I felt angry today. Not sure exactly what should have been done. Not sure if there was actually something that should have been done. I guess the big fucking problem is that I don't feel sure about anything.
I really wish things were different. I don't think I'll ever be someone with an attitude. I'm stuck to the dilemma, hating and protecting will end by driving me mad.
I'm not sure what is the purpose of writing here now. Maybe it will just help me sleep. But I've been sleeping quite fine lately, sure, sometimes it takes a few hours, but it's already way better than on remote times.
Also not sure about the next steps. I just know that these types of discussions are stupid and we're just hurting each other for no reason. Perhaps then there some things I'm sure...
I'm also sure that we could develop something great, really really great, but you need to get calm, you need to focus. Choose a goal and go for it, it's better than feeling aimless. I know you can, now I need to make sure that you know you can.
I was never, and never will be, someone who unites people or takes some kind of lead, the few examples in history that can give a hint of such behaviour are just too full of conditions and exceptions. I was never a true leader for the circle, in fact, I needed them much more than they needed me, for whatever reasons.
I feel like running away from the topic.
Just remember, the only way of winning something sometime, is trying so fucking hard that even failure becomes surprised, and then, it's all yours.
