This is we, part 2

So, this day...
I don't know really why I'm writing this, well, there's mostly no reason for doing so. But we do it anyway. So let's talk about this day.
It was... good, because we were able to wake up early and actually get the feeling of being awake. Whether it was because of needing it or not is out of discussion in here. I'm mostly waking up lately and staying in bed 'til late... no more will to get up. Until this day, that is.
It was... good, because we were able to beat our record at work, 11 hours and 25 minutes, now that's something... I got to play nice games too, well, I'm not the perfect worker...
It was... bad, because I did not manage to do many of the chores I had to do.
It was... good, because I playied poker well tonight, and I got to the 2nd place, and that means profit!
It was... bad, because I feel like I can't fully enjoy the game as long as there's money involved. I keep on thinking I can not fail or else I will be at loss.
It was... good, because I kept on hearing my father and his friend speaking at the table after midnight (when the game was over). I like that, the way the dialog flowed, that is.
It was... bad, because at some time it all came down to staring at a woman in the television and saying stupid things... maybe not stupid, I've gotta, learn how to be more human in this point... but I can't stop feeling that I absolutely can't relate to those around me. I don't understand what's so amazing about staring at a model. Perhaps because I see beauty in a different way (not that I don't care about it, I care about the one that I see, which doesn't look very easy to possess).
It was... as predicted... I held my happiness back, in order to appreciate such a surpringly good surprise, but not to get actually lost in it. Planned. The rest of the day, was just as expected.
I wonder, I wonder...
There are some things I still want to write, perhaps I'll do it tomorrow, perhaps later, I won't sleep much this night...
But that's not the real wondering pain. It's about lying, am I lying? I promise to grant a wish, as long as it's under my reach, and that is quite a long reach since I'll probably just create a way of realizing the wish. In a different way of course, not as normally would be expected to happen. But I'll make it happen, in sure of that. That's good. But then, even though I got so surprised and now I reckon the writer is someone different and can be trusted, even though it looks like I can take down some of the walls I create to protect myself, I don't feel like doing it. I have promised to protect myself, as I'm the only one who will always be there for me... and allowing others to get closer may be a security breach, that has happened before with other people and got me down. I've gotta protect something, from people who I do not want to destroy nor to make disappear. Anyway, such contradictions are getting way too common inside here.
That's not good... that's not good...
But I still carry on with the wish thing. Because I gave my word.
And because I feel like it's the right thing to do. You give me something good, I give you something good.


I wanted to be a machine. They look less malfunctioning.
Or a demon. They look cool in a strange way.
An angel too. They can protect people.
Or a ghost. They do not deal with humans.
Or the sum of all these. Because then I could choose which depending on occasion...
But I'm... this...


I wonder, I wonder... I guess I need to walk by the lake a bit more.