Hehehe...
Huh...?
HEE HEE... I know what you did...
Stop giggling like a retard.
Your insults only mean that you know you're guilty...
Guilty?
Yes... but I'm not going to tell him, that is, if you do me a few favors...
Haha, get real.
Don't play the fearless hero now, we all know you're screwed...
You're predictable too.
...What do you mean?
I knew you would come up with this shit. Always smiling in the darkness, trying to see where others may mistake so you can use it against them. But you aren't willing to try something, because you're too afraid of making your own mistakes.
The hell...?
Your sudden change of expression delights me.
Stupid scum, you're dead.
Oh.
DEAD!
...
...
We all are.
So, it took me a little bit longer than what I expected to come up with the rest of your request. I had some unexpected visits, all those creatures that roam around, you are somewhat familiar to the idea I presume. So... well, let's get something to eat, there ain't going to be any story-telling if we both are starving. Sorry for all the trouble, but I warned you about coming here...
I hope you like shrimps and lasagna, that's what we have since... a long time.
...
So... the story. Let's see... look into my eyes once again, and try to keep the good will you've had until now...
"Once upon a time, there was a cat named Cly, he was different, he could fly. But he never did it, he didn't want other to see it. Poor, poor Cly, a cat living a lie..."
—Hm... that's not working...
—But boss, I don't what else to do... that was the last story book.
—It's just bad...
—It doesn't work, I don't know what else can we do to get you some sleep...
Oh, forgive my rude manners, I've forgotten to introduce you accordingly. That's the story of a weird boy, his whole life is weird as you can notice later.
He lives with his fellow comrades in a spaceship, travelling through the skies of this little troubled planet of ours. You might ask why is he living up there when there's so much beauty to see down here, well, all the answers shall come within due time. And if they don't, you can just ask, my child...
Well, our boy in the skies has a serious disease. He cannot live down here, because doing so would end in his death. There's something in his body that drives him to some kind of allergic overreaction to human contact. The reason of such a rare disease is unknown, all we know is that he cannot come close to anyone else for longer than a few minutes.
It probably began when we he was born, during his childhood he always had some signs of it. Strange reactions when close to some people. As time past by, the symptons aggravated. At some point, his body started to overreact at the presence of pretty much everyone else, even those that he liked. If there was some kind of trigger to it, it's unknown to him.
—Defective by design...
That's how he defines himself. That disease drove him into getting that spaceship, which is the topic for another story. As is the creation of those living with him in that ship.
"Creation?", that's what you may have thought. Well, yes, creation. They aren't human, as you would presume, since that would result in death also. For now, I hope you can be satisfied with something as brief as "he found some kind of artifact that allowed him to create things out of his hatred". That's the topic of even another story.
Oh, "hatred?" you seem to ask with these shiny eyes of yours. Well, let's just say that he didn't accept his disease so easily. It's hard to see such a barrier between you and a... normal life, or at least healthy. He hated himself for being different in such a bad way. As if it was somehow his fault for being... what he was.
It took a long time with all those bad thoughts dancing through his mind, for him to realize it wasn't his fault. But then, hatred had already pierced into the deepest of his soul. He turned his target into other people. Perhaps it was their fault. And slowly he created arguments in his head to defend that idea.
So, the creatures. They were created by his hatred, although they aren't gross or scary-looking. They have many forms, some are big, some are small, some are horned, some are shaggy. They try to fulfill all of his wishes. At the moment you came here, one of them tried to read him a story, so as to make him sleep. Yes, he also has problems with sleeping. It's still hard to lay in bed and close the eyes without feeling all those bad emotions. There ain't much to comfort him.
Oh, that's a good question. He can't create a cure for his disease for the artifact can only create things that he has seen. That means, all these creatures, and the fuel for the spaceship. Of course, he hasn't seen only these in his life, sometimes he creates food or some furniture, sometimes movies and books. The cure has to come someway else.
And, he hopes to find it. Sometimes he lands down here. In places where his researches indicate that there can be something to cure him, perhaps a plant or an animal. It's like searching for the light switch in a dark room, with the information that there's a switch somewhere in the walls.
So, I presume you're already familiar enough with the situation. Our boy there is introduced, and we can start with the story of the day his finest landing.
Finest describes it ironically, since he was already tired of not sleeping, and the spaceship faced the sandy ground with great speed. The impact caused severe damages. Some of the crew got injured also. That only made him more impatient...
—Amazing, just amazing... damage report.
—Aye sir, we have... hm... engines damaged and some cracks in the structure throughout the ship...
—Great, what now?
—I would recommend that we didn't depart now. It's easier to repair while we are stopped.
The boy's face was something between anger and downright frustration.
—I'll go and explore the area as planned.
—I don't know if that's recommended, we are going to use all the crew to repair the damages as soon as possible sir.
—Recommended?
He turned to the creature, which looked down as if it had done something to be ashamed of.
—We all... know or your situation... sir...
