Só o ouro ou O que aprendi no CDTC

So!
Como tudo deve ter um aprendizado a partir das obrigações impostas pela minha cabeça, e como, parece ser o certo e legal, vamos pra mais uma.
Sabe, é meio estranho a sensação de sair, talvez porque seja a primeira vez que eu saia de um trabalho. "Trabalho", sei lá, nem somos estagiários, apesar de nos referirmos a nós mesmos como se fôssemos... bolsistas, that's what we are. E o salário que não sái, né?
Mas isso não é o mais importante... o mais importante... hm...
Sinceramente? As pessoas aqui.
Eu não aprendi muita coisa específica de trabalho, vamos ser sinceros, aqui é basicamente dinheiro de graça. Dá pra trabalhar bastante mas conforme você se acostuma com a "gestão", bem... você vê que não dá pra levar a sério. É foda.
Vou sentir um pouco de falta dos momentos legais mesmo, não de tudo obviamente já que aqui também há pessoas que eu não faço a menor questão, nunca deram uma mísera razão para tal. Bom, vamos falar do que importa.
E o que importa nem foi exatamente aprendido, mas é bom deixar registrado, tem muitas coisa que a gente sabe, mas só vendo na prática mesmo pra ficar na cabeça.
Lá vai.
Eu aprendi, que não é porque as pessoas tem assuntos diferentes e costumes diferentes que nunca poderemos ter alguma relação com elas. Muito menos elas nos odeiam, pelo menos se forem ocasiões normais.
As pessoas com quem eu mais me relacionei aqui frequentam lugares nos quais eu dificilmente me sinto em casa, mas sabe que sair com eles foi divertido? Was fine.
Aprendi que gente estúpida vai ter em qualquer lugar, e eles vão pegar no seu pé mesmo que você não dê motivo algum. Suckers.
Aprendi que é muito mais eficaz, pelo menos pra mim, usar do diálogo cordial para cobrar tarefas, quando se está na posição de chefe. Eu não tinha argumentos pra enfrentar o Trevor, estava protelando e era simplesmente isso. Se ele tivesse chegado com todas as facas na mão eu poderia ter apelado, mas da forma como ele perguntava o que tava acontecendo, po, na boa, não dava. O cara manda muito. E é foda que por ele ter esse comportamento vai ter muita gente que vai simplesmente achar que é moleza e daí não fazer nada. E com isso, acabamos por impulsionar a criação de mais um chefe otário que descarrega suas frustrações nos seus subordinados porque eles só respondem na porrada...
Well, let's hope for the best, shall we?
É sempre um aprendizado importante, ver que as pessoas às vezes não são só aquilo que você via à primeira vista. Pessoas que eu julgava meio toscas por serem... hm... diferentes, digamos assim, tinham outros lados, e nessa virada dá pra ver que são bons amigos.
Aprendi que notas baixas não mostram muita coisa. Gente inteligentíssima reprova. E há outras formas de ser inteligente.
Eu não sei direito como proceder aqui, então vou falar nomes. Não de todos, sei lá, vou falar das pessoas com quem eu passei mais tempo. Um dos caras mais bacanas daqui com certeza é o Alessandro, hands down. O cara é extremamente prestativo, tranquilo, interessado. Uma das pessoas que eu julgava ser totalmente diferente do que realmente é. Deijaval, bom. É o cara mais engraçado daqui, eu achava que ele era totalmente fútil. Tenho que pedir desculpa, ele é gente fina pra caramba e conversa de muitas outras coisas, longe de falar só besteira. E como podemos ver, se preocupa pra caralho com os amigos.
O Trevor me falou pra escrever sobre os pontos positivos e negativos do trabalho dele, hm... eu não sei direito. Talvez ele pudesse tomar uma atitude mais agressiva com relação à atrasos repetidos. Mas não tem muito o que fazer, aqui, se o cara não quer render, ele não vai render.
Conheci muita gente divertida e me surpreendi vendo que não é tão difícil achar pessoas com gostos parecidos com os meus (não muitos de uma vez, mas só um pouco já é algo).
Eu vou me despedir direito de todo mundo aqui, mas deixo registrado isso: Valeu. Valeu mesmo.
Não falei tantos nomes no fim das contas mas eu espero que aqueles que conversaram mais comigo saibam que as coisas positivas valem pra eles também.
Foi divertido, no fim das contas.


E não é o fim também, tenho o contato e ainda dá pra marcar umas saídas sinistras.
"Só o ouro!"

Into destruction

—Esfriando...
...
—Pronto.
—Que estranho, né?
Em meio ao vapor, um garoto permanecia deitado...


—Então... pode me explicar o que diabos foi isso?
—Hm...?
—Temos registros de um comportamento extremamente hostil nessa região... e, bem,você está aqui. De novo.
—...Quero mais suco de goiaba...
—Puta que pariu... traz mais um pouco do suco pra ele...


