Hazardous times

Feeling tired, I don't like it here because it feels so...  constrictive?
I know I have a load of things to do and I feel like doing sometimes but it just... I don't know. I don't like this place. I don't care if you're going to judge me as a monster for not putting my family in such a higher ground. I never quite understood that thing people have with the concept of family, they are nice, that's cool, ok. And I wanted to be a monster, almost could see myself as one due to some objectives not being accomplished, such as being like the people of my family. Hah.
Damn, I don't have any idea regarding what should I write about. I thought a ton of things today while trying to keep control and not speaking anything about what I thought. I do a good job at that, although in the past I was much, much better. I thought about the things I repent doing, whether could I forgive myself from mistaking with the girl I like, the girls I liked in the past, my friends... but I guess I can. I feel better regarding the 7 years situation, then I guess I can forgive anything else. We just need... calmness. I even had an idea for a game while thinking what should I write now. Well, I don't really know.
Really wish I had my baseball bat now. Even though it bruises my hand, guess that's the price.
And all the demons are dead, maybe that's part of the change. Or maybe, anything.
I guess saying the lack of sex, or affection, or anything like that, is the cause of this drifting, is just an excuse. Gotta keep the facts straight.

There should be more stars in the sky.