—You mean, my disease? Don't worry, we mostly don't find humans where we land, thus, dying now doesn't look like as bad as keeping this stupid quest going.
The creature kept on facing the ground, as something trully life changing lied right in front of it. The boy turned away and walked firmly, almost marching.
In his path, a lot of creatures appeared, some running desperatly with tools in their hands, others slowly walking their fellows to somewhere they could be treated. All seemed to avoid looking directly at his eyes, as if that alone could petrify 'em.
After walking a couple of minutes, he came to a huge steel door, it had some dents caused by the impact. He wondered whether it could be damaged to the point of not opening.
"That would be just perfect..."
Lately he had been quite lost in such bad emotions, and curiously, that angered him even more.
"Perhaps..."
He touched the red switch at the side of the door.
"...just perhaps..."
A broken display turned on above the switch, squares numbered from one to ten behind the shattered glass,
"...I can end this today."
He touched the screen choosing the numbers one, two...
"Dying, would be better?"
Zero, eight...
"No... not yet. Losing is a part of the game..."
One, nine...
"...giving up, isn't."
Eight, nine.
"It's all a game anyway."
The door make a hissing noise while opening. It wasn't so damaged after all. He remembered his father telling him to face life as a game, doing so could make things easier.
The environment out there wasn't as hostile as he thought it would be. It wasn't as hot as such a deserted place should be, although there was a lot of sand flying around because of the wind blowing continuously.
"Oh, the butterfly... that was it."
That thought brought him back to his mission. They had researched about a rare species of butterfly that lived in those lands. Literature had reports of it producing some kind of powder from it's belly, that was used to cure an innumerable amount of allergies.
He didn't have much hope in it working anyway, but, he had to try. He tried to escape from thoughts such as "if it works, we can go back to a normal life?" or "can I still live with other humans normally? Am I still able to relate to them?". He had to focus. This was the second time he looked for something small in a hostile environment. The first one took him around twenty hours searching...
But this time, he had completely forgotten to mark his wake. Being lost in thoughts can be quite troublesome, that's why sleeping is important my child. But let's move on.
The boy had been walking for ten hours by now. He didn't care much about being lost, he would deal with it as soon as he found what he was looking for.
"It's going to get dark in a couple of hours... damn."
It wasn't too hot, though. Just a weird desert with some brick roads covered by sand here and there. A few trees (all without their leaves) appearing sporadically.
"Weird place. Very weird..."
Another hour went by. He would feel tired already, wasn't he focused in finding that little flying creature at all costs.
Which, out of thin air, started to show its wings. It was just as the little insect had been invisible in the air all the time. Those vivid wings swinging through the air. So close to him...
"Found ya!"
He ran to it, preparing the glass container for the capture. Strangely, it didn't offer much resistance, as if it wanted to be caught.
"Finally..."
He didn't care much about the easiness of it. He had done it after all, right? He turned back to return to the spaceship, his eyes closing a bit, cheerfully.
—You found it!
He opened his eyes quickly. Right in front of him, was a girl. In order to avoid contact, and also out of pure fright, he fell back. The container bouncing in the brick road.
—W-what happened?!
He could hear her, but he couldn't speak. His mouth was open but there was no sound coming out. His hands struggled to get the container back, his mind deciding whether he would fight her or run away. Those shiny eyes staring at him, with a weird mix of curiosity and happiness. She seemed surprised with his reaction, but there was something in the way she stared at him, and in the way she spoke quickly yet tenderly. Something that made him decide into simply running away.
—Wha...?! Wait!
He made a good distance between them, running as fast as he could toward... anywhere. Finding the spaceship wasn't the top priority now, surviving was. She followed him, her face now showing worry above all else. He felt tired, his body wasn't prepared for that, not after a night awake and so many hours walking in the sands. Yet, he couldn't stop.
But she was coming close.
"I can't stop, I can't stop, I CAN'T STOP..."
He repeated that thought in his head, afraid of the whole situation. His mind ferociously showing him images of the times his body overreacted. The pain...
The pain...
—Got ya!
"Sh..."
She jumped at his back. Both hitting the sandy ground clumsily. He turned around and pushed her away, she rolled in the sand.
—Listen...
—Hey!
—Listen! Why are you following me?!
His words were coming irregularly, he hated to pant, specially on such dangerous situations.
—What...? Hey, you got my butterfly, so I wanted to thank you, that's all!
—Your butterfly?
—Yep! I've been looking for it for days! It's the prettiest around here.
—So, it's not yours. I've been looking for it too, and I've catched it, so it's mine now...
—Why were you looking for it? You don't seem to be from these lands.
—It's none of your business, now please, get away from me!
She came closer, he felt the urge to get up and run again, but his body just didn't respond.
—Why?
—Listen, I have a problem, I can't get more than ten meters close to another human, without having my allergy triggering. So please, I don't wanna hurt you, just, get, away!
She looked at him, dazzled. He wondered what was she thinking. He wondered if that wasn't just a bad dream...
She grabbed his arm.
—W-w-what?! DON'T DO THIS!
