Contradictions

- Hey Blister! Come on!
- Wha... so early...
- It's not early, I mean, they normally it's to late when we say we are leaving in hours like these.
- It is early for me, damn. I sleep you know?
- I dun' care about your stupid habits.
- So, what is it that we have to do and it's so important that I can't sleep even though I have to do important things tomorrow?
- WHAT?
- What the fuck are we going to do?!
- Explode buildings I suppose.
- Aww fuck off! You wake me up while there's not even a sun watching us... to do that?!
- Why not? Night is the shit my friend!
- Me sleeping, that's the shit, dork.
- Angry as ever huh?


I wonder. Why don't I just grow up and just do like everyone else. Everyone else seems to be advancing, I still live in my deformed reality.
But I'm happy that they are paving their way into this world, so they can have a good life. Why don't I feel like doing that too? I know many of the problems are easy to solve if I wantd to solve them, why don't I want to solve them? I guess I'll want to do that when it's so late I'll be near death in misery and hopelessness. I like to exaggerate things, take them to bizarre proportions. But it seems nothing satisfies me...


Killing is my business!
Get out of there!
Did you see? I almost killed those evil sabertooths!
They were tigers...
No! They were growing sabertooths! Sooner they would develop those evil fangs and... KILL US ALL!
We have loads of firepower, shut up.
But...
We are not here to hunt animals, we are here to look for the book.
I see but, it's fun!
Hurting animals?
No, living in the wild!
Whatever, please, take that damn warthog costume. And...
But, it makes me thing like them, I can understand them! I'm like a human savage pig!
No doubt you are. Didn't the general say there would be no guns?
Oh... he did?
I'm pretty sure he did.
Then... we'd better find the book fast...
You... stole all these guns?
I... well... you see? Maybe, it all depends on which point of view you are using, for example, if we take the point of view of someone who lives thousands of miles away and doesn't even know we exist, then, according to this very special person, I did not steal.
Punishment room again...


Doesn't matter what I do, I always need more. That sucks. I wanted to be sleeping, but I wanted to be doing something exciting during these wee hours. The contradiction takes us nowhere. I'll probably wake up late again and then feel I should try to sleep earlier and we will have a very similar day. No problem with similar days as long as it pleases you enough. But when is enough?
Once in a while we all need to complain a little, take the weight we carry and throw it somewhere else, even though it's probably the same weight many times. And I mean a LOT of times.
But even though you throw this weight away ten shitloads of times, it will still not seem to be enough. Maybe in fact. But within time you will come up to an answer, that is, if you actually want to solve it, but then, what if you don't want to solve it? Then you have a contradiction, or you're just trying to gather attention.
But that's not about you, it's about what is passing through my head at this exact moment, and I don't really understand it. Perhaps I've fell under a new contradiction, I want to get away from people at the same time I don't want to get away from people because I feel alone. I was always told to look for the balance, but what could be the balance in this case? Well it's obvious.
I wish I were auto-sufficient. Although it's cool to get out with friends, really really cool. But then it ends and you stay with yourself only. And if you pass loads of time with friends the yourself won't be pleased because it will feel like you haven't been giving it much attention lately, then you get a fight with... yourself...
And that sounds pretty lame.
Sometimes it feels good to rant without caring for what you're actually saying, like, what the fuck are you actually trying to say? Perhaps I could resume all this crap to a few phrases. Well, that's not perhaps, that is real, but it seems we like to do things the hard way.
How do you know it is the time to stop, when nothing you do actually feel like enough?
They will say.