Contradictions

- Hey Blister! Come on!
- Wha... so early...
- It's not early, I mean, they normally it's to late when we say we are leaving in hours like these.
- It is early for me, damn. I sleep you know?
- I dun' care about your stupid habits.
- So, what is it that we have to do and it's so important that I can't sleep even though I have to do important things tomorrow?
- WHAT?
- What the fuck are we going to do?!
- Explode buildings I suppose.
- Aww fuck off! You wake me up while there's not even a sun watching us... to do that?!
- Why not? Night is the shit my friend!
- Me sleeping, that's the shit, dork.
- Angry as ever huh?


I wonder. Why don't I just grow up and just do like everyone else. Everyone else seems to be advancing, I still live in my deformed reality.
But I'm happy that they are paving their way into this world, so they can have a good life. Why don't I feel like doing that too? I know many of the problems are easy to solve if I wantd to solve them, why don't I want to solve them? I guess I'll want to do that when it's so late I'll be near death in misery and hopelessness. I like to exaggerate things, take them to bizarre proportions. But it seems nothing satisfies me...


Killing is my business!
Get out of there!
Did you see? I almost killed those evil sabertooths!
They were tigers...
No! They were growing sabertooths! Sooner they would develop those evil fangs and... KILL US ALL!
We have loads of firepower, shut up.
But...
We are not here to hunt animals, we are here to look for the book.
I see but, it's fun!
Hurting animals?
No, living in the wild!
Whatever, please, take that damn warthog costume. And...
But, it makes me thing like them, I can understand them! I'm like a human savage pig!
No doubt you are. Didn't the general say there would be no guns?
Oh... he did?
I'm pretty sure he did.
Then... we'd better find the book fast...
You... stole all these guns?
I... well... you see? Maybe, it all depends on which point of view you are using, for example, if we take the point of view of someone who lives thousands of miles away and doesn't even know we exist, then, according to this very special person, I did not steal.
Punishment room again...


Doesn't matter what I do, I always need more. That sucks. I wanted to be sleeping, but I wanted to be doing something exciting during these wee hours. The contradiction takes us nowhere. I'll probably wake up late again and then feel I should try to sleep earlier and we will have a very similar day. No problem with similar days as long as it pleases you enough. But when is enough?
Once in a while we all need to complain a little, take the weight we carry and throw it somewhere else, even though it's probably the same weight many times. And I mean a LOT of times.
But even though you throw this weight away ten shitloads of times, it will still not seem to be enough. Maybe in fact. But within time you will come up to an answer, that is, if you actually want to solve it, but then, what if you don't want to solve it? Then you have a contradiction, or you're just trying to gather attention.
But that's not about you, it's about what is passing through my head at this exact moment, and I don't really understand it. Perhaps I've fell under a new contradiction, I want to get away from people at the same time I don't want to get away from people because I feel alone. I was always told to look for the balance, but what could be the balance in this case? Well it's obvious.
I wish I were auto-sufficient. Although it's cool to get out with friends, really really cool. But then it ends and you stay with yourself only. And if you pass loads of time with friends the yourself won't be pleased because it will feel like you haven't been giving it much attention lately, then you get a fight with... yourself...
And that sounds pretty lame.
Sometimes it feels good to rant without caring for what you're actually saying, like, what the fuck are you actually trying to say? Perhaps I could resume all this crap to a few phrases. Well, that's not perhaps, that is real, but it seems we like to do things the hard way.
How do you know it is the time to stop, when nothing you do actually feel like enough?
They will say.