—I don't believe you!
—YOU'RE GONNA KILL ME! LET ME GO!
He moved his arm frantically, but she just seemed to hold tighter. When he thought he had gotten free, she used both hands.
—You're not dying!
—MY ALLERGY!
—What?!
—MY EYES ARE GOING SORE SOON, MY SKIN WILL GET FULL OF ITCHES, JUST STOP!
—You stop telling me to stop!
He gave up on flailing. His voice showing despair, she swore he would start crying any soon.
—Why...?! Just let me go...
—Don't say it.
Her voice was still kind, but he couldn't notice it.
—Shit.
—You're not looking that bad.
He closed his eyes and remained in silence.
"Any soon from now..."
—Hey...
She put her hand at his cheek.
—Hey!
Just silence...
—Hey wacko! There's nothing happening to your skin!
More silence.
—Hey!
She seemed a bit sad.
—If you're listening to me, open your eyes, I... I promise to let go off your arm if there's any sign of those things you said. Please? I'll run away as fast as I can, promise!
He opened his eyes in a surprised look.
—How long has it been?!
—What do you mean?
She seemed scared.
—Since you started trying to kill me.
A sudden change to an annoyed face.
—I didn't! — she looked at the watch in her left arm. — I guess... five minutes?
—FIVE MINUTES?!
Back to the scared look.
—Y-yes, I guess so...
It was just as if his head blasted. A billion thoughts disorganized racing in an attempt to prove they were more deserving of coming to mind. Never had he been so close to another human without... coming close to death. A lot of minutes without suffering. Was that the powder effect? How the hell did it work if he barely touched it? Was it the sand? Was he cured out of the blue, after all this time avoiding contact? Was it... because of her?
—Hm... it's getting dark... — she said, looking at the sky.
He was just too lost in the maelstrom that formed inside his head.
—Don't keep so silent, say something!
She looked at him annoyed again.
His hand touched her face. She blushed a bit.
They stood there for quite a while, looking at each other, lost in their surprises. I fail to remember more about this story child. Perhaps, you can continue it if it's of your interest.
Was that enough of a story? I reckon it got a bit long and perhaps too slow at times. I ain't much of a storyteller when I'm requested to tell one. I mostly come up with one randomly while lying to people. Perhaps that's not what you were expecting, but at least I tried, since you've gotten this far.
It's getting late again, past 5 a.m., I hope you can cope with waiting so much. But it's easier to escape from them during these wee hours.
Oh, and please, don't say that I'm lovely again. Even though I'm aware I might be, it irritates me. Was I able to be downright evil at people, I wouldn't have gotten to this place. Things would be better...
It's a bit frustrating. The idea of being good and going down because of it. And not being able to change this, at least not as quickly as I wished to.
Well, I complain a lot. You're probably battling against sleep. Come, you've gotta hide again.
And I hope you sleep well. And when you wake up, rest assured that I'll be alright. And whenever possible, tell me whether that can be considered as a wish fulfilled. If not, I'll wait until you come up with a task for me. Good night.
domingo, 31 de julho de 2011
At thy request, part 1
If I remember correctly, I've told you to get rid of her.
And if I remember correctly, you've given her a challenge, and she succeded!
Just as others have already surprised you at first. She was supposed to get away with it, but she decided to insist, just to fool you, and you're already falling for it.
No, I'm not. She didn't just, pass your test, she blew it away.
You're FALLING, AGAIN. Just fucking get her out of here, don't even need to kill her.
I'm not doing it. You know the rules.
Do not use MY rules against me, they were created to protect you to begin with.
Can't you just...
Give her the benefit of the doubt?! Fine! Do it again, naive boy, and when she fails, you'll come here crying like a baby.
It could be easier if you cooperated...
I am cooperating by not tearing you in half right now.
Great.
I'm serious boy, make her disappear. She is already giving you orders, don't let her take you down.
She ain't giving me orders. If you're angry at the story, remember that we agreed in the retribution thing. They help us, we help them, they are kind, we are kind.
Just make her disappear.
...
Or I'll do it.
Ahem, I know it's late at night, well, it's almost morning. Almost 6 a.m. huh?
But it's safer this time, he won't see you. Don't worry, it's all in the plan. I'm giving you a chance, it's another instance of one of my many contradictions. I should be getting rid of you right now, but maybe, just maybe, the rules are wrong this time. That's the problem, I'm always too good to people when I shouldn't be. But I haven't brought you here to make you obtain my rants about life.
You wanted a dream, right? Well, I didn't have a good dream the day you've said those words, I barely slept in fact. So, I'll be giving you the dream I've had this last night. Well, what I remember of it...
