Rose Berg

I feel like I've found the way to truly disconnect from reality.
It comes funnily, as a rise of interest into something that wasn't there before. And once you get the bait, the hook never lets you go.
It's one of those obsessions we generally get with new things. Just that it doesn't... get old. But other things start getting old. People start to look strange. Activities seem to get boring.
And when the bells ring, you're already knee-deep.
But are we knee-deep in the money?
Is it money we're looking for?
Is that the surge that drives our senses to senselessness?
We pay all attention to nothing.
And nothing pays us back.
I feel stranded but it's hard to say that people were actually right when they said the hunt is evil. For these papers and numbers were never the root of all evil. If there was ever evil, it had its horrific birth inside us.
And that, you can't eliminate.
I wonder... Why does that feel so wonderful?
It's bewildering, it's bedazzling.
And it slowly becomes all there is.
For maybe, when we get our senses, we see we prefered to be blind.
So it could be said that this is the real meaning of having a run for your money. In the end it will beat us, and we run straight into it. Like a moth to flames.
And they burn gold.
It possibly becomes so right after you feel like that's the best you can do. That comes after you're too frail to face the reality you're not actually good at nothing. And this way we can trace back to where it all started. But we ain't following that way. 
Our way, we're dead set into going big, or going down. And big means giving it to those that matter. And that is the biggest appraisal, for we won't be tracing back to where it started, to fix it. We are going to overwhelm the the sinking feeling by numbers and attention.
Is that the reality or is it what we see because we were told to see?
Reality was never that high on the score anyway.
And now I bid farewell.

No drives from this point on

I kind of think that everyone seems to be so certain of themselves. It's weird. How can they? And how come you talk to me about all these complaints and all of a sudden you seem to be sure? It that the norm? Am I the one who doesn't change or are you the ones who are bipolar?
Is it their words or is it my ears?
Was I born with this? Or were they?
It makes me cringe.
It makes me hate.
But I don't want to hate some of these people. I wanted things to be good. But maybe my threshold is broken. Good was something way past. And we didn't get ahold of it.
All this perfect imperfection yadda-yadda.
How can you be so full of yourself? If you are just as empty as anyone else?
We are all zeros in this count.
And I'm getting tired of emulating ones.


I guess I'm only good at this.
Well that's something you're good at, at least!
But what's the use of it?
Well, it serves for you to be good at!
Your ludicrous excuses of positiveness aren't being of much use.
But you were complaining of being good at nothing.
And...?
Now you are good at something. And something is eternities from nothing.
It just happens to be a something that has no utility.
So we'll make it become useful. Be so good at it that it looks like you're good at all else. But what they don't know, is that you're only doing the same thing. Except, it is being used in ways unimagined!
Idiotic again...


We'll program it.
Until the program defeats us.
And code do us part...

The council of lost

I am afraid I haven't yet found it...
I am concerned you haven't searched it.
I am disappointed we didn't try it.
I am certain there is no it.


Hm, hi.
Hello there.

Are you still here?
Wave your arms if you're there.

But I am here.
And where else would we be if you heard the voice?

I can't see it.
But... came you here to see if we were where you supposed we would? Or was it for something that had a real use?

Sorry. I just couldn't find it.
And who might you be, that we should know what do you call by it?

I came here for help.
As many have in the past. Yet you are more unknown than the ones that are gone.


It... just... doesn't... seem... to... be... around...
Repeat with me.
It... ain't... anywhere...

The council of blame

From where we started, I'd say we are going negative.
Negative spiralling, possibly.
Maybe a whole horizon back.
And the sun seems to be setting beautifully ahead there.
We watch.


I come to you to ask for help.
But what could we do now, that would be different from all that happened before?
Help was already given, and it wasn't useful.
Moreover, you brought cannons.

I brought cannons for it was our last beacon of hope.
And it failed. Your last resort failed.
Why should we spend any resources on a lost light?
You... brought... cannons...

I had to use all I could.
Yet you didn't use much of what you had before you had nothing else.
Our resources aren't unlimited.
Why cannons?

I wanted it to succeed.
And it didn't. Do we seem to be the least interested in success?
Do we look as entities eager to waste resources? You had it. Now we have it.
Cannons was freed.

Cannons did not work as expected.
MY DEAR BOY, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS MALFUNCTIONING!
Stop blaming your misuse of resources on those who can't choose.
Cannons works his ways...


It seems to me like you've made a long string of mistakes...
It seems to you like mistakes have me longer...
But appearances aside, WE'RE BOUND TO EACH OTHER NOW.
I'LL MARK YOUR EVERY STEP, I'LL DEEPEN YOUR EVERY SHADOW.
I'LL BE YOUR COMPANY TO DEATH.
AND ONCE YOU'VE LOST IT ALL BUT ME, I'LL SWALLOW YOU WHOLE.