Through the nights

You didn't like the movie?
Yes I did, it was really fun. Just like everyone said...
So, why that face?
It's nothing.
I don't really think people get sad because of the nothingness.
Well...
We can make this conversation shorter, you know that. Or we can stay aaaaaaall night loooong...
Sure...
So?
Hm... it's nothing, I mean, it's something, but it's not important.
Sir, with all respect, you're acting like a fool.
A fool?
Yeah, you created me for the sole purpose of serving you, yet you make it impossible for me to help.
Perhaps because I don't wat to be helped.
Then why did you create me?
Well, maybe I was bored.
Bored?
Yeah, then I created you, just to see if I could... and guess what? There you are!
Makes no sense to me.
Humans are senseless, you know that.
I know but, they aren't senseless all the time, there's those bright times when they do things that actually seem to be going somewhere better.
That's a lot of words.
It is, but I know there's something wrong master.
Don't call me master.
Ok. Boss.
Aw... quit it.
I'm not quitting. I'm one of the few beings that actually know to which purpose they serve. I'll achieve it, try to make it impossible if you wish.
Once again, too many words.
Not all important things that are said, are said with a few words.
You just like to speak.
So do you.
Good one.
So, you're lacking people right?
What the hell do you mean?
You need people here.
Why would I need people here?
To talk, you made me nearly the same as you. So you also feel this insane urge to chat.
Maybe, but you are taking it to a very exaggerated level.
Because you also take things to an overkill scheme.
So... you discovered it, now what?
Well, I'll have to get people here so you can talk to them!
Heh... don't you see? There's already people in here.
So... I don't get it.
It's useless.
Well sir, you can't go talking with everyone, maybe these people you're talking about are not... what we need.
And who are those we need?
People you like to talk.
So, I suppose you're gonna convince them to stay here to eternity, talking?
Well I thought of using the brutal way, but we can just convince them.
Listen, people have their own fucking lives, they ain't coming here to spend their stupid lives talking.
So...
It's no use.
But...
Enjoy the show. It might be like this every night, but who cares? It could be worse.
Then maybe we could...
We...?
Yeah, we, we can solve this, we just need to find a way.
The only way is to find a way to make people get over here.
So we'll make people come over.
We need to find the right people and then do something to convince them.
Find?
Do you really think people would be awake at this time?
Well, why not?
You just don't get it.
Then explain to me!
We like to be this way, we like to live in such a way that no one else can accompany us in our journey. Nothing comes close to our wake.
But...

A day briefing

There!
*door opening*
Hey! You there? Come, the door's opened!
...
I can't believe I have to go inside to get you out... stupid grown people, always giving us extra work. Maybe they like extra work, that's why they study like crazy.
...
Why this room is so dark? HEY! You there! Have you seen a man this tall? He has the face of a dead fish, and he speaks stupid things... he owes me a pizza you know? Hm... you should eat something man, you're looking like a... skeleton... AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
What's going on here?
AHHHHHHHHHH!!
Stop screaming, it's just me!
YOU. THE SKELETON. YOU. I!
What...?!
*child faints*
...Great.


So, can you explain me now what was that at the punishment room?
Punishment room?
Yeah, you went hysterical and then fainted.
I, fainted?
Yes.
Like, in making a weird face and shutting down?
Eh, I guess so.
I fainted?
Yes...
And I hit the ground?
Yes...
Hm... you mean, like in the movies?
Yep, something like that.
Was it, like, very dramatic and epic?
No, you just fainted.
Like, shutting down?
...
That was... EXTREEEEEME!
What?!
Why did I faint? I was super tired of fighting evil? Was I saving the world and stuff like that? Like saving you as a hero saves a princess and all that?
No.
Thank God, you're damn ugly...
Listen, are you going to tell me or not?!
Tell what?
What the hell happened? How did you got in there?
Well, through the door.
The general told you to free me?
Er... no, you were grounded?
No, not grounded.
HAHAHA, YOU WERE GROUNDED! That's so childish, you look so ridiculous, crying in the corner because you are groooounded!
...I wasn't grounded.
So, why did he lock you in there?
He found your stupid moose.
Really? Where's he? Is he happy? I miss that face he made when I gave him soda! He was like, so happy his face hurted!
Oh my... you're a psycho...
This means I can make objects fly?