—Eu podia estar dormindo agora, ou no bar, ou atirando em pessoas, mas tenho de estar aqui pra interrogar uma criança.
—Não é só uma criança, você viu o estrago que ele fez.
O garoto se encontrava deitado no sofá, com a cara em uma das almofadas, a bochecha pressionada contra a almofada de forma a deixar sua voz abobalhada.
A paciência já não mais existia.
Passos rápidos em direção ao sofá.
—ESCUTA! É BEM SIMPLES! Por que você não diz logo o que você quer?! A gente dá um jeito e todos saem felizes, não é a primeira vez que você surta, e nem vai ser a última, porque é tudo muito fácil, nada acontece com você...
—Eu não sei...
—Não sabe o quê?
—É ruim... é como se... mesmo com todo esse esforço...
—Que esforço?! FALA!
—Eu não consigo controlar às vezes... é como se, todas as coisas do mundo de desenho que eu criei se juntassem pra extrapolar as barreiras impostas... aquela vontadezinha de quebrar as coisas, sempre volta no final.
—Você não deveria ceder.
—Mas... mas no fundo eu quero o mesmo que eles. Assim como você quer atirar em pessoas, eu quero... destruir...
—Eu não entro em frenesi, no entanto.
—É que... eu não sei... não é como se eu fosse destruir as coisas ou machucar as pessoas afinal de contas... mas dá tanta vontade de bater em tudo com um taco de beisebol.
—Que merda,cara.
—Não tem nada nem ninguém que possa me parar, né?
—Creio que não. Vamos ter que dar um jeito em você...
—Hm...


Do you think about hurting people?
*grins* Almost all the time...
And what about lying in the pier watching the stars?
*grimaces* You should go to sleep, kid.
Gotcha.

Next-to-last... lackluster...

So, I don't want to fucking sleep.
Would you dare to accompany me through these words? That's all I want for now, company. You see, if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be here. And if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have come all this way. And it doesn't make sense, but here we are.
Right, right. So, we can stay here, listening to Oshichau, no one will see. It's funny that from time to time I get to like such happy and light-hearted songs... I guess it depends mostly on the anime it belongs to. Who knows.
But I enjoyed Omamori Himari anyway, even though it was too exaggerated at times.
Times, rhymes... I would like to have a clue on how does my head associates things. I got to understand a bit of it already, but it mostly remains one big dark mystery.
I'll get to sleep...
Lackluster, Lackluster.


The shortest way to victory is trying.
I liked that one. It's a good thing mind sometimes creates such phrases, I like that.

Next-to-last

Let this be the real sign of something...
It's a curious thing. I've tried a few times to write from this place (that means, where I work, not as a freelancer). I've tried and tried, and thus I have failed. Failed and failed again. But now that there's only two more days, I feel like writing anyway. It's a curious thing, ain't it?
I always enjoy things more when they are actually so close to ending. Let's face it, it's a stupid thing. Well, getting real with such facts won't change them, so let's just roll a bit more.
Soon enough we will have a "What did I learn with the CDTC?". No, it's not going to be this text, it's freakin' 7 a.m. and I don't feel like writing that, I'll probably get sleepy soon since I am alone in here.
Alone... that is a word that follows me everywhere. I was told already to get a dog or a cat so I wouldn't be alone anymore at home. Well, I've had a dog already and I'd rather not have one again for a while, I can't take care of it, and since there's hardly anyone at home for most part of the day, I would just be throwing my "loneliness" at another being. And that, my friends, is unfair.
Not that I'm a well of fairness anyway...
So, isn't it funny that even when we have 19 of those around us, around us, we feel alone? Well, it ain't funny indeed. But, ain't it... odd?
Odd. Way too fucking odd.
But it's okay, I feel a bit good already just having company to lay together at the pier and stare at the stairs. Feeling another wave of sleepiness...
Well, well, well, I've spoken too much already, what about you? Next-to-last day, do not let it all go away without a word said.


I've thought and I've thought, through an infinite seam of confusion. I've fallen and I've lost, and through cracks in my heart I've walked. And after all the time I dwelled within myself, I've decided to come and talk. Make me sleep?

Amizade verdadeira ou O que aprendi no templo

"As amizades verdadeiras sempre retornam pra gente"


Shit. There's just too much in my head right now. I really wanted to write but...
I'll go to bed for a while and I'll try to write as soon as possible.


