I can't really tell if this is the moment you run away

Today I had a very weird dream and I saw children dying in horrible ways. It is not relevant. I also saw a friend that can't be called friend anymore because we failed each other, trying to send me an email. I couldn't see the content and that is damn frustrating until now.

I am going back and forth. Every time I see a beautiful girl it brings me down, everything sex-related devastates my mind, and when people tell me I should do this or that in order to talk to some girl it is a major failure. Perhaps this fear has already been absorbed as to become a part of me.

What stands in the light is the fact that this is driving me insane. I'm not sure anymore I want to fight back. Maybe... Nothing. There's nothing. I just need to take some time to rearm. Get away from people. Avoid drinking. And sleep.

Make the bad thoughts go away.

By burning or by bleeding.

But make my face beautiful.

For scarred I am.

And don't ever let me wake up.

By hunting or by killing.

But hug me upon failure.

For scarred you will be.

Deep down we are all clowns.