Raindrops

Damn man, I should be sleeping. But I don't wanna sleep.
I don't like this feeling. It's like, feeling alone.
I have to man up and talk to people. I have to talk to people. I need to get out of this.
To be honest, I'd just like to lie my head on someone's lap and close my eyes.
I can't cry anymore, the time for that is long gone now.
I am a selfish thing that has a lot of things but grieve for those I haven't.
I see you right there, I know you're on my side. I thank you for that. Every message you send feels like a star shines somewhere in the darkness. Don't you worry, I'll keep on fighting. But I'm too weak. You know, I still think about her. Despite all I was told. I have to try harder. I don't want to be one of those people that cannot be helped.
I don't want.
I think I'm growing bitter. And envious.
Could I please just lie my head on your lap for a while? I promise I won't speak a thing. I won't bombard you with negativity.
At least it is sealed within.
This all feels silly.
I can only offer money in return I guess. Don't take it as an offense. That's all I've got. It makes the bad thoughts go away for a while. Think of it as my time. One of the most precious things I could have.
I feel drained.