Adornments

That's why we hang them on the walls. To wake up everyday and watch out trophies moaning and groaning, bleeding their last tears of life as we collect more and more of them.
Nail them right on their hands. Just two nails, one on each hand, the distance between each nail must be around the width of their arms wide open. This way we make it like those little paper cuts with man appearance, a long line of them, arms opened, blood flowing.
When they die, use them as adornments. Put them on the road, over the signs, hanged at the lamp posts, make scarecrows for the fields...
The ones who scream too much and disturb your sleep? Off with their tongues. You can leave it in their shoulders, or over their heads, or just dispose of it.
Grosser plays with them, I tell you not to play with your furniture. But, oh well, it's up to you. The thing is, it rots faster. Then you have more work finding more and preparing more. But it's really up to you. I prefer the old way, the old flesh screaming way. But Grosser prefers to tease them with death. To each his own.
You can use your creativity while furnishing your room. You can get some scalps to keep a count, sure, but you can also use their hair on your dolls. Sometimes they align their heads in a nice way after being scalped.
Oh, about that statue... it's Grosser's. He likes to use a jackhammer on some of them. He says the sound it makes when the drill passes the skull makes him relax. It's a really interesting sound, because it mixes a lot of things, the scream, the skull cracking, blood spurts. Grosser covered the woman he first used it with cement, and put her in that pose. Looks like some broken antique or maybe some piece of phylosophical art, he was really inspired that time. He is creative, that's not a doubt.
But don't think you won't be shining. Sooner you will get ideas and get them out of your mind, we believe you will. It's always just a matter of time. Just a matter of time.
One final question? Sure.
Hm... in case they run. Well, don't worry about it. We are not alone, most of our decorative material is hunted by others, few of these you can see up there crying were brought by ourselves. If they get to us, they are already not in their running capabilities. But, if, and I've yet to see it, they escape, then the real hunt begins. And they won't be getting human bodies to decorate their homes.

Random and sleepless

I remember when my friend convinced me into starting this blog. I did it mostly to silence her.
Although I do like writing and all, I don't it that much and I don't, I don't know... it's like, I didn't want to do it because I couldn't see the point of writing in a public place like this for nobody to see it. But still, I would prefer to keep it private. So yeah, that's pretty dumb.
Then it started to be a deposit of weird stories, or at least the ones I managed to write.
And then a deposit of rants. But it just doesn't seem to fix things, raging against... a wall. Or maybe it fix, and I'm just made to remain on angry mode.
I don't even know why the hell am I writing this. But that's okay. I'm just, raging for nothing. It's like, asking for help without ask for help because you don't need help. That makes sense right? At least to me it seems to make. But lately I'm looking at my... logics, through a more pessimistic approach. Perhaps all my mental structures and ways of reasoning were made of sand and now the walls are coming down.
Or I'm just bored. Now THAT makes sense.
Have you ever watched Creepshow? It's nice. The whole feeling of it looks so amazing. Takes me back to those earlier years, where fear was something that could come from the television. No, Creepshow isn't scary. It's just that I feel so good with the ambience... I almost go to the point of wishing it was real. In fact, I went to this point straight away.
Well here I am, talking to the wall.
I guess it's better, since the people that would have been awake by now are probably like me, or even worse. But that's a thing I say without thinking very much since it's absurd.
Maybe not. But who knows?
And as always there's a lot of topics running through my mind, many of them I thought that would be nice to write something about here so I could try to make an opinion about it. But now it just look as relevant as talking about the weather.
I believe with every generation humanity reaches a new all-time low. Yeah, we're relentless diggers, and the well is bottomless.
Tragic thoughts, ain't it?
But also contraditory since I'm not all against humanity, I care for some people and I believe there are good people still roaming around. And I actually wish I was one of them. And maybe I am, maybe not. Another thing for the list of things I don't know.
The list goes on and on.
But I believe I can solve this situation this time without bothering people around. I know they won't like to read this last sentence, and in case they do, don't worry I'm handling things here and I'm not going to repeat the same implosive performance.
Maybe some day I get the car and go around through the night. I like to drive during these late hours, don't you?
This remember me of my thought about Maniac. I guess there just can't be an ultimate crazy weird killer guy movie. It's all about visions on the matter. But I like the one depicted at that movie. No, not like I like Creepshow, it just feels that it's as twisted as one's mind can be. Okay, not that much. But hey, it tries at least.
Perhaps I'm just hiding the dust under the carpet. But talking to my virtual wall takes some of the thoughts away. Until it awakes again.
And again.

And again...