I was in Curitiba, not the first dream I have about that place. There was a big hotel, I don't quite remember what happened in the hotel, I just know that it was quite dark in there, and the receptionist didn't quite like me, nor my friends. About the darkness, it's a constant, not a problem. At some point, I saw my friends at the reception and we agreed in going somewhere. We got out of the reception hall and ran all the way through the stairs. It was me and 2 friends, we entered my room, and talked a bit, over the bed. I feel like we simply jumped through the window and fell at the street. Not sure if that was what really happened. Our floor wasn't close to the ground by any standard, but it was a dream anyway. What followed next was a ludicrous race toward the japanese plaza. And if I'm not mistaken there were people after us (well, that's reasonable right?).
We got to a lake, and got desperate since we had nowhere else to run to. So at some point the girl with me said we should get to the other margin, and we reacted saying that it was easy to talk, but we couldn't swim all that much. To what she replied giving us boats. But we didn't get much far from the margin anyway, and we somehow felt that we weren't able to get to the other margin, since we did not have at least one oar. But she said we had to do it or else... well something bad would happen.
And, miraculously, we just used our hands to oar to the other margin. We then walked a lot, and we were simply lost, and couldn't get back. Still, we felt that we were near the japanese plaza somehow. So, we resorted to the bus, which in the dream was more like a subway on the streets. So, there we were, relaxed.
Until a woman came to get the tickets, and oh well, we didn't have then. We tried to "run calmly" in order to get away without driving too much attention on ourselves. Worked a bit, and the bus was almost stopping. When it stopped, she found us and asked about the tickets.
I said we didn't have them, we just got the bus to help a bit on our walk and we were sorry. Of course, we rammed to the exit door while giving such excuses. The girl got left behind since she didn't know what to do on that situation. So me and my only friend left walked through some plant filled plaza. Which at first we thought that was our desired place, but it wasn't, didn't have any temple. I remember seeing a dark stone church, a weird sight if you ask me. There was also a pub nearby, looked fun. We walked a bit, as lost as ever, until the girl found us, and after that I don't remember much.
Now, I believe you won't be any satisfied with this dream report. For it neither bore much information, nor was it sweet. Let me explain, about the information part, unhappily, that's true, that's all I can remember...
But, about the sweetness of it. It wasn't sweet not even for my standards, BUT, I enjoyed it. A lot. Just like the other dream about that city, there was that feeling of being in a weird and somewhat hostile place. Somehow I feel good with it, I like. Because it's something I have the weapons to fight back, not like those dreams in which you find yourself powerless with not much than minutes to live. There's the adrenaline of being in danger, there's... I don't know, but I like it. Even if the sky is always dark, well, even indoors it's dark, doesn't matter how many lamps you got. That's how it works in my head...
So, that was it about the dream, I've slept good this night, and I've slept a lot also.
Now... I reckon I owe you a story. Let's see. I could tell you the story about the porcupine and butterfly fairy, but that looks like cheating since I didn't make that one up.
Let's see... just look at my eyes and try to see what I see...
Oh no, the sun is coming. We gotta retreat, you need to hide!
Are you up to the challenge of playing the same game I play? Do not care to understand the rules, just play it as I do, and you'll be fine...
And if I remember correctly, you've given her a challenge, and she succeded!
Just as others have already surprised you at first. She was supposed to get away with it, but she decided to insist, just to fool you, and you're already falling for it.
No, I'm not. She didn't just, pass your test, she blew it away.
You're FALLING, AGAIN. Just fucking get her out of here, don't even need to kill her.
I'm not doing it. You know the rules.
Do not use MY rules against me, they were created to protect you to begin with.
Can't you just...
Give her the benefit of the doubt?! Fine! Do it again, naive boy, and when she fails, you'll come here crying like a baby.
It could be easier if you cooperated...
I am cooperating by not tearing you in half right now.
Great.
I'm serious boy, make her disappear. She is already giving you orders, don't let her take you down.
She ain't giving me orders. If you're angry at the story, remember that we agreed in the retribution thing. They help us, we help them, they are kind, we are kind.
Just make her disappear.
...
Or I'll do it.
Ahem, I know it's late at night, well, it's almost morning. Almost 6 a.m. huh?
But it's safer this time, he won't see you. Don't worry, it's all in the plan. I'm giving you a chance, it's another instance of one of my many contradictions. I should be getting rid of you right now, but maybe, just maybe, the rules are wrong this time. That's the problem, I'm always too good to people when I shouldn't be. But I haven't brought you here to make you obtain my rants about life.
You wanted a dream, right? Well, I didn't have a good dream the day you've said those words, I barely slept in fact. So, I'll be giving you the dream I've had this last night. Well, what I remember of it...
I was in Curitiba, not the first dream I have about that place. There was a big hotel, I don't quite remember what happened in the hotel, I just know that it was quite dark in there, and the receptionist didn't quite like me, nor my friends. About the darkness, it's a constant, not a problem. At some point, I saw my friends at the reception and we agreed in going somewhere. We got out of the reception hall and ran all the way through the stairs. It was me and 2 friends, we entered my room, and talked a bit, over the bed. I feel like we simply jumped through the window and fell at the street. Not sure if that was what really happened. Our floor wasn't close to the ground by any standard, but it was a dream anyway. What followed next was a ludicrous race toward the japanese plaza. And if I'm not mistaken there were people after us (well, that's reasonable right?).
