Red eyes

It's really surprising how fucking retarded can people be. Amusing.
By lies and spying, this fucker tries to destroy our game. The mistake we made at the beginning means nothing now. It's a game, people kill people, usual thing. You, mr. botter, won't be the first nor the last to kill someone, and you simply can't surprise me. From the beginning, you never were a good player. A good player, PLAYS the game, by it's rules. A good player, doesn't need to break the games rules to get strong. A good player does not religious harass other players, nor does he need to "humiliate" them. "Humiliate", because he can't do that with all his yelling and barking, clearly, somebody need to teach him how to use logic arguments. Being a good player isn't simply killing people that are away at the moment. Wow, you kill people that aren't able to fight back, that seems sooooo pro. And also, noob isn't the one who dies. Noob is the sucker who annoys other people and tries to prove his power by harassing others.
But, oh well, you never were a player from the beginning, botter.
And to think that I really got angry as hell with your noob acting, totally not worth it.

Grow up

It's been a long time...
Damn, I can't even type correctly, this surely will take a lot of time.
Well... the first plan was to write about 21 (the movie with the genious kids taking cassinos down), and all the thoughts it gave me... but, it's not time. When will it be the time I don't know. Problem is, I'm not knowing a lot of things. I'm miles away of doing well at the university now. And that's bad. I can't say it's stressing cause I don't know how does it feel when stress hits hard. And I'm pretty sure many out there who say they are stressed are just bitching around. And I can't be mainly because I'm not doing ANYTHING. It's not like the feeling that movie gave me, I'm not doing even what i was supposed to do in a normal behaviour.
It feels like going into sudden rage as soon as someone say a word to you. And, I somehow want very much someone say something. You know it will be bad but you still look for that, because it feels good when you explode. Somehow it feels. But I know I won't do it. Dogs that bark too much don't bite.
I'm not knowing how to fix my relation with my girlfriend. And that's the big point. It's simple, it has to be, but I just can't figure out. I guess she is right. I'm not the same, but still I don't feel I'm any different. I just don't know what the fuck have I became. I have to make her happy, that's the least I should do. But we barely have time to ourselves lately. And even like this I'm getting away from my friends and getting bad grades.
I think too much, that's probably the core of the problem. And this sloth. You feel like all you needed was someone to tell you what to do, because you are too damn stupid to figure it out yourself. I can't keep taking people's time with bullshit, that's fact. I hear them, that's how it works, or at least how it worked back then.
When there is no more problem, we just get out stomping our heads at a wall until we find a problem, that's how it goes.
"I don't need a psychologist.''
"And how do you know that? If you don't even know what you are?"
"I just know."
"You just need someone to talk, or better, someone to hear, because you are too coward to do things on your own, that's the truth, but you know that even like this you won't find an answer, at least not one that suits your case."
"If that was true than I could just go and throw this crap talk into someone."
"And that's what you are already doing."
"I really wish I could be what I was some months ago."
"And why can't you be? You don't even feel that you changed, you're the same shit still. You didn't even talk to your parents the day they were going to travel, even feeling that if something bad happened you woudn't see them again and you wouldn't forgive yourself for not telling them how much you loved them, things are not always the contrary of movies."
"..."
"But still, even knowing you might lose, you keep quiet, you can't show love not even writing a damn letter. People won't hear you after they've gone to heaven, or hell, or I don't know which fucked place do we go if we really go somewhere. You watch'em become shadows. And seems you like it."