Brainstorm to GO, part 3

'Sup there, coming back to register a few ideas I got while driving home.
It's mostly related to gym battling, due to the fact that there should be some sort of reward for stronger or more dedicated players. I'm against the idea of allowing those to dominate the game, but a game has to be rewarding too, that balance is complicated.
The first possibility is assigning the position of Gym Leader. The first golden badge bearer to put a pokémon into a gym becomes its leader (I thought about making lvl 30+ a requirement, but I ain't sure about that part). The leader gets to be fought last and gets a huge bonus, something like doubling the monster's CP. Yeah, the Gym Leader is the Gym Leader, right? It's still beatable especially if you got a party taking down the gym, but it adds a little bit of a challenge.
Another rewarding aspect of a gym could be, getting stardust for taking it down. I thought about really small amounts of dust, like 10 for every fight won, or maybe one or two hundred after taking the gym down. It's few, but it's something. Also, for every attacking pokémon that gets defeated during the entire gym battle (from the first to the last defender), the trainers defending could get some stardust. Small amounts, but with a high daily limit, so that people have some motivation into defending lots of gyms with the strongest 'mons they got.
As for the legendary raids, I'm quite concerned about the long-term consequences of them as it stands today. Sure, it's fun, it's desperating, it's frantic, and expensive in some cases. But they don't seem to hold well if you look some months ahead. I agree that they should be damn hard to catch, it's nerve-wracking when you get a bad luck streak, but it's part of the game. The thing is, it seems a bit off getting armies of legendary birds, if you look into the game's lore. I'd suggest having the players only being able to bestow one of each, as in, you got an Articuno, wanna participate in an Articuno raid? Well, let that one go and try a new one. That makes them relatively unique, but brings the problem of raid scarcity over the table. Once people get their high IV birds, they won't help others in raids, and then those late to the party get squashed. Also, they should be allowed to defend gyms, but maybe with a limit of only one legendary per gym.
Ah, maybe raids could give some other recovery items aside from Revives... Potions are welcome...

Somewhere you belong

They say it's stupid to write something for people after they're gone. I can see their arguments. It makes sense.
But I can't make sense all the time.
So here's a text for you, and for the whole of Linkin Park, and what it meant to me. You guys were the first band I actually liked to listen to. I had songs I found interesting and stuff like that, but you, you were insanely better than anything I knew. Because I found something in those songs, that had a resonance with me. I could say that it was a resonance with what I felt at the time, I was a teenager, right? But I never made much past that feeling. I'm still hooked at that feeling, maybe that's me, a teenage angst and revolt that makes not much sense, but I appreciate you guys evolved and came up with different styles.
It could be a coincidence, maybe it was just because you guys were the first I found on that style. But I don't believe so, being super picky with what to listen, it's hard to find an album I like more than two songs. But I had albums I could hear thoroughly. And by liking that music, I slowly found my way into discovering music I liked.
I remember clearly how we knew the songs by heart, and how that led me and my friends into trying to form a band. Sure, the bands never lasted much, and the lyrics we came up with made their way into oblivion, but it was fun. It was, those moments you just can't afford to let go.
It's funny how it seems distant and close at the same time.
And I remember how pretty much everyone I knew that shared my appreciation for the band, liked Chester. Chester, you are something. I, obviously, never got to know you, I could only see interviews or watch recorded shows (but I got to see you guys live in Brasília, 2014). But you had something different. I don't know how to name it. It was just, magnificent. Not just how you sang, or how you managed to scream, it just felt real.
And so that recently happened. it feels, weird. It's kind of selfish to wish July 20th didn't happen. It just feels, disconnected. However, I really hope you are somewhere better. Religious beliefs aside. I just feel that the man who held a light so thousands of us could find themselves amidst darkness, should have peace. I heard about your demons, and it saddens me that they couldn't be taken away. In an easier way, I mean.
I guess my words are irrelevant now. But I just wanted to leave a record that yours weren't.
And that I can't thank you enough for bringing that resonance.
Thank you so much.
You are the best.

D30072017

I already fail to remember much. But I'd like to keep recorded these two sensations.
There were many events, I don't quite know whether there were two or if it was just an extended one. I've seen her, not sure if at her house. I've seen her sister, I was at somewhere that looked like a mall, she seemed to be having a baby, or just suffering, I don't know why. I guess their mother was there, that part is really foggy by now. What was I told? My best guess is that there was some grief involved. They didn't seem angry at me, but there was a bad feeling all around...
At grandma's hosue though, it was, obviously, dark. I'm not sure if we were expecting guests but, there came this man. It felt brutally ominous going to open the door. He just opened it anyway before I got there, it felt like he could be dangerous. He walked slowly but firmly through the few small stairs that pave the way. I didn't recognize him, but he felt, familiar. He felt like me. But he wasn't me. And he delivered me these gifts, that at the time I knew what were, and spoke, bitterly.
– Now my father can't complain I've never brought anything home.
That stuck in my head. And not much later I realized he was my cousin, he seemed a bit older but it was... ridiculous how could I have not recognized that man.
At the car, which was the last part of the chase. I'm not sure if he had killed the others, I feel like I was alone by then. He was... menacing. Not sure of the face, a long hair or beard seem very plausible. But the probabilities are somewhat random since the memory traces back to feeling close to death. Saw him at the rear mirror, he was there, rising in the back seat. Perhaps he knew there wasn't much room for escape. The wheels were fast already, but I opened the door. Stepping on the break would be a blatant call for action, and he had all the advantages he could possibly want. So I opened the door, he found it weird but it didn't matter, it was still too fast. But I chose my chances against the asphalt.
I woke up moving sideways off my bed.
What matters is to try your chances right?