not to play with your furniture. But, oh well, it's up to you. The thing is, it rots faster. Then you have more work finding more and preparing more. But it's really up to you. I prefer the old way, the old flesh screaming way. But Grosser prefers to tease them with death. To each his own.
You can use your creativity while furnishing your room. You can get some scalps to keep a count, sure, but you can also use their hair on your dolls. Sometimes they align their heads in a nice way after being scalped.
Oh, about that statue... it's Grosser's. He likes to use a jackhammer on some of them. He says the sound it makes when the drill passes the skull makes him relax. It's a really interesting sound, because it mixes a lot of things, the scream, the skull cracking, blood spurts. Grosser covered the woman he first used it with cement, and put her in that pose. Looks like some broken antique or maybe some piece of phylosophical art, he was really inspired that time. He is creative, that's not a doubt.
But don't think you won't be shining. Sooner you will get ideas and get them out of your mind, we believe you will. It's always just a matter of time. Just a matter of time.
One final question? Sure.
Hm... in case they run. Well, don't worry about it. We are not alone, most of our decorative material is hunted by others, few of these you can see up there crying were brought by ourselves. If they get to us, they are already not in their running capabilities. But, if, and I've yet to see it, they escape, then the real hunt begins. And they won't be getting human bodies to decorate their homes.

Random and sleepless

I remember when my friend convinced me into starting this blog. I did it mostly to silence her.
Although I do like writing and all, I don't it that much and I don't, I don't know... it's like, I didn't want to do it because I couldn't see the point of writing in a public place like this for nobody to see it. But still, I would prefer to keep it private. So yeah, that's pretty dumb.
Then it started to be a deposit of weird stories, or at least the ones I managed to write.
And then a deposit of rants. But it just doesn't seem to fix things, raging against... a wall. Or maybe it fix, and I'm just made to remain on angry mode.
I don't even know why the hell am I writing this. But that's okay. I'm just, raging for nothing. It's like, asking for help without ask for help because you don't need help. That makes sense right? At least to me it seems to make. But lately I'm looking at my... logics, through a more pessimistic approach. Perhaps all my mental structures and ways of reasoning were made of sand and now the walls are coming down.
Or I'm just bored. Now THAT makes sense.
Have you ever watched Creepshow? It's nice. The whole feeling of it looks so amazing. Takes me back to those earlier years, where fear was something that could come from the television. No, Creepshow isn't scary. It's just that I feel so good with the ambience... I almost go to the point of wishing it was real. In fact, I went to this point straight away.
Well here I am, talking to the wall.
I guess it's better, since the people that would have been awake by now are probably like me, or even worse. But that's a thing I say without thinking very much since it's absurd.
Maybe not. But who knows?
And as always there's a lot of topics running through my mind, many of them I thought that would be nice to write something about here so I could try to make an opinion about it. But now it just look as relevant as talking about the weather.
I believe with every generation humanity reaches a new all-time low. Yeah, we're relentless diggers, and the well is bottomless.
Tragic thoughts, ain't it?
But also contraditory since I'm not all against humanity, I care for some people and I believe there are good people still roaming around. And I actually wish I was one of them. And maybe I am, maybe not. Another thing for the list of things I don't know.
The list goes on and on.
But I believe I can solve this situation this time without bothering people around. I know they won't like to read this last sentence, and in case they do, don't worry I'm handling things here and I'm not going to repeat the same implosive performance.
Maybe some day I get the car and go around through the night. I like to drive during these late hours, don't you?
This remember me of my thought about Maniac. I guess there just can't be an ultimate crazy weird killer guy movie. It's all about visions on the matter. But I like the one depicted at that movie. No, not like I like Creepshow, it just feels that it's as twisted as one's mind can be. Okay, not that much. But hey, it tries at least.
Perhaps I'm just hiding the dust under the carpet. But talking to my virtual wall takes some of the thoughts away. Until it awakes again.
And again.

And again...

Lightning

Sometimes nights change don't they?
Perhaps it's when we perceive the weight of the world. Whatever that might mean. If you perceived the weight, it should be clear to you what does it mean? Because I'm not sure. And I may have not really seen it.
It's weird to have such a weird change of mood. All of a sudden like that. So here I am now, listening to the X Files theme song, writing, and trying to think about something. I don't know maybe something that could happen, something new. But even if I thought about the coolest thing it would just belong to my mind.
Perhaps she was right and now I'm totally drown in this. Bad things happen when you take things far more serious than what they really are, like, people. They end, sometime. It's better not to try to make it seem like it's something epic like in the movies. You can end sensitive.
I feel like talking to the wrong person. But talking to any person about this anyway wouldn't get to any point. It hasn't gotten until now.
This song is strange, because it's... I don't know, mysterious, somewhat creepy. But still it has it's beauty to me, because it resemble to discovering a new thing and all. I like that.
I feel like being stranded. He says I'm worried about something and that I'm hiding it, but what am I hiding? I mean, there are lots of things we hide from our parents, most are innocent things that we just don't feel like we should tell them. Or that, it's something that they wouldn't like, but it's the reality and there's not much anyone can do about it, so we hide in order to preserve coexistence. So what should I tell him? I don't know what does he want as an answer, I don't what could be the answer.
I guess I get used to most things too fast. I get tired of them. I don't care about them.
I should start caring. But artificial care can suffice it? I guess I miss emotion. When you're walking through your home, and it's raining a lot out there, you ask yourself inside your head if you fear the lightning, as the noises seem to explode your home, and light sometimes turns off, and your answer is ''no, but I wish I did'', and it actually makes sense to you, there's something wrong?
I guess no, I'm just handling it the wrong way.
You see, some people like to bang their head on the wall to solve problems, and some bang to create problems.

