Holding hands in hell

Aye, captain.
Mr. smith...
Mon colonel...
Blister...
We're all here sir...


I wrote many times about this one feeling.
Mostly, it turned out to be nothing. At the bitter end, words mean nothing without actions.
The bitter end.
Through all these years of words at the wind, I've received your support. Even when all was set to failure, you've still stood there for me. And I know, I failed far too many times. And I know, I've taken the easiest path too much. It's easier to accept failure when all you do is think about failing. It's easy to get used to failing. Mostly, you have to do nothing.
I know some of you are already tired of these words, I've got to say I am. That small part of me that always had the hope now is fading, many times threatened and tortured.
But it is still there. It may be too late indeed. But it's there.
But, even after many disappointments, even after some leaving, even after every single odd stacking against us, we are still here.
I can't even ask you to stay anymore, I'd rather tell you all to leave, but this is not an option now. To tell the truth, I still don't know how to deal with what lies ahead. Obliteration might be awaiting us all. We can just imagine what lies beyond, we can feel the rotten desire for flesh that exhales ahead.
At the bitter end.
But this time. This time, my old friends, we can think of the possibility of a sweet ending. Even with the demon of failure walking toward us, I beg you remember, remember that we once were in a different place, remember, that this is not where we belong, and it doesn't matter what comes next, we can make it happen. We always could.
My only remorse now is that I have brought you into this, I have never believed myself enough to praise something more than plain failure. Even with each and every one of you trying to prove me wrong.
I'm afraid. It's true, I don't know about you, my fellow soldiers, you were always proving to be braver than me in so many levels. But I still wish to try. Even now that the scars and the dust embraced your bodies, even after witnessing insanity at it's best, I believe I'm still at the side of some of the most incredible warriors this world has ever had. And I'm proud of, at least once, being the leader you all thought I was. If I die this time, I'm dying with the honour of meeting all of you.
Whatever comes next, whenever it comes. Even without the glory of our finest days.
We'll fight together. As it was meant to be.
We enter hell. As one.