Right, we are on the bed now, let's try.
So, before I forget, that quote over there is from Mario. That was his answer for the "What have we learned from the temple this year?". At first he had no answer, since, well we normally learn nothing from it. He said that it was just good to see the guys again, then he came with that phrase. Well...
Well. I found it amazing. I wanted to write about every temple day but being out of time/a professional procrastinator didn't help. So, with this one I'll summarize it all.
Amazing because it's one of those things that look epic to hear, when the right ones say it, since saying such things all the time takes the shine away. And, I feel like I REALLY need to do something to show those around me that I appreciate having them around. I know, I normally charge myself too much over such things. But, it would be good, wouldn't it? I'm normally just taking things, not giving them. Well, I'll find a way.
And me, what did I learn... I don't know. It's not that bad to talk to people you barely know, they normally treat you well. I've gotta establish a few boundaries. You don't need to avoid going somewhere you like just because of other people. Sometimes it may seem that someone didn't like us, but we've gotta try again, perhaps they really really liked us, but they behave in a way we weren't used to deal with. Help may come from pretty much everywhere.
It's really too fucking good when a girl passes her hand through my hair. We've gotta trust friends. There may be a girl who can make us sleep. Sometimes it's ok to just sit there and watch people dance, if that feels right and you can travel through your mind and relax.
You don't have to extend your life, focus that effort on enjoying it. In fact, you don't even have to enjoy it, it won't be enjoyable all the time, you've gotta live it. It's a strange thing coming from me, but I am trying to break my chains.
I feel immense despair when I think about company.
You don't have to always go after people, let them come sometimes. If they really enjoy your company, they will.
If all goes bad, well, the sky is still there for us.
And if you like something people did, tell them that. Sometimes that was all they were waiting to continue it. Who knows, right?


I hate it when it ends.
I know, I know...
But it does feel good this time.
Hm?
I feel like...
...?
Like...
...
There is something different, like it ended but something continued...
Tell me more.
You know, when... it ended but it doesn't look like it's all over, it's gone...
What do you feel?
Like... something has been learnt, although I don't know what...
Haha, boy...
What?
Perhaps you've just met hope.
...
Don't worry, it seems we are finally heading somewhere. I know it must feel weird to hear that but...
...You're going to stay here right?
...
...
To the very end, boy.

Warm

These people that remember who you were...
I like them...
They are still kind to you...
Even if they can't really help you directly, seeing them again makes you happy...
Only I know how much I tried to make you happy...
If I had to sink my soul once again in murdering to see you happy, I'd do it wholeheartedly...
Once you're happy, you'll get more fuel to move ahead...
Even if no one else believes in you...
Well, I believe in you...
Do not... give up...


Thanks, mind. It's good to hear these things sometimes.

Useless beings...

I was told once that the only way to achieve something was to give up who I am. I don't want to do that now... in fact, I never really did. Even when I've set to obey every command Nazgul would give, I didn't trully meant it. I didn't follow everything exactly, perhaps a bit of my fault, had to be more determined. But, perhaps I just couldn't give up myself, so unconsciously I sabotaged myself. That's a good thought, it shows that at least unconsciously I try to help myself.
But things are looking better now, way more clear... I like it.
Soon I'll have a bit more of time, shall be fun. I like dodgeball, a lot, hope we get to play tomorrow.
I can't remember much about all the things that seemed to deserve to appear here.
I thought a lot about this story today, I didn't make it up, saw it someday at the television. Some years ago, when I was in high school.


The boy walked into the pet shop, well, at least I guess it was a pet shop. They sold stuff for pets but they also sold dogs and cats that had no owner, some found at the street, other donated to the shop. Well, too many details that I don't really remember.
So, we have this boy, walking toward the guy that runs the pet shop. Or whatever that shop is called. And he says:
—Good morning sir, I would like to buy a dog.
The man, somewhat around forty years, look at the boy amused. Boys this young normally come with their parents, they aren't that independant. Anyway, he proceeds to ask:
—Sure, young man, are you looking for a particular breed?
—Uh, no... I'm just looking for a dog.
—Okay, come.
He leads the boy through a narrow corridor, barking can be heard from the other side. The corridor gives into another corridor, not so narrow, surrounded by cages. In every cage, three or four small dogs, some newborn, other just small breeds. Some cages hold only one, larger, older.
The man proceeds into speaking about all the breeds and the ones that he would recommend the most for playing, guarding the house, and such.
—This one!
The boy points to a cage in which lies a calm dog, not barking like almost all the others. The man gets annoyed by the fact that the boy didn't even bother to listen to what he was saying, he starts to think that this boy is unaware to the fact that he'll have to actually pay for the dog. After getting closer to the mentioned cage, he says:
—Oh... this one... listen, young man, you don't want this dog.
—Why not? He looks like a fine dog!
—It came here after suffering an accident, its previous owners didn't want it anymore...
—Why not?!
—Look.
The man points to the dog, more specifically to its legs. And the boy then notices that there's something different, the dog has only three legs. "So that's what's it all about", he thinks. The man look at the serious expression at the boy's face and turns around.
—It's sad indeed, but that's life, come, I guess you'll like th...
—I'll stay with this one.
—What?! That dog can't even run, you can't be serious, boy.
—I am serious, I want to buy this dog.
—Listen, I know you mighty be feeling sad about its condition, but he's a useless dog now, no one wants that dog.
—I want.
—May I ask, why would you want such an useless being?
The boy stares seriously at the man's eyes. The man feels as if he had just challenged the boy, who couldn't refure the challenge yet couldn't win.
The young one then proceeds to uncover one of his legs.
—Because I'm an "useless being" myself.
The man sees that the bare leg is a prosthesis.
No more words were said during the transaction.