Missing

So, I guess that, for the first time of my life (or at least the first time in a long time), I felt like missing family and friends...
I know, this doesn't sound very sensitive, and if you are actually in any of those two fields, let me explain. Not that it will actually make it better, but ok, let's get going.
It's not bad really, I mean, even though it's something that resembles pain, it feels good because you think that in a matter of time you will be close to those people again. And you feel you care for some people after all, or you just miss having people to talk, well, let's stick to the first option.
But I can't describe very well how it feels anyway, so I just expect it to be the fact that I miss those people. I didn't feel this way toward them on previous travels, maybe because I always took something related to them with me, and as long as I have one single token related to them, I don't really miss anything, which is something weird in fact, but, that's not a problem.
And I'm actually happy to know that I'll meet them soon, and then I'll miss Germany. I like this place, guess it's normal not to have many contacts on a place where they don't speak the same language you speak, so it was something expected.
The sweet scent of Germany...

In Germany

Feeling strange, aren't ya?
Kinda... and I don't think that this was caused by sleeping on the wrong time.
That's pretty obvious...
You think I should quit watching these things?
Well, why exactly?
Because mostly when it ends I stay like this...
And do you know why?
Maybe because... it makes me think, and it shouldn't... because, thinking is dangerous as far as we know.
It's only dangerous when you use it against yourself.
Am I using it like that right now?
Maybe.
It could also be that recurrent topic right?
There's a high probability, or the other recurrent topic, well, which is which?
Let's say I'm talking about number 1, the one related to the magic, and you're talking about number 2, related to nostalgy.
Okay then, but, isn't the one related to nostalgy also related to magic?
Well yes, but...
Let's just say number 1 is related to social. I guess that sets them apart.
So, higher chances of number 1 or 2?
2.
How higher than number 1?
That's something that we can't express in numbers. You know that, like fear and... most human things. Oh, and I know you thought "most insignificant things" right now.
Well, who cares anyway...
And you still don't know whether it's 1 or 2 right?
Yes, but we might be facing another masquerade situation here.
So, you're hiding the fact that you know, even from yourself?
That's a possibility.


So, no progress so far right?
Hell yeah...
Fuck that shit... let's just have fun tomorrow.

Tear

1 year...
Sorry.

Walking

Sometimes it seems helpless...
No matter which view I try to use, I end on a dark alley in my mind. Surrounded, and I can only react with rage. The old same hatred that lies carved within me. Waking me at night, angry with my sleep. Angry with no exact answers to it's questions.
It just cannot understand humans, and sometimes I think that neither do I.
It yells at the thoughts of losing again, and of giving up before I face defeat, as giving up is most a implicit form of losing. But it's just blind to even wondering about a victory scenario. I did not want it to attack like this.
People are free to do whatever they want, aren't they?
But I'm cold and locked to it. Reason won't help finding a way out of this place. And sooner or later I will turn against the ones who help me. Just as expected.
As I get closer to the boiling point, destroying what comes into nearness, I see this blurred figure. Walking nearby, as if it had the very same disastrous disease. But it hasn't, it can be seen through it's eyes. Yet it keeps on standing close. Fearless.


Don't worry, we'll fix you, no matter what.

Dark Blue Sky

The moon was looking pretty today.
Well, not exactly the moon, but the sky arounnd it. Because the moon was just a white ball floating there, small and tasteless. But it is full moon time, and the sky gets a very nice blue tone. And the clouds around the moon get that nice gray look. It looks pretty good. Specially when you have a look at the whole picture. The dark tall building with a few spots of light against the dark blue sky, while the ground level is full of lighs, from cars, light poles and such. Looks... movie-esque. And I like that.
I don't feel very good today, but it's nothing really important. Still, I like to go out of home, mostly random routes, just to go around and see things. It would be better if there was something really nice to do but at the moment there's a hiatus on that sort of thing.
It's better to believe I feel like this because of sleeping late last night. Well, to each his own. With time you settle some things with yourself, get some pieces together. Sometimes it's bad because you uncover the worse parts of it. But I'm just straying from topic.
In fact there's no topic.
You know, when you keep on imagining recurrent things, there's something wrong.
Having the answers is not always a good thing...
And there's something in The Midnight Carnival.

