Uniqueness, part 2

The reason we feel so alone is that...
We are different.
No, we aren't, we are just as different as pretty much everyone else in here. Right?
No.
Why so sure?
I don't know, they look happy.
You're happy also, you're just... oblivious to this fact.
Super oblivious.
Looks like, anyway.
That's not the main point, though. In fact, I guess there's no main point, as there is no point at all. I wonder what's exactly the point of this day. Well, at least the weater is... "likable". Or some kind of fucking word that expresses that it's not as bad as it normally is. Doesn't even feel like sunday at least. Just gotta keep thinking this...
Beautiful houses, aren't they?
They sure as hell are.
When you say, "sure as hell", do you mean that hell is sure?
Perhaps.
And what does that mean?
That we are surely going to hell, perhaps.
I guess not. Have you ever thought about, hell being here?
Lots of times.
And... hell doesn't look like a very feasible possibility right?
You know our position toward religion. And I'd rather not speak about it, one of the hate topics. Purely shit.
I know, still I don't really think we would be going there, in case it exists.
Believe in what you fucking want to believe, it changes nothing. Pretty much like everything else in this world. Everything over here goes in cycles, sometimes you may think things are changing, but if you think reasonably, you'll see that it's not the truth. It's changing for the better just as it changed before, just because something really gross will happen and things will get crappy again. And then it's just... rinse repeat all the way.
Looks like a pretty pessimistic way to look at the world.
Only if you believe reason is pessimistic. You could think a bit more instead of just judging what you hear by the value you give to the words. If you thought further about what I just said, you could think that there could be then a way people would always get happy, since they do get happy when things get better. If things just got solved and there was nothing else to fix, it would get boring, and you do know very well that people tend to get fucking nuts when they get bored. It doesn't really matter if things are good, they must be different. They would go as far as destroying what they love, just in order to get something new, some new problem to solve. They can't deal with the best environment if dealing with it revolves around being happy with things as they are. At some point, I can almost understand some people who say that war is a human need. They create the most vile scenario, so in the future they can feel better that things are peaceful again and that the past will be remembered and not repeated. They can't see things from outside the box.
What does that mean?
Means we are stuck in a world that goes around and 'round, and goes nowhere also.

You treat them as your enemies, don't you?
Not all of them, not all...

Fuck you all.

It's bizarre that we can't actually say what we feel because of what people may think, right?
A lot.
I like the sun at the end of the afternoon, looks more like a gold light.
Good for you.

Man, sometimes I feel like I'd kill just for the opportunity of something really new happening. But then I remember that you should be careful about what you wish, new things can also happen to be bad things. Very bad. I feel kinda weird today, though that doesn't really look like something I have never said before, so it's nothing important. I wonder why everytime I try to write about someting more serious it becomes some confused dialog between distinct parts. Perhaps because I feel like I'm a walking abomination of conflicting ideas. Just like hating and wishing for a chance to help people. Though in this case you can merge things and do both... I've thought about that before, but looks like a lot for work for nothing. Just like many other things. Like pretty much every sacrifice you do for people. Why must I sacrifice myself for these pieces of crap? Why this stupid hope that someday it will be worth it? Why exactly, me?
I wonder if that's some sort of redemption for what I did in the past... that would be pretty retarded since everyone has dark moments in their past. I am not inferior to any of these beings. I hate them.
Sometimes I think I hate myself for being like this and feeding these stupid hopes. Like life was some kind of movie or some other fucking type of media. As if what you did really mattered to someone. We are just fucking alone. We are on our own versus billions of loners. It's a fucking war.
I cannot relate to those around me...
Yet I somehow can feel what they feel. I envy them. They look happy, but I know they aren't happy all the time. And I know some have also envied me in the past. I wonder exactly what the fuck am I. But I'm human, I just gotta remember it...
Too human...
You know, I used to imagine monsters at the clouds, like pretty much every child sees the clouds forming something else. I kinda lost that ability. But sometimes, very rare times, I can see them again. Like that weird smily clown face over there.
If I weren't a walking contradiction, I guess Id want mostly to be saved. Looks better, and more cartoon-esque. It's a bit sad to admit you can't fight your own demons... a bit like being useless.
What do I feel? I feel like I really wanted to ave some girl standing by me right now. One that I found pretty also, I cannot be a hypocrite. The idea that I'll perhaps never find her frightens me. I know people say that you've gotta be self sufficient and love yourself and someday she'll come. But they also say you've gotta be good, and WHO THE FUCK IS REALLY GOOD ALL THE TIME? No fucking human.
I wanted her to be here... whoever she is. Is that too much to ask for? I guess so...