We got to a lake, and got desperate since we had nowhere else to run to. So at some point the girl with me said we should get to the other margin, and we reacted saying that it was easy to talk, but we couldn't swim all that much. To what she replied giving us boats. But we didn't get much far from the margin anyway, and we somehow felt that we weren't able to get to the other margin, since we did not have at least one oar. But she said we had to do it or else... well something bad would happen.
And, miraculously, we just used our hands to oar to the other margin. We then walked a lot, and we were simply lost, and couldn't get back. Still, we felt that we were near the japanese plaza somehow. So, we resorted to the bus, which in the dream was more like a subway on the streets. So, there we were, relaxed.
Until a woman came to get the tickets, and oh well, we didn't have then. We tried to "run calmly" in order to get away without driving too much attention on ourselves. Worked a bit, and the bus was almost stopping. When it stopped, she found us and asked about the tickets.
I said we didn't have them, we just got the bus to help a bit on our walk and we were sorry. Of course, we rammed to the exit door while giving such excuses. The girl got left behind since she didn't know what to do on that situation. So me and my only friend left walked through some plant filled plaza. Which at first we thought that was our desired place, but it wasn't, didn't have any temple. I remember seeing a dark stone church, a weird sight if you ask me. There was also a pub nearby, looked fun. We walked a bit, as lost as ever, until the girl found us, and after that I don't remember much.
Now, I believe you won't be any satisfied with this dream report. For it neither bore much information, nor was it sweet. Let me explain, about the information part, unhappily, that's true, that's all I can remember...
But, about the sweetness of it. It wasn't sweet not even for my standards, BUT, I enjoyed it. A lot. Just like the other dream about that city, there was that feeling of being in a weird and somewhat hostile place. Somehow I feel good with it, I like. Because it's something I have the weapons to fight back, not like those dreams in which you find yourself powerless with not much than minutes to live. There's the adrenaline of being in danger, there's... I don't know, but I like it. Even if the sky is always dark, well, even indoors it's dark, doesn't matter how many lamps you got. That's how it works in my head...
So, that was it about the dream, I've slept good this night, and I've slept a lot also.
Now... I reckon I owe you a story. Let's see. I could tell you the story about the porcupine and butterfly fairy, but that looks like cheating since I didn't make that one up.
Let's see... just look at my eyes and try to see what I see...
Oh no, the sun is coming. We gotta retreat, you need to hide!
Are you up to the challenge of playing the same game I play? Do not care to understand the rules, just play it as I do, and you'll be fine...
sábado, 30 de julho de 2011
At last... some sleep
I am, tired.
But, I've managed to fulfill my duties. "Heroic effort'' all the way...
I've thought about many things today. Most of which are kinda sad and shall come back again later, or sooner, it doesn't matter. But I kinda liked the party tonight, it looked, like the places I didn't feel at home at all, but it was nice and it didn't feel so awkward, like being stranded.
I am made of weird sensations I suppose, like getting adrenaline out of the blue, and going through pure despair out of thin air. But it's not all so sudden and random, there's something deep inside. I'm sure of it.
One thought that I liked today, was that there are people trying to make me summon my hatred, let it free and wreak havoc. They aren't going to use my most powerful triumph for their evil deeds. I shall use it, however I want to use it. They try to piss me off, I know it.
And there's the good people. Well, it's a bit of a contradiction, good people... but, I refer to those who, unconditionally seem to like to talk to me. I always hated the way some people liked me, especially my family. I can't give anything in return, it is not reciprocal. Not that I hate them, they are cool and all but, I just can't show that much... toward them, I DON'T feel it.
These are not new thoughts anyway, I've always felt bad for not feeling in the past, but it's not my fault. It took some time to realize it. But, strangely enough, I like the company of a few special people. Is it too weird? I dunno.
Well, I like company. It's good to have people along, those few special...
That was one of the factors that created this wish of getting my friends together, lighting some bonfire and just staying near it, chatting all night. While I slept somewhere near. Company.
That's what I want for now, it doesn't matter if it's to make me sleep, or to play games, or to watch movies, or walking somewhere, I just wanted company.
For now, that's it, can you join me, whatever you are?
I'm not going to give excuses, all I can say is that your story is in the making. And a dream report, as soon as I dream (probably this night).
But, I've managed to fulfill my duties. "Heroic effort'' all the way...
I've thought about many things today. Most of which are kinda sad and shall come back again later, or sooner, it doesn't matter. But I kinda liked the party tonight, it looked, like the places I didn't feel at home at all, but it was nice and it didn't feel so awkward, like being stranded.
I am made of weird sensations I suppose, like getting adrenaline out of the blue, and going through pure despair out of thin air. But it's not all so sudden and random, there's something deep inside. I'm sure of it.
One thought that I liked today, was that there are people trying to make me summon my hatred, let it free and wreak havoc. They aren't going to use my most powerful triumph for their evil deeds. I shall use it, however I want to use it. They try to piss me off, I know it.