SOLDIER! I see you've gotten away from the room. Good job, you got out quite early, I was expecting you would stay there a few more days, thirsty and hungry.
Oh.
So, I have a mission for you, it'll be dangerous, we'll leave you in the wild, alone, you'll have to survive using what nature can provide you.
I guess it's safer than here sir.
Trying to be funny, man?
Absolutely not sir.
We won't give you any weapons. You'll have to find a lost book at the middle of the forest. One of our explorers has lost it there, it contains very useful information that should not be known by anyone else. You need to retrieve it fast.
So I'm going alone, to the wildness, looking for a, book? It can take weeks! That's being optimistic!
You're a soldier, you have to deserve your name!
Okay...
So, prepare what you can carry, you'll be leaving tomorrow morning. Before light hits the ground. Are you afraid?
Absolutely not sir.
...
Sir, you still haven't forgotten the moose right?
Absolutely not, soldier!


When we're leaving?
I don't know. I'll be leaving tomorrow, about you, I have no idea.
I'm going with you! Maybe we can find Moo-zey, and we can fight evil!
It's a forest, and this is the real world kid.
But!
And take out this warthog costume!
But this costume is useful, I can pretend I'm one of then, see? Get information!
...
WE CAN LEAD THE SAVAGE PIGS TO GLORY!

D1512010

Part 1, at godmother's house
The beginning is pretty bleak. I remember a dark house. Well, the house itself wasn't dark, but it was night and the lights seemed to not be working properly. There was a weird stairway like those you see in horror movies. And there was a very young girl, perhaps at four years, or even younger. We were at the sofa in the tv room, I played with her a little. Teaching her how to play thumb war, although it was pretty hard for her.
The next moment my cousin appears, she gives me a handheld game, pretty cool. I play it while everyone else watch tv, I just remember the ending part of the game. There was a burning pool and a dragon after it, some enemy soldiers would appear, though they were really easy to beat using some kind of whirlwind move. It was a platform game, though the moving reminded me a lot of double dragon, with better graphics and... monsters. After passing through the pool, you found that there was another dragon, bigger than the first one, and they were near invincible. Enemies appeared at both sides of the screen, endlessly. I tried to beat the dragon but it simply wasn't supposed to be beaten, I remember at a point craving some kind of stake at it's chest and climbing it. A very violent and well done CGI. A black screen with white letters saying it was the end appeared and then the game was over, my cousin told me she found out how to end the game faster than I did.

Part 2, the scooter
Some kind of mecha game demo. I won a couple of battles, it was fun to customize my mecha, although there wasn't many pieces to use. I remember the last customization was some spikes at the foot of the robot that damaged nearby units. But it ended. It was some kind of club, but it was late at night by then, people were leaving. I found a friend near the entrance, she lent me her scooter, I had never driven a motorcycle, so I thought it was a bad idea, but she said I could use it, she trusted me. The scooter had only three gears, and no reverse gear. The rear part of the scooter where we would sit was independent of the other part, so we could turn around the way we wished, thus making the reverse gear unnecessary.
To change gears I would just step on a pedal and turn a thing that was like a vault lock, with 1, 2 and 3 print at it's side. It was pretty easy to use the scooter, even though I lack the balance to even use a damn bicycle. Sometimes we would shake a little but nothing too scary. When we really got to the road I started to see things from above. Like playing a game where I controlled the scooter through the street, avoiding the cars. Then at some point we hit a grass arena and the scooter simply was useless in there, I carried it my friend to the other side, afraid some gang would appear and rob us. But at the end nothing happened, and we used the scooter again, until we passed through her mother at the middle of the road, she said she hadn't allowed her daughter to use the scooter and was pretty pissed at her. My friend tried to talk to her mother but it was no use.

Part 3, the snake
I remember watching one of those channels that show the animal life. My uncle was watching it too, he seemed fascinated about snakes. I knew he kept two snakes enclosed at the back of his house. They weren't big and were pretty tame. We watched videos of snake eating deers and cows. I find these animals quite disturbing, yet cool.
I don't remember what happened but we were then near the places where the two snakes were kept. He was saying something about a giant snake. He show me a place behind the fence, where a huge snake lied. It was way bigger than the other two, in both length and height. At some point it got loose, devouring one of the smaller snakes. And then getting out of it's place. My uncle panicked. There was now a giant evil snake roaming through the house. For some reason, it moved really fast, despite it's size. I found my sister inside the house and we ran to the front door, we were hoping that my uncle would distract it and we would escape jumping through the gate. It was hard to fool the damn creature inside the house, we got out of the front door and it was still following us. We jumped at the gate, there were some bars where we could hold and scale. But the thing was already near us, my sister ran away inside the house, my uncle was calling her, he said he had found his gun. The snake went after her, I took this chance to climb as fast as I could. Some bars wouldn't stand my weight and break but I was almost at the top. It was one damn big gate. Almost escaping I look back, the snake was there, near me, in a vertical position and still raising, like it was climbing an invisible wall. I found myself in despair, trying to reach to the top frantically as it rose for me.

