A hand in my shoulder

This was a very weird week. I feel like I haven't done much, this fucking feeling never ends.
Still, I got to see that there are people around me who need more help than I do. I really wish I could make you guys go above the clouds. But I guess that's a fight that was made for you. All I can do is try to get back into the game. It is taking far too long for me to get back.
I'll make these two next weekends the last reckless weekends. I don't want to set out for a problem with drinking, though for a while it serves as some sort of anesthesia. Also, that's not my scenery.
I know where I have to be. I just... got afraid of going back there.
Have you ever heard of Promise, a song from Silent Hill? It is very pretty.
It is sad, but serves as a way to calm down. First you chill out then you try to think where do you have to go.
Does anyone still like to play Pump It Up? It became another sort of anesthesia. I've been basically drinking, playing Pump and working out. Serves as a way of finding some sort of strength in myself.
I can't ask for a hug for that would be a lie. Among all these ups and downs I feel like I really wanted a hug but I'm aware that wouldn't suffice.
What would be enough still stands as a chaotic transmutating desire. I am not sure if sex or hug or just company, perhaps the answer lies outside all of the options I have thought so far.
The game is rolling. The game needs me back.
Or else...


If I paid any of you three hundred bucks, would you walk with me and then wait 'til I slept?
I hate the fact that I'm always the last one to sleep.