Three wars

On a first step, and therefore not actually related in much depth with what comes next, I'd like to say to lady N that the thanking message I've sent her was due to a realization. I've realized that she had, some days ago, done a very nice thing indeed. I thank her due to acting like what I hoped someone would act, but unfortunatelly, I'm blind by my dreams and obsessions, so I refused her offer. I hope I did not answer as rude as I thought I had sound. Anyway, I'd like to thank. That was pretty awesome.

Now, to the depths of our imaginary wars...

"I don't know man, I don't like the fact that she is pretty."
"But. She. Is. INSANELY PRETTY!''
"I don't want a pretty girl, I wanted an artist."
"Who cares?! She's pretty!"
"You just don't get it, do you? I don't want more trouble. She seems to be trouble, I know I might me misjudging her, but I just don't like the fact that she's so pretty."
...
"As I don't like this intimacy this one other girl seems to be trying to have."
"Just do her."

Obviously, this was pretty much hacked from the original conversation. I just wanted to get to some important points of all this mess. Let's analyze.
Yep, that's me bitching about my whole coward mode or whatever it may be called.
Then, we have Mr. Bew's incredible argument, which is okay, that's something I'd expect him to say. It just sound silly happy, as he is.
I insist on my sissiness. Well, I guess that's about all there's to be said.
Rejection of my argument, entrance of brilliant argument.
My weak try of making sense of a thing that makes sense inside my head. Well, it seems to have a bit of sense but that's not the point now I guess.
Then we have an incredible time deslocation, that didn't actually happen to be much time, it was just one or two topics later in the conversation.
Well, you know what this one is. Well, not the actual details but what the whole argument tries to enforce.
THIS.
His argument.
Which is not actually his.
Just a stupid order. As if that was all that actually mattered anyway.
Well, that's not a new argument for anyone. And you might even have heard it today. It just gets a bit of comical. Had it came from some other guys I know, I wouldn't even care. But coming from him. That was a surprise.
Although it can be understood. The main reason of it all is that, a tiny bit of him tries to be... let's say, bad. As if being that would actually get him the girl he likes or at least make the pain go away.
Most of you may say it's stupid. And in part it might be. As pain is a part of growing up, and he should take it. But I'm trying to think on something more here.
Because, honestly, I find it grotesque to see him using this kind of argument in a manner that's not 100% comical. That's not him, but that's what he tries to become in order to avoid damage.
He won't actually go through all the journey of changing his mind, but there are some out there who may.
That's prety, weird I guess.
Pretty sad.
As much as it seems to be just gibberish, I think there's something wrong in there.
This ''gotta be bad'' thing comes from somewhere. And it's not very hard to see that being a ''Mr. Nice Guy'' can take you fucking down. But I guess the whole of it is wrong, blaming one or another won't be of much help.

Devils we become...

The second one.
Mostly mental, it came out of mostly observation. Woo, I'm such an observer...
Let's say we have this woman who plays poker with everyone, she's married to this one guy, and this information was pretty useless but let's try to get somewhere.
Just follow me, okay?
So, she's very pretty, and hm, let's say, well endowed. So, she plays normally, and no problem with that. But you can see she gets a bit more of attention.
Her husband gets a bit a jealous, which I guess is quite comprehensible, but only once there was an incident, which didn't get any critical anyway. So, after they leave, we have these men talking about her, in that way I guess men are supposed to talk about very attractive women. Which is ridiculous, but that's not the point.
So, in the middle of the game, I got to the realization that it gets to be kinda bad to be an attractive woman. Sure, there are many other scenarios you should take in mind in order to make such a declaration.
But it just bothers me to think that perhaps they (the couple) don't come much to play because they don't feel as comfortable as everyone else, since there's the staring, and the extra attention and all that crap.
Which brings me to think of a lot of problematic scenarios that could come out of this.
I don't know if the thing that strikes me is compassion or just feeling pity. But it makes me think if that's the reason why I don't feel very comfortable in thinking about these women in regards to sex. Weird. Don't get me wrong, I really find them attractive. But I don't know. That brings back the case of Angie Varona, although I do find her attractive, something just feels wrong. But I guess nowadays everything is going just fine for her.
Is it... a feeling of defending them?
Defending from what...?

What the hell am I?

The third and older and weirder and stupider.
The idealization of a relationship that seems to come out of movies and the consequent blindness to pretty much everything that does not seem to help on achieving it.
As if... it could be achieved.
As if... I actually sought it.
Sum it with an awkward need to evade pretty much every possibility to achieve it, under the name of avoiding damage and/or judging the other part as not able to play the role it should play.
We can make things so complex...
We can make happiness complex. And then, it's dead.
This got bigger. We have grudges, envious behavior and Rias.
It's funny how virtual characters can play such roles. And Rias is nifty in being perfect to fit the role. It's actually quite good to train imagination in the creation of a company that could be there, had it been able to exist. There's no price for dreaming, is there?
And, it's pretty much ridiculous to judge from such a high standard. And to require others to be so good when you actually aren't that good. But I haven't found another way yet.
Sure, ''stop this over demanding behavior'', that's easy to say. But I just don't feel I can suffice for the real world relationship.

Either way, we lose.