Part 4, the theater
We were at a theater. I say we because I wasn't alone, although I didn't know anyone in there. It was pretty dark, the room was more like a movie theater room though. At the stage there was only a kind of altar. There were some women serving the public, like flight attendants, serving food and things like that. I had a dvd box in my hand. A horror movie, The Devil's Stage. I was in a chair positioned more to the right of the theater, at a row in the center. It was pretty much a default situation, once you got used to the bad lighting and strange stage and... food service.
At this part my memories fail me. I remember an ugly-looking smiley creature at the back part of my dvd box. And strange explosions or smokes appearing at the side walls of the rooms. And small things resembling the zuni fetish doll grabbing people and dragging them to the wall where they disappeared in holes. I stood most of the time just sitting at my place. Watching the chaos unfold around me. People in panic screaming at the theater service girls, and they really didn't understand what was going on. When it ended they were bringing souvenirs to the public (the ones that were still there that is, since a small part of them were just dragged to nowhere). I felt something strange with those souvenirs. They were like the sketch of a fatty creature. Like the things from Critters, but all they had were bones. Like a sketch with bones instead of pencil drawings. And, a big mouth, full of sharp teeth.
There was a man in a chair way ahead, very close to the stage, I went there to talk with him. He also had a dvd box in his hand, and was pretty excited with it. I don't remember the name of his movie, all I know is that it had a deformed girl at the front of the box. That did not excite me as I hate the massive amount of movies about demonic or supernatural things that came around these years. But I remembered that I would have to pay the fine for keeping the movie for a more days than I was supposed to, and that was bad. I did some calculations in my head but they were all so weird, perhaps I had rented lots of movies instead of only one.
I knew they weren't simply souvenirs. So when they started jumping around and biting the ones holding their boxes, I was already moving. The ones that had not been delivered got out of their boxes, hunting preys. Once they got one, they would bite the flesh until the person was just a mess of blood and bones. Then they vanished.
I ran around, trying to stay from the bone critters. Once, I was going up the stairs and a punk dude with yellow parts in his hair came running to me, he was being followed by one of them. The thing changed it's target when it passed near me. I remember the adrenaline at that moment, the thing ran almost faster than me, jumping around biting the air. I took a shortcut, jumping over the chairs, and it bit someone else, taking the whole upper part of the head in it's mouth. I chose to stay there jumping over the chairs, seemed easier to run away. I was smiling, almost laughing, it felt so good, being so close to death amidst all chaos. At the end of this ''wave'', there were really fewer people left in the theater. This time there was a strange calm in the air lasting for long. I looked in my watch, 45 minutes had passed, I thought, there should be only 45 minutes left since in the box of the movie it stated it was 90 minutes long. But if that was only half of the whole thing, I felt afraid of what could come next.
It turned out that nothing happened in the next minutes, that seemed like hours. Some people even got to sleep. Though I know it was a very bad choice, how could they sleep? Food was now being served, again, though they had lesser crew by now. They were serving some kind of jelly, green and very slimy. I heard the noise coming from behind, seemed like someone had awaken and hit one of the girls, the big jelly plate fell and now lots of people were covered in the weird jelly. But that was no common jelly, I could see in my mind what was coming next, it would melt people, like acid. Eating their bodies slowly.
But there was nowhere to run, or at least that's what I had thought. At some point, two girls came to me, talking about running away, while everyone was asleep. There were some others running also, I accepted. We got up the steps, running the faster we could without making noise. We got to a corridor, giving access to outside the theater. But there were several fences and gates in our way, I opened two gates, they made a lot of noise but it seemed like no one had awaken. One of the girls said there was no problem since there was one jelly still stored, and since it could not attack anyone, the next ''wave'' would not come, and those already jellied would die as soon as they awoke. It was kind of weird now that I think about it but at the time it sounded like normal. The third gate was weird, although the door wouldn't open and we could climb and pass over it, passing under it was simple. When we got to the other side, the ones sleeping without any jelly came running, angry, scared. The brunette girl started to put some locks at the fence but they discovered they could just pass under it. We run to the exit door but it could not open. Then the other people called us to a door at the right, that gave access to... another theater room. It was just like the first one, just more dusty and filled with spider webs. Seemed like it had been abandoned for dozens of years. At the left there was a small altar with some goblets over it. When the angry ones reached the room they seemed to forget about anything they were thinking before, we kept looking at the room around us for a long time.
At some moment, the lights went out, but not leaving the room in complete darkness. The stage exploded. A blue explosion that didn't seem to burn what was around nor heat the air. Lots of gray and blue smoke floating around. A big figure appeared from the explosion, a face resembling a goat. Two huge horns over the head, looking right into us. It seemed to be kneeling, because then it got up and it was freaking huge. A towering goat man roaring ahead, we couldn't move. We just watched, ready to fall prey of whatever he did.
He did not speak, the only sound coming from his mouth were loud roars, and then, it vanished, like it had never existed. From every one of the four corners of the room, creatures appeared. The bone critters, the weird dolls, and jumping ball of slime. There wasn't anywhere we could run.
It was then that the people started to do the unexpected. Instead of running or getting something to use as weapons, they started to say farewell to each other. It was weird since we only knew each other for a few hours but it seemed like the right think to do. Say ''pleased to meet you'' to everyone at that room, we weren't much anyway. The rest was disappeared, eaten alive or melting. And it seemed to work, the creatures avoided us, they were afraid of us. The final blow was saying these things to my sister, who was near the goblets, praying perhaps. The door behind us opened, and we ran toward it. The big exit door this time was opened. We rushed outside, only to find ourselves in some kind of mall. People around us walking like it was the most normal thing to see people coming out of that door afraid to death. Sometimes the door would close and those who had not left would scream in panic but then it would open again. Like a bad prank. We walked out of mall, seemed a normal day outside the theater, I wonder what was that.

