Need

I'm again at the rain. Though not physically. I've refused to make further progress, that's a fact. I still remember the music that playied at that girl's place. It was so calm, now and then it tries to pave it's way inside my mind. Now it competes with the sound of the rain falling, but I'm happy with this.
Another cycle ending. This one... well it doesn't really matter does it? Maybe it's not so good to wonder about the day that has ended, we should just go ahead. But I have to admit I don't want to go ahead. For now all I want is someone to talk to during this rain. Preferably under the rain, gotta work on that, we have to find a place where it's safe to talk under the rain. It's good, it's calm.
Every human has it's ways into being self-sufficient right? I need to find a way into creating calmness for myself. Or maybe I don't have to, that would be just another worry I'd be throwing at myself.
A tree branch has just fallen, nearby, I believe. It's an interesting sound. Looks so noisy yet so silent at the middle of the night. I need to do something.
Family is back at home, the first moments weren't much what one would expect, I really felt like I was better before. But if there is people I need to learn to deal with, these are at the top of the list. I just feel like I'm not like them, because, well, I don't really see this urge to interact, I prefer to stay at my place, we just do the common things and that's about it. But lately I've been getting really upset at them for ridiculous reasons. Well, it's mainly one reason, I don't like to be bothered when I'm thinking in my own little world. And recently, I've been inside it a lot. I don't know, I don't miss them most of the times they are away, and they say they miss me, I wonder, how? How do they do that? I really need to worry less about things, so I'm not going to say I need to learn how to miss them, perhaps this is just my nature, being okay in being most of the time by myself. That doesn't make me a bad person right? Okay, that was just a random question, I'm not gonna start worrying about it.
But it really seems like I've came with some kind of defect. It really does. Or perhaps that's an advantage. Who knows.
Maybe I should just talk about what I think, show 'em who I really am. It's funny because most of the times I think about doing this I have these images in my head. Not very positive images, I must say. ''Hey guys, this is me, I don't really miss you and such, and sometimes I feel like I'm better alone, but hey, you're cool''. But the mere thought of not saying these things because that would somehow hurt them is already a sign that I'm not a cold wall toward them. So, yeah, it could be worse.
I could sleep in here, if that was possible. Well, it is possible, but that would be truly not good.
I wish it was easier to get the car and just go around, enjoy this fine rainy night we are having. That would be awesome.
Thinking about it, it's somewhat of a contradiction, all of a this. I don't like people, still I feel like needing them. Well, somewhat like that, I'm not really caring about the full meaning of what's being written, perhaps it's the time. Or perhaps I'm just tired for some reason. What do I really want...
I would like a milkshake now. I feel like my body is getting used to this discomfort, amazing isn't it? So now I'm torn upon two main wishes. And going for one slays the other. Guess I'll take the easier path and watch both die. Is there any one awake right now thinking about these things? I know it possible, we have so much people right. But I feel like it's impossible, who cares.
I didn't want to sleep, but it seems like the only way out.