And there's the good people. Well, it's a bit of a contradiction, good people... but, I refer to those who, unconditionally seem to like to talk to me. I always hated the way some people liked me, especially my family. I can't give anything in return, it is not reciprocal. Not that I hate them, they are cool and all but, I just can't show that much... toward them, I DON'T feel it.
These are not new thoughts anyway, I've always felt bad for not feeling in the past, but it's not my fault. It took some time to realize it. But, strangely enough, I like the company of a few special people. Is it too weird? I dunno.
Well, I like company. It's good to have people along, those few special...
That was one of the factors that created this wish of getting my friends together, lighting some bonfire and just staying near it, chatting all night. While I slept somewhere near. Company.
That's what I want for now, it doesn't matter if it's to make me sleep, or to play games, or to watch movies, or walking somewhere, I just wanted company.
For now, that's it, can you join me, whatever you are?
I'm not going to give excuses, all I can say is that your story is in the making. And a dream report, as soon as I dream (probably this night).
sexta-feira, 29 de julho de 2011
Against sleeping
Getting cold in here.
We should light that fireplace and get some sleep.
Yeah, we should.
You look troubled.
...Hm?
I feel you are a bit worried, well, you haven't smiled much lately, and you've been... 15% more quiet!
Haha, 15%?
Yeah, that's how much I have noticed it!
I see...
So, you don't want to speak?
Oh, it's nothing.
Ah... ok... but, you can speak if you want, well, if you feel like speaking, you know? I'll hear.
Don't care about this, it's ok.
I just wanted to assure you of that...
...But you know, I'm really having fun lately!
...What?
I liked these last days, even though it's getting cold out there and we are at danger most of the time and all that stuff. It's been a load of fun to me, so, if you were worried about me, don't worry, I wanted to be here!
Did you?
Sure! Because...
...
...
Hm?
Because we've been together most of the time lately...
I don't want to sleep...................
Is it too much to ask to have a different day tomorrow? Different in a good way, this has to be clear.
We should light that fireplace and get some sleep.
Yeah, we should.
You look troubled.
...Hm?
I feel you are a bit worried, well, you haven't smiled much lately, and you've been... 15% more quiet!
Haha, 15%?
Yeah, that's how much I have noticed it!
I see...
So, you don't want to speak?
Oh, it's nothing.
Ah... ok... but, you can speak if you want, well, if you feel like speaking, you know? I'll hear.
Don't care about this, it's ok.
I just wanted to assure you of that...
...But you know, I'm really having fun lately!
...What?
I liked these last days, even though it's getting cold out there and we are at danger most of the time and all that stuff. It's been a load of fun to me, so, if you were worried about me, don't worry, I wanted to be here!
Did you?
Sure! Because...
...
...
Hm?
Because we've been together most of the time lately...
I don't want to sleep...................
Is it too much to ask to have a different day tomorrow? Different in a good way, this has to be clear.
quinta-feira, 28 de julho de 2011
Wondering
Do you know what does heroic mean?
Well, aside from "being related to a hero". That would be the obvious stuff, the better stuff to assume as truth I suppose. That's a random topic but now that we have gotten here, we can't just go back.
I remember, well, I don't really remember at which point in the past have I started using the expression "heroic effort". I use it mostly to define moments in which you have to give all you got in order to achieve something (that may be unachievable, the odds are it's all going to be a vain attempt). Those moments in which most would just give up, after all, it's not going to be the end of the world if they give up, they can try again later or whatever.
But we created this... "status". While you're at the "heroic effort", it IS the end of the world. You ARE going to fight your guts out, even if it was actually not necessary, because you can not accept failure. And the worst form of failure is giving up. Even if all the odds stack against you, and there is absolutely no need for trying this very time, nor any motivation that can propel you. Other than your own lunacy, that is.
Hm, guess it's bad. Makes you use a fucking nuclear warhead in order to kill an ant.
Wonder why I spend so much effort on some things.
Well, aside from "being related to a hero". That would be the obvious stuff, the better stuff to assume as truth I suppose. That's a random topic but now that we have gotten here, we can't just go back.
I remember, well, I don't really remember at which point in the past have I started using the expression "heroic effort". I use it mostly to define moments in which you have to give all you got in order to achieve something (that may be unachievable, the odds are it's all going to be a vain attempt). Those moments in which most would just give up, after all, it's not going to be the end of the world if they give up, they can try again later or whatever.
But we created this... "status". While you're at the "heroic effort", it IS the end of the world. You ARE going to fight your guts out, even if it was actually not necessary, because you can not accept failure. And the worst form of failure is giving up. Even if all the odds stack against you, and there is absolutely no need for trying this very time, nor any motivation that can propel you. Other than your own lunacy, that is.
Hm, guess it's bad. Makes you use a fucking nuclear warhead in order to kill an ant.
Wonder why I spend so much effort on some things.
This is we, part 2
So, this day...