Havoc

"Then time is invencible.''
"Yeah, it's the final boss.''
"It can't be the final boss, we defeat bosses, always.''
''True. But then what would it be?''
"The game over, like... when you defeat the final boss in Fable, but if you choose the good side, you keep on playing (and you always choose to end a game with the good side, at least at first try, that's weird) until you... end playing."
"Time is the... end of play?''
''Yes, undefeatable.''
Lame talk. While watching The Bucket List. Yeah, I just don't recommend because... there's no accounting for a taste. A movie to think, perhaps. Well, this is goin' to take a long time, I have no hurry, this has been delayed for a long time. I find Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson fantastic actors, and worked pretty well together. But, this isn't the topic, it's the ''random talk because I can't really organize what I pretend to write''. Well, the movie actually has a lot in common to the real topic, and watching it gave me the courage to begin writing, not that what I lacked was courage, at least I guess. It was more about laziness. I'm one of those people who only appreciate things when they are gone, most of the times, at some rare times I appreciate them while I can have it.
But, even though I thought about it, I won't list'em here, it's out of the topic and it's not the time.
Friendship. That's what this whole crap is about. I like to think about these things, these not material things. Well, it may sound intelligent or spiritualistic, but, that's totally not, in fact, it may be dumb and time wasting. But, I like to think about it. Holy crap... this is being harder than what I expected, I should improve my writing skills. Or maybe my Think-About-Something-Useful skill.
The definition of friendship is, well... undefined. Maybe it is all about trust and happiness, but not exactly happiness, since sad moments do have their shine. It's strange, but think about it, great part of the most beautiful love stories are the sad ones. But it would be quite strange to say friendship is about sadness, as we have this idea that sadness is bad. Well, it's bad, but, in the friendship context, in sadness we can always count with a friend, and that's a good thing, so this goes to the nothing is 100% bad/good (okay, I'm delaying again, but it's a nice topic this one). And, sad moments in movies, when it's raining (I mean that good rain, not a storm devastating the place) or with some gray tonned images, are usually beautiful.
So there I was. There were four people in the room. And there was that weak light, well, it just contributed to the movie-esque feeling of the scene. I don't even know if they felt like that, like that was some cool moment or something like that, since we got out soon, well, maybe not so soon, but because of my resistance to sleepness, I thought I could stay there for longer. My friend was going to travel in a few hours, but it wasn't a real goodbye since he'll come to the city occasionally. But, in my mind it seemed so... movie-esque. I had to write about it. Sounds empty and meaningless probably, but I don't give a shit. It's hard to explain those masterpieceful moments that are in fact, masterpieceful for us only. But in fact, it's good to see that your friend has his friends and all, that his girlfriend is a nice person. Funny the fact that she talked to me much like his parents, so I guess that even though we didn't have much time to talk the last months we are still good friends. Well, I don't believe there are bad friends, since, if they are bad, they are not your friends.
Well, that was pretty much the idea of the thing, the scene of those last moments, the three of us waiting and talking random things while he put the last things in the bag.
I guess it will be hard to play again, but, some things never shall disappear from my mind. Not the best Super Smash Bros battle ever, not those sleepless nights playing, not Tales of Symphonia, not those weird talks at top of the building with those cockroaches.
Yet this seems weak, but, I was never good with words. The importance is what it trully means to you. This seems like a testimonial for a single person, but I would like all my friends to not see it as such (I don't mean I have a lot of them, even though this might have sounded like it), this can be considered as my Memorial Treasure for 'em (do not care about the true meaning of memorial or treasure or both, I just liked the way it sounded, so it will be this way). I might not do such a text for all but this doesn't mean they are less worth it. It's more of laziness, or lack of good words, or fear of not writing something good enough (though that's way relative), or some big wicked mix of all these things.
Consider this as my eye opening moment, for as I never really said things that were really good to these people. Heck, I even find it hard to say beautiful things to my girlfriend.
Sensitive, I guess, but who gives a shit? I wrote it down!

Stun

Cloverfield.
I have been trying to keep low expectations for almost every movie I go to see at the movie theaters, doing so I prevent the feeling of wasted money and sometimes get a really really cool surprise. But then, there's this movie. I felt somewhat excited for it, even though the first trailers didn't show much. Maybe because of the cool name or, the destruction it appeared to show.
The latest trailers have shown more... excitement. I like what it shows, that wicked series of happenings, shots, screams, loud noises and desperate people running to somewhere they don't even know. Indeed that's a interesting point, why most of the people simply run anywhere when they panic? That just fucks it up. But on with the movie... well, I actually don't know what to say, I got very disappointed by the mysterious attack, why did all that happen? No explanation is given. That's some cool thing if you stop to think about it, many people complained the movie sucks because you end the way you began, absolutely clueless. But while watching the credits hoping for some, explanation, I began to think about this, the human curiosity many times just ruins it all. Damn, the movie rocks, but you really can't do nothing about the feeling of incompletion. But then again, let us rethink some situations, many times you die without even knowing what the hell happened, like bullets or weird accidents. That's reality, a harsh reality, but it is. The people on the movie were just in the same shitty situation. I will keep the positive look for the movie, even though I feel that I should know what was the monster and why it all happened.
A confusing point... confusing for me, I don't give a crap to what others might think of it being confusing or not, the reality. I thought the movie got quite feeling of reality, in fact, super real. The deaths, the whole carnage with characters that struggle to survive right in front of you. I dislike deaths in real life, my carnage is in fiction, for as in real life things are much worse. As a guy said in some gory movie review site, ''In real life there's no way back, no buttons to take those actions back''. I don't know if it sounds weird, but I love that carnage in movies, I like the deaths, the screams, the... well, it rocks. But I found myself somewhat affected by those character's death. They are not gory, way far from being it, but they got me, not like a truck rushing into you, but as a insect that keeps doing irritating noises. I didn't feel like laughing out loud watching them die, neither felt like crying. That ''keep around those you love'' thing... damn, I think about my girlfriend with all this, just hope I could protect and walk with her at a similar situation (if it was possible, never mind). But not just that, the other thing that got me was the... situation. I admit, believe it or not, that I would like to be in some situation like that one. I've always had this need for a super uncommon happening, that's one of the reasons I love playing games. The run for life, the devastated city, the helpless feeling... I can do nothing, I simply like it.
Never forget. Never forgive.

