Just to sleep

I can remember the time when we had bullets flying around, everyday... can you remember that?
Slightly, seems like too remote times.
I miss that.
Why, exactly?
Because, it seemed to be what we were born to do.
It was dangerous.
Well, life is dangerous right? We all end dead after all.
You got what I meant. Just because you will end dead anyway doesn't mean you can go mad around risking your neck.
But, we never died...
Oh, really? I am surprised.
Oh, come on, you know you liked it.
I never said I didn't...
Even though it was dangerous, it felt like it was what we knew, you see? The thing that we can do through all our lives and still feel happy with it. It felt... right.
Man, we were born to live, not to run the risk of getting shot everyday just because we are good at shooting. We can adapt to this new situation, we can adapt to anything. We just need to want it.
Ok, so all we need to do is to want to be in this situation, and it will feel just like the good old times?
It's simple to say. Try doing it.
Well, and how exactly do I do it?
That's the point. Try to get the elements that you like, appreciate them. Try to imagine how to make things better... WITHOUT reversing to the past. Think about the bad things, this sort of stuff.
Looks boring just to hear you say it...
We can adapt, we just need to start adapting.
What if it turns out this is really shitty and the past was indeed the best?
Then we'll go back there, but while we don't have the proof, give these days the benefit of the doubt.


I hate being here. I hate... too many things, it is irrelevant. What's the point of being human if you can't act like one? I don't know if I start to apologize now. Maybe it's better to wait, we don;t know how will it turn out. Always prepared for the worst, even if this intense preparation ends by really bringing the worst to reality.
I don't know when is the right time, I don't know. My defects by design don't allow me. That's a bad thing, to lose touch with these important timings. Not feeling from others. But maybe there really was nothing to feel since the beginning. But, we started it, we made the beginning.... aren't we guilty?
This is also irrelevant. I wanted to sleep and for these few hours pretend things are okay. Or at least warped. If there's some kind of demonic psycho alien zombie genocidal life form chasing me, I'll feel better. In the end we are all wimpy kids right?
Right...
Nobody can give me the answer, nobody can tell me what to do. That's alright, it's not their fault. It's not anyone's fault. We are just, defective, that's all. Perhaps traumatized, but how to fight a trauma that we can't fully identify?
I want to just be a wimpy kid at my own place, the place where only I can go and no one else will disturb me. Ever.
Or to find the answer. Whatever comes first.
Thanks. Let's prepare for the show now. Gotta fill these containers in case we decide it all has to go down...