Gift, part 3

The car was stopped.
He rested his head above his arms, crossed over the steering wheel. His eyes gazing into nothingness. The buildings around silenced at the approach of the glooming vehicle.
It couldn't be defined. There were no words in that head to define what was that feeling. What could it be? Even the best try would fail. And he didn't care about giving it a name. It just dragged into the abyss. Sometimes slowly like an old hand, decided and holding firm, albeit weak by the ages. Other times like a massive boulder rolling back and forth. The dim light that came from one of the buildings seemed to be ashamed of crossing the window's glass. A more curious eye could notice that it slowly faded away.
And its strength also followed that path.
Right beside him, the shades made their best efforts into piling up.
–Drive to big sister's house...
The eyes kept facing nowhere.
–You have to drive...
Perhaps those eyes were somewhere closer than his thoughts. He just wanted to make it all go away. But there wasn't any way to achieve that.
–DRIVE TO HER HOUSE.
He lowered his head. Even though it seemed as if hope had given one more step into the horizon, he took one arm away from the steering wheel. Little by little, he let his body lie against the seat.
He had an idea.
There was someone who would be there for him.

The two were sitting close to the front door, outside the house. There was a path of stones that led to a gate. He looked at these stones as they spoke.
She wanted to help, as she worried about him. But, as they had already stated in past events, he never followed her advices. Yet it felt good to be there and listen to them. He felt a bit ashamed, the whole situation was so silly and his acts were childish. She was having troubles of her own and had to finish a paper for her final semester. But there they were.
The weak lighting made him feel better. It felt more like home, somehow. Perhaps because in the movies, many serious moments took place in locations not so well lit. He wondered about that, but that seemed a feasible explanation.
–Why don't you try a psychologist?
–I thought about it before but I... I never took it seriously.
–Well, you could try, you know. It's not like that was meant for loonies, it can help. And it won't kill you.
–I can try.
–For real, this time?
–I guess...
–Dude, don't say "I guess...". Look at you now, you need to fix this shit. Try it for real, but don't try once and give up. I went to one that was problematic, you remember that, don't you? Then, she didn't help at all. But now I found one that works like a charm. It's nice.
–Yeah, I know, I'll try.
–Really?
–For real.
–And you also need to keep away from her.
–I know.
–You always know, but you never do. Do I have to remember you all the things I said about that?
–No, I know...
–You can't just keep on sacrificing yourself like that. It's not worth it. Pretty much no one in this world is worth it.
He looked downwards.
–Yeah...
–And you don't depend on someone else to be happy. You need to understand that.
Though he knew she was right, and that he wanted to change it all, he knew it was a walk into a brick wall.
At least that helped. It was good to have someone saying something. Silence meant listening to what loomed inside his mind.

–I'd rather you keep playing here.
–I know. But I need to change the way I behave.
–Does that mean changing who you are?
–It's not as drastic.
–You remember what went on a few months ago.
–I do. But that doesn't mean I have to just disappear inside my house. Normal people do that, we go out with people, have fun, see if anything else can happen. That's part of the game.
–But do you feel like any of these girls... are worth it?
–That's a bad way of putting it. I'm not falling for them, but they are nice companies.
–Nice companies. Well, I guess that answers it.
–My turn now.
–Your turn, boy?
–You asked a question, I ask one now.
It vanished.
He didn't care. Moving on with how the game was played was more important. It didn't matter if it seemed to drag on forever, in his head perhaps it was more of a test of resilience. Until you achieve a stage in which things get better, and all that came before could be justified.

He left the girl at the church. It was over now. But it felt better that way. He didn't like any of them, and it didn't matter how much he wanted to play the "normal game", a part of him just felt bad. It felt unfair for those girls.
Hating to admit it, he couldn't make it past that feeling.
It was a bad moment, talking about those things to explain why they wouldn't keep on seeing each other. But at least, at the very least, she seemed to understand. Was she lying when she said that it was a good thing that he at least spoke, instead of just disappearing like men normally do, it was irrelevant.
He would get back to being alone now, without the sinking feeling of making others feel bad. Others who had nothing to do with his stupid ideas.
Felt good. Somehow.
And so he drove back home. Convinced that this time it was a good choice. Just cruising through the city, knowing that soon he would be at home and ready to play some games. Parents were abroad, and that just summed up to the good mood. Not that he disliked them, but it felt great being home alone.
It's however a shame that things weren't made to last.
As soon as he got close to the building's gatehouse, a voice called him.
The man behind the gatehouse delivered him the bottle.
A bottle with a cute message. After all these months.
From her.