A day hiding a moose

SOLDIER!
Sir?!
Just passing by, have you seen anything weird around here lately?
W-weird, sir?
Yes man, anything different?
Sir, no sir.
I've been hearing some strange sounds lately, are you sure you have nothing to tell me?
Y-yes sir.
Ok, I'm going now, got an appointment with my superiors.
Alright.
Gosh soldier, stop sweating like that, that's disgusting. You look like crap, go take a shower.
Yes sir.


What did he ask?!
Just asked if I know about something different going on here lately.
Oh... you didn't say right?
Of course not. He would kill me right away if I told I was helping an idiot taking care of a damn moose right under his nose.
Hm... I thought after a few days with Moo-zey you would start to like it, like in the movies...
This is not a movie.
... where the evil and heartless people get sensitive after taking care of pets they didn't want in the beginning.
Evil and heartless? Who the hell are you calling heartless?
You, of course!
...I should have killed that stupid moose.
SEE? I'LL TELL THE GENERAL YOU ARE THREATENING ME!
Aw... go away, I'll have a shower and pretend this is a normal day.
You... PET BUTCHER!
...


Nothing better than a good shower!
YOU!
What?!
Your evil emanations scared Moo-zey!
What the hell...?
Your bad badness sent my moose away, I went to see him and he wasn't there!
Thank the heavens, we are free now... wait... are you telling me that horned monster is roaming through the base?
I'm just telling that your threats have forced him to run away! HEARTLESS!
Holy shit! If the general see that thing we are dead!
No no, you are dead, because you wanted him dead and the evil things we wish come back to us in double. You will die twice!
...?!
And I know your spirit went and scared him while you took a shower!
Shut up, we need to find that thing.