I don't know really why I'm writing this, well, there's mostly no reason for doing so. But we do it anyway. So let's talk about this day.
It was... good, because we were able to wake up early and actually get the feeling of being awake. Whether it was because of needing it or not is out of discussion in here. I'm mostly waking up lately and staying in bed 'til late... no more will to get up. Until this day, that is.
It was... good, because we were able to beat our record at work, 11 hours and 25 minutes, now that's something... I got to play nice games too, well, I'm not the perfect worker...
It was... bad, because I did not manage to do many of the chores I had to do.
It was... good, because I playied poker well tonight, and I got to the 2nd place, and that means profit!
It was... bad, because I feel like I can't fully enjoy the game as long as there's money involved. I keep on thinking I can not fail or else I will be at loss.
It was... good, because I kept on hearing my father and his friend speaking at the table after midnight (when the game was over). I like that, the way the dialog flowed, that is.
It was... bad, because at some time it all came down to staring at a woman in the television and saying stupid things... maybe not stupid, I've gotta, learn how to be more human in this point... but I can't stop feeling that I absolutely can't relate to those around me. I don't understand what's so amazing about staring at a model. Perhaps because I see beauty in a different way (not that I don't care about it, I care about the one that I see, which doesn't look very easy to possess).
It was... as predicted... I held my happiness back, in order to appreciate such a surpringly good surprise, but not to get actually lost in it. Planned. The rest of the day, was just as expected.
I wonder, I wonder...
There are some things I still want to write, perhaps I'll do it tomorrow, perhaps later, I won't sleep much this night...
But that's not the real wondering pain. It's about lying, am I lying? I promise to grant a wish, as long as it's under my reach, and that is quite a long reach since I'll probably just create a way of realizing the wish. In a different way of course, not as normally would be expected to happen. But I'll make it happen, in sure of that. That's good. But then, even though I got so surprised and now I reckon the writer is someone different and can be trusted, even though it looks like I can take down some of the walls I create to protect myself, I don't feel like doing it. I have promised to protect myself, as I'm the only one who will always be there for me... and allowing others to get closer may be a security breach, that has happened before with other people and got me down. I've gotta protect something, from people who I do not want to destroy nor to make disappear. Anyway, such contradictions are getting way too common inside here.
That's not good... that's not good...
But I still carry on with the wish thing. Because I gave my word.
And because I feel like it's the right thing to do. You give me something good, I give you something good.
I wanted to be a machine. They look less malfunctioning.
Or a demon. They look cool in a strange way.
An angel too. They can protect people.
Or a ghost. They do not deal with humans.
Or the sum of all these. Because then I could choose which depending on occasion...
But I'm... this...
I wonder, I wonder... I guess I need to walk by the lake a bit more.
I don't know really why I'm writing this, well, there's mostly no reason for doing so. But we do it anyway. So let's talk about this day.
It was... good, because we were able to wake up early and actually get the feeling of being awake. Whether it was because of needing it or not is out of discussion in here. I'm mostly waking up lately and staying in bed 'til late... no more will to get up. Until this day, that is.
It was... good, because we were able to beat our record at work, 11 hours and 25 minutes, now that's something... I got to play nice games too, well, I'm not the perfect worker...
It was... bad, because I did not manage to do many of the chores I had to do.
It was... good, because I playied poker well tonight, and I got to the 2nd place, and that means profit!
It was... bad, because I feel like I can't fully enjoy the game as long as there's money involved. I keep on thinking I can not fail or else I will be at loss.
It was... good, because I kept on hearing my father and his friend speaking at the table after midnight (when the game was over). I like that, the way the dialog flowed, that is.
It was... bad, because at some time it all came down to staring at a woman in the television and saying stupid things... maybe not stupid, I've gotta, learn how to be more human in this point... but I can't stop feeling that I absolutely can't relate to those around me. I don't understand what's so amazing about staring at a model. Perhaps because I see beauty in a different way (not that I don't care about it, I care about the one that I see, which doesn't look very easy to possess).
It was... as predicted... I held my happiness back, in order to appreciate such a surpringly good surprise, but not to get actually lost in it. Planned. The rest of the day, was just as expected.
I wonder, I wonder...
There are some things I still want to write, perhaps I'll do it tomorrow, perhaps later, I won't sleep much this night...
But that's not the real wondering pain. It's about lying, am I lying? I promise to grant a wish, as long as it's under my reach, and that is quite a long reach since I'll probably just create a way of realizing the wish. In a different way of course, not as normally would be expected to happen. But I'll make it happen, in sure of that. That's good. But then, even though I got so surprised and now I reckon the writer is someone different and can be trusted, even though it looks like I can take down some of the walls I create to protect myself, I don't feel like doing it. I have promised to protect myself, as I'm the only one who will always be there for me... and allowing others to get closer may be a security breach, that has happened before with other people and got me down. I've gotta protect something, from people who I do not want to destroy nor to make disappear. Anyway, such contradictions are getting way too common inside here.
That's not good... that's not good...