Back to Basics

And here we go. Seems like some "urband legends" might return to our game. It seems that the return of the Yakisoba faction upsets the great majority, but not me, don't know why exactly. Maybe because I think of them as the great power of our server. Even though there were so many accusations of botting and else. Well, I would be really excited with their return.
And soon there'll be Sweeney Todd at the movie theaters. Yeah, I like to write almost at the same time I think, and doing so, I like the way I change topics in a frenzied randomness.
Why so serious?

Abyss

So... here we are again. There's a lot of things to talk about, as it is vacation time.
But there's only one thing in my head in fact. And I wish there wasn't. Or maybe not. There has always been this struggle to decide if this bloodthirsty feeling is good or not, well I guess that it can't be good but, sometimes I just feel I love it. And then there was this movie, I really liked it, and I think it's kinda... grosser than what I expected. But far from grossing me, the problem is that I told my girlfriend that it would be alright. Damn man... when I saw the Cloverfield trailer beginning, I somehow felt that something wrong was about to happen. By the way, I liked very much the way the "Why so serious?" at the Dark Knight. Yeah, I didn't see the ending of the movie, just as yesterday (but yesterday there wasn't even the beginning, some problems, doesn't matter now).
Which brings me to the point, probably I strayed absurdly from the sensitivity line, I saw nothing exactly scary in the movie, although they used a lot of the sound burst effect to do the scares. But after all, each one of them was somewhat predictable. I dislike forcing people to watch movies that they can't handle, that's why I normally watch'em alone. No, I don't mean anything closer to something like "I'm courageous, why can't others be?", as I don't believe that watching this or that movie actually proves any courage. It may prove masochism or sleepiness, but that's another topic. I don't know, I just hated that. Not the fact of not watching the movie again, but... ah... who cares. Thought that it would be more (insert some good adjective here) to take her out of the room, yeah, that same voice I told at an earlier post, the righteous voice. It's better this way, guess I would feel even worse forcing her to endure until the last second. But still, I'm not feeling well now.
And then there's the second problem, which has always been the primary one. That inner beast each one of us keep inside. Well, I guess that mine isn't in fact so horrible as it may seem, there are those past stories but maybe as time went on, some parts may not be so accurate anymore. People say I'm a really calm person, and I guess it's true, but there's always that vengeance inside, wanting to wreak havoc, waiting for the time it can't be held anymore. Indeed, I felt it today, what bring me to think that when the day comes, I'd better be alone. But this might not be true, as I'm not so strong or, well, maybe I'm just talking too much.
I need to see Cloverfield.

I love you too much to let you see the fury, I walk away from it all before
letting it go any further.

Prices

There are a ton of things which I could talk about now... But at the moment I'm really concentrated into the problem of my faction at Granado Espada. So, it's manutention time, no play. Our leader was talking about paying for some cash to get more firepower, that's ok. But now that we came to talk seriously, we see that the price is somewhat high for those gpoints. And then, the problem, he thinks about paying those gold seller sites to get more money to the faction. I am totally against supporting botters... ah, the damn botters. Stealing our kills, our drops, our fun. And we pay'em for it?? What the fuck is our problem? Okay, I know, it's his money, he can do anything he wants with it. But, why with this dirty money? So we can get elites for our faction and get super powerful and then we get to the next level of equipment, and then... shall we buy more gold? Then, what's the point of playing? I believe that the real feeling of a faction, or guild, or whatever, is to get powerful slowly, together. Not just getting a bunch of dudes, providing them godly items and then eliminating all bosses around. Of course, I love to eliminate those bosses, but, I wouldn't feel like I was eliminating a boss if all my equipment was bought with botter's money.
So then I thought, for my sadness, and what if pratically all factions out there done just the same thing? Damn, why do we play then? I hope they haven't.
That sucks, really sucks.