Cheers

Everything aside.
So, we are already past half of my stay. Me and me in a paradise still not so much affected by corruption, or humanity, whatever you call it.
Sometimes we have to be alone to be together. You know, no one entering the door. No one to tell you when to wake up or sleep, that's up to you. Only works if you can discipline yourself though. It's one hell of an experiment.
Though I know there are some odds involved, but those are not the real focus of it.
The focus, is hatred.
I wonder, everyone must have a bit of it inside. I guess it's normal, like a little pet we have to tame. An evil pet. To some, it may be a dog that refuses to obey, maybe some ill-tempered cat. To others, it's more like a monstrous grizzly bear or a giant snake. Hard to control or to know when will it attack, though you know the consequences shall be disastrous.
It's interesting to actually note your thoughts. If you come to think of it, most of our thoughts just pass as simple thoughts, because, well, that's what they are in fact. But, sometimes you can find something analysing them.
In an abstract way, you can see what really hides inside, if it's a dog or a crocodile. Or worse. But then again, what it is doesn't really matter. In remote times, we used to talk about it, as something somewhat simple. You can control it, but, do you WANT to control it? The answer is no, as I stated before. Saying that I did want to have it asleep forever would be a lie since sometimes it feels good to feel it.
I'm getting a bit lost in my thoughts.
So, this travel had a bunch of motivations, some would be called legitimate, others not. I suppose not all motivations shall be taken seriously to it's very end, but that's something we already had prepared ourselves for.
It's strange because sometimes I think about things that reveal that harsh feeling that hides behind a dozen of layers. And it seems like something new because I can get to know what makes me hate, but when I think about it, I knew it all the time. But being in a place like this, I feel strangely calm, even though I don't actually feel completely at home, which is not very much of a new since I mostly don't feel at home everywhere I go most of the time (home included). Of course, this place is awesome, it feels easier to look at the bright side.
Some curious thing is that I'm having deep nightmares every night over here. Not the kind of thing that bother me actually, I'm pretty much used to it. But I find it curious indeed, to have such bad dreams in such a paradise. The days are awesome, it's cold, and a bit desert over here. Maybe it's just my head, thinking and forcing things.
I believe things will get better after this experiment.
It's funny, I can be anyone I am. Be it on stupid moments or just being cold and ghostly. What I can't be fully be when there's people around. This last sentence is a bit weird because taking it seriously, the people over here, the ones I don't know, would not be considered people. It's not like that, but I guess you can figure out the real meaning of it.
It's a bit sad when I think it's halfway to ending. Just like a dream, it ends. But that's okay, I can live with it.
In fact, it's a bit anything when I think about it. There's still this feeling of lacking a part of me, but it seems way easier to handle it. I hope it stays the same when it's over. For now, it's just my white grape juice, me and the cold night howling at us.
Which doesn't mean I dislike some people, of course.
But white grape juice is made of win, and if I had people around to share it, then I probably wouldn't have that much of me.