But I still carry on with the wish thing. Because I gave my word.
And because I feel like it's the right thing to do. You give me something good, I give you something good.
I wanted to be a machine. They look less malfunctioning.
Or a demon. They look cool in a strange way.
An angel too. They can protect people.
Or a ghost. They do not deal with humans.
Or the sum of all these. Because then I could choose which depending on occasion...
But I'm... this...
I wonder, I wonder... I guess I need to walk by the lake a bit more.
terça-feira, 26 de julho de 2011
This is we
Looks like we're heading to victory this time sir!
Be wary of such thoughts soldier, you must not let thy enthusiasm fool you. Once blind, it's a thousand times easier to get caught off guard. And still, we have a lot ahead. This war be a long road...
...
What is it that bothers thee?
Can't you... just... relax?
Once relaxed, dead. That's what the world taught me in my lifetime, and that's what I hope to make you understand.
B...
Still... it's a great party out there, what are you doing inside here?
Well sir, I thought...
...I would like to join you?
Well, kinda. It's your victory also.
Oh, I'd rather not let myself face such bliss. Can take the focus of what really is important.
...
I'll tell you a secret, if that reverts this sad face of yours.
What?
I am happy too. But I'm going to celebrate it differently. Because I can't allow me to join you soldiers like this, I've already told you and I ain't changing it, but...
So how are you going to celebrate?
...Calm down, I was getting to it. I'll go and sleep.
Sleeping...?!
My dear, you could not count how many nights I've lost, even if you wanted to. I was worried about you, I had to plan everything, even though we promised to fight to the very last breath, I did not quite get used to the idea of having one of my soldiers dying. But now, I can sleep. For I know you'll be fine. And you deserve to be there, not here, talking to this old soul.
I am, lacking words, sir.
When those times come by, just say what you feel that has to be spoken, or remain silent. Deep inside we all know what has to be said.
Good night, sir!
That's a good start, good party, soldier.
I am astounded. I did not believe that it would actually happen.
Didn't happen before, and I assure you that I've tried. I'm not ashamed to say that I was sure nothing would be done, just as ever. I was sure that you would act as predicted. I've foreseen that you couldn't beat the odds.
I'm not allowing myself to get as happy as I can with such a surprise. But I'd rather let the information see the light of day, somehow. Gotta give 'em credit where it's due, right?
Beating the odds doesn't mean simply doing what you were asked. I could see you doing it, actually, as others before you have already done. It's not hard to do so, the real deal is to put your efforts into it. Saying kind words is easy, making your actions live up to such words, is the real deal. Writing, is easy, writing something that makes me feel there's a soul inside, is the real deal.
I should congratulate thee. But that would be just too common. I'd rather grant you a wish. As long as it's something I can achieve.
Make a wish.
Be wary of such thoughts soldier, you must not let thy enthusiasm fool you. Once blind, it's a thousand times easier to get caught off guard. And still, we have a lot ahead. This war be a long road...
...
What is it that bothers thee?
Can't you... just... relax?
Once relaxed, dead. That's what the world taught me in my lifetime, and that's what I hope to make you understand.
B...
Still... it's a great party out there, what are you doing inside here?
Well sir, I thought...
...I would like to join you?
Well, kinda. It's your victory also.
Oh, I'd rather not let myself face such bliss. Can take the focus of what really is important.
...
I'll tell you a secret, if that reverts this sad face of yours.
What?
I am happy too. But I'm going to celebrate it differently. Because I can't allow me to join you soldiers like this, I've already told you and I ain't changing it, but...
So how are you going to celebrate?
...Calm down, I was getting to it. I'll go and sleep.
Sleeping...?!
My dear, you could not count how many nights I've lost, even if you wanted to. I was worried about you, I had to plan everything, even though we promised to fight to the very last breath, I did not quite get used to the idea of having one of my soldiers dying. But now, I can sleep. For I know you'll be fine. And you deserve to be there, not here, talking to this old soul.
I am, lacking words, sir.
When those times come by, just say what you feel that has to be spoken, or remain silent. Deep inside we all know what has to be said.
Good night, sir!
That's a good start, good party, soldier.
I am astounded. I did not believe that it would actually happen.
Didn't happen before, and I assure you that I've tried. I'm not ashamed to say that I was sure nothing would be done, just as ever. I was sure that you would act as predicted. I've foreseen that you couldn't beat the odds.
I'm not allowing myself to get as happy as I can with such a surprise. But I'd rather let the information see the light of day, somehow. Gotta give 'em credit where it's due, right?
Beating the odds doesn't mean simply doing what you were asked. I could see you doing it, actually, as others before you have already done. It's not hard to do so, the real deal is to put your efforts into it. Saying kind words is easy, making your actions live up to such words, is the real deal. Writing, is easy, writing something that makes me feel there's a soul inside, is the real deal.
I should congratulate thee. But that would be just too common. I'd rather grant you a wish. As long as it's something I can achieve.
Make a wish.
Assinar:
Postagens (Atom)