Light and Darkness, part 1

It seems like once again I can't sleep. These stupid thoughts can't get out of my head, I don't like them. I want my calm cold world back. I want it back.
I must not fear because fear is the destroyer of minds. It is right? I see this figure in front of me, it says it is, it tries to guide me. But I don't know if I can trust in what I created. What is it that calls me when I'm most fragile?
I give a thousand names to all these characters but in the end it's all between me and myself. I don't want to try again. Because I'm a coward, I guess that is why. It won't be long before all structures crumble down. I can't hold it and neither can you, at least while I'm around. So it's better to never create it.
This ain't the real thing yet, I just felt like throwing these things away before starting. The only way to face fear is to admit it.
Why does my head shows me these things? I can see how everything seems to end and it's always a bleak ending. Existance seems meaningless to the point I feel like risking it all in order to give an end to it. I want it to go away, and then we won't have to rehash it over and over.
I was told once that becoming what fears them is the key to never fearing anything anymore. And I gave my best efforts into it, though I failed, but I need you to see this in order to understand what may come next, some things should have never seen the light of day.
I can't deceive the light that comes to shine in a land where the silent night has taken over, even though I fear what it can do, even though I shall respond to fear with a towering hammer that aims to annihilate all that tries to change the way things are. I fear but at the same time I'm interested, I'm curious about it, I need to see what is this light, why does it shine so beautifully, why isn't it afraid of all the terrors that wander in these lands.
Then I end doing nothing but admiring it, I'm not coming close to it, I won't taint it. And at the same time I think it would be better for it to go away, I wish it stays. Because being in here makes it even more bright, and it gives hope to all these beings that hate being blind by it's shine.
Those who already managed to look at it without frowning or hurting their eyes now wait for something miraculous to happen. But it won't, and the powers that be will do everything to protect their minions. Perhaps it was better to remain in darkness.
Perhaps...