Lightning

Sometimes nights change don't they?
Perhaps it's when we perceive the weight of the world. Whatever that might mean. If you perceived the weight, it should be clear to you what does it mean? Because I'm not sure. And I may have not really seen it.
It's weird to have such a weird change of mood. All of a sudden like that. So here I am now, listening to the X Files theme song, writing, and trying to think about something. I don't know maybe something that could happen, something new. But even if I thought about the coolest thing it would just belong to my mind.
Perhaps she was right and now I'm totally drown in this. Bad things happen when you take things far more serious than what they really are, like, people. They end, sometime. It's better not to try to make it seem like it's something epic like in the movies. You can end sensitive.
I feel like talking to the wrong person. But talking to any person about this anyway wouldn't get to any point. It hasn't gotten until now.
This song is strange, because it's... I don't know, mysterious, somewhat creepy. But still it has it's beauty to me, because it resemble to discovering a new thing and all. I like that.
I feel like being stranded. He says I'm worried about something and that I'm hiding it, but what am I hiding? I mean, there are lots of things we hide from our parents, most are innocent things that we just don't feel like we should tell them. Or that, it's something that they wouldn't like, but it's the reality and there's not much anyone can do about it, so we hide in order to preserve coexistence. So what should I tell him? I don't know what does he want as an answer, I don't what could be the answer.
I guess I get used to most things too fast. I get tired of them. I don't care about them.
I should start caring. But artificial care can suffice it? I guess I miss emotion. When you're walking through your home, and it's raining a lot out there, you ask yourself inside your head if you fear the lightning, as the noises seem to explode your home, and light sometimes turns off, and your answer is ''no, but I wish I did'', and it actually makes sense to you, there's something wrong?
I guess no, I'm just handling it the wrong way.
You see, some people like to bang their head on the wall to solve problems, and some bang to create problems.

End of night

So, here we are now, at another night's ending. Most people around are already sleeping and soon I should be joining them.
This could have been about a million other things, all that is struggling in my mind. But for once, let's keep it simple. For once, let's forget about all these thoughts. For once, let's be like these people, they seem happier.
Let's talk about something common. Like, what happened today. This was quite a nice day, after all, it rained and now it's colder, so it will be way easier to sleep. We ate... chicken nuggets, and chocolate cake, and cereals, I mean, not all at once, but during the whole day. Chatted with some people. And, in a basic thoughtless way, that's about it. Looks good.
I feel it's useless to think for now, and we also don't need help, for we have self-made problems.
I see a child smiling, somehow. Sometimes.
Oh, we also got chocolates. You see, birthday gifts. Gotta love 'em.

Ore no yuutsu

Still awake, huh?
Yeah, having a hard time trying to sleep.
Hard time?
I just can't sleep, I don't know if it's the fucking heat these days, or the fact that I've slept before.
You know you shouldn't be sleeping before the real time to sleep, it only make things worse, way worse.
I know, I know, but the bed just felt so good...
Anyway, how long did you sleep?
It was... somewhat around one hour. I sometimes wonder if sleeping one hour makes me good enough to start a new day, I guess this is pretty much impossible but would be good not needing to sleeping 8 damned hours.
Well, I know you find it weird not being to sleep again after only sleeping for one hour, after all you still owe your body seven hours, but I guess it's normal.
Yeah.
So, what are you doing this night?
Just... thinking I guess. That same bad thoughts about the circle, you probably know...
Yeah, I really do, and I've told you that it's not under your control, it never was and will never be. Free will remember? Do not care about it, people come and people go. That's life. You must only trust at yourself, might be harsh but that's the way it is. Or at least the way we force it to be.
I've been told those things a few times by now. But I don't know, I just have a bad feeling, and I don't know about what.
Natural disasters?
No. Although I must say I was pretty astonished by the red dust storm in Australia. Never seen anything like that.
Well, even though it is dangerous and all, it looks... exciting.
Yeah.



I see you're staring at nowhere. You do this most of the time, I know it. I know you live most of the time inside your own world, locked in your head. A dollar for your thoughts?
Just... the same old misery seeking thoughts.
Why so desperate?
Because you see, people are going ahead. I don't think I'm going ahead and I know it and I'm still here.
What if you are supposed to be in here?
Why would I be?
I don't know. I don't write the rules, and I don't think anyone does. Chaos has it's own unknown rules.
So you believe in...
Chaos, for sure. It's all a big mess of existances trying to prove themselves. Each with it's own abilities. And mortal desires.
Mortal?
Well, that just sounded cool. Let's say that each of us have our own desires and wishes.
Which are mine?
Are you kidding me?
No... I just... get lost sometimes.
Well, lost or not, people can't tell you these things. It's, something beyond a secret.



You see what I see right?
Well, literally, yes. But, in the other meaning of this sentence, no.
What do you think about it?
Fuck it. Just continue ahead and let's see what comes further. Moaning and complaining aren't changing things. And they probably won't.
And what about this weird feeling?
I have no idea about it, kid.
I was told by a friend one day that I kept putting myself into misery. Like, no matter what I do, it's not enough to pay for the things I done. He was right.
And what are those things you done?
Nothing but stupid babblings about minor things. Just drama about things that doesn't really matter.
Oh, the memory problem again. You know, people are prone to forgetting past things, or mask it. But you keep on remembering, good memory is trully heinous at some points. You keep the bad things with you and the sum of all minor troubles get worse than one whole bad trouble. Your tendency to transform things doesn't help anyway...
What tendency?
That little wish of yours to live in a place where epic things happen... you try so hard to see things epic, and the bad things also get epic. And problems at an epic scale are no joke.
True...



