In your doom

I would like to write about two things, I believe. But I'm not that much in the mood to create a whole story about these things. And maybe there aren't two of them.
I don't know. This day has began strangely. Maybe like every other day, who cares.
But it's not a bad day, just different.
I wonder... I need more tolerance to failure, that would help. Albeit not being that sad because of yesterday anyway.
Have you ever felt like the world is nothing but a giant whirlpool, slowly dragging you down? And down there we have something with enormous teeth... something like Charybdis perhaps. Or maybe there's just darkness down there, some kind of being made of void who just wants more darkness, and we humans, are full of it.
Misery loves company, that's what comes to the mind.
I wonder about the image that frequently comes to me, someone walking toward me, as if it had just came out of a fire, or, something disastrous. Maybe wanting revenge, it survived through hell and now wants it's reward, whatever that is. Sometimes it comes with a baseball bat in one hand, holding it behind his head, sometimes with an axe...
But that's not the point. Though I really would like to be able to share these images that appear in my mind, but I'm just not good in describing it.
I would like to hug her, that is, if she still needs it.
I was thinking on abandonment. During life that's one of our inherent abilities, abandoning people and things. It's not bad, sometimes can be used for good, but that's some activity we execute unconsciously. Some can stop it, or try to amend the situation, but all in all, it's not a thing people should feel so guilty about. It's a part of us, and if we drown into guilt, it will continue. We are made of these bad things.
Maybe our job is to go around amending things. Who knows. I like to think that even though evil may live inside of me, I can still do something good. It will never be enough though. But there's nothing holding me from trying, and if I succeed, I would have then defeated the odds that command this wacky world. And, oh well, I was born to fight against odds that stack and shouldn't be battled. But I've bought this fight, I've never liked to be human anyway.
Then I ask, who... or what, am I?
I'm not very sure, I'm just aware my mind keeps repeating "darkness loves you".
Don't tell me I'm a good person, that's a waste of effort.
I'm descending into madness I suppose, but that's okay. I was once I told I looked like a ''japanese cartoon character''. It looked nice I suppose. Maybe because I'm a bit looney. Maybe I was born as a lunatic, so I go around doing things that don't make complete sense. Creating my world that obeys no logical rules, because it looks better.
We need to stop.


I dare you try. Touch me and I'll eat your guts.