Damn. I'm looking for a moose in my home...
It's not a moose, it's Moo-zey... Moo-zey! Come here boy! We got pizzalicious pizza for you and... soda!
You gave him soda?
Of course! It's healthy, we all drink soda and we are with a perfect health.
No wonder he ran away...
MOO-ZEY!
...This is ridiculous...


Did you hear this noise?
Which noise?
Like a door opening, and boots...
OH MY GOD, GENERAL'S BACK!
Oh, I just remembered I forgot to close my window, see you, give this pizza to Moo-zey!
Wait you can't...!


Soldier! Come here right now!
Yes, sir?
What's this mess?
I don't know sir...
You don't know? I go out for a while and I come back to find my place messy, and stinky. I need explanations and the earlier you give 'em, the earlier you get what you deserve.
Well sir I was...
YOU WERE...?!
There was an intruder, we had to deal with him, the worse way.
Who is... we?
That weird kid that plays viking sometimes...
Man, I have no time for your insanities now. So you're telling me there was an intruder?
Yes.
I see... it seems there was no severe damage around, except for your head, you should go to a doctor, this viking thing is starting to unsettle me.
I'll go as soon as possible sir.
As a reward, you'll clean this mess.
Okay sir.


Not so bad after all...
Oh, I see you've cleaned it all.
Yes sir! I'll go back to my room now and...
Wait a moment my friend. Have you ever heard about the punishment room?
No, sir.
Since you are defending our base against, intruders, I guess it's a good thing to show you this special room.
The punishment room? Why, sir?
Oh, you'll see.


There, enter first.
Well, sir, it's pretty dark in here and... WHAT?! OPEN THIS DOOR!
This room will teach you how to deal with invaders. And perhaps teach you not to lie again. I just wonder, how did you manage to bring it here?
...
Well, I gotta get something to eat.

A day eating pizza

HEY!
What?!
Wanna eat pizza?
Oh, no thanks.
Are you suuure?
Yeah, I'll pass.
But... you don't like pizza?
Yes I do, I just ain't hungry now...
But, it's yummy and tasty and... pizzalicious...
I know I just don't want to eat now.
But... it's pizza and...
HELL, I'LL EAT THEN!
Hehehe, older people are so easy to convince!


Pepperoni huh?
Yeah, the pizza of the gods!
...Okay then.


So, why did you call me to eat pizza?
Because I can't eat it alone.
But you never called me to eat anything.
Because I didn't want to.
Sure, but why now?
Why don't you just eat?
Ok, no tricks? No bets? Nothing?
Well at first I thought about poisoning you, then I could call the general and say you're doing drugs. Then he would kick your drugged ass. But then I thought that it could be risky because he could check your blood or whatever and see that you were just poisoned. And I don't want trouble.
Lucky me then...
Do mooses eat pizza?
...I don't know. Maybe if they were hungry.
I hope Moo-zey likes pizza.
What's moosy?
No, Moo-zey, that's his name. With a z and all.
Whose name?
My moose. He followed me home so by the laws of the world, I can keep it as a pet.
A... moose followed you, to this place?
Yeah.
I don't even know how the hell can a moose follow you.
Well, he seemed angry, but I guess he wanted to be my pet.
Wait, are you serious? You brought a moose down here?
Yes, and I need your help in taking care of it. Come on, I promise to treat it well. Just help me hide it. If you don't I'll tell the general you forced me to make pizza for you or you would feed an evil moose with my guts, a moose you kept hidden in the base for a long time, to eat your enemies.
That's just ridiculous.
No, it's not, the moose can prove it.
Someone help me...

D812010

I remember the darkness.
At first we had to take care of their dogs. My cousins' dogs. We had to somehow clean them, and i used a water rifle, not exactly sure of why. It was dark and sometimes we walked over fences, attracting their attention. And then someone would shoot them with a water gun. Sometimes it would work I suppose, the dog seemed to disappear, I can't remember very well. Other times the dog would get really pissed off. One big black dog tried to attack us frantically as soon as I shot it.
At the end there was a small dog we got to shoot near the real wall at the side of the garage at my grandmother's house. I say real because during the whole episode I was sure I was at her house, although I had never seen that part of the house. The small dog got angry with me at the point that he couldn't see me again, my cousins had to go there and calm him down, not allowing it to see me.