My turn now. Your thoughts?
Nothing special, kid.
Ah... boring. Do you feel any sadness?
Related to what?
Anything.
Actually I do. One that's pretty much know to you. I miss being able to help people. Though I don't go to such an extreme point of sometimes catch myself thinking about how good it would be if someone had a problem, like you. And, please, let's not talk about the "missing" thing.
That's a deal then, past bites. But we only helped people around us right?
Yeah, because you like to do things closely. If we really really wanted to help people, for the sake of helping alone, we would go to charities, help people that are really suffering, be it by a disease or by economical situation, and maybe both. But we do not. Even though it sometimes looks like great to think about these things.
Does that make us a fraud?
Not really. But it's not like we like to help people. We like to help those who are close to us. That's about it.
Changing the topic a little. What about the writing projects?
FINALLY! Thought you weren't going to talk about it, kid. You should continue it, no matter what. It's a chance to, be creative, I suppose. And to maybe understand more about your own world, all the violence that lies within the sweetness you never really understood. Do not give up, I know you get demotivated because you think that there's no point in writing anyway. Well, as it turns out, there probably isn't. But, it can be fun, you don't need people telling you that it's good as long as you feel that it's good for you. Remember, the main point is to keep this world somewhere it cannot be forgotten.
I'm feeling rather sleepy now...
Good.
One last question though.
Go ahead, kid.
Why does it feel good trying to protect her?
Who knows... maybe something deeply buried in what we discussed today. Or maybe pure lunacy. Insanity owns a big a part of us, you know.
Yeah...
And do not forget to write.

D2392009, part 1

The pool was quite empty, the water in it could reach not much more than a meter.
They were standing near it, just talking. She seemed pretty happy, even though the whole place looked awful. Dark and not very clean. He felt something strange inside, but he didn't care, he never cared anyway. The third one was close to them, and he knew he would eventually let her go, she was supposed to be with the third person in the place, no matter if that was too painful to bear.
He stared at the guy walking close to them, he hated the idea to let her go with him. But, somehow, he could accept it. She didn't even bother to the fact that he wasn't looking at her while they talked, she was... happy.
They were at the border of the pool, if you could call that a pool, perhaps a child's pool. There were some places in which the floor was deeper. And a strange hole could be seen at the right wall. A big hole.
But no matter how bad he felt he stood there, waiting for the time to say farewell to her, she was supposed to be with someone else now, someone who had just entered the conversation. Happily. He could feel his inside being slowly torn apart, as she drove her attention more and more to the third one. Bad thoughts walk along with bad things.
He couldn't see it, he didn't understand it. They were down the pool now, in a part where water barely covered the floor. He was lying on the floor, hugging her, he could feel her pain just by touching her. Her voice was weak. She would start crying any soon. He didn't want to let go of her, but he did it. They got up, the third one was still there, standing close to them, worried. They talked a little until things got calm, still there at the pool. He felt he hated this third guy, yet they acted like real gentlemen.
There was something wrong, he felt it. There was something else near them, it wasn't just this stupid guy acting all kind to her. Bad thoughts walk along...
He got out of the pool, climbing the wall. Third person followed him. Both stood there watching as she climbed the wall. He felt like helping her but he just didn't do it. A strange noise echoed through the room, coming from somewhere they weren't aware of. But he was. The damn hole at the right wall, there at the pool.
His mind then got information about a female something living in that place. Could it be... "her"? The information was pretty blurred and all seemed like a grim urban legend. A part of him urged to help her, the other stood there, watching. There was just too much going on, maybe the hatred toward her and the other guy, the fear, the part willing to see what would happen next.
It got her right at the left of her chest. Like a dog biting the weak part on a weak prey. But it was a shark. Water filled the pool, as the big shark swallowed her, bite after bite.
The third guy was shocked, but he didn't seem to know what to do. Both stood watching. His mind barely holding on to the belief that she was gone, that was just too fast. As the shark went away they walked through the room, silent. She was gone.
Forever.

Front

Eins, Zwei, Drei.
So talk whatever you want in here.
Like what?
Like whatever is in your mind. As we all know it won't be thrown outside. What's born inside, stays inside right?
Some laws weren't destroyed yet...
Yes. At least not totally.
Just wanted to feel more confident about going ahead, that's all. I gotta get some duty to fulfill, because it felt so good. I need more energy in order to develop more, need more...
More...?
I don't know. The first thing that came in mind was support but, hell, I have all the support that could be possibly given. It's somewhat ridiculous.
So perhaps you need to have this support taken away?
Maybe. I want to... do the things I have to do... and the ones I want to do also...
So do it.
Yeah, but then I start to think about it and it all stops.
Like the most of your own race.
But it shouldn't be like this.
So empower yourself. You're the only one who can do that, this is your world. You're absolute in here, why don't you try to take the fight? You're always thinking about doing what should be done, no matter how painful it is. Come on, enter the fray, there's no way to lose. You can keep this way and be something. Something common. Want to be you? Take control.