End of night

So, here we are now, at another night's ending. Most people around are already sleeping and soon I should be joining them.
This could have been about a million other things, all that is struggling in my mind. But for once, let's keep it simple. For once, let's forget about all these thoughts. For once, let's be like these people, they seem happier.
Let's talk about something common. Like, what happened today. This was quite a nice day, after all, it rained and now it's colder, so it will be way easier to sleep. We ate... chicken nuggets, and chocolate cake, and cereals, I mean, not all at once, but during the whole day. Chatted with some people. And, in a basic thoughtless way, that's about it. Looks good.
I feel it's useless to think for now, and we also don't need help, for we have self-made problems.
I see a child smiling, somehow. Sometimes.
Oh, we also got chocolates. You see, birthday gifts. Gotta love 'em.

Ore no yuutsu

Still awake, huh?
Yeah, having a hard time trying to sleep.
Hard time?
I just can't sleep, I don't know if it's the fucking heat these days, or the fact that I've slept before.
You know you shouldn't be sleeping before the real time to sleep, it only make things worse, way worse.
I know, I know, but the bed just felt so good...
Anyway, how long did you sleep?
It was... somewhat around one hour. I sometimes wonder if sleeping one hour makes me good enough to start a new day, I guess this is pretty much impossible but would be good not needing to sleeping 8 damned hours.
Well, I know you find it weird not being to sleep again after only sleeping for one hour, after all you still owe your body seven hours, but I guess it's normal.
Yeah.
So, what are you doing this night?
Just... thinking I guess. That same bad thoughts about the circle, you probably know...
Yeah, I really do, and I've told you that it's not under your control, it never was and will never be. Free will remember? Do not care about it, people come and people go. That's life. You must only trust at yourself, might be harsh but that's the way it is. Or at least the way we force it to be.
I've been told those things a few times by now. But I don't know, I just have a bad feeling, and I don't know about what.
Natural disasters?
No. Although I must say I was pretty astonished by the red dust storm in Australia. Never seen anything like that.
Well, even though it is dangerous and all, it looks... exciting.
Yeah.



I see you're staring at nowhere. You do this most of the time, I know it. I know you live most of the time inside your own world, locked in your head. A dollar for your thoughts?
Just... the same old misery seeking thoughts.
Why so desperate?
Because you see, people are going ahead. I don't think I'm going ahead and I know it and I'm still here.
What if you are supposed to be in here?
Why would I be?
I don't know. I don't write the rules, and I don't think anyone does. Chaos has it's own unknown rules.
So you believe in...
Chaos, for sure. It's all a big mess of existances trying to prove themselves. Each with it's own abilities. And mortal desires.
Mortal?
Well, that just sounded cool. Let's say that each of us have our own desires and wishes.
Which are mine?
Are you kidding me?
No... I just... get lost sometimes.
Well, lost or not, people can't tell you these things. It's, something beyond a secret.



You see what I see right?
Well, literally, yes. But, in the other meaning of this sentence, no.
What do you think about it?
Fuck it. Just continue ahead and let's see what comes further. Moaning and complaining aren't changing things. And they probably won't.
And what about this weird feeling?
I have no idea about it, kid.
I was told by a friend one day that I kept putting myself into misery. Like, no matter what I do, it's not enough to pay for the things I done. He was right.
And what are those things you done?
Nothing but stupid babblings about minor things. Just drama about things that doesn't really matter.
Oh, the memory problem again. You know, people are prone to forgetting past things, or mask it. But you keep on remembering, good memory is trully heinous at some points. You keep the bad things with you and the sum of all minor troubles get worse than one whole bad trouble. Your tendency to transform things doesn't help anyway...
What tendency?
That little wish of yours to live in a place where epic things happen... you try so hard to see things epic, and the bad things also get epic. And problems at an epic scale are no joke.
True...



My turn now. Your thoughts?
Nothing special, kid.
Ah... boring. Do you feel any sadness?
Related to what?
Anything.
Actually I do. One that's pretty much know to you. I miss being able to help people. Though I don't go to such an extreme point of sometimes catch myself thinking about how good it would be if someone had a problem, like you. And, please, let's not talk about the "missing" thing.
That's a deal then, past bites. But we only helped people around us right?
Yeah, because you like to do things closely. If we really really wanted to help people, for the sake of helping alone, we would go to charities, help people that are really suffering, be it by a disease or by economical situation, and maybe both. But we do not. Even though it sometimes looks like great to think about these things.
Does that make us a fraud?
Not really. But it's not like we like to help people. We like to help those who are close to us. That's about it.
Changing the topic a little. What about the writing projects?
FINALLY! Thought you weren't going to talk about it, kid. You should continue it, no matter what. It's a chance to, be creative, I suppose. And to maybe understand more about your own world, all the violence that lies within the sweetness you never really understood. Do not give up, I know you get demotivated because you think that there's no point in writing anyway. Well, as it turns out, there probably isn't. But, it can be fun, you don't need people telling you that it's good as long as you feel that it's good for you. Remember, the main point is to keep this world somewhere it cannot be forgotten.
I'm feeling rather sleepy now...
Good.
One last question though.
Go ahead, kid.
Why does it feel good trying to protect her?
Who knows... maybe something deeply buried in what we discussed today. Or maybe pure lunacy. Insanity owns a big a part of us, you know.
Yeah...
And do not forget to write.