Ghosts

Hayz...
Hey there, kid.
It's late...
I know, I know, come here.
Why are you awake?
Well, sometimes, we just have to be.
Why?
I don't know, but we can't sleep. So, we can just believe that there was a reason we should have been awake for a longer period.
But... what if you just couldn't sleep and that's all?
Well, that's an option. Remember, it could be anything. But we can choose an option that makes us less desperate, can't we?
Desperate? Are you desperate?
Haha, sometimes yes, sometimes not that much...
You shouldn't be! We have... we have these chocolate bars and, and... many many things!
I wish there was a way to express how cute that is, haha.
What?!
When you speak those things.
But I'm serious!
There's a problem with us, ''grown'' people. We, seem to lose the power to feel such simple things suffice.
But then... what would make you happy? I thought everyone got happy eating the chocolate bars!
You know what scares the f... out of me?
Huh?
I don't know what makes me happy anymore.
Liar! Everyone knows!
...
Everyone! You know, deep inside of you, there's something that would make you happy! You know there is, you can try to deny, but you know! And denying just makes you sadder! Because, because... you waste time you could be using to achieve what you want!
And... what do I want?
You... want... hm... pizza? There has been a shortage of pizza on this location, but... but... I'm sure we can get ahold of some soon! We just gotta keep travelling!
Pizza? Do you really think pizza is what would make me happy?
Why not? It's good! And I remember once seeing you happy eating pizza. Don't tell me you were pretending, 'cause I know you weren't!
How is it that you know I wasn't pretending?
Well, it's... it's... obvious... right?
Not very much, how?
Ahn... you, laughed, and seemed to have that dumb smile on your face when you were just looking anywhere, you know, like, very very goofy.
Is that the definition of happiness? I mean, is that all?
Well, a bit, you know, sometimes people are smiling outside but inside they are sad... but, we can feel there's something wrong. You didn't seem to be hiding, I guess...
You guess?
I don't know... thinking about it, maybe you were, and I thought that because I was happy, everyone could also be and it was a good moment, and we were all laughing and talking...
I see.
...So you weren't happy at all?! I just thought that... we all were...
Come here.
...I thought, I thought...
Don't cry, it's okay.
...But, but, I didn't want to be selfish!
You weren't, don't worry.
...
...
...If, if we get... no! As soon as we get to a bigger city, I, I promise! We can get whatever it is that will make you happy! And then, then we are going to fix you! And you will be laughing and it will be true! Then...
...
...Then you won't have to be awake at these hours! And you will sleep and have good dreams! I promise!
Thanks, but don't worry about it, 'kay? It's fine.
IT'S NOT FINE! YOU SHOULD ENJOY AS MUCH AS EVERYONE! YOU ALWAYS STAY THERE, AWAKE, WATCHING OUT FOR US, AND YOU HELP US WHEN WE GET SAD! BUT... BUT YOU ALWAYS HOLD ON WHAT YOU FEEL AND THAT'S UNFAIR!
...
You shouldn't do that! That's bad! And... and it's unfair to us! We want to be helpful too! Stop doing this!
It's okay...
STOP!
I don't know what to say...
Then... then... just say, what you want us to get! Let me help you, at least!
You can't. Sometimes we are trapped in things we can't get outside. Sometimes what we want becomes a deadlock.
Liar! You just... deny what you want! That's what you're doing!
I'm not denying.
By saying it's out of your reach, you're just giving up, because that's the easier way, right?! That's just as denying! And I know it can't be something bad, so you don't have to fight against it!
And how... is it... that you know that it's not something bad?
Because I know you!
That's pretty much the same argument you used before, and you know what happened when you thought deeper about it.
NO!
...What?
This is different.
As in...?
As in, I may not know what goes through people's heads. I might be taken away by my emotions and that can blur things, so if I see people smiling when I feel happy, I can be taken to believe everyone else is happy too. I can be taken by pretty much anything, you know it. Maybe because I think the world would be a much better place if people could just be happy with some simple things. I know, they aren't, but I don't know. You all keep on holding your thoughts and I, I can't read minds, you know?!
...So?
But! There's one thing, ONE THING I KNOW. I might not understand emotions as deep as you all do, but I can understand actions! And I know you aren't a bad person!
No one's a bad person for you...
...Because I remember all the times you stood there for us, and there was something in you. I don't know how to explain it, I just know there was. You see, even when you got angry because we were just slowing you on your way, you stood there. You never ran away and left us to die. Even though you could. After all, you don't really need us to achieve whatever it is that you want. You're more powerful than us all, like... like... you know, someone whose power is much beyond everyone else!
Haha.
It's true! And you never rant about anything, you just stay there awake, even when there's no need. And in the morning you just wake us up and get everyone ready to continue going on our way. And... and...
I already got it. But remember, that's just your happy-go-lucky way.
But...
It's okay.
This is unfair! Why you don't listen to me? You always keep on looking at me with that serious face that's not so serious but... and then... then you come with these arguments that are ridiculously shorter than mine and...
And I win?
...
...
Is it really a winning scenario?


It's not anyone's fault. It's ridiculous that I ask for help when I don't feel like anyone's help will suffice. It's ridiculous that I hope people will just come on their own to help, they can't read minds, they have their troubles to deal with.
Just another night not being able to sleep.
At least... this time I got to sleep early. About 9 p.m. That's quite early! Even though I woke up at around 11 p.m., I guess it can be considered worth a try.
It just bothers me that... the dream was there. I don't like feeling alone. I don't like many things that I don't feel are worthy of talking about. That's crappy.
I know this is a stupid question but, I guess sometimes we just have to be stupid.
When will I stop feeling like having a girlfriend would be nice?


Thanks for the chat kid. I guess I can sleep a bit for now.