Silence

Today...
Well today was a good day. I should be sleeping by now (as always) but I... don't know, I wanted to think about something. There's something bothering me, something not very easy to explain.
It's like, feeling away from the world, like seeing yourself, like life was a game in third person. This ain't new really, but, today was just so full of it. I sense something is wrong with people (not all people, just some friends nearby), though I don't know if in fact there's really something with them, or if the problem is with me. Maybe it's just their way of living and I just... don't know.
You know, when you go somewhere with your friends by car, you talk all the way about all sorts of things. It's something to be studied in case there's that awkward silence. I don't know, there's a ocean of possibilities...
You stand there, wondering why the silence is there, but you just spectate because, you're too worried about the silence to talk about something else, but it just doesn't feel like you'll get somewhere if you talk about the silence itself. Like "Hey man? Are you alright?", that would mostly end nowhere.
I'm probably one of the worst people out there to sense things about people, but that's just my opinion so it's kinda biased. Yet I feel there's something wrong, those moments of silence before the collapse, but... maybe this is just my mind playing a trick, hoping for disaster so I could be of any use. Or maybe not, maybe... who cares.
Maybe the problem is with me, that wouldn't be new anyway. Guess I should just stick to my business and only worry in case people came to me.
Whatever.

Fear of Angels

Dormanny.
A peninsula. In fact, a beach, one of those sandy ones you mostly see on television. It's a region close to the sea level, except for it's beginning, where there's few to no sand, and some rocks. It's a big ramp going down the farther you get from the continent.
To most, this is a blessed place. The water is of a transparent blue that has to be seen to be believed. Families come over to enjoy their stay for decades now. Take photos, swim, or just relax... just like heaven.
Until that very day. When it was actually proved that place had a relation to angels.
Around 3 p.m., a little boy pointed to the sky. His parents didn't give much attention until they looked and saw a shining spot at the blue sky. It's almost never cloudy in Dormanny.
The shining spot seemed to shine more and more. Some other people noted it, they stood there marvelled, albeit strange, it was a very beautiful apparition. A couple of minutes later it could be seen that there were actually beings coming from that spot. The children got scared, but their parents tried to get them calm and stay on the beach. Whatever it was that was coming out of the shine, it had wings.
And it wasn't only one. Still, it seemed like they were coming really slowly. The people started to argue about what was that, they did not resemble birds even though having wings. One of them was closer, and it had a human silhouette.
As time passed, the closer one seemed to gain more and more speed. One mother, desperate, yelled the people to get their children out of the water. But it was too late.
The thing came like a bullet right into a girl in the water. Her bones broke like glass. The water began to get red. The body kept afloat, with several bruises going purple by bone fracture. The children screamed and ran back to their parents, who tried to get their children together to go away.
The thing then proceeded to step into one child's head, forcing it to go underwater. The body flailed violently as he drowned. Mother's cried, powerless. Then more landed on the beach.
They had humanoid shapes. In fact, they were humans, with wings, big white wings that reflected the sun's shine. They wore white robes, emitting an aura so light and peaceful that even the best person alive would look perverse near them. But no one would feel this way there. Their heads were protected by helms made of silk, that covered most of their faces. Although some could be seen, and they looked nothing but angelical.
Some had big curvy swords and shields, others carried spears. The one stepping at the child's head though was unnarmed. Some parents came to them yelling and cursing, but they could do nothing else than get slashed or pierced. Soon, the sand was painted red. A woman running through the ramp with three kids got stabbed by a big golden spear by the back, she looked down to see the golden edge coming out of her chest, she yelled for the children to run and hide at the best place they could find. Though it wouldn't be possible. Right after that one of those things flied right in their direction, pushing them down the ramp. Right into the rocks.
The beach was turned into a deposit of severed body parts and bruised bodies. Some floating at the sea. Everybody was killed. Killed by those humans who did not give one single word, no justification for their acts, no nothing.
Everybody... everybody but me.
At the middle of the mess, I ran to the side of the ramp, taking care with the rocks. The water wasn't very deep so I stood there, near the children thrown to the rocks. I stood as motionless as I could, trying to mimic the dead kids surrounding me. Trying not to scream as my parents got slashed down. Trying to pretend it wasn't real.
And we still don't know why...