The next moment I was with a lot of people in some kind of bar. It was night and it was rainy. We were all in a big round table talking about random things, many other round tables around. At some point, my mother talked a man sitting on a table next to us, she said it was an ex-boyfriend of hers.
She kept talking about him, perhaps she had already drank a little too much. I remember I wanted to stop her from going to the other table, talk something with him, but she went, coming back soon. And after a while, he also came, stood there near our table talking sometimes. He looked young and had a face that would attract most woman. Seemed like a normal, handsome one. But I could feel there was something wrong with the whole situation. A while after we were all outside the bar near the road, like waiting for a cab to get us home, standing there in the rain, and the ex-one also near us. There had to be something wrong.
Right after that, we were at my grandmother's house. Talking at the kitchen, as ever, it was dark, night. And the man was also there, I wondered how the hell had he gotten there. There was something, weird with him. And I knew he had already seen that I didn't like him at all. At some point I guess he took me to the guest room to talk, and he threated me. Saying things about injuring my family and all. But I was aware of all that, somehow.
While he spoke I tried to think what should I do with him, I couldn't just kill him right away, my family wouldn't like it. But I couldn't just leave him that way, he was dangerous, I had to stop him. Make him bleed, that was the thing that came to my mind, and at that time, it made sense. I took a knife out of my pocket, grabbed his arm when he was leaving the room after all that talking, and thrusted it right into his neck. He started bleeding, I was sure he was immobilized, I got to the kitchen and talked to my family. Said the man was feeling a little ill and he was resting at the guest room. And they bought it. But after a while, I went to the room and he wasn't there, all there was was a small blood stain on the floor. How could a man with a severe cut in his neck, disappear?

Now I was in some kind of mall. Walking around, seeing the stores. I remember a lot of glasses and futuristic-looking stores. But that wasn't important. After some walking I found what I was seeking. There was this man at the centre of the corridor, the mall was a big corridor. And I don't remember now if this man was at some kind of garden, or a fountain, or simply a small shop. I just remember there was a lot of people near him. I knew I had to kill him, and this time I was totally disguised. I don't remember exactly how I took him out of the mall, nor how I got into the car. But I was then driving a car, near the mall, like I was escaping it.
There were some big holes, the road had cracked down and at some parts it seemed like ancient ruins. I remember there was someone else with me inside the car, but I'm sure it wasn't my target. I drove through the white place, avoiding the big falls. But once I couldn't evade it. I drove downward in a big ramp, made of broken road, as if the structure supporting that part of the road had just broken. Like the whole road near the mall was supported by columns.
I tried to drive back, so I could go the ramp and go up. I can still see me turning around the car to go back, but then my memory jumps to the man. I carve the knife at his neck, a small chunk of blood flows. I come back to the real word with my hand at the same position it was while I hacked his neck, I find it funny.

I'm driving through a place I know very well. I know where I'm going, I'll visit a friend. I call her to tell her that. And after some more driving, I call her to tell I'm close. Somehow I can see her in my mind while I talk to her. At the road that gives access to her road, I find her sitting in a small wall. I find it strange, but still I stop the car and go near her. Her face doesn't show like there's something wrong, but her body is different. She's a lot fatter than the last time I had seen her. It's quite unbelievable that she got so much weight in so little time. She says I'm too slim, it's odd. But we manage to talk about something even after all these strange things. We walk to her home, through a very different and unefficient way. Like an inverse shortcut.
The next thing I remember is being between her and a doberman. Not like protecting her, it's just that I'm closer to the dog. He is lying at the floor, looking sleepy. The pointy ears aiming to the roof. He shows no interest at us. But after a while it starts to talk. Our language. I look at my friend, she makes a very confuse face, I keep listening to what the dog says, it's just too weird to be true.

Now I'm with my friends at someone's house. I'm not sure whose house it is, but it belongs to one of my friends. And it is at the same street of my other friend's house. The girl that was now fat.
It's night and it seems like we're in for a big party. But there's one friend of mine that disagrees with something, I don't if it's whether she doesn't want to enter the house or what else. But we decide to make some kind of bet. If I win, she goes to the party, if she wins, she can go wherever she wants. One wins as the other gives up. The game consisted in tying our arms to a wire passing through electric poles nearby, in a way the wire just get a little stretched. We then try to bump one another at large puddles, while it rains. She gets afraid of getting a strong shock, but she doesn't give up. I keep on following her trying to bump her into the large puddles.
I can feel the small shocks at my body as the rain goes on. I can see a couple of friends entering a car and going away. I think they gave up the party and are going away, as my little bet is taking far too long. Sometimes I stepped on the puddles and I felt the discharge. Sometimes she did. Most of the times she did, in fact. At the end, she gives up and the couple of friends return with more supplies for the party, food and drinks. We enter at the house, it's a strange house and I can only remember everyone together in a small room with boxes and boxes of foods and drinks. There were some dirty white walls and I remember a small pool near.
And that's all.

About ghost trains

I always wondered why do they have railroads in dark gloomy places. I mean, they are not an useful way, they serve as shortcut for no one, they are not safe, they are... useless. You can pass through safer and prettier places and the railroads in those places are much shorter than those.
But if no one has never dared to even adventure through these strange places, how could these railroads exist? Who created them?
I have once heard stories of ghost trains, gathering souls at the stations to feed their sins. Vengeful ghosts. But I've never heard of an end to these roads. At which point of the road the game is over? When or where do the real passengers appear? Could these trains actually teleport through "dimensions"? Like, once you're here, the other moment you're at hell, or whatever place the soul devourers live.
That is, if they actually devour your soul. Maybe they just like to hurt people. Mutilate bodies. And as soon as the bodies pile through the corridors and the open flesh paints the floor and the walls with it's red paint, it's all gone. As it never existed. As their world never existed. And they can begin it all again.
Perhaps they are ghosts of purely evil people, or extreme sadists, to endure such a daily routine. I mean, once in a while it must be fun, but for all eternity?
Maybe they are sad of being trapped in such existances. Devoid of anything that could be an objective. Forced to repeat slaughters everytime. Maybe slaughters that when in their human life they trully created, and regreted. That could be their hell. To be forced to do what they most regreted, forever.
I like different visions of hell. Not that fire and brimstone we are so tired of.
But maybe that's not their hell. Maybe they were never human and their pleasure is indeed to torture the living. I wonder what they could be... simply demons? I don't think so. Maybe they are things from somewhere else. Where there's no good or evil, nor a vision of hell. Where killing is all they need daily. They don't plan, they don't make body counts. They are just like animals, following their instincts. What could have created such things?
I wish I could answer that.
But I'm just a kid wondering about ghost trains and weird tracks leading to nowhere. Nowhere?
What if one day you get to a train that never was a part of the usual ones? They aren't in the system. They never were. They simply exist, for those who need it. Nowhere.

Aimless

I like being alone.
But there's something bothering the balance. Perhaps that's life, never reaching what you hunt. Then there lots and lots of mechanisms, like, making you not aware of what are you seeking. Seriously, what's the logic in missing a thing you've never really had?
Perhaps I need tons of chocolate. Or a lethal dose of adrenaline. Or whatever. We'll find something that work. Something has to work right?
And it's all a matter of how do you look at things. Can the feeling of not actually feeling something be like feeling something good? Not like, not feeling your bones crashing continuously and twisting while your skin is bruised.
And I look at my sides and the skull remains there. Half asleep. Waiting for a day that will never come. I wish I could tell it that the time will come. And we'll have a mission. Not like the ones we face in this world. I'm still not locked into this world, even after all this time. Well, that comes as no surprise, I never loved this shit.
There's never enough for me. Maybe someday we find a place where we can go and get some kind of fucking answer. Any answer that helps.
We need to find a